The Lie
by Zosie
Summary: Some lies are uttered and go unnoticed. Some lies are like those butterfly wings that cause a tsunami. Twenty five years ago, Renee's lie was accepted as the truth, but now it is reaching out to affect Edward and Bella's life together today. The truth would set them free, but will that even be an option? AH . Melissa made my book cover, Cheers for that, I love it.
1. Chapter 1

_**This is NOT a story about incest, no matter how it may first appear. Some confusion has arisen amongst readers because of the timing of Prom. Where my kids went to High School, Prom was held eight weeks before Formal, the final school dance that took place on the 2nd last day of school. So pretend that's when Forks High held their Prom and it'll make sense.**_

The Lie

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever, the same."

Chapter 1/ Prologue

25 years ago...

Renee's Story:

_High School Graduation was finally over, and I happily pulled off the hideous yellow gown and slipped away, out of the hall. My parents had a previous engagement so they had only stayed long enough to see me accept my diploma, and that meant I had some time to myself for once. As far as they knew, I was having a celebratory dinner with my friend Sandra and her parents._

_In reality, I had something much more pressing to do._

_I hurried along the road, shivering with cold as the icy wind pierced through the fabric of my thin coat and chilled my bones._

_Malone Street. Two more streets to go and I would be on Travis Street, my intended destination. I was on a fact finding mission, but there was a pressing need to get this done as soon as possible. I was sweating blood here. As well as the essential questions, I knew I was going to ask Kathy more. I had to know how bad it would be. If I could carry on living my usual life, in the family home, under my parents watchful eyes. Without them being able to tell what I had just had done to me._

_The whole idea petrified me._

"_You have no choices here," I reminded myself for the tenth time. With my father being the local church Minister, and my mother being his faithful wife who filled her days caring for needy members of the congregation, there was no way I could confide in either of them. Daddy would be outraged, and an outraged Daddy was a fearsome sight. His parishioners had never seen him during one of his rages, that spectacle was saved for Mom and I._

_And even if my Mom would have known what to do, how to help out some other teen in my situation, I knew better than to expect any help from her._

_Sympathy, sure; when Dad was not around, but she pretty much asked how high when he told her to jump. She would not come to my defence and I wouldn't expect her to risk her lifestyle and happiness here for me._

_After all, I was the one who made the mistake._

_I just prayed neither of them asked me what happened to my meagre college fund. My grandmother had bequeathed her savings to me when she died, and naively my mother had added small but regular deposits over the years, in the hope it would somehow multiply tenfold so I would have an opportunity denied to her._

_Sadly, it hadn't and college was ruled off my list of prospects._

_Now even just living here in Forks doing some menial job at the diner or whatever was ruled off that list as well. Unless I went through with this._

_There was no way my parents would attempt to stand by me, as the scandalous state of affairs was revealed, therefore I had to stop this now._

_How much did abortions costs anyway and where did one go to get one?_

_I approached the front door of Kathryn Tate, a girl who had attended the same high school I had, even though we barely knew one another. The only reason I was here was because rumours were rife back then. She had been Head Cheerleader and the girlfriend of Football Captain Tommy Biers, and when she'd found herself pregnant, she'd known where to go and what to do, and I needed her to pass that information on to me._

_I knocked at the imposing front door and after one long minute it opened and Kathy's smiling face appeared._

"_Um..Rebecca?" Kathy said cautiously, confused as to why I would be calling._

"_Renee," I corrected her. "Renee Higginbotham. I just graduated. I was two years below you at Forks High."_

"_I remember. Was your friend named Rebecca, then?"_

"_I think you mean Roxanne."_

"_Oh right. What can I do for you?"_

"_Can we go somewhere private and talk? " I enquired nervously._

_The smile wavered and disappeared._

"_Oh. You mean..."_

_I guessed she had opened the door to girls with this same request a few times in the past two years. I wasn't the only one whose mistake had led them to her._

"_I need to know where to go...and how much it costs."_

"_Oh, you want to know about the Secretarial Course I did?" she replied loudly. "Mom, I will be back in a few minutes. I'm just telling Renee how to enrol in that course."_

_Kathy slipped outside and gently eased her door closed, then grabbed my arm and pulled me down their garden path and out onto the street._

"_You shouldn't have come. My Mom is at home at this time of day and my parents have no idea," she admonished me._

"_Well, I realize that and I apologise but you must remember how desperate you were. That's how I'm feeling now."_

_We walked quickly and in no time the small playground beside the local library appeared to our right, and checking the place was empty, she herded me towards the wooden picnic table and we sat down, our heads almost touching as she whispered the information I needed from her._

_"You have the right to go to any clinic and have this done without your parents permission. Of course, it would be best to go far away, where nobody knows you. And there may be anti-abortion protesters outside, trying to convince you not to go in and kill your baby. It's your right to choose, Renee. They are not in your shoes, they don't know your desperation so don't let their condemnation deter you if it is what you truly want."_

_The idea of having to fight through a crowd of angry people scared me, and when she told me the fee, the price was even more shocking._

"_That much?" I gasped in disbelief._

"_It was back then, it might be ever more expensive now. I don't think inflation misses any industry, including abortionists."_

"_How was it? Did it hurt a lot?" I questioned. I had no choice, I had to do this but I desperately wanted to hear they put you to sleep pregnant and you woke up not, and skipped out the door feeling better than ever now the complication was gone from your life._

"_I thought I was going to die when she was doing it. They give you a tranquilizer to keep you calm but it may as well have been a placebo. I fully expected to have a heart attack, I was that anxious. Then the burning, tearing,stinging as she..."_

_I covered my ears with my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. Kathy pulled my hands down impatiently._

"_You have to listen. When you arrive you pay up front so if there's any chance you will bail, and run, do it before they let you inside._

_Renee, once you go through this, believe me, you will never risk having to go back ever again. It's horrible. It's like a nightmare, like a taste of Hell. And the pain and bleeding lasts for weeks afterwards. I had no idea how much blood loss was normal, or if I was bleeding out during the first few days and I could hardly front up at Dr Abernathy's and ask him. So just be prepared. It's like the heaviest period you ever had plus some. Then it slows down and within ten days, it's over. But the physical side is not even the worst of it."_

"_What do you mean?" I asked, surprised. What could be worse than what she had described?_

"_My child would be two years old now. Every time I look at a two year old, I remember what I threw away. She'd be walking now, and learning to talk. And I still see her in my dreams._

_I just know she was beautiful. She would have had Tommy's blonde curls and my eyes. That's how I picture her. Seeing babies cuts you to the quick but it's the child in the dreams that kills you."_

"_I haven't imagined what this kid could look like," I lied. I'd seen every inch of him. I'd know him anywhere. I knew his eyes and his hair, and his skin. He would look like his father, and that could never be. His father was beautiful, but his hair was very distinctive, and so were his eyes._

"_If you have any alternatives, go with them instead. Even adoption. I know it sounds hard and you think it would be impossible to hand your child over to some stranger, but it would be so much better to know Marigold was alive and living somewhere with these parents that loved her._

_She would have a little pink tricycle and a bedroom full of fluffy toys and a dollhouse. Maybe even a rocking horse. If I had that to hold on to, instead of knowing she was killed that day..."_

"_I have no choice," I replied sadly._

"_I thought the same but in retrospect, I could have gone and stayed with my Aunt in Seattle. She would have covered for me with my parents and helped me find a couple to adopt my baby. I panicked and acted without proper thought. Don't make my mistake, think it through. Consider every relative and friend you have away from here. Anyone who would help you. You can make up a reason to go stay with them...some illness the woman has so you are helping her out in her own home, whatever."_

"_I have nowhere to go. Nobody is going to let me live with them in their house for seven months. My parents would never allow me to disgrace them here, in Forks. I have no relatives anywhere else."_

"_Don't make any hasty decisions. There's no chance the boy...the father will marry you?"_

"_None," I said sharply. That was impossible, for so many reasons._

"_Is he already married?" she asked. I suppose that was the most likely explanation, and it did happen to be true, so I nodded and let her think that was the only reason why it was truly impossible._

_Her eyes narrowed, reading my mind, seeing there was more to this that I had admitted._

"_You do know who the father is?"_

_I blushed, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet._

" _I'm about 99% sure who the father is, and I can't have his baby. He's very...distinctive looking, very handsome, but his colouring and features are somewhat telling. Everyone would know it was his."_

"_Who is the one per cent possibility?"_

"_God, don't remind me. Prom night. I needed a date and there is this guy who has always liked me and what can I say? After Party plus alcohol plus depression because I couldn't be with the one I wanted to be with...but we only did it once and he used a condom."_

"_Was he the studious one with the dark hair that was stuck on you even back when I was at school? Chandler, Channing..? He was always looking at you as if you were some Goddess. We noticed, even if you didn't."_

"_Charlie Swan," I replied, thinking about how he had admired me from afar for so many years._

_Then finally he found the courage to invite me to Prom. Normally I would refuse but I wanted to go, and my parents expected me to, and what harm could one date do?_

"_Does he know about the other man?"_

"_No, nobody does."_

"_So, if you omitted telling him there was someone else who might be the Baby Daddy...he would think it was his for sure. Lots of babies look nothing like their parents. Anyway, the kid might take after you."_

"_He is still trying to date me," I answered, with a feeling of hope and even excitement in my stomach. "I have fobbed me off because he isn't my first choice, but I guess, he is a nice guy and I could do worse. He already knows that he has been accepted into the Police Academy so he will have a career and an income. Oh my, I just realized. He owns a house. His mother died a year ago and his father wasted away after that and he died too, just weeks ago. Charlie inherited their house."_

"_Well, Renee, you do have an alternative after all and believe me, assuming this is his baby is a very small evil compared to the other. You will still get to raise your child. Maybe it will be calling the wrong man Daddy, but that's a small price to pay. That's better than death, surely? Plus you have a man with no parents warning him off you. He may be delighted to have this chance to create a family of his own, now he is alone."_

"_I have to go. I think Charlie may be at the diner with his friends, celebrating graduation. I can't imagine he will believe this, he did use a condom."_

"_Nothing is one hundred per cent reliable. Everybody knows that."_

"_I am going to hate myself for doing this to him but it would be a solution. My parents know Charlie quite well and were friends with his parents for years. They encouraged me to date him, but I wouldn't agree._

_He's one of the few boys Dad has any time and respect for."_

"_Do they know he is crushing on you all this time?"_

"_He has brought things to the house and left them with my Mom. He sends me flowers and little gifts now and then, on birthdays and such. It wouldn't be a tragedy if this baby was his, not in her mind. If he wanted to marry me, even if only because of the baby, my father would be disappointed, but not enraged."_

"_Go to him. Be honest, tell him you need him. But not too honest. Don't pretend to have fallen in love with him or play him for a fool. Just tell him you are pregnant and see if he wants to fix this. You never know."_

_I didn't. I knew Charlie had it bad for me, but how bad? I guess there was only one way to find out._

_X~x~X_

"_You are lucky your father is the preacher and can do your wedding next week," my mother said as she pinned the same dress she had worn to her own wedding, tighter around my waist. I had always been taller and slimmer than she was, but a dress is a dress and there was no money for a wedding gown of my own. Not that it mattered._

"_He's been very understanding about this. I think had it been any other man but Charlie Swan that did this to you...well, let's just say there would have been a lot of trouble for everyone, Renee."_

"_Yes, Mom, I know that," I replied. Charlie was quite amazing and I wasn't sure if the feelings I was developing for him were simply born of gratitude or whether I had felt something all along._

_He wasn't my first choice, obviously, but he had jumped at the chance to marry me and he had informed everyone of our engagement just minutes after our conversation._

_It **was** the answer._

_Even so, when I walked down the aisle on my Mother's arm and stood at Charlie's side, facing the stern face of my father, I admit I was waiting to hear an answer to the question:_

"_If anyone here knows of any reason this couple should not be wed...speak now or forever hold your peace."_

_I knew what I wanted._

_I wanted **him **to push Charlie aside and grab me into his arms and announce he was the real groom, not Charlie._

_The silence was painful and I exhaled the breath I had been holding and accepted my Fate._

_The rest of the service was a blur, but it was soon over._

"_Mr and Mrs Charles Swan," Father announced and we faced the claps and cheers of our friends and family, before awkwardly walking back down that aisle together._

_It was done._

_I stood there as women kissed us both and men shook hands with my husband and I looked around, but **he** carried out his role as Best Man and never looked my way. He thought he knew why I had done this but he had no idea of the truth. He just thought this was my way of ending things, because there was no way we could ever be together forever. In truth, I loved him enough to put my own life second to his and he was free to go live the life that was expected of him._

_He stepped to my side only once, as Charlie was shaking my father's hand and thanking him for the service._

"_Renee, I hope this marriage works out well for you," he said, his voice steady as his eyes gazed into mine. He held my hand a little longer than was polite, and squeezed it gently. "Charlie's a great guy and he will make you happy. I wish it could have been me. I wish things were different."_

"_I know," I sighed sadly. " I do believe Charlie is a good guy and he loves me. That's the most important thing, right?" I replied._

_He could never know. I hadn't robbed him of the chance to step up and marry me and become a father to his child, because that could never have happened._

_Charlie was willing to believe me, so from now on, it was the truth. This was our baby, our marriage and nobody would ever know any different._

_X~x~X_

_The pregnancy was normal, perfect, and even as the older generation realised the birth was going to happen before our marriage was nine months old, nobody ever said anything. Charlie was well respected and now he had been posted at Forks Police Station, they were hardly about to make a drama about how our love had been impatient._

_He was kind and gentle and proud to have me at his side. Even his friends had accepted the story, that we had been seeing one another secretly. Our fellow students had seen us at Prom but for many of the people in town, the first time they saw us together was at our wedding. Why we had kept things secret, nobody had asked. Fortunately. I guess they jumped to the conclusion my father didn't want me dating or something._

_We made a big deal of reminding everyone we had gone to Prom together, and that had been a hint about our relationship. It wasn't our fault they were too stupid to work out that night was just the tip of the iceberg. We'd dated for ages, without anyone catching us._

_Lie after lie, but nothing so outrageous that anyone would seriously doubt our history._

_Charlie went along with it because he assumed I was embarrassed about getting knocked up to a guy I dated only once._

_Plenty of children in Forks had been the result of shotgun weddings, it wasn't as if ours was the first. At most, it was a three day wonder then the baker ran off with his assistant, a girl half his age, and everyone's attention was diverted to that much worse, and more interesting, scandal._

_I could have been carrying sextuplets and nobody would have cared._

_The gossip circle was full of women who had 'always known' there was 'something' about that baker. They were not surprised this had happened, not at all._

_I slipped quietly and gratefully into the background and knitted small woolen baby clothes._

_The labour was terrifying. Not the pain, not the contractions that ripped and tore inside me, but the fear of what this baby would look like. If he came out looking the image of his most probable biological father, then all this was for nothing anyway._

"_And I need you to pant, Renee, as the head emerges."_

_I looked into my husband's face and copied his short breaths, and he held my hands tightly._

_Then I screamed as the final pain hit and as the body slipped from mine, and hit the outside air._

_I shut my eyes and prayed, harder than ever before._

"_Be like me. I may be plain and ordinary, but you need to be the same. Do not look like him, please."_

"_It's a girl," Charlie crowed in delight, accepting the small red screaming infant and gazing into her eyes._

"_She looks like you, Renee. Your brown eyes, your hair, your creamy skin."_

_I looked and felt like crying in relief._

"_Could be your brown hair and brown eyes, Charlie," the doctor laughed._

_Charlie shrugged._

_He handed me the baby and I scrutinised her face closely._

_She wasn't like **him** at all._

_She was ordinary._

_She was a generic little brunette baby girl._

_And that made her perfect._

_X~x~X_

_Charlie was beside himself with excitement the whole time I was in the hospital. He proudly pointed our daughter out to our visitors and any strangers alike. Many people who were there to see other new Moms laughed and smiled and patted him on the back as he raved about his new daughter._

_I let him name her, it was the least I could do._

_Isabella Marie Swan. Isabella was his late grandmother's name; Marie his mother's name. I thought the name a little too grand for such an ordinary baby and wondered if she would hate us for calling her that._

_Something more simple would have been better._

_The Stanley's had a baby girl just a day before ours, and she was named Jessica Anne._

_The Newton's had a son the day after us, Michael John. Much more popular names, but Charlie wanted Isabella, so I didn't argue. He'd rescued me, us, and the least I could do was let him have his way with whatever was important to him in return._

_Nobody knew my secret._

_Charlie was an extraordinary man. He had never questioned how unlikely it was that one single sexual encounter, complete with condom, had created this baby. He never asked me if there had been any other men in my life, so I had not had to lie to him._

_He told me so many times he couldn't even look at Bella as a mistake, because it was her conception that pulled us together. He believed it was Fate that made that rubber fail, and it was meant to be._

_Becoming a father at nineteen didn't throw him at all. He thought it was good to start young, so we could all grow up together._

_I didn't look back in anger any more. I thanked my lucky stars that Charlie and I had got drunk and had sex that night, because if we hadn't, none of this could have happened. I plan to do my level best to be a good wife to Charlie and a good mother to Bella. And never think about **him.** In fact, **he** and his wife were amongst our first visitors, bringing flowers and a card and a pretty frock for the baby._

_She was pushing a stroller and I refused to allow myself to look inside and compare babies._

_We all looked at my baby and I looked up at **his** face as he smiled at her, and was reassured that he had absolutely no idea._

_Bella was small , but quite large if she had been the two months premature we had claimed. Six pounds six ounces._

_Jessica was nine pounds and Michael ten, so our story was quite acceptable. Bella was small because she was early._

_The doctor was not fooled, her saw she was full term but he let us have the lie, no doubt thinking it was merely to cover up the fact I was pregnant at the wedding._

_**He **obliviously held his own flesh and blood in his arms as Charlie snapped off a photo._

"_You should be Godfather, who better?" he asked me._

"_Who better indeed," I replied and accepted the baby back._

_It was done. Life went on and to all intents and purposes, Isabella Marie Swan was the much loved daughter of Charlie and Renee Swan. End of story._

_There was no way I could have predicted the repercussions that would try and destroy my little girl twenty five years in the future._


	2. Chapter 2

**ONCE again: DO NO PANIC...it is NOT incest, you will know in time who **he **is, when you need that info. LOVE your guesses! Just don't jump to conclusions yet. Edward and Bella are NOT related.**

**BTW HOW does one put up their 'book cover' as fanfic call it, Melissa made me one but I don't know what to do to make it show.**

**Working full time, studying at night, not much spare time, if you don't review (takes 10 seconds) I don't write new chapters (Takes about three hours each as I write them in spare ten minute breaks) **

The Lie

Chapter 2

BPOV...18 years later.

"Bella, I just have one thing to say to you," Emmett McCarty Cullen announced as he sat down at the end of our Biology table. By 'our' table, I mean, the table I shared with my lab partner, Edward Cullen. He had the misfortune to be Emmett's brother. I don't mean that, I adore Emmett.

Heck, I adore their father/foster father, Dr Carlisle Cullen. With his platinum blonde hair and ice blue eyes, he was gorgeous. He was a great friend of my father's and they spent a lot of time together. They were even in one another's wedding party.

I liked looking at the photo's at our house, and seeing Carlisle standing there with my parents and the others. He was definitely the most handsome of the group.

And Dad was in the enormous photos on the sitting room wall in the Cullen house, in his tux, being Carlisle's Best Man.

I think we all could see the Groom was the best man in that group!

I used to compare them, when I was younger and wish Carlisle was my dad. He and Esme were like the town royalty. Both their families were well known and respected but Dad always thought it was a little sad that the main reason they had married was to bring together the two empires. The Platt-Everson's and the Cullen's practically owned Forks and the surrounding towns.

If their marriage was anything less than a love match, I was not able to detect it, because they sure looked like they were madly in love to me.

If this was how arranged marriages work out, maybe Charlie should have let his father pick who he was to marry. Then I might have a mother. One like Esme would be awesome.

During my childhood, my mother-free childhood, I had been invited over to play with Alice, and even got to stay there in the school holidays, while Dad worked.

Esme was that wonderful rare thing..a stay at home Mother.

I'd have been thrilled with a mother who had stayed in the same home as us.

Emmett tapped on my desk with his ruler, regaining my attention.

"Okay, shoot," I replied, turning to face the hunk and gaze at his blue eyes. Emmett is gorgeous if you like good looking, extremely buff body builder-type guys, but his gentle blue eyes and black baby curls kind of soften his appearance and betray the tough guy image he tries to show the world.

"You are either pregnant or insane."

"Well, I must be insane because I'm certainly not pregnant," I replied. There was no chance of that. My boyfriend and I had decided not to cash in our v cards before marriage and I sometimes suspected that was why we were getting married straight out of High School.

"Back off Emmett, it's none of your business," Edward stated, glaring at his brother. "Bella's engagement has nothing to do with you."

"But she's choosing wrong. Nobody gets married at eighteen these days. Not even if they are knocked up. Tell me you are at least knocked up, Cinderbella."

"Sorry, Emmett. I haven't had time to put that on my To Do List, what with all the preparations for the engagement party. I assume if you are so against this union, I can cross you off the guest lists for both the engagement party and the wedding?"

"Shit no. I love a good party, even if it is celebrating something as stupid as this," he replied.

"Mr Cullen, please move back to your own table," Mr Banner, our teacher requested. "Everyone, get out your books and turn to Chapter nineteen. We have the last two chapters to get through before the end of year exams so get to work, people."

Edward opened our shared textbook and slid his chair closer. We both sighed at the topic. Being as eager as we both were to just get through Senior Year and graduate and begin our adult lives, we had already studied this together in our two person study group and knew the chapter word for word.

"He does have a point, as much as I hate to admit it. I rarely agree with Emmett, but he is right," Edward said quietly. I looked up into his mesmerising green eyes and slapped my hand down on the table.

"Okay, Edward, here's the thing. You and your brother and sister have rich parents. Don't argue, you guys are millionaires. We all know it, you know it. As a result, you three all have so many opportunities us poor folk don't have. You three are off to New York to attend as many years of college as you want to.

The rest of us, well, not so many choices. Stay here in Forks, and take on some menial job and get on with it is the main choice available. I have my job lined up already, in the town library. So, let's just say it is insane getting married at eighteen, how would my life differ if I waited until I was twenty one? Thirty one? It wouldn't. I'm not missing out on any experiences I would get to have if I didn't get married. The only difference would be I would live with Charlie for the next x amount of years and then marry Jacob anyway. Why wait?"

"Because it is possible you don't know your own mind yet and maybe Jacob isn't your One," he replied.

"Pfft," I laughed. "Of course Jake is my One. How could he not be? We have been together since we were born. It's written in the stars. Our fathers are breaking their necks to see us married. I swear it would have happened in Elementary school if Dad could have made it legal."

"But there is the theory that if you only ever eat vanilla ice cream, you have no idea how delicious chocolate can be."

"But what if vanilla is exactly your flavour? Should you waste your time trying others and then realize you are a vanilla fan all along? And maybe I can only afford vanilla."

"Fine, but I intend tasting all the flavours before I choose my own personal favourite," he replied.

"Yes, and that's my second point. Look at you. Now look at me. You can snap your fingers and all the flavours would come running for you to taste them. Me, I think I'm doing well attracting vanilla."

"What are you talking about?" he growled. "Because if you think you have not got what it takes to attract other flavours, I can assure you, you are wrong."

"I'm wrong? Is this you volunteering to be my chocolate flavour, Edward?" I replied harshly. "As if."

"Okay fine. I am volunteering to give you a taste of a different flavour. Are you going to accept my offer?"

I really wished I could keep a straight face and tell him, _'Why yes, give me a taste, Baby. Give me the Edward Cullen Experience.' _But it was too ludicrous for words and I didn't need the embarrassment of him trying to rescind the offer.

"I'm a vanilla girl, thanks all the same."

"You are not, that's the pity of it," he sighed. "You know Carlisle gives out scholarships every year. Why haven't you applied?"

"Because I'm nobody's charity case," I stormed, standing up and heaving my bag onto my shoulder, then walking out of the room. Banner never said a word, but then he knew I knew more about anything biological than even he did. I had always toed the line and been the perfect student so I guess he figured he would cut me some slack this one time.

School ended straight after this class so I headed for my truck and went home early. Charlie and a group of his Quileute buddies were sitting on the porch, sipping down their beers.

"Hey Bella, you are early, what's up?", he asked. I wasn't about to rant about Mr Moneybags now, in front of Dad's friends, so I shrugged and went inside. Dad seemed to mainly hang with the Quileutes these days. There was a time when his old High School buddies had visited as often as these men here did. Being on the school football team, he'd had friends both a few years older and younger than himself, but I guess most of them had moved away from Forks over the years. Most normal people get fed up with living in Forks at some point.

My own mother had.

Renee had fled when I was about three years old. She needed 'space' and 'time to find herself' and all that crap people spout when what they mean is, 'I want an easy life where only what I want counts. I don't want a husband or a child tying me down, making me have to consider their needs. I want to be selfish and go see what else is out there. Maybe I can find someone better.'

And she had. If you can call a professional athlete better than a small town cop.

I never got why she married my dad in the first place. It was obvious to me even when I was very small that Renee always regretted the marriage and saw herself as vastly superior to Charlie.

It was a sobering thought, when I considered the sole reason they may have wed was because of me.

Others might buy the 'two months premature' story but I was a volunteer at the hospital and often saw real prems, and looking at my many photos taken the days after my birth, I did not have that unfinished, scrawny look they had, even if I was a small newborn. I have always been small and short as a child and no surprises, I was still was.

I would have been short no matter at what stage of pregnancy I had been born in.

I admit, knowing the mess they had made of their lives, I had never pushed Jake as hard as I might to just consummate this relationship. Anyone can get caught out and all the Pills and condoms in China will not prevent a baby starting if it's meant to be.

I slid the two apple pies I had made into the oven and wondered what to serve as the first course.

Dad had warned me it was Harry Clearwater's birthday today so I knew they would all be here for dinner, as they were whenever any of the men in this group celebrated a birthday.

I guess the Quileute's don't make a habit of special meals on those occasions so we always had a houseful of hungry men each time.

"Hey, Bells, what are you thinking?" Jake whispered in my ear as I felt his arms circle my waist. He must have arrived while I was off inside my head and hadn't heard the sound of his black Harley.

"I was thinking I'm getting sick of everyone having an opinion about our plans. Emmett and Edward both gave me some flack today. They just don't get it, Jacob. Because they could have whatever kind of life they want, they don't understand for some of us, this is all there is."

I flapped my hand around at the kitchen and the house in general. It wasn't big, or grand, and it didn't have three levels and glass walls and an enormous swimming pool out the back or a garage that housed a dozen cars, or acres of land surrounding it.

It was a little two bedroom, one bathroom wooden house with a kitchen, dining and sitting room downstairs and the bathroom and two bedrooms up. We thought ourselves lucky to have an extra shower recess and toilet in the laundry so it saved us having to run upstairs should we need to use those facilities.

Most small houses lacked any extras at all.

I loved that I had only ever lived in this one house and hadn't been carted around the country like Lauren, for instance, whose father was in the military. She barely ever got to settle in one town before they were packing and moving again, so she was happy to be leaving for college and a chance to call her dorm home for a whole four years. It would be the longest she had ever lived in one place.

I couldn't imagine what that would be like. To look back on your childhood homes, in plural. To have them sorted into what age you were while you lived in each one.

I'd come home from the maternity ward nursery in the local hospital to this house and I would leave it a bride. Well, if we had a place of our own to go to, that is.

I loved walking out in the yard, sitting on the swing Charlie made when I was four, or climbing up into the cubby house in the apple tree beside my window. Although climbing out that window into the treehouse had been banned from the beginning, of course that was what I had always done.

Dad lived in fear of coming home and finding my body bruised and broken at the bottom of the trunk all throughout my childhood.

I'd spent so many hours inside that little refuge, pretending. In there, I had a mother who wanted to stay and look after me and my many siblings; Patty, the walking doll; Tabatha, the babydoll that wound up and moved like a real baby, and Pete the bear who was my brother in this fantasy.

I swore from a young age I would never leave my own children behind if my marriage was so bad I had to go away myself. I would wrap them up and take them with me and never leave them alone and lonely while their Daddy worked all the hours God sent. I know he only did that so I could have a chance to go to college but that savings account was just way too insufficient to cover everything, and if I went away even living in a dorm would require me holding down several part time jobs.

How likely was it that I'd find constant employment wherever I went? Businesses closed down daily, I would need a guaranteed permanent income to stay the distance and finish my course. I'd decided it was better in this case to never try, than to start something I most likely would not get to finish. It wasn't what I wanted in life, but it was the most sensible path to choose.

Jacob sat down and started peeling the vegetables as my mind wandered, and I noticed I had already managed to make a meatloaf large enough to feed the hoard without even thinking about what I was doing.

What Jacob had to offer had to be enough. I knew his dream was to go to college himself and he had the same chance I did...zero.

We would both have to suck it up and be happy with what we had.

"You know, we will probably never afford to have kids. You will always have to work, and it would be stupid to have kids you knew had to grow up in childcare. Not that we could even afford the fees. That's not what happened to us, even though neither of us had a mother. Our Dads still managed to let us stay at home until we were old enough to begin school. I'd want a stay at home Mom if I had kids and my paltry wage will never be able to allow that to happen," Jake sighed. "Unqualified mechanics don't earn much, Bella. And neither do gofer's in the library. We'll struggle to pay the rent and buy food, and pay the bills."

"We aren't having kids? Not ever?" I replied. I'd imagined them already. Two little black haired boys, running off into the forest, knowing the beach and the woods and the whole Res like the back of their hands.

"Bella, we have to be practical. Kids cost a lot of money to raise, mainly through the loss of income from the Mom's job. I don't want children that will never have everything they want and need. Look how we both resent the fact we can't go to college. Even if we budgeted like crazy, we could never save up college funds for our children either. We won't ever be any better off than our fathers are now. Why have kids just to always be telling them 'No, we can't afford it' every time they ask for what the others have?

You drive a truck that is older than you are. I ride a Harley that I rebuilt from other people's cast offs. Even if I ever have the funds to finish the VW Rabbit, it's hardly the type of car our kids would be proud to be seen in. Kids these days want more, Bella. They see what people on tv have, and they don't understand those luxuries will never be for them, because their parents have crappy, low paying jobs."

"But I never had much and I was happy," I replied.

"Come on. Tell me you don't ever look at the clothes and shoes Alice and Rosalie wear and wish you could join them on their shopping sprees. I know you accept you have no choice other than to wear generic branded clothing, but you are a girl. You must long for better sometimes. You must wish we were having a real wedding, with guests and a cake and a sit down dinner. Not some five minute appointment with a Registrar. Do you even have a wedding dress?"

"Those are simply trappings, Jake. I don't need a fancy wedding and a bridal gown to be a bride. I found this dress the other day in town and I thought, if I glitzed it up a bit, it would look fine."

"Yeah, because every bride settles her level at fine. You deserve better," he sighed.

I slid the trays of food into the oven and took Jake's hand.

"We have to accept our lot in life and find a way to be happy or what's the point? We don't need things. We don't need stuff. I really don't care if I never own a pair of those ridiculous shoes the girls wear. I would probably break my neck wearing them anyway."

"Bella, your new bed is here," Charlie called. There was no way we could both fit into my old twin bed after the wedding. That was a step too far. While Jake and I worked and saved for our own place, we would be living here with Charlie. He was delighted with this arrangement. Jake had always been like the son he never had, and they had always had plenty in common. Fishing, watching the flat screen when the football games were on, or the baseball; even just chatting over a beer or three. He was not looking forward to ever living by himself. He'd probably starve to death.

I guess I wish I could have my own house with a kitchen a little fancier than this one, but whatever. I had a new bed.

Jake and I ran upstairs and carried my old bed down before the men squeezed the double bed up the staircase, and it was a tight fit both there and in my bedroom. Even after we removed all the other furniture , the new bed still crowded the room and left mere inches at each side, just enough to sort of shuffle past along against the wall.

"Nope, it has to go flush against this wall. That's the only practical solution," Dad announced and the bed was slid across. Now whoever got that side to sleep on had to crawl over their spouse to get out but it did make the space on this side much more roomy. Almost adequate. I just hope the house never catches on fire because it would be really tricky to get out of this room in a hurry.

We all stood and surveyed the arrangement. My desk and chair and chest of drawers were now out on the landing. In the way.

"Maybe you two should have my bedroom and I could have this one," Charlie suggested.

"It's hardly any bigger," I replied. I didn't want him turfed out of his own room. He was hardly going to enjoy sleeping in a room with pink walls and floral wallpaper and there wasn't the money to redecorate.

"But you'd fit a crib in mine, beside the bed. You need to think ahead, Bella. I can manage in this bedroom just fine."

"Jake and I won't ever have the need for a crib," I informed him.

Billy looked at his son and frowned.

"Jacob, the bloodline has to go on. You have to have one child. One son. Otherwise who will be the Chief of the Quileutes after you?"

"Dad, really, nobody will even care by then. Bella and I can't afford to have kids. Don't go on about it. It's not that we don't want to, so let it go."

"No grandkids? Billy and I were looking forward to that. To having a grandbaby in common," Charlie replied. "Nobody can afford kids, but you find a way once you have them. You could consider just having the one. That wouldn't be so expensive, would it?"

"Maybe one day," I replied, shooting Jake a warning look. Give them hope. Let them think we were saving and planning on having a family eventually, even if it wasn't going to happen.

"No, they need to accept the truth. Otherwise we will spend our entire lives getting nagged about when this will happen. It won't. Okay? Not unless the financial situation we will be in changes dramatically and I can't see any reason that will ever happen."

Dad and Jake carried Billy and his wheelchair back downstairs.

The party started off quite subdued, but by the time the beer was finished, most of the men were quite loud and relaxed and Jacob helped me clean up before we headed out in my truck to go walk along the beach together.

There were always things you could do, for free. Like walk hand in hand along the water's edge in the moonlight. And kiss underneath the stars.

When we got home, only Billy and Charlie were still at the house and my dad laughed as we approached.

"Bella, you are in big trouble. Your Mom rang and I told her about the engagement. She's coming to visit. What did she say again, Billy? 'I'll come and beat some sense into that girl' I think it was."

"Why would I even listen to that woman's opinion? She forfeited the right to tell me what to do when she left," I retorted.

I'd visited her in Florida every year, every Summer and Spring when I was a kid, not so much now. Now it was more a quick visit to catch up for a few days then home again. There was no way Renee was making me change my plans.

xxxx

The next day Edward was absent from school and I thought little of it. I was actually glad to not have to face him after my tantrum the day before. I spread out my books across the Biology table and solved the mystery of planaria reproduction by myself. It wasn't as if there were any surprises as I identified each stage under the microscope and still finished first in the class.

It was only when I arrived home to find Edward sitting at our kitchen table opposite Charlie that I realized why he had taken the day off.

Dad looked up at me as he asked why I hadn't told him I had been invited to apply for a scholarship through Dr Cullen's scheme.

"Because we aren't charity cases," I retorted, dropping my bag on the floor. I started the coffee maker and turned to face Edward.

"Have you spent the whole day trying to convince Charlie I have to apply?" I asked. "Even though I made it clear I was not interested?"

"Bella, you aren't looking at the bigger picture. Lauren Mallory has already accepted a scholarship from him so you wouldn't be the only one and nobody has to know, anyway. You are too clever to be stuck in a job like library assistant all your life," Edward replied. "Besides, Dad specifically wants you to come away to college. He knows how clever you are. He said just the other day you could go all the way and end up a doctor, if you wanted to."

I glared at him, barely able to believe he thought he had the right to come and interfere in my life.

"Edward, how could I do that? Even if your father paid my fees, there's dorm fees and transport costs and materials, books, God knows what other expenses."

"Dad wants to cover them all. Everything. And give you an allowance. He has bought a couple of apartments for us already. Emmett is sharing his with a friend he knows from New York. You could share mine, it has two bedrooms."

"And will he pay for my food and clothing? I'm not his kid. Not even his foster kid. Why would he want to do that?"

"Because he hates seeing intelligence wasted."

I scowled at Edward and hated that he was getting to me over this. He knew how desperately I wanted a real career and real careers meant real college degrees. I was a little flattered that Carlisle thought I had what it took to become a doctor.

"Bells, there one thing you haven't considered," Dad interjected. "If you went to college, you could get a good job; a career.. And your income could mean you and Jake could have a family one day. I know you both want that, and Billy and I sure do."

"Jake would just love me earning more than he does," I replied tersely but I admit, the image of those two small black haired children had resurrected itself in my head. Did it matter who brought home the bacon if it meant we could have those two children? It was all very well letting my pride call the shots but like Edward said, who would know how I got to college and in ten years time, would I even care that I'd gone on Dr Cullen's dime? Was it important? Maybe I could pay him back some day, if I got the type of career I wanted.

I promised to think about it and Edward went away happy with that result. He even bestowed one of his amazing smiles on me when I made that promise.

There was no denying he was good looking. I imagined if I lived in his apartment, there would be a constant stream of hot and cold running women in and out all night long.

XXXXX

They say it never rains but it pours. I guess it was the bus theory in action. None all year then two came along at once.

The next day Renee arrived and announced she had a proposition for me.

"Phil and I have savings. More than we will ever need. If you delay the engagement for four years, we will pay for Jacob to attend SeattleU to do a mechanics course, then a basic business course as well. He'll have the qualifications he will need to support you properly."

I looked at her in shock.

"You are willing to pay Jake's way through college but not mine? I'm sorry, I thought I was your daughter. I didn't know he was your son."

Renee paled and I think she wanted to slap my face but I stared her down.

"You could always choose to go to college instead of him. We can afford to pay for one of you, so you choose, Bella. Jacob or you."

After she left, Charlie and I stood side by side on the front porch and Dad exhaled loudly.

"So, there you have it. You could beat her at her own game and accept her offer to send Jake to SeattleU, and omit to inform her you were going to NYU on Carlisle's scholarship anyway. That way you both end up with qualifications and the chance to have a better life than your old man did. And that Billy did. It could be just the ticket to an amazing life, Bells. You should think about it."

I did. All night.

I paced the floor and looked at it from every angle. Jake had no other options, the Cullen's wouldn't offer him anything. He wouldn't qualify, seeing they only made their offers to Fork's High students and only the best ones at that. Jake had attended school on the Res and was much more mechanically minded rather than academically gifted.

Renee and Phil's offer would be an answer to his prayers.

Just as Carlisle's would be an answer to mine.

But four years apart?

Four years with half a country between us? Could we last?

Maybe it had to be considered that if we didn't, we were not meant to be together after all.

It was a chance to leave this place and see more of the world and God knows I wanted to live in New York. The chance would never come again.

I picked up the phone and called the hotel where Renee was staying.

"Okay, fine. You pay for Jacob. You win. We accept."

Then I called Edward Cullen.

"Edward, do me a favour and bring along to school whatever forms I need to complete, would you? I've decided to take your father up on his kind offer."

So, just like that, our world expanded and changed and suddenly our futures looked brighter. Even if Jake and I didn't last in our relationship, well, we would both come out of this experience with the prospect of better lives.

And anyway, who says you can't do long distance? I would be giving him back his ring but not because I wanted my freedom. Because he needed to make a proper choice and be sure I was his One. At SeattleU he would be mixing with a lot more girls than he had ever seen here in this town. It would be a test but one I was confident we would both pass.


	3. Chapter 3

The Lie

Chapter 3

EPOV

Farewells.

I stood and waited, the door to my car open and ready as Bella clung to her boyfriend like there was some way she could meld together with him and bring him with us. I had asked Dad if he had ever considered offering his scholarships to any of the students on the Res, but he had assured me they got plenty of aid from the Government, and his priority was helping out the kids from Forks High that would never get to finish their educations without his help.

He'd been shocked when I first told him how Bella reacted to hearing about his offer. He'd talked for years about how she was his main target to get to NYU. I guess it was natural, he was one of her Godparents and he look that seriously. He had always been very concerned about her welfare and he'd never missed a single birthday or Christmas. Mostly Bella had been staying with us anyway at those times. She came away on vacation with our family, but as she grew up, she started to notice things like, Esme always bought her all the suitable clothing she would need for our next vacation.

She always had, I think she saw Bella as almost another of her children. Having only given birth to one son, she had increased our family by fostering and adopting, and just like Angelina Jolie, she swore she couldn't remember which of us her natural child was.

Of course we all knew, it was just a family in-joke.

Bella used to wish Mom and Dad would foster her as well, when she was a kid and her Mom did a runner. She saw Esme as the epitome of Moms, and she had crushed on my father since she was about twelve. I thought that was weird, but Alice said it was cute, and quite normal for a girl her age.

Anyway, she got over it and became Jacob Black's girlfriend by the time she turned 15.

To be honest, I thought she could do better. I'm not being horrible, but he will never be more than the town mechanic and she could be anything. Doctor, lawyer, judge; any sort of professional because, quite simply, she was brilliant. Schoolwork had never challenged her and my father used to prepare these extra lessons for both her and I to do in the holidays.

We had become quite competitive as we grew up, and we were pretty evenly matched. She took out the same amount of trophies as I did every year, for academic excellence and I only beat her by one because I got a sports award as well.

Sport and Bella did not mix. She had this thing with her feet, like the left one never knew where the right one was, and she was forever tripping over. She'd fallen down the stairs and off her bike so many times Dad had actually screened her for all sorts of horrible conditions, like Multiple Sclerosis, but in the end, he concluded she was simply clumsy.

"So, if we don't leave now, we will miss the plane," I stated loudly and Jake finally let her go.

He closed her door behind her as she sat in my passenger seat, and I looked away while they mouthed their "I love you's" and "I'll miss you" and all that romantic stuff.

Charlie waved one last time and Jake sort of ran along beside the car, like a faithful hound, until I accelerated and left him in my dust.

"That was just mean," Bella complained.

"What? We are behind schedule as it is. If you two hadn't wasted so much time sucking face we would be halfway to SeaTac by now."

She glared and turned away, staring out the window.

After twenty silent minutes, I figured I should play nice, after all , we were going to be roommates for the next few years and a happy roomie is way better than a sulky one.

"So, when does Jake leave for SeattleU?" I asked.

"Tomorrow. He has to attend this thing on the Res tonight, or else he would be right there in your back seat. It's a pity you couldn't have delayed our departure for 24 hours. It's not like we had to leave today specifically. Classes don't start for another week."

"Well, the plane tickets were booked well in advance and we couldn't exchange them," I replied. I had no idea if it was the truth but I hadn't wanted to drive Jacob to his college on our way to the airport.

The whole trip the two of them would have been doing God knows what in my backseat and that was reserved for my activities, not theirs.

"So, how come Lady Victoria isn't coming to NYU?" Bella asked.

"Because they don't have any courses she would have any chance of passing," I replied honestly. Nobody could accuse Vicky of being the sharpest tool in the toolshed. I didn't care, I had not dated her for her brains. They were completely irrelevant. Her rack had been a major consideration but never her brains.

"So, did you two spend last night together saying goodbye?" she asked me, grinning.

"None of your business, Swan. Do I ask you about your sex life? No, I don't."

"Huh, well you don't ask me about Santa or the Tooth Fairy either. Maybe because none of the three exist."

"Seriously? You and Jake aren't sleeping together? Why not?"

"Uh, none of you business, Cullen."

"I'll tell you why I dated Victoria if you tell me why you and Jake aren't doing the horizontal tango," I offered.

"I think we all know why you dated Victoria. Because she's easy. No secret there."

I laughed and looked at her face, flushed and pink because we had never really spoken like this before.

"Okay, then I'll tell you something you probably won't believe about me if you tell me about Jake."

"You go first and I'll see if it's worth the trade," she replied.

"Okay. But you cannot tell anyone. Deal?"

"Deal. Like there's anything interesting about you that I don't know by now," she scoffed. "I swear I won't tell anybody."

"I'm a virgin. I've never slept with Victoria. Or anyone else," I stated honestly.

She looked like she was going to choke, and she coughed and stared at me incredulously.

"What? No way. I don't believe you for a minute. This is a joke, right?"

"Nope. My father taught me one rule that you should never break. Never sleep with anyone you wouldn't want to knock up, because there is no such thing as 100% sure contraception, apart from abstinence."

"But she's given you...like...you know?" she stuttered.

"Say it, Bella. Say it out loud. I think you are referring to blow jobs? Of course she has and she is very skilled, I must admit. But her giving me a blow job will never get her pregnant so that's completely allowable."

"It sounds gross. I can't imagine ever doing that, to be honest. When Jessica explained them to me back in Freshman Year, I swear I thought she was making it up. But on the other hand, I couldn't believe even she could come up with anything that...depraved."

I couldn't help laughing at her.

"It's not depraved. It's perfectly natural and acceptable. My parents are a lot happier knowing it's as far as I ever went with Victoria, I can assure you."

"Esme knows? God, how can you talk about that stuff with your Mom?"

"Because she is my Mom. She's not an idiot. She knows teenagers have sex of some type.

She just wants us all to be safe and not make her a Grandmother before we finish college."

"So, Alice and Emmett tell her what they do as well?"

"Alice does. I don't think she wants to know all the stuff Emmett gets up to. None of us need to hear about that. Besides, it would take all day for him to list every activity he had partaken in. She does have a life of her own, and things to do."

"Did they seriously put up a plaque in the janitor's closet with Emmett's name on it?"

"Mmm, that's true. He showed me it himself. Most Frequent Visitor. He put a notch on the wall every time he took some girl in there. There were a LOT of notches."

"So, your Mom has no control over him."

"She has none over me, either. She just explained the consequences of our actions could affect our entire lives, and I agreed with her theories. Can you really imagine having to marry someone like Vicky? Granted, the sex would be awesome, but the conversation would be lacking."

"I thought guys only cared about the sex?"

"I suppose if you were at it 24/7, it would be all that mattered, but I like talking to the girls I date and I prefer it when they can keep me interested out of bed as well as in it, so to speak."

"So, your ideal woman would be a hooker who is a member of Mensa?"

"Intriguing idea. I wonder if any such woman exists?"

"I imagine you will track her down if she does."

"Anyway, your turn. Why haven't you and Jake slept together? I would have thought it was different for you two. I mean, you are in lurve and all that. Isn't it a natural progression?"

"So you are saying you aren't in love with Victoria?" she asked.

"Come on, Bella. She is hardly the kind of girl any man is going to fall in love with. Sex with her is like a form of sport, so she's more my sparring partner, I guess. Anyway, we are not even that now. I'm not doing long distance with a virtual fuckbuddy."

"If you didn't fuck her, you can't call her that. She's more your friend with benefits."

"Blowjob buddy? I wouldn't count her amongst my friends. Now answer my question."

"My parents got married straight out of High School, because Renee was pregnant. There's never been any chance I would want to have that happen to me. Like Esme says, there is no perfect form of contraception. I decided I would wait and sleep with Jake only once we were ready to risk having a child, and for me, that means after the shiny gold ring goes on my finger."

"But you were going to get married right out of school anyway. Why would it matter if there were three at the wedding instead of two?" I queried.

"Because no matter what, there would always be that question. Would we have gotten married if it hadn't happened? Look at me now. We have delayed the engagement and thus the wedding, for four years. Pregnancy does not allow you to just push the pause button if the baby is coming at an inconvenient time. If I was pregnant, you would never have talked me into doing this. Not that I even understand why you cared what I did."

"Hey, we have known one another forever and we are friends. Surely it's okay to care about your friends and to not want to stand by and watch them make a big mistake that would take a hell of a lot of fixing, if it did indeed prove to be a bad choice."

"I didn't say anything about you dating the biggest whore in Forks, even though I assumed you were sexing her. She could have left you with all sorts, Edward. Sex has worse consequences than pregnancy. How do you know you didn't catch anything from her mouth? I'm not being funny but surely if she had any diseases, you could still catch them that way."

"You have heard of flavoured condoms? Why do you think they are flavoured?"

"Oh," she said, surprised. "I never wondered about that. I guess I assumed maybe plain condoms smelled bad so they put something in them to mask the odour. I didn't actually think anyone used condoms during oral sex."

"You do if you are smart. Like you said, Vicky has been around, and while that makes her appealing because you know she must know what she is doing by now, it does also mean she has done that to a lot of men. It is a risky practice. You should remember that, if you hook up with anyone at college."

"Do you still have to be tested? If you restrict yourself to oral with a condom?"

"You do if your father is a doctor. I'm clean. I knew I would be because I'm very careful, Bella.

I have never ever taken any chances."

"Good for you, Edward. We will make you poster boy for safe oral sex. What flavour did she prefer?"

"Okay, this is getting stupid. How about we change the subject? Are you signing up for any sports teams?"

"Speaking of stupid subjects...no. I can't imagine I would qualify unless they've made a sport where falling over your feet is a good thing. I guess you will try out for the baseball team?"

"Of course. So will Emmett. He will get onto the football team, naturally, but he wants to do baseball as well, if he can fit in both."

"Anything to keep him from the NYU janitor's closets," she sighed and lay back with her eyes shut. Just like that, she was asleep. I truly envy people who can just decide to nap whenever they want. I turned on the ipod in the dock quietly and spent the rest of the trip listening critically to the last lot of songs I'd written and recorded. Some of them were okay but a few sucked and needed a lot more work. I preferred the ones where I was playing my piano but I could hardly pack it and bring it with me. I had my favourite guitar onboard and that would have to suffice.

Bella smiled in her sleep and to my surprise, she started humming along with the song I considered my best work to date. Once it finished, she opened her eyes and sat up straight.

"I just had the most amazing dream. It even had a soundtrack. It was incredible. I can't place the music, but it was incredibly beautiful."

I hit the replay button and watched her smile as it played again.

"That is perfect. Who was singing? I don't think I have any of his cd's but I intend getting some."

"That was me, actually. I wrote the song myself."

"You wrote that? Wow, I'm going to be able to say I heard that song before it was released. It's going to be a hit. I'm very fussy with my music and I hate far more bands than I like, and even if I like a band, I only like some of their songs. Do you have others?"

I replayed the entire ten songs and she gave her approval for eight of them and suggested a couple of ideas about how to improve the other two, and I felt kind of warm and fuzzy.

"So, are you my first fan?" I asked her.

"Oh definitely. Hey, those songs will get you a whole lot of action, Edward. Girls adore musicians and one who is as gorgeous and talented as you are will have a charmed life."

"You think I'm gorgeous?" I said with a smile.

"Strange. I know guys filter out ninety per cent of what girls say but still. I would have thought you would have heard the part about getting a whole lot of action."

"I did, but I was just surprised that you would say that I was gorgeous. I don't look anything like Jacob. I thought he was your type."

"He's kind of beautiful in his own way, but come on, Edward. Get serious."

"So in your opinion I'm better looking than Jake? Why did you go after him and not me? You've never treated me as anything more than a friend."

"Because you are out of my league and I don't waste my time with guys who barely know I exist. Besides, Jake loves me. That raises his attractiveness by twenty fold."

"I should be taking notes here. This is the first time I've got to pick inside a girl's brain."

"I guess if you dated girls with brains..." she laughed.

"Okay, good point. You win."

"Well Edward, aim high here. Go for beautiful and brainy. And not slutty. Girls are not impressed by guys who settle for slutty. They'll refuse to date you in case everyone assumes as you date sluts, they must be slutty themselves."

"Cool, keep talking. I'm listening."

"Okay. How about this? I'll find you your first prospect. Some girl who will impress males and females alike. Someone who will give you a good rep for having good taste."

"And what if she doesn't want to date me?" I asked her.

"Edward, every girl in college will want to date you. You'll see. You will up the attractiveness quota tenfold all by yourself."

I have to admit, hearing Bella; beautiful, brainy Bella, talk me up this way was doing great things for my ego.

"I'm hiring you to be my publicity agent. Nobody else will give me a rap as good as you do. Consider yourself employed, Bella."

"And here's me coming to college for an education so I can get a good job, and all along you had one for me already."

xxxx

To my surprise, Bella blanched and looked a little freaked out when we boarded the plane. I offered her the window seat and she promptly shut the roller curtain, so we swapped seats and as we waited for takeoff, I noticed beads of sweat gathering on her brow.

"You know, even though this thing weighs like 180,000 pounds and then it has all the luggage and passengers, chances are it will stay up in the air and not crash, right? I know there's a logical explanation for why, but right now I'm looking at those really fat passengers down the aisle there and hoping the airline took their weight into consideration."

"Shh, you can't be weight-ist. Of course it will stay in the air. You have flown before."

"Yes. Not a lot but of course I have."

I realized maybe my best move was to distract her but even though I tried talking, then cracking jokes, she looked paler by the minute and I was worried she may pass out. She was gripping the armrest between us with white knuckles, hanging on for dear life.

"Bella, are you always this nervous about flying?"

"Mmm," she nodded.

I picked up her hand and rubbed the blood back into her fingers, then entwined my fingers through hers.

"Look at me. Just look into my eyes and use me as your focal point. We are going to be okay. The plane is going to stay in the air. Trust me. You are safer here than on the road. Statistics don't lie."

Her breathing was erratic so I started breathing at a normal pace but in an exaggerated manner and she followed my lead and her hand tightened in mine as we took off.

"Most dangerous part is over."

"Really?"

"Yep. If we survive take off, the rest is a doddle."

"But planes do crash. Their engines fail or catch fire..." she said, her eyes flicking past mine to the window.

I lifted the armrest and pulled her into my side, and covered us both with a blanket, even over our heads like a tent.

"There, now you can't see anything. Just relax." My arm was slung lightly around her shoulders and I could feel her body shaking.

She closed her eyes and I started quietly singing my song to her, and she managed a small smile as she relaxed against my side. She was amazingly soft and warm, and so small. I'd never really looked at her this closely before. And, God, she smelt amazing. Sweet, like flowers.

When I finished singing, I found myself kissing the top of her head, just once, just softly, and why I did that confused me no end. This was Bella. Just Bella. Alice's little friend. My lab partner.

She wasn't...special.

Her long eyelashes rested against her cheeks, and she just looked...beautiful. She had no makeup on, not that she needed any, but it was unusual among girls her age. Alice would not cross the threshold of her bedroom without make-up in place, no matter what. Even if the house was on fire, I suspected.

Bella's skin was pearly and soft. Like a pale peach. As I gazed at her, taking in all the details I'd never noticed before, I felt something new and different. The urge to keep her safe and protect her.

I'd always felt it was just a tiny bit strange how Carlisle was always coming to her aid, but I was starting to understand why. She was like Bambi. She oozed fragility and vulnerability and God, she was a virgin about to start college in New York. It would be my job to keep the sleazy guys away from her and make sure nobody took advantage. What was Charlie thinking, letting her go so far away?

The average eighteen year old boy went to college for two reasons, and the far lesser reason was to graduate. They went to meet as many girls as they could, in an environment where there were no parents, but there was a lot of freedom. The more girls they got, the better their college days would be. It was a void of a kind, between being a kid and going home to find work and become a real adult, so it was not surprising so many guys played up. This was the last time in their lives where they could get away with virtually anything. Sex was like a pastime, a hobby here. When else would they be surrounded by a lot of young, pretty girls, also hoping for fun before real life began? It was a smörgåsbord of females. And even the parents didn't take bad behaviour here seriously. It was just college fun, no harm done. Boys will be boys.

A whole lot of guys were going to target this girl, because she was beautiful but also because she was unsophisticated and unworldly.

She grew up in a safe haven, with her Dad being the local cop. It may have limited the number of boys game enough to woo her, but it also kept away those whose intentions were not so honorable. Now she was fair game. I was going to have to speak to Emmett, who had flown out yesterday because Rosalie wanted to attend some event that was staged last night. We needed to look out for this girl.

Bella's breathing changed again and I saw she was sleeping. I intended just watching her sleep but suddenly someone was shaking my arm and telling us we had to buckle our seatbelts to land. I'd just slept with Bella Swan. Literally. I bit down the urge to make a joke about it, sensing she may not think it was funny.

I managed to fix Bella's seatbelt without waking her up, and eased her into the correct sitting position, then secured my own and took her hand back.

X~x~X

"Hey, Bella, wake up," I whispered, smiling as her eyes opened and then the fear returned as she remembered where we were.

"It's okay, we landed. We are safe and sound. We made it."

"Oh, we have landed already? Thank the gods."

Dad had bought Emmett , Alice and I new cars and a driver waited outside to hand the keys to mine over to me. It was a silver Volvo. A nice, dependable, reliable car but not quite the chick magnet I had hoped for. Carlisle was all for us having some fun here but as he reminded us many times, we were here to learn and get qualifications and we had the rest of our lives to impress girls and hopefully, find one to settle down with.

He and Mom had married young and I knew he was ambivalent about that happening to any of us, because times were different now. His parents had always hoped he would choose Esme as his life partner and he had made the decision to marry her before they left for college because he had already been around a bit, and had left a trail of discarded girls behind him, even then.

He'd always been good looking and had a very charismatic personality so I imagined he'd had the pick of the local girls, and a few at college before he officially got engaged.

He'd given us the 'birds and bees' talk often over the years but this last one had been different and for the first time, he had been embarrassed.

Earlier he had only mentioned us being careful when 'sowing our wild oats' and not making a life changing mistake with some insignificant girl we had no intention on being with forever.

This time it had been all about lifelong choices.

"You need to be sure. Very sure. You will have a lot of girls to choose from, boys, and no doubt at some point you will think you have found The One, but if you rush into marriage, then know beforehand it is forever and you have to keep yourself for her alone. There's nothing wrong with dating a lot of girls before you even entertain that idea, but when it happens, be sure.

You will cause nothing but heartbreak if you choose wrong and don't stick to your wedding vows.

Not many wives will turn a blind eye to an affair and forgive you. And even if you never get caught out, you will know, and you'll have to live with your betrayal forever on your conscience."

"Well I have no intention of coming back married," Emmett had laughed.

Dad turned and looked at him.

"This is exactly my point, Emmett. You have let Rosalie think you two are a couple, lately, because it suited you. And now you are already thinking of exploring new pastures at NYU. Does she know this? Whatever you do, don't do it behind her back. A clean break is always kinder, unless she agrees that you two can still date while you both see other people."

"An open relationship? Now that would rock," my brother replied with a grin.

"It can only work before you make a proper commitment to her. If you two get engaged, no matter what she says, there is no point unless you both become monogamous."

Emmett shuddered.

"Nasty word, that."

"You won't feel this way forever. One day you will open your eyes and see Rosalie or some other girl, and know she is the one you want and need in your future, and the other girls will mean nothing to you."

"Much as they do now," I scoffed.

"But now it's okay, Edward. He's young and free and has made no promises. This is the time he can do whatever he chooses, so long as he is honest and isn't misleading or hurting anyone. It's once he commits that all this has to stop. You need to know one thing. If you cheat on your wife, and betray her trust, you will never get it back. Not completely. It will always be there between you, like a ghost, even if you do stay together and work through things. I don't want any of my children to live that way. Do not commit until you are truly ready. Until then, just be honest with what you want and let Rose choose for herself. If she wants to be part of your 'friends' or whether she needs to go look for someone else, if you are not what she needs."

Emmett considered Dad's words seriously for once and after Carlisle left us still sitting there in his study, Emmett turned to me.

"Do you think he cheated on Mom? Is that what he was saying?"

"I don't know. I can't imagine he would have ever done that to her. He loves her."

"But we don't know how it was back then. When they first got married. If nothing else, he kind of sounds like he regrets marrying so young, don't you think?"

"More that he may not have been ready for the promises he made, maybe? I don't know, Emmett. But I think he is right and we do need to be really sure, beyond any doubt, before we go proposing to anyone. If you aren't sure, then shut up and wait a bit. Nothing too bad could happen from being cautious."

"You could lose her, if she is ready before you are."

"Then that's a risk I'd rather take. It's better than regretting what you have said and can't take back. Anyway, speaking for myself, I'm years away from making any commitments," I replied.

"God yeah, me too. But I think I need to tell all this to Rose," he replied.

I was still wondering how that went, as I drove Bella and I to our apartment. The building was very close to the University, so transport would not be a problem. Anyway, she could use my car if she needed to go anywhere further afield.

I handed her the spare key as I parked in our designated garage and she frowned.

"In case you ever need to drive yourself somewhere. I don't mind. Just check with me first and if I don't need the car, then there's no reason you can't take it out."

"Thanks," she replied, still puzzled.

The apartment was on the top floor and looked out over the city. Bella was mesmerized by the views and loathe to come back to earth and choose a bedroom. I had no preference, they both had adjoining bathrooms. It was a girl thing, wanting one room over another almost identical room.

Sure enough, she looked at the closest bedroom and shrugged, then her face lit up at the sight of the second one.

"Oh, can I have this one? I love the way the morning sun will come through that window and wake me up."

I agreed instantly; what she found a positive, I would have found annoying.

We both had king sized beds and Mom had been here before us and decorated, so to my mind, the place was done.

Bella, however, immediately started suggesting better places for the sofa, and why the flatscreen was more suited on the opposite wall and I sighed. I should have chosen a male to share with, like Emmett had. I'd met Jasper Whitlock a few times and he seemed nice and normal, and no doubt, he would think their apartment was already perfect.

I'd been surprised that Bella had brought two large suitcases with her, but when she opened one and started unpacking, it appeared to hold a lot of books, and a large handmade quilt which she promptly threw over her bed, on top of the $500 white designer bed topper Mom had chosen. Admittedly, her room looked warmer and lived in once she arranged her knick knacks and she even draped purple scarves over the bedside lamp shades.

Her quilt was all shades of purples down to all shades of pink, like waves, rolling down the fabric.

By the time she was satisfied, the room looked a little like a gypsy's cave, but she liked it and I was surprised to find now I thought my own previously perfectly decorated bedroom looked bare and austere.

Then she started arranging a stack of framed photographs over every available surface of her room and I wanted to go look at them, and see what scenes of her past she had brought with her.

"Come in, you don't have to knock," she laughed.

"We can get some picture hangers so you could arrange these on a wall," I suggested and she brightened up further at that suggestion. "May I look through them?"

She sat on her bed and patted the space beside her.

"Oh God, I didn't think this through, did I? I brought the ones that mean the most to me, not the prettiest shots. I kind of expected only I would ever see them."

I grinned at the gap toothed baby smiling at me from the pink wooden frame. Her hair was neatly brushed and held to the side with a hair slide, and her lips were already full and pouty, as they were now. Her eyes were what drew you in to look closer. Although brown, they were large and appealing and sparkled with mischief.

She was dressed in a pretty white baby dress with pink stitching and looked like what all women think babies look like, before they have one.

Bella handed me the next photo in an identical frame.

"It's kind of the 'before' and 'after' from my first birthday party."

In the second shot, she was asleep, sprawled in the high chair still, but her face was covered in frosting and cake crumbs, and her hair was clogged with the same, and sticking up in all directions where it wasn't stuck to her forehead. Her dress was now streaked with pink icing and orange juice and her hands were still on the tray, clutching the squeezed up remains of her feast even as she slept.

A real baby.

I couldn't help laughing. Esme had always taken photos similar to these, showing the toddler in question morphing from spotless little model to grubby little monster.

The next photo was of Bella with both of her parents. She looked to be about eighteen months old and Charlie and Renee were either side of her, each holding a hand. Whereas Charlie was looking down and smiling at his daughter, Renee was gazing into the distance, as if already seeing greener pastures awaiting her.

Dad had been close friends with Bella's parents and he still missed Renee. There were photos in his study of the four of them out on a picnic somewhere, Mom with her baby on her lap, Charlie with his. Carlisle had never understood why Renee had just left so abruptly and I guess he felt sorry for Charlie, suddenly becoming a single father.

He'd used that couple as an example of why rushing into marriage was never good.

"Charlie loved her so much and knew what he wanted. Marriage, a family. Picket fences. Renee always wanted things she couldn't have. She was never as devoted to him as he was to her. Bella paid the price. I hope it hasn't soured her outlook about marriage."

"Well, she's always had you and Mom as a perfect example as how it can work, to balance that out," I had replied.

The next photo was Bella asleep on Charlie's knee as he watched sport on the TV. I could see the salty trail left by her tears and her mouth was turned down sadly as her little hands clutched at his shirt. It truly told a story. She had lost too much too early in her life and was hanging on desperately to what was left.

No child should ever feel that way.

I remembered how Bella was as much a daughter to Esme as Alice was, even at four or five. Mom had sewed dresses and knitted sweaters for both and they'd been like twins. Alice and Bella, always together. As the next photo showed.

The girls were laying in our backyard, daisy chains around their heads and wrists and ankles, and they lay there gazing at the sky, no doubt deciphering what the shapes were in the clouds, something they had always done. Bella could always see a mother and her baby, where we only saw dragons and old witches with pointy noses, and bears with three legs.

Mom must have taken this picture and the girls were clearly unaware she was there. Bella was pointing upwards and smiling, like she saw in the clouds the reality she prayed for.

The next photo was of all of us, and Bella. Like it was the family she craved rather than the small, fractured family she had.

Carlisle was sitting beside Esme on the two seater couch in the den, each with a small girl on their laps, and Emmett and I were standing at the sides. Bella was facing away from the camera, checking to make sure we were all there.

Despite her constant presence in my life, she had never felt like a sister to me, and I wondered about that, because Emmett loved her so much in that way he often told people he came from a family of two boys and two girls.

To me, she had always been Alice's shadow. Alice's little playmate.

Emmett and I were in several more of her photos; taken on various vacations we had all been on, and it made me realize we had been more a family to her than Charlie had been. It was hardly his fault, he was always working, trying to give Bella everything she wanted so she wouldn't notice the thing she craved most was gone.

Going through these photos, I watched Bella and my sister grow and change, from kids to young ladies. From rompers and sandals to Summer frocks to jeans. From sun tanned, freckle dotted faces to faces masked with Alice's makeup, as the girls posed in ways beyond their ages.

Alice looked natural, like a model, but Bella looked awkward and self conscious, like she was playing the role of someone who she wasn't.

In a skin she didn't feel at home inside.

Then there was a photo of all of us at Emmett's sixteenth birthday. I could see why she had included it. In this one, she was herself. She was Bella. Emmett had picked her up and was twirling her in the air, being about twice her body weight by then, and she was laughing and I was standing at their side, my eyes fixed on her. I was shocked at the expression in them.

I hastily put it down and moved on, wondering what the fuck I had been thinking when that photo was taken.

The last two photos were of her and Jacob Black. The first was taken at about two years of age, sitting on the sand at La Push, making mud pies together. The last was the two of them at the same beach, sitting close together, his arm around her shoulders but the look in his eyes chilled me to the bone. Whereas she was gazing adoringly at him, he was looking off into the distance, with much the same look in his black eyes as the one in Renee's.

I wanted them to last because that was what Bella wanted, but looking at this photo, I felt the first wave of doubt that it would. He would be in Seattle, and be something of a novelty. Few Quileutes went to college there. And he was sort of beautiful, in his own way. His long shiny black hair alone would appeal to a lot of girls.

"They are great. Quite a summary of your life so far," I commented. "We should go have lunch somewhere then get groceries and picture hooks."


	4. Chapter 4

The Lie

Chapter 4

After lunch, Bella put the groceries away in the kitchen and I started to unpack the two thousand and one outfits I'd had bought for me, by my Mom and my sister. Alice considered it her job to make sure we were always wearing the best clothes possible and she regularly cleaned out our closets and took away anything that showed the slightest stain or other sign of aging.

It was all very well buying me enough clothes to last the next four years, though they'd never get that chance: and one thing Alice had overlooked was enough hangers.

I filled my walk-in robe then folded as much as I could into the many drawers, before admitting defeat.

Sitting on my bed, I was about to repack what was left into my suitcases when Bella walked past my room and paused.

"What are you doing? Alice will have a fit if you don't hang everything up."

"I'm out of coat hangers and out of room, so bad luck for Alice. Unless you think she will have room in her closet?" I joked. The chances of that ...

"There's plenty of room in mine. Just put the stuff you don't wear much in there," Bella replied.

I took her up on it but the reason she had so much spare room was soon obvious. She owned a mere handful of outfits and none really suitable to be wearing here in New York. She would stick out like a sore thumb amongst the bodies clothed in the best brands.

"We need to shop. I need some things I actually want to wear and you need a few bits and pieces yourself," I announced.

"I have everything I need already," she argued. I knew why. Her meagre funds were not going to last long and she had only accepted the scholarship if Carlisle would agree not to give her an allowance.

I opened my wallet and took out the credit cards Mom had arranged in our names and handed Bella hers.

"Mom would be hurt if you didn't use it. Like you said, we are richer than God. Let her treat you like the daughter she thinks you are to her. And don't worry about a limit. Alice spends more than the rest of the family put together. Your account will be nothing compared to hers. Mom wants this to be the time of your life, Bella. To fit in here, you have to dress like a New Yorker. You and Jacob are settling down as soon as you get back, so let her do this for you before he takes over."

I held my breath for a moment, I'd spoken without thinking that last bit through. Chances are, Bella will be the one primarily responsible for their expenses seeing she will probably end up earning more than Jake ever does.

However, I seemed to have gotten away with it, she was too busy mentally battling with her natural tendency to refuse anything resembling charity.

"I do want to fit in here and I know my clothes are not going to cut it," she said quietly, looking up with her soulful brown eyes.

"Good girl, let's go. You can help me choose some outfits Alice would never allow if she was here and I'll do my best to help you choose some suitable things."

The only problem was, just about everything looked great on her. Naturally I leaned more towards shorter skirts and lower necked tops, but nothing that made her look cheap or sleazy. All I had to do was ask myself if Vicky would wear it, and if the answer was 'yes', I shook my head at Bella.

"What do you feel the most comfortable in?" I asked as we walked out of yet another store with just a single outfit purchased. Between my no-Vicky-clothes standard and her general dislike of most fashion, we had shopped for three hours and had a mere three sets of clothing for her.

"Jeans, Edward. There are people here everywhere in jeans. Why can't I just wear my jeans?"

Because your jeans come from Walmart, I thought to myself.

"Okay, jeans it is. Come on."

Designer jeans may be ridiculously expensive but put a decently cut pair of jeans on her shapely backside and the wow factor was worth every cent.

I handed the assistant a dozen pairs for her to take to Bella and luckily the store was too posh for price tags. It was a case of, if you have to ask, you can't afford them. Bella paraded each pair and eight pairs made the cut.

I handed over my own card while she redressed, so she wouldn't ever know the total. It would freak her out and her ass was made to be covered by Cavalli one offs. Even Alice was going to approve. Then of course she needed tops, so I steered her towards the designer T shirts and jackets and she eventually agreed to six of the former and two of the latter. When the girl announced the total, Bella cringed, and looked at me.

"I guess there are eight pairs of jeans plus these tops and the jackets...but it still seems terribly expensive."

I winked at the sales assistant and she controlled her mirth at the innocence of Bella.

"Yes, it's good value really, when you look at it that way," I assured her.

Bella picked out a few shirts for me that I wouldn't have considered, and handed them to me to try on, then while I paraded for her this time, she heaped up the counter with some casual hoodies and checked flannel shirts, saying I didn't need to always look like I was going for a job interview. Alice would tear them apart but Bella liked them so I bought them.

I got some more casual jeans than the dozens Alice had chosen, and took advantage of her absence to buy comfortable footwear, regardless of the brand.

"You don't have to restrict sport's shoes to sport, you know. I wear Chucks all the time," Bella whispered.

I laughed and realized something...I hate shopping yet today had passed in a blur, and not dragged tediously like every other trip I'd ever been forced to endure.

I chose six pairs of casual shoes out of the many she made me try on, then forced her to do the same and we came out weighed down with our purchases. We unloaded them into the car before resuming the hunt.

We paused for lunch and I grinned at her enthusiasm as she wolfed down as much as I did. All that shopping had depleted us of calories. Bella started to panic at the thought of buying any more clothing so we went to see what movies were showing. Her whole life had been about economy and buying the basics so it was natural for her to react this way after our first spree.

She chose a movie close enough to be called a chick flick and I groaned inside but it wasn't as bad as I feared and the pay off was, she loved watching it. When the darker part began, she reached for my hand in the dark and squeezed it, shutting her eyes.

It was nice, just me and her, having fun together.

Afterwards I admitted I knew nothing about any of the actors and she chatted brightly all the way home, telling me the two leads were a real life couple, though she was confused as one magazine this week stated they had broken up and another that they had secretly married.

"It has to suck to be famous," I replied. "Personally I think they earn every cent they get paid, when you consider the loss of privacy and the blatant lies printed about them all. I've seen numerous magazines proclaiming Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have divorced, many times, yet they are not even married."

We arrived home to find Alice and Rose on our doorstep, so knowing Alice would want to examine and critique every item of clothing we had bought, I decided to offer Bella up for sacrifice as a distraction while I hid the articles she would never agree to me wearing.

"Bella has bought some jeans even you will love," I informed her and she instantly turned from following me to following Bella into her bedroom.

To my surprise, Rosalie came and stood at my doorway and I stood there like a deer in the headlights with my contraband in my hand.

"Edward, for God's sake, I don't give a crap what clothes you are hiding from Alice. Just get on with it. I need to talk to you."

I hid my packages in my bathroom and held out a hand and she came and perched on the side of my bed.

"Did you know Emmett was going to break up with me?" she asked, brushing away a tear impatiently, with a sense of simmering rage.

"He did mention something about dating other girls as well," I admitted cautiously, not wanting to be caught in a lie.

"Well, what else does that mean? If he wants to date other girls, then he wants to split up from me."

"Or maybe he just doesn't want to be exclusive. You are not even nineteen yet Rose, and neither is he. It's too early to be making lifelong promises to one another. I know he likes you, a lot, and I'm sure he is hoping you will still go out with him even if he is seeing other girls. Don't forget, it works both ways. If he isn't exclusive, then neither are you."

"I hadn't thought of that," she said with a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"He's not saying he will never settle down with you, just that he isn't ready yet. It's up to you entirely, whether you think he's worth keeping on your list of admirers. And there's always the chance he will go nuts when you go out with other guys and he may decide to forget the whole idea."

She nodded and laughed.

"I can see that. Thank you, Edward. I don't suppose you would be willing to ask me out?"

"That's a little too close to home. Could be tricky and make more problems than it solves," I replied. "Anyway, my parents want me too look up a family friend who I haven't seen since we were thirteen. Not that I intend dating her exclusively. I may not date her at all, in fact. It depends how she has turned out now she's an adult."

"What was she like last time you saw her?" Rose asked.

I thought back.

"Tall, gangly, braces on her teeth. But she has amazing hair. It's white blonde, like, platinum blonde I guess. It's always been her best feature."

"Is she pretty?"

"I don't know. I guess so. But it's been five or six years, a lot can change in that time."

"What's her name?"

"Tanya. Denali. She has two sisters who are here as well but they are older."

"Not into the whole cougar thing, Edward?" she asked with a laugh.

"I believe they'd have to be old enough to be my mother to be cougars. But whatever. I prefer girls close to my age."

"Emmett 'dated' two teachers, you know."

"Rose, nothing surprises me when it comes to my brother. At least you know what you are taking on if you choose to keep dating him. He doesn't lie or hide anything away."

"I have a lot to think about, I guess. Thanks, Edward."

She was dragged into Bella's bedroom a few minutes later by a gobsmacked Alice, who couldn't believe the brands Bella had chosen.

"But Rose, you do know what this means? Bella has taste. Good taste, great taste even. Now price is no longer her main concern, she actually chooses good stuff. You have to see these jeans."

X~x~x

Naturally Emmett insisted the first thing we needed to do to settle in was hold a party. Jasper Whitlock arrived the next day and although he was a lot more quiet and reserved than Emmett, maybe that was a good thing. Maybe he could calm Emmett down a little and make sure he didn't turn into some obnoxious frat boy.

My brother certainly had the potential to be wild and stupid, it wouldn't be anything new.

"So, who do we invite? I noticed some of the sorority houses have girls moved in already. I will go introduce myself and see if they want to come," he said excitedly, like the big kid he was.

"Em, can I just caution you and say some of the things you intend doing could cost you Rose," I warned. "I do know you are too young to want to be tied down but maybe keep in mind, you might want to remain somebody she would want to be with at the end of college. If you push the boundaries too far, you will lose her forever."

"I never should have asked her to be my girlfriend. I should have stayed smart, like you and come here unencumbered. If I'd waited until after college before becoming her boyfriend, we won't be having a problem."

"So, are you two together? Broken up? What?" I queried.

"We have agreed to see other people though we will still date sometimes," he replied.

"So, you are happy knowing Rose may well meet someone who wants to be with her , and her alone, and then you will be out of the picture?" I pushed.

"Won't happen," Emm said confidently. "We have history. She will always want me in her life and when college is over, I wager we will fit seamlessly back together."

"So long as you aren't damaged goods," I replied.

"Whatever, Edward. Don't worry about it. So, any requests? What type of girl are you looking for? Blond, brunette, redhead? Speak now or accept whatever I bring back."

"Don't concern yourself, I don't need you adding anything to your 'shopping list'. I'd like to relax and settle in before beginning the chase," I smirked. "And I did agree to seek out Tanya this week, as soon as she arrives so no point getting involved in anything before that happens."

"I wasn't looking for a bride for you, just a plaything," Emmett growled.

I laughed and shook my head. My first time was not going to be with a random, that much I did know. I was happy to attend his party and talk to girls and even kissing a few would be okay but until I met a girl I really liked and connected with, nothing further would be happening.

I felt somewhat wary of setting up some girl to take care of my needs orally now I shared a place with Bella. I wanted to wait a while and see if she really did intend saving herself for Jacob Black.

I was hardly going to judge her, especially as she had been stuck in that small pond with few fish to choose from until now. Coming to the city could change her mind about her choice and if that happened, so be it. If she remained sure that Jake was the one for her, then I would respect that and either way, I didn't want my apartment turning into some hook up joint like Emmett's would be.

It made sense to keep sex out of my home and go to 'her' place, whoever she may eventually be, and not put Bella through the embarrassment of having some naked female sneaking around our place and having to leave of a morning. If I found myself a serious girlfriend, I would be proud to do the 'walk of shame' from her place instead.

I'd only have to set rules if Bella and Jake broke up, so no need to get heavy about 'house rules' yet.

When I got home, there was a female pow-wow taking place in the kitchen as Bella handed out comfort food and Rose filled in her friends on how things were now standing between her and Emmett. Apparently he'd left the decision up to her...a clean break or a part-time relationship that would not be even slightly exclusive. Rose had to share or hit the road, basically.

Alice, being torn between whether she should be on her brother's side or her best friend's, just looked sad.

"Hey sis, things will work out for the best," I assured her, squeezing her shoulder and stealing a cookie from the cooling rack on the bench.

"Fuck me, these are awesome," I exclaimed, grabbing three more while Bella smirked and Alice tried to slap my hand away.

"Rose needs the comfort, not you. Go away. This is a man-bashing session and we don't want anyone with a penis present."

"Any other appendage and I'd consider giving it up just to stay and eat this food, but hopefully I will need my penis," I replied and skulked off to my bedroom to consume my treats.

The aromas wafting in as the morning passed tormented me. Ginger cake, definitely and maybe chocolate cake as well.

Then the distinct smell of barbecue sauce so maybe Bella's incredible spare ribs were being served up to the women.

A tapping sounded on my door and I opened it to a wonderful sight as Bella pushed a plate of spare ribs and a second containing mudcake and, yes, ginger cake slices as well.

"Don't tell the girls, they are busy in my bathroom re-applying Rose's make-up. If they know I'm feeding the enemy, I may get shot."

"I'm hardly the enemy. I may be the brother of the enemy but I can hardly be held responsible for what my knuckleheaded brother gets up to. Just for the record, I told him to stay with Rose, or at least be really careful about what he does from this point, because he could alienate her forever if he sticks to his quest to bag every girl on campus."

"Yeah, he should never have asked her to be his girlfriend. He must have known he'd want to screw around once we got here so why did he pretend she was everything he wanted?"

"Maybe to make sure she put out," I responded. I shrugged. "Emmett is Emmett. He's a pretty basic guy. He discovered sex young and developed an appetite for it and now he wants to taste all the dishes at the smorgasbord. I did warn him his favorite dish could be gone by the time he tired of variety but that's a risk he seems prepared to take. So, are you going to his party tonight?"

"I think we are all going. It seems Rose thinks if she is right there, he will be too much of a gentleman to actually hook up with anyone in front of her."

"Oooh bad mistake. I thought she knew him better. He fucked Emily Davis practically right in front of the last girlfriend who tried that. Emmett is no gentleman. True, when he is in a relationship he can be very charming and thoughtful but when he is unattached... You should come, just to help Alice carry Rose home once she realizes her presence will have zero effect."

"Are you intending to hook up tonight? You know, for some, um, deep throating?" she asked.

"Bella, stop it, you will make me blush," I laughed. "Actually, I got a text from Tanya and we are meeting tomorrow for lunch so tonight will be just me having a drink or two and talking to some girls, nothing more."

"Keeping your options open. Good idea. See you there, then. I think we are going back to Rose and Alice's apartment soon so I'll catch you later."

"Thanks for the food," I replied, licking the sauce from my fingers.

"Bella, you did not give my brother sustenance, did you?" Alice growled and Bella pulled my door shut quickly. "He's no doubt on Emmett's team, encouraging him to be a manwhore again. Don't feed the enemy. Make him think twice about supporting our brother in this debauchery. If Edward has to eat sandwiches while you cook up your Heavenly dishes for yourself, he may switch sides."

"Are we ready to leave? I can't wait to see what you girls are planning to wear tonight," Bella enthused. A stranger might have been fooled but we all knew her too well. Not only did she not care how anyone else dressed, she never noticed.

Nevertheless, I heard the door close and our apartment instantly felt empty. That was kind of weird.

X~x~X

I had no idea where Bella got the dress she was wearing but I hadn't bought it. I even wondered what she was thinking, walking into a room full of mainly strangers, all consuming alcohol, dressed like that.

Rose and Alice had done her hair and make-up, and she looked breathtaking, but as she was practically engaged, it seemed like a foolhardy move.

Boys flocked around her instantly and I felt obliged to go protect her.

"Hey, Bella, I need to talk to you about our apartment," I said louder than necessary and immediately a few guys glared at me but they fell back and allowed me to go take her arm and lead her to the sofa where I had been sitting.

Once she was seated beside me, I shook my head and found to my surprise, I had to swallow to clear my throat before I could speak. I couldn't have been drooling, Edward Cullen does not drool.

"Are you insane?" I managed to splutter. "Every guy in here now has a hard on, thanks to you and that...that dress."

"Even you?" she teased, sipping on the drink in her hand.

I exhaled and shook my head.

"Is this the image you want to create? You are Jake's girlfriend, are you not? Or is it a case of out of sight, out of mind? Because no girlfriend of mine would be parading her wares in a dress that short or low cut. I can practically see your belly button, from the top as well as the bottom."

"Then it's probably good you aren't my boyfriend. Anyway, you know I would never cheat on Jacob. Rose bought this dress to wear tonight and she chickened out and gave it to me instead. I figured nobody would notice me anyway."

"You really have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?" I asked her. "You are the most stunning girl here and yes, I am aware Rosalie is here and most guys think she is perfect. I happen to prefer brunettes."

"Well thank you, kind sir. Kind, clearly drunk, sir. But please go on. I miss hearing Jacob telling me I'm pretty. You can fill in for him."

She was surveying the other students in the room and she tapped my arm.

"If Tanya turns out to be less than you hope, see the girl in the red dress? She looks nice. And she isn't climbing all over any guys. I can go talk to her and put in a good word for you if you like. Or ask her to join us, so you can check her out up close. The girls here possibly think we are together, after you said that bit about _our apartment_, you could have just asked me to come and talk."

"Maybe I like them thinking that. It will give me a chance to observe and not interact just yet."

"So, am I pretending to be your girlfriend?" she asked.

I slid an arm around her shoulders and the weird possessive feelings started again, like they seemed to whenever we touched.

"Mine," I said, then I cringed and laughed nervously in an attempt to cover up what my stupid mouth had said of it's own accord, without consulting my brain first.

"My girlfriend, yes. Pretend. Please," I stuttered.

Bella cosied up closer and slid her legs up onto the sofa and half lay beside me, her head on my shoulder and her arms around my torso.

I could smell the sweet strawberry smell of her shampoo and the delicate aroma of her perfume.

"What brand is that? Your perfume?" I asked. I had been exposed in one way or another to most popular scents and didn't recognise hers. My Mom and my sister and Rose all tried different brands constantly and I guess I'd been storing them away without thought.

"Do I look like someone who can pay fifty bucks for an ounce of scent?" she questioned. "You can probably smell my shampoo."

I shrugged. I'd already noted that. This was something other. Nobody smelled that good without artificial help.

A statuesque blonde was eyeing me off from the other side of the room and I cringed, feeling like she was assessing me much as one assessed a cut of meat.

She winked and I deliberately leant in and kissed the top of Bella's head.

"What's up?' she whispered.

"Aggressive female at nine o'clock. I think she wants to eat me alive. Help." I replied.

"I thought you liked being eaten, or at least mouthed," she giggled.

"Bella, behave. I told you I'm hoping Tanya will be as interesting as Carlisle insists she is and that we will hit it off and save me the hunt. If she hears I was dicking around with some random tonight, I can't see her giving me a chance."

"Kiss me," Bella replied.

"Sorry?" I said, surprised.

"If you want the blonde Amazon to think you are taken, then kiss me. I won't read anything into it. I'm not thirteen, I have been kissed before."

She sat up and I pulled her across my lap and leaned down to kiss her on the lips.

Something happened in my brain and I lost all sense of time. Had I been lip-locked for seconds? Minutes? Hours, even? All I knew was, Bella tasted as good as she looked and smelt and if I was intending kissing someone tonight anyway, then this was...amazing.

I had been going to say 'good enough' but somehow that failed to express the truth. I'd assumed all girls were pretty much interchangeable but for some reason, kissing Bella was completely different to kissing any other girl and I'd kissed a lot of them by now.

I quite liked kissing so long as the girl wasn't too aggressive and make it feel like she was raping my mouth with her tongue, but even compared to the sweet, gentle kissers, Bella was quite outstanding.

Something changed and she stopped moving and fell back. I looked down and saw she had fainted and panicked a little, shaking her.

"Breathe, Bella, for God's sake," I begged and her eyes snapped open. She frowned for a long minute then laughed.

"Fuck me, Edward. You are one heck of a kisser. Wait until I tell Jake you made me pass out."

"You intend telling Jake?" I said, surprised.

"Of course. He is my boyfriend and we did agree kissing other people was pretty harmless. I guess I underestimated you. You are dangerous."

"That's me, Dangerman," I agreed.

"Try it again and this time I will remember to breathe," she promised but she failed to keep that vow and several minutes later she was prone across my lap again.

"What are you two doing?" Alice asked, walking over and watching me tickle Bella to try and get a response. She opened her eyes.

"Edward bet me he could kill me with a kiss. He can't. He may be able to make me faint but nothing more."

She sat up and turned to Alice.

"How's Rose? What's happening?'

"They are talking but I'm pretty sure Emmett wants to break up with her completely. He's already had his tongue down some girls throat half the night."

"Kissing doesn't have to mean anything. I've been kissing your other brother here and we are just friends," Bella stated.

"Yeah well I think Emmett was trying to do oral sex on her via her throat. He was in pretty deep."

"What's with your brothers and oral?" Bella asked.

"Edward, you didn't..." Alice growled.

"Of course not. I merely told her about Victoria and I on the way to the airport. Bella doesn't do oral, she thinks it's disgusting."

"It usually is," Alice replied.

"Then why would you do it?" Bella asked her.

"Guys expect it. If you don't blow, off they go. They'll soon find someone who is willing. Plenty of girls will, hey Edward? He would know," Alice replied.

I shook my head.

"I am confused about how you can make me feel like a manwhore when I'm a virgin," I said snarkily. "Oral is harmless fun, and doesn't lead to pregnancy or vows of commitment. It's what people our age do. Get off my back. You just admitted you don't like doing it, therefore we have to conclude you have done it. People in glass houses, Alice."

"I only did it with James, within a relationship," she replied with a sigh. Although she swore she and James were over anyway, she seemed to miss him already. He had headed for SeattleU and I was pretty sure he wasn't mourning the absence of my sister. James had always been a player. Twice I'd run into him at parties when my sister had stayed home because he had said he couldn't make it, yet there he would be, his arm around some girl.

Someone dimmed the lights and Alice left to check on Rose so Bella leaned back against me and I hugged her to my side as I felt the coolness of her skin.

"See, if you had a whole dress on, you wouldn't be chilled," I informed her.

"You could always kiss me again," she suggested. She swiped another drink of the tray Jasper was carrying around, and drank it down way too fast.

"You will regret this in the morning," I warned. She took my glass and drained it as well so I decided it was time to cut her off. The party was pointless to me now I couldn't even see the girls in the room, so I led Bella to the door and wrapped my pea coat around her before taking her out into the cold night air.

We all but ran home, shivering, and once inside, I hung my coat up and started rubbing her arms, trying to warm them.

Bella stepped in closer and threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. I didn't fight it, soon she would pass out and I could put her into her bed and go to my own. But it seemed she had learnt her lesson and instead, she kept the kiss going for several minutes, before laying her head against my chest.

"You are hot," she sighed.

"Hotter than Jacob?" I replied, more to remind her she was taken than anything else.

"Mmm, much hotter. We could kiss some more," she suggested.

"Or we could go to our own bedrooms and go to sleep," I replied.

"I won't be able to sleep all alone," she stated.

"Who do you usually sleep with?" I enquired.

"Jacob usually comes over and sneaks into my window. Charlie probably knows but he doesn't care."

"Let me get this straight. You and Jacob sleep in the same bed and don't have sex?"

"So?"

"Does he sleep under the covers?"

"Yes, Edward. Forks is kind of cold most nights."

"Bella, either that guy has supernatural self control or ... does he touch you?"

"Touch me how?" she asked.

"Touch you in that intimate 'boy likes girl' way so he can get her off without full bonking?"

"Jacob wants us to wait until we are married. He says any of that..touching...would only lead to other things that we weren't ready for yet."

"And you agree?"

"Of course I don't agree. Not really. I say I do because if I argued, I'd sound like some sex maniac. I'm eighteen and have never been touched below my waist by anyone else, ever. I will be twenty two when I graduate, you think I want to leave here less handled than a thirteen year old? Other couples do these things but Jacob is a saint or something and he refuses to touch me like that or let me touch him."

She went into her bathroom and returned wearing a pair of sweatpants and a cami, and slid into bed.

"Just lie here with me until I go to sleep. I won't try anything. I'm not at the point yet where I go begging for someone to touch me like I want to be touched," she sighed.

I sat down beside her and placed a hand against her back as she rolled to face away from me. It was harmless, I reasoned. I could lay here above the covers until she went to sleep.

Under the covers? No fucking way. Why? Because I wasn't gay but I was starting to wonder if Jacob was.

I stood up and tucked the blankets in around her and fetched a blanket of my own, and half reclined on her bed, my back against the headboard. She already had a couple of classics on her bedside table so I picked one up and started reading. I can't say Jane Austen was amongst my favourite authors but whatever. Maybe I'd find out why girls swooned over Mr Darcy.

I awoke sometime in the middle of the night but realised I couldn't sneak out as I had intended because Bella had turned this way and now her head was using my chest as her pillow.

She seemed happy and comfortable, so I turned off the lamp and went back to sleep.

X~x~X

"Bella. Bella Swan. Wakey wakey."

It was one of those moments. My sister evidently had her own key to this apartment and I hurriedly slid out from underneath Bella and moved her onto a pillow, then cautiously opened the bedroom door. I could have hidden in Bella's bathroom but why should I? We had done nothing wrong.

"Edward?" Alice said in surprise.

"She couldn't sleep. I was above her covers, look for yourself. Fully dressed, both of us."

Alice narrowed her eyes and lifted my blanket, noting I had told the truth. She folded it up and led me out by the hand.

"I hadn't thought about that. Jacob sleeps in her bed. So, you are now her babysitter? You realize she is a big girl and needs to learn to sleep by herself?"

"He sleeps in her bed, under the covers. Has she ever told you what she and Jake do together?" I asked. Girls shared things, that much I did know. Emmett had always fretted if he was less than perfect with Rose any night, because he knew Bella and Alice would be hearing all the details in the morning. He claimed it made him become a more considerate lover.

"You mean what they do, like, sex?" she replied.

"No Alice, like playing Monopoly. Of course like sex."

"If Bella wanted you to know, she'd tell you."

"She did tell me something but I'm kind of worried, if it's true. She says Jake has never touched her below the waist."

"Ah. Well, that's true."

"Alice, did James ever sleepover in your bed at home?"

"Maybe," she said cautiously.

"I'm not checking up for Mom and Dad. Did he ever manage to spend an entire night merely kissing you?"

"Well, that depends..."

"On the lips, Alice. Did James ever just kiss you when he spent an entire night in your bed?"

"Nope, never," she replied.

"So, wouldn't you be a little concerned if he had? If you had dated him as long as Jake has dated Bella? I can't imagine snuggling up to her body and settling for kissing and the grand finale, touching a breast. It seems like something that maybe fifteen year olds could settle for but he is nineteen."

"What are you saying?"

"Either Jake is a mystery and completely abnormally controlled, or else he's getting it elsewhere.

I suspect elsewhere might be at Sam's Bar."

"But that's a gay...You think Jake is gay?"

"I don't know for sure. All I know is, if I spent a night under the covers with Bella, neither of us would be concerned about when and with whom we were cashing our v cards because it would be a done deal. She'd probably be pregnant before morning."

"Who would be pregnant before morning?" Bella asked as she joined us.

"Anyone he spent an entire night with," Alice improvised rapidly.

Bella walked to the kitchen and started the coffee maker and I went to shower and get fresh clothes on.

"Thanks for last night. Did you stay in my room long?" she asked.

"No, just a few minutes really," I replied, daring my sister to correct me.

"So, what happened with Rose?" I heard Bella ask as I entered my bedroom.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N I don't know what to say at this point, I've never had so many pm's about any other story. My regular readers know every story at Kismetian has to end the same. That's all I will say, I wouldn't even tell Melissa who Bella's Dad is after she make me the lovely book cover...you will know in time, and I won't even have to tell you.**

**Once again, No incest and Jake is not gay...that's just the conclusion an Aussie male would come to if any guy didn't sleep with his girlfriend..**

**"He's not doing her? Must be gay, mate, no other explanation."**

The Lie

Chapter 5

BPOV

"So she went home with this Royce?" I said in surprise. Alice added sugar and cream to her coffee and shrugged.

"Emmett was being a complete pig, snogging some girl with long black hair in front of her, and the blonde he had been kissing earlier wanted to spend the night so I'm guessing it was an Emmett sandwich after we left. God, now I have that image in my brain. Tell me something to dislodge it. Did you meet any hot guys?"

"No, I sat with Edward and pretended to be his girlfriend so some Amazon didn't rape him. He's a good kisser. I'd give him a nine and a half out of ten."

"You blacked out and he doesn't get a full ten?" she laughed.

"Okay, maybe he deserves full marks. I've never blacked out kissing before."

"So, compare him to Jake. Who is the better kisser?"

I frowned.

"Bella, forget the loyalty to the boyfriend clause, this is just me. Tell the truth."

"Edward," I replied.

"Say my name and I shall appear," Edward said, sitting up at the breakfast bar beside Alice. I poured his coffee and added cream.

"I don't suppose there's any ginger cake left?" he asked and Alice scowled.

"I knew you fed him. Bella, united we stand. You can snog him at parties, but at home we have to support Rose and you sneaking food to Edward will never get him to defect to our team."

"I'm on your team. I don't agree with what our brother is doing either. It will all end in tears. Dad told him to never have sex with anybody whom he wouldn't be prepared to spend the next eighteen years raising a kid with and unless they bring back polygamy, he is going to end up in trouble. We'll have nieces and nephews everywhere."

"Rose said he isn't a fan of the condom," Alice said frowning.

"He had better be now, or he won't live long enough to have to worry about child support. Dad will kill him."

"God, I am starting to wonder if Jake isn't right. Sex is so complicated," I sighed. I caught the look Edward and Alice passed to one another.

"Tell me, Alice. Do you think it's weird that Jake has never... I mean, I am his first girlfriend, maybe he doesn't know what to do."

"I would have expected him to be eager to learn by now," Alice admitted. "Especially seeing you two knew all Summer you would be going to separate colleges , and you want to stay together. Long distance is hard but at least you have your memories to cling to. Usually. I really thought he'd want the whole nine yards . Most guys would want to seal the deal in those circumstances. I'm kind of wondering if you two are meant to be after all. It's almost more like a friend thing, than a romance. "

"Maybe he just respects me, have you ever considered that?" I growled.

"I'm sure James respected me, he showed it in so many ways, but he liked the opportunity to prove he could still respect me in the morning," she answered.

I handed Edward a plate with the last of the ginger cake and offered Alice mudcake or I was willing to make pancakes. Pancakes it was, and Edward managed to consume more than we did together, despite eating the cake first.

His phone rang just as we finished.

"Tanya. Hi," he said, waving to us both as he took his call out on the balcony. He slid the glass door shut and Alice scowled.

"Damn, I wanted to hear how she is. They would make a great couple looks wise. She's stunning. I talk to her sister Kate online and she says Tanya has always had a thing for Edward."

"I thought he said they hadn't seen one another since they were thirteen or something like that," I replied.

"Possibly true, I don't remember if he was home much when they came. He used to go away to that music composing camp thing, remember. Oh, Jasper went too, he was telling me. Edward never mentioned that. Anyway, he and Tanya may not have seen one another for ages , but I send photos to Kate and she prints them out for Tanya."

"Why didn't Tanya just talk to Edward herself?"

"Well, she has this long term boyfriend, Garrett and I think she decided a bird in the hand and all that. He's not as pretty as Edward but he's there. Geographically desirable."

"Have they broken up now? I think Edward is hoping for a relationship with her."

Alice raised her eyebrows.

"Tanya is a smart cookie. I think she will keep Garrett as a back-up in case things don't work out with Edward. I can't really imagine Edward wanting to go live in Alaska and that Denali family are really close. The girls hate being apart. We don't have sisters so we don't know about a sisterly bond."

"We do. We have one another and Rose. We are sisters by choice. Now let's go see what our naughty sister got up to last night."

Rose looked very pleased with herself when we let ourselves into the apartment.

"So, tell us every single detail," Alice ordered.

"I think he's The One," Rose replied.

"Is this a joke? Yesterday you were broken hearted over Emmett and now you are in love with someone else?" Alice questioned.

"Well, maybe 'in like' and 'in lust' but Royce is amazing. He has this car that Edward would kill for.

And his parents are so rich they make your parents look poor, and he has houses and apartments around the world. He hinted we might go to Paris in our first school break. He has a speed boat and a cruiser and he owns racehorses. He's kind of perfect."

"And you'd still love him if he was poor and worked at the corner store," I added sarcastically.

"Bella, don't be ridiculous. What he owns is all part of his charm. He's really quite a good catch and I know Mommy and Daddy will love him."

She headed for the bathroom and Alice and I faced one another.

"Well?" I asked.

"Rebound. Absolutely typical rebound. He's wonderful blah blah blah.. If she was really interested she would be all cautious and tell us to mind our business and it's too soon to know, etc. You know Rose, she never dives in head first. She tiptoes in the edge of the water and tests its depth and temperature first. This is all for show. My brother has really hurt her."

"Are guys really worth it? You and Edward have me all spooked. What are you two thinking? Is Jacob abnormal or something?"

"Has he ever made a move on you? Did you rebuff him so badly he is scared to try anything? Doesn't he ever just get carried away and put his hands in the naughty zone?"

"We've talked about it. He goes on and on about us being really sure. I accepted his ring because I thought it might reassure him and spur him on. You know. Like, how many engaged couples have not had sex these days? I know he desperately wanted to attend college, so maybe he is just being cautious and making sure we don't make a mistake that could end my college career. If I got pregnant, what would we do? Chances are, I'd go home and have the baby and wait for him to complete his course and we'd always be a short of money. Whereas if I graduate and qualify, then we can both have good careers and in time, we can have our two kids. It makes sense to wait and not risk everything."

"Maybe it does, but in my experience, even sensible guys get carried away sometimes. God knows I've had to get up and walk away a few times myself, when some guy moved too fast or forgot whatever limits we had set. It just seems strange that he is so...controlled...with you."

"Maybe he is just a strong person."

"And the whole kissing thing. Did he really say you could kiss anyone you want to? That's strange."

"Alice, he is aware that I will be tempted by some guys now and then so we decided how far we could go, and not cross the line. It's not cheating if we both agree what we can do. Kissing is harmless. Jake has slept in my bed and kissed me for years and never even tried to touch me."

"But he has played with your rack, right? You said nobody has touched you below the waist so I assume you mean he plays with 'the girls'."

"That wasn't Jake. It was a guy I dated once, before Jake. I was away with your family on vacation and I met that boy. Alec. Remember? At the lake."

"Creepy eyes, blonde hair. I remember. Had a weird twin sister."

"Well, he was the second guy to kiss me and he got a little handy and touched my boobs. Not Jake."

"So, a guy you knew for two weeks got carried away and the guy you are engaged to, for all intents and purposes, has never tried even breast stroke? Edward's right. Jake is...different."

"Oh My God, you think Jake is gay," I suddenly realised. "Admit it."

"Bella, he may not be gay but he is very unusual. All guys his age are as horny as a goat and want something. And even when you say 'okay, this is what we can do' they push for more. He just isn't typical."

We spent the afternoon with Rose and listened to her desperately search for more reasons why Royce was 'amazing' and I was glad to go home and collapse into bed. It had been awkward and embarrassing, really, hearing her struggle to find things she needed to find positive about Royce. When she started on what healthy fingernails he had, I bailed.

Edward was out, presumably at dinner with Tanya, so I tried to nap and lay there in a sort of daze for a while then staggered out later and reheated some of last night's dinner before taking a long, leisurely bath.

Edward had explained sleepovers would be happening elsewhere and not here in our home, so I wasn't surprised he didn't come back but I was nervous about sleeping alone.

Alcohol had helped last night, I reasoned. I mean, yes, Edward was there but he said he only stayed a few minutes, until I fell asleep, so I had slept alone all night. I just needed to drop off by myself.

After an hours tossing and turning, I opened one eye and checked the clock. Surely it was morning by now. Nope, ten p.m.

I wandered out and flipped through the movie channels but there was nothing I wanted to watch. I tried watching a movie I'd seen a dozen times, figuring it may bore me to sleep but by the time the credits rolled, I was more awake than ever.

Maybe if I borrowed Edward's pillow and pretended he was here.

I hadn't really been inside his room since he had finished arranging everything, so I snooped but found nothing of interest, so I lay down on his bed and started reading the novel he was reading. It was pretty high brow stuff, and even though it felt like wading through molasses, I did not even realise my eyes were drooping, and next thing, it was morning and and my body was aching from sleeping hunched over the book.

I stood and stretched and headed for my bathroom.

What I needed was a good breakfast and some exercise and a walk around the campus.

I could see it from the apartment and it looked so big and exciting.

Scrambling eggs and toasting bread, I flicked the coffee pot on and jumped in surprise at the low moan from the couch.

Edward was curled up, fully clothed, asleep, but stirring as the aroma of the brew reached him.

His eyes flickered open and he sat up, ruffling his hands through his bed hair.

"Why did you sleep out here?" I asked him as he stood and stretched. His T shirt pulled up as he raised his arms above his head, and exposed his flat belly and abs and I kept my eyes at a polite level and did not let them roam too far downwards. His sweatpants hung from his hips so there was a rather large gap of exposed skin and I noted his happy trail.

"Someone was sleeping in my bed," he growled. "And here she is."

"You could have slept in my bed," I replied, sharing the food onto two plates. "Come and eat. Sorry about that. I couldn't sleep and I guess I got too comfortable on your bed and fell asleep."

"You achieved something.. You did manage to sleep alone," he said, kissing the top of my head as he squeezed past me to get the juice from the fridge.

He poured out two glass fulls and handed me one.

"Yes, but did you? What time did you get home, young man?" I questioned, tapping my foot as Esme always did when she questioned her kids.

"Before midnight, Mom. I was home before curfew."

"Then I need not tell your father there was a girl in your bed all night," I mocked. "Seriously, how did things go with Tanya?"

"She's okay. It's kind of complicated. She has a boyfriend back home so she's not looking for anything serious or permanent but they have decided on having an open relationship while they are apart. She will go home every break to visit him or he will come here. It makes things a little weird. I feel like she is offering me herself in a time share agreement. We haven't yet ironed out whether we want something to happen between us on a temporary basis or not. She would be useful, I guess."

"Oh, so she is into oral pleasuring, is she?" I smirked.

"Actually, she has made it clear she would want a completely fulfilling sex life with whoever she takes up with. He's fucking someone else at his college so she wants to keep things even."

"But do you want to be with her like that is the question. Or is it too risky, knowing if you knock her up, it may not be clear cut. She may choose to marry him, not you. Your child might call him Daddy for the rest of his life."

"She has already informed me if I or anyone else but Garrett knocks her up, she will not be having the baby."

"Heavy. Okay. So I guess the ball is in your court."

"I guess it is," he replied. "So how is Rose? Broken hearted?"  
"Nope," I informed him. "She has found a new man and he's wonderful and amazing and every other overused adjective. Oh, he's The One, too. And he has nice fingernails."

"Sounds a little like overkill," he said dryly.

"She's desperate to convince herself he is a better option than a small share in Emmett," I agreed.

"So, what are you doing today? You and the girls have plans?" he asked.

"Actually, Alice and Rose are off on a killer shopping spree and I'm going to visit the campus and find out where my classes will be so I have some idea what's where next week."

"Good idea. Can I come with you or do you prefer going alone?"

"You may accompany me, and we can thrash out the pros and cons of you dating Tanya."

The map was pretty straightforward and it turned out we shared a lot of classes and those that we didn't, I hoped I'd meet other students of both genders pretty soon.

Alice and Rose were both attending the NY Hospital Training School for Nurses, so not actually attending college with us.

We found out where the students had lunch and Edward insisted on buying us both a meal so we ate and then sat down on some steps and just imagined how different it would be next week, with a full capacity of students.

Forks High was a tiny pond compared to here.

"Do you feel confident you won't get lost?" he asked, stretching out his long body on a step and laying his head in my lap. I played with his hair and wondered what he washed it in to make it so soft. Nobody past toddlerhood had hair like this. I would be stealing some of his shampoo.

"Of course I won't get lost and even if I do, I have you and Emmett to rescue me. So, list the positives about dating Tanya," I suggested.

"Okay. She's keen to date someone. She likes me. She's has no expectations so I know we have a use by date. I don't like being alone or going to parties alone. I don't like random girls chasing after me, so she would keep them away. I don't want to end up with a number so high no decent girl will be interested in me when I want to settle down."

"Cons, if any."

"I worry one of us might want more and that's not an option. She wants to marry Garrett. If he was here, she would not be doing this. It's nothing personal, I'm just handy because she knows me and it would be more an arrangement than anything else. I'm not sure how long I could settle for that. I kind of imagined I'd have a real girlfriend. Maybe not a forever one, but one who was into me, and we'd go together out of choice. If I'm with Tanya and meet said girl, then will she resent that I as with Tanya first? And there's the virginity issue. Tanya is definitely not a virgin and she really thinks I'm not either. I didn't correct her."

"Why not?" I asked.

"In case I do decide to agree. She may back out if she knows she would be my first. I'm kind of hoping to get her so worked up she doesn't notice how inept I may be. I mean, I've watched soft porn and had some sexual experiences, I know what to do. In theory. How hard could it be?"

"I'm sensing some major reluctance yet this seems like an arrangement plenty of guys would find ideal. What's causing your hesitation?"

"Because it would be awkward. I'm probably going to see her regularly for the rest of my life because my family and her family are friends. So, it's just kind of weird. She'll marry Garrett and have his kids and I'll marry someone else and hopefully have kids and our kids will know one another. And our spouses will know she and I used one another for sex in college.

Don't you think that would be awkward? 'Hi Garrett, want to compare notes on Tanya and her preferred sexual positions? Oh, she did that with you, she didn't with me. How about this? Do you two do this? We did.' Weird. It would be different if we were a couple who were genuinely together for some period of time and broke up. Then I'd be her ex, but this is kind of cold. And while she was sleeping with me, she'd be sleeping with him every time he was here or she went there. That's kind of fucked up. Could you and Jake consider a set up like that?"

"Nope, but it's different. Jake is willing to wait and stay faithful. I believe he could manage it. He's clearly not some sex maniac. Not with me anyway," I lamented.

"I don't know how he has resisted you, if that's any comfort," Edward replied, taking my hand in his.

"I do not believe he is gay, by the way, even if you and Alice do," I stated firmly.

"I never said he must be gay. I said he was maybe really strong, or maybe gay or maybe he is..."

"What? He is what?"

"Doesn't matter, forget it," he sighed and shut his eyes against the sun. In time, he fell asleep and I stayed there reading my book and watching him sleep and a few girls gave me envious looks as they passed by so I leaned down and kissed his sleeping lips now and then. It was a much safer activity when he was asleep and not responding.

See, here I am with the pretty Edward, so leave him alone.

"Wow," one girl exclaimed. "When you are done with him, give him to me," she joked.

I looked her over.

"Leave your name and dorm number and I'll see if he is interested. You don't have a boyfriend, right?" I snapped a photo of her with my phone.

"I do, but he could be history of this guy knocked on my door," she replied.

I tucked her note away in my pocket. What Edward needed was an unattached girl, not one willing to dump her guy if someone better came along. If she treated her current boyfriend like that, she could treat Edward the same way in time. Not that it was likely she would find anyone better looking than him, and she was judging him on looks alone, seeing he was asleep.

My cellphone rang and I answered. It felt a little strange, talking to Jacob while Edward dozed on my lap.

"Jake. You are at SeattleU now? How is it?" I asked, raking my fingers through Edward's locks.

"Cool, Babes. I'm still finding my way around, but it's a big place after the Res. Everyone's been very welcoming."

We chatted for a while then he hung up and I sat and frowned. He hadn't remembered to say he loved me and he sounded so excited to be there. And Leah Clearwater was there with him and they were sharing a place together.

I know I share with Edward but we are truly just friends. Who kiss. Sometimes.

Was it the same for Jake and Leah I wondered? It was possible.

X~x~X

Classes were full on and I felt stretched for the first time academically. It was a buzz, there was no denying it. My school career to date had been a walk in the park but this was different. I could put in as much effort as I chose and for now, that was full throttle.

I sat beside Edward in every class we shared but there were some where I would be alone and I felt kind of nervous. Edward assured me I would have no problems finding friends and kissed the top of my head. It seemed to be his thing with me now.

Walking in to my first class without him I felt very alone. I prayed not to faceplant, and breathed a sigh of relief when I made it to a row of chairs and sat down. Then Jasper Whitlock walked in and looked around, smiling when he saw me. He came and stood beside my chair.

"Is this seat taken? Do you have someone to sit with already?" he asked.

"No, you could sit here," I replied. I barely knew him but he was Emmett's friend and seemed nice. I wanted to meet more people so he would be a good first new friend. He knew I was with Jake and so he would have no expectations.

I returned his smile as he pulled his laptop from his bag and I set mine up beside his, and we chatted until the lecture began.

His girlfriend was named Maria but she wasn't here, she was at SeattleU, so we both intended asking if she and Jake knew one another. That would be kind of cool and make things easier. Jasper and I could travel back together the times when it was our turn to do the visiting.

I explained my fear of flying and Edward's solution and Jasper promised he would keep me calm when the time came. He was telling me about this form of relaxation he practised, and how he could actually have control of the general mood of a group of people, when the professor entered and started speaking. I had been more interested in what Jasper was saying but I was here to learn, so I gave my complete attention and got involved with the lively in-class discussion that ensued.

Edward was waiting at the door when we left, and he was pleased to find Jasper was in some of my classes as well as some of his own.

We all sat together in the next class, and Edward was as fascinated as I was about the mood controlling thing.

We saw Emmett regularly, always with a different girl on his arm. He came to lunch with us and Edward arrived late and walked past the chair beside his brother and took the one beside me instead. Emmett wrinkled his brow and looked questioningly at Edward.

"Just so you hear this from me. I'm on Rose's side with this issue. I don't like what you are doing, and it's mean."

"Mean? Are we in grade school? I'm an adult and I never promised her anything. We were High School sweethearts for a year, Edward. That's different to being engaged. Before her, I was a free agent and now I am again. Live with it."

"She came to the city solely because you were coming here. They could have trained closer to home. Now she lives with Alice and has to watch you fucking around like a fifteen year old version of yourself. Sorry if we all thought you had matured past that stage and grown up. Our mistake."

"Just wait until you pop your cherry, Princess. You'll be just as sex addicted as I am," Emmett smirked. Edward hated it when Emmett spoke as if Edward was a girl and I felt like slapping him myself. Brothers can be really horrid to one another as I had seen over the years, but it always seemed to be Emmett who turned nasty. Maybe Rose was better off without him.

He was always lovely to me, but I think that is because he truly thinks of me as his sister, and he is always nice to Alice as well. But he and Edward clash over certain issues and their usually friendly relationship goes bad for a while.

But they always get over it and make up so I wasn't worried.

"Hey, did you understand that bit in Professor Tate's lecture about comparing attitudes now to how people thought in the sixties? " I asked Edward, as a distraction, and he turned back to me and started discussing it.

Emmett talked to Jasper and I could feel the tension in the air between the brothers, then Jasper winked at me and shut his eyes and truly, the mood changed. Emmett stopped glaring at Edward and Edward loosened up and became more animated as he spoke. Even his body slumped a little as he relaxed.

I was completely impressed, and Jasper high fived me when he and Emmett left the table while we were still eating.

Edward and I shared the next class then I was done for the day but he had one more lecture so Jasper walked me home.

"That was impressive," I told him. "But do you only use your special powers for good and not evil?"

"What do you mean? Could I have stirred them up and made them fight one another? Probably but with those two, that would be too easy. You could have done it yourself. They have Alpha Male issues. One being the natural born son and the other being adopted but the same age means there is no clear leader. Usually there's an older brother and a younger brother so the order is already set. Even with twins, the firstborn becomes the leader by default. I don't think their parents thought about this when they adopted a child the same age as their own son."

"Interesting point but I meant, can you...excite a girl and make her want to sleep with you, even if she didn't want to before? Or make her fall in love with you?"

"Just with my mind? Sure but I usually employ other methods to excite girls into sleeping with me."

Alice and Rose were sitting on the steps of our apartment and they both laughed at Jasper's reply.

"Okay, prove it," Rose challenged him. "Make one of us want you. None of us have any interest in Jasper, right?"

"Nope, I'm taken," I replied.

"I haven't given it any thought," Alice admitted.

"Then your answer is no as well," Rose stated impatiently. "Come on, make Alice hot for your body and no kissing, touching, or talking dirty because she is a pushover for dirty talk."

"Good to know," Jasper smirked as we all went inside.

He walked through the apartment, touching things with his fingertips and then he smiled.

"Okay, I get the picture."

"Meaning what?" I asked.

"I wasn't sure what you and Edward were about, and now I know," he replied.

"We are friends. Imagine that, a girl and a guy can be just friends. Without benefits, even."

"If you say so," he smirked and Alice grinned and they sat down opposite one another and gazed at each other.

" I'm no psychic but we know where this goes between them, right?" she said cryptically.

"No doubts at all. Both are oblivious so far, agree?"

"Oh completely. No clue. Just lost in the fog being friends. What's your estimated time frame?"

"I'm not sure. But he'll realize before her."

"God yes. So innocent."

"Both of them. But it will be concrete and everlasting, even though it will be sorely tested. I feel a major bump in the future."

"They'll survive though."

"And now we are all going to speak English," Rosalie growled.

"Sorry," Jasper said, as I handed him a coffee.

"How does this work? Do you two just chat away in your twinspeak or what?" Rose asked.

"No words necessary," Jasper said, walking away and sitting down on the opposite side of the room to where Alice sat. She laughed nervously and he smiled at her.

"Okay, no smiling. You have a killer smile that would get her into bed anyway," I decided.

"Just talk amongst yourselves. Alice, are you sure you want to do this? I will reverse it as soon as you respond," Jasper assured her.

"Sure, do your thing. I'm not a homewrecker and I know you have Maria and things are great between you two so this is just harmless fun. I don't really think you can achieve what you say you can, by the way. I don't actually fancy you at all. I prefer more solidly built guys and redheads do it for me everytime. Proper redheads, not auburn streaked hair liked Edward's.

Especially if they have those thick rimmed nerd glasses. Are you aiming for me to be overwhelmed by lust, or by love? I'll give you a clue, lust is pretty easy for me. Love, not so much," Alice smirked.

"Do you challenge me to make you fall in love with me right here, today? Be very sure. You may feel a little heartbroken when I reverse things. I'm just saying."

"Oh go for it. Do both. Go for broke."

"Okay, but I warned you. Bella, Rose, chat, talk to us all. About anything. How was your first day of classes?"

"I enjoyed it. It's so different to High School and I spoke to quite a few strangers which is often hard for me. How about you, Rose? How was your day?"

"Good. I know now I really do want to be a nurse. I had a few doubts but today cleared them up. Oh, that new Sean Penn movie is on tomorrow night. Do you and Edward want to see it? Just do me a favour and don't invite Emmett."

"Am I allowed to wear casual clothes and my Chucks, because I am not going if you do the Barbie doll shit and make me totter around in heels." I replied.

"Casual, sure. But tasteful, Bella. You have nice jeans now and that blue top looks amazing on you, it makes your skin less pale and more creamy," Alice added.

"I should start on dinner, do you all want to stay?" I asked, going into the kitchen.

"I have a date with Royce so no, not me. But thanks."

"Do you need a hand?" Alice offered and we started removing things from the crisper and peeling vegetables as I explained the recipe. Jasper stayed where he was, with his back to us.

When Edward got home, he walked in and looked around and raised his eyebrows.

"What is going on? I can feel something happening."

"God, don't tell me it's working on Edward," Alice laughed. "We could film it and blackmail them for life."

"You don't find it strange that he picks up on this so easily yet remains clueless about the other thing?" Jasper asked Alice.

"He's pretty thick," she replied, handing me the bowl of diced vegetables to add to the frying pan.

We stirred and chatted as the guys poured wine and Rose left to get dressed for her date.

I set the table and put us all at different sides of it so nobody sat together.

Alice carried the plates of food over and placed them around the settings then sat down on Jasper's knee and started running her hands through his hair.

It was a little strange but I liked doing that to Edward and we were just friends so it didn't prove anything.

Then she pulled his lips close to hers and started snogging him big time, squirming her body closer.

"Alice, we are trying to eat here," Edward complained.

"Jasper is doing his thing and proving he can both get her to seduce him and fall in love with him," I whispered. "I think it's working."

"We don't need food," Alice whined, straddling Jasper's lap and grinding against him.

"Looks like the lust part was easy," Edward grinned. He started eating so I did too, and Jasper winked at us over her head as she clasped his shirt in her hands.

"I love you, Jazz. Bella will let us use her room. Come on," she cried, standing and pulling on his hand aggressively.

"Okay, now I'm going to reverse things so we can eat," Jasper laughed and sat Alice down on her chair. She fought him at first then settled down and silently started eating.

"What does he win?" Edward asked. Jasper looked concerned and stayed at Alice's side, and we could feel the waves of calm he was somehow emitting into the room. I wriggled my toes and sighed. It felt like I'd been on vacation for a week, I was so relaxed.

"He didn't actually ask for a prize. If he'd left the spell on longer, I think Alice would have rewarded him." I laughed, sure Jazz would never have allowed it to go that far.

Jasper crouched and took Alice's hands in his own and started crooning to her gently and she started to come out of whatever state of bliss she had been in. Her eyes closed for a few minutes then snapped open suddenly and she pushed him away.

"I hate you," Alice stated clearly, clutching her head.

"I warned you. This will pass. By tomorrow, you will be laughing with us. Go home and sleep it off. You may feel a little hungover tomorrow but you will be fine, Alice."

She reached for the wine bottle and Edward put his hand over hers.

"Should she be drinking? She seems kind of out of it."

"Maybe not. Bella, could she sleep here with you?" Jasper asked, looking a little worried.

"As long as you don't try any of that stuff and make us think we are lesbians. I'm not joking," I said sternly.

Jasper raised his hands.

"I promise. Edward and I can watch the game on TV and I'll sleep on the couch here tonight so I can keep an eye on her. Usually people snap right out of it."

Alice let me take her into my room and undress her. I put my only decent nightie on her and left her panties on for safety in case she had a relapse and attacked Jasper in the night, and helped her into my bed.

"Do you feel okay?" I checked.

"Headache," she muttered. I went out and asked Edward what she took and he went and got her some tablets from his room and sat with her while I cleaned up after the meal.

"I shouldn't have done that," Jasper lamented. "It's usually just a party trick type thing and the subject comes right out of it and slaps me then it's over. I don't know why she is reacting like this. I might sleep in your room, if you are willing to let me."

"Sleep on the couch if you want. Bella can sleep in my bed," Edward announced, coming back out to join us. "Alice is asleep. She'll be out for the night now but leave her be, don't disturb her."

"I want to stay, I can sleep on the floor," Jasper offered.

"No, take the couch. Bella and I have shared a bed before, it's not a big deal."

Jasper smiled and shook his head.

"What does that mean? What were you and Alice talking about before?" I demanded softly, mindful of my friend.

Jasper approached me and took my face in his hands.

"Don't do any of your hocus pocus on me," I warned him.

"Bella, I don't need to. It's all going to happen anyway. I don't need to help it along."

He kissed my lips gently and stepped back, looking at Edward.

"Is she going to fall in love with you?" Edward asked. "Because Jake might not be too happy about that."

"No, not me," Jasper replied, shaking his head. "I'd forgotten Jake. Yet she says she loves him and intends marrying him? Why?"

"Because we are engaged. It's not official any more because of this deal we have with my Mom but it's ...spiritual. We are spiritually engaged," I informed him.

"When you are ready, Bella, and you know the truth, we need to sit down and talk, okay?" Jazz said seriously.

"Sure. Now you boys enjoy your baseball or whatever, I'm going to go read Edward's novel. Good night."

I didn't want to disturb Alice so I showered in Edward's bathroom and used his shampoo and conditioner. It smelt awesome, sort of cinnamon and herbs. Then I realised I had no clothes so borrowed his t shirt that fit me like a dress, and a pair of cotton boxers and got into bed.

Once again, the pretentiously written dialogue in the book got me to sleep in minutes and next time I awoke, Edward was wrapped around me with his bedcover between our bodies like a safety barrier, almost like some giant condom. I laughed at the imagery and went back to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N there's two ways to interpret this chapter, the negative obvious way and the positive...Bella knows there is something wrong at last, cling to that!**

The Lie

Chapter 6

EPOV

In that semi-awake state I fought to open my eyes as I let go of the dream I was having and noted with surprise that I had spooned my body around Bella's. She was deeply asleep so I took advantage and watched her face as she slept.

Damn she was beautiful. If she had been free and not 'spiritually engaged' I could really go for her. I marvelled again at how small and delicate she was. Her body seemed to fit exactly inside the curve of my own and my chin could rest on the top of her head.

I gave her head the customary kiss and lay back and enjoyed this feeling. I had never actually shared a bed before Bella. My sexual exploits in the past had been brief occurrences carried out with me standing and some girl kneeling in front of me, and I'd never taken any of them home or anywhere else. I had dated a little but never with those girls. Just as I'd never done that with my dates. The two were separate.

It wasn't how I wanted things to be, but I seemed to date girls who were reserved and waiting for the shiny gold ring before indulging in anything sexual, and I'd never liked any of them enough to care.

Psychoanalysing Jake had been easy but I was starting to wonder about myself. Why hadn't I found a girl who could be all things to me? Even Emmett had managed to pause for a year and let Rose be everything to him, and that worried me as well.

How could he just flip back to how he used to be? I could have understood it more if Rose had dumped him beforehand or if she wasn't here in the same city but he seemed determined to indulge in meaningless sex with randoms again and that seemed strange. I always assumed once you got over the stage where you 'sowed your wild oats' and found a girl who meant something like she had, then you stayed looking for another relationship if that one failed.

He had taken a massive step backwards and it would be interesting to see how he reacted once she and Royce became a common sight around here.

Because of Alice alone, Rosalie would always be part of our group and that meant whoever she dated would be too, to some extent. I was not looking forward to the stream of cheap tarts Emmett would be bringing around. Mom had hated it when he did that at home and here it would be just as bad, if not worse.

He seemed to enjoy using girls who had trouble breathing and chewing gum at the same time. Before Rose, he had never brought home a girl Esme could stand to have in the house, so clearly he had done it as some kind of rebellious stand to annoy her. God knows he hadn't brought them there for their conversational skills.

The smell of coffee made me start craving a cup and Jasper appeared at the doorway with two mugs and set one down on my bedside table.

He reached out and stroked Bella's hair.

"She is lovely, isn't she?" I commented. "She has no clue about how beautiful she is, you know."

"She has no clue about a few things," he replied.

"Do you _sense _if that's the right word, anything about Jacob? I fear he isn't the right guy for her. I don't even know why. It's unusual that he hasn't begged her for sex, in my opinion, but maybe he really is just a good person and we can't relate. Maybe because we have used girls we don't understand someone like him. Maybe because I've never had a proper girlfriend, I've never wanted to be a guy like him who truly puts his girl first and suppresses his own needs completely. Maybe he loves her and because I've never loved anybody outside my family, I simply have never felt the way he does. He could be doing everything for her, keeping her safe."

Jasper shrugged.

"He's coming here in the first break, with Maria. I may be able to tell you something after we meet. All I can go on is how she feels for him."

"She loves him," I sighed, straightening her hair back from where he had brushed it with his hand.

"She does and she doesn't. She loves him like a brother but someone's expectations of them becoming a couple have confused her into thinking she feels more. There's a missing ingredient between them and it explains everything. They have no passion."

"So he knows deep down he isn't right for her and that's how he resists her?"

"Think of it this way. You aren't actually Alice's sibling. There's no law saying you couldn't be with her. You love her, right? But you could no more desire her than you could desire me. That's how it is with them. They care deeply and intensely about one another but it's not romantic love. Unfortunately, by being together as a couple for so long, neither have experienced something other to compare their own relationship against. When she really falls in love, she will be bowled over to discover how different that feeling is to what she feels for him, and then she will know."

"But surely she has crushed on other guys and noticed the difference."

"I don't think she has and I'm not talking about a crush. She is going to discover her One and be completely smitten at the deepest level and nobody will ever be able to come between them ever. Not in her heart. You would do well to remember that. You won't remember, sadly, but I wish you would. Bella will love completely and exclusively and for life. Trust her."

I glared at him. He seemed to be warning me off but I would never hurt her or try to come between her and the person she truly loved.

But maybe I should attempt to facilitate the break up with Jacob, maybe? Set her free from him?

Just so she wouldn't reject her One when he came calling.

Jasper took coffee to Alice and I glanced at the time.

I started drinking my coffee, and stroking Bella's face with feathersoft touches so she would wake up. We had early class today.

"Whaaa?" she moaned, licking her lips and opening one eye.

"Time to rise and shine. Do you want first shower? You can have it in my bathroom but you will need to wear your own clothes to school. Not that mine don't look awesome on you," I smirked.

She smiled back lazily, and her eyes shone with amusement. She was so completely comfortable being here, in my bed, sharing this space with me. It had to mean something, surely. I could not imagine feeling this at ease with any other girl I had ever met.

I guess it kind of hit me then.

We could actually be good for one another. Until her Real Thing came along, and then I would step back immediately, we could possibly be in a relationship and share some firsts. I would actually want her to be my first, not just fake it like I had planned to do with Tanya. The idea excited me in both ways. It would just feel right to share that first experience with Bella, and I hadn't felt so filled with anticipation since waking up on Christmas mornings as a child. The hope, the promise, the joy at discovering what awaited us both filled me with a different kind of wanting.

It was like the pieces of a puzzle were suddenly falling into place and fitting together. We were meant to take this step. Everything was leading to the ultimate adventure, one I so desperately wanted to share with her.

We could remain friends afterwards and always be in one another's lives and it would never be awkward being her ex because she had always been part of my life and the best friend I had ever had. I had feelings for her in so many different ways, on so many levels, she felt like mine in ways she would never be anyone else's. No matter which way our futures went, she would always be my Bella.

There'd be no awkwardness ever if we had happy memories of living together here and being a real if temporary couple. I liked it. Jasper may not approve, but I wasn't considering using her, I wanted to love her. I wanted to be the someone who would let her see what Jake made her feel was not real. If she crushed on me, it would be enough to show her the difference then when she got hit with the tsunami Jasper predicted, she would have no doubts. She'd know it was real.

I wanted to do this for her and I admit, having Bella as my girlfriend for some unknown period of time would be fun and pretty amazing.

How to get her to fall for me, though? How to distract her from Jacob?

He had the advantage. She thought herself in love with him, while I was merely her friend.

Sex was the obvious pathway. If we made love together, she would see us differently. She was ready, by her own admission, and I sure was.

_And if she got knocked up, I would be so willing to marry her and keep her forever._

Fuck, where did that come from? I was nowhere near ready for marriage and we hadn't even dated, but Bella made me want things I had never considered before.

Suddenly the idea of sleeping with anyone else became repugnant. I was swimming in dangerous waters. If Jake won, it could well be that there would never be anyone else for me. Nobody had ever entered inside my heart before, and it seemed to have sealed shut already. There would be no further admittances. Not in this lifetime, or, I suspected, any future reincarnations.

Oh God, I think she is My One. What I was feeling was lust, for sure, but so much more than that as well. Was this what love felt like?

It wasn't what I expected. It felt like I could barely breathe, and like suddenly nothing at all mattered but her.

I started to sweat because it seemed my future was in her hands and she had no idea.

Bella took my cup and drank the remainder of my coffee with a grin.

She slid from the bed and yawned, stretching her hands in the air and I sat down and crossed my legs. It wasn't the first erection she had caused me to have but it was fucking hard and painful and I needed her out of here now.

I placed a pillow on my lap and waited as she pulled my T shirt back down past her thighs and shook off my boxers, which suddenly became my favourite pair as they hit the floor.

"I'll wash them," she offered and I shook my head.

"I have other laundry to wash. Just go shower." _Before I embarrass us both because I haven't even touched myself and I'm about to explode._

She headed for the shower and I let go off the breath I was holding and released myself from my sleep pants, then watched in disbelief as my erection jerked of it's own violation and soaked the pillow. It was the first time I'd experienced a wet dream while wide awake.

I still ached and hardened up again instantly, as I stripped the bed and bundled up the washing. The boxers smelt like Bella and I changed my mind and instead of taking them to wash, I put them into my drawer.

I looked up as Jasper reappeared at my door, and he merely smirked and pulled it closed. I debated about whether it would be too risky and bad mannered to do what I needed to do to get rid of my wood while she was almost beside me, just a wall between us. I could keep it quiet if I had to. And let's face it, I'd never get my underpants on while I was in this state.

I sat there gently stroking myself as I debated in my head.

Then I heard her say my name.

"Eddwarddd."

And no further touching was necessary.

X~x~X

BPOV

God no, not now. Sexual tension seemed to float around me, in the air. All I could feel was the desperate longing between my legs. I guess sleeping that close to Edward had some kind of a basic human reaction with my libido. It wasn't that I fancied him or anything. Well, maybe a little. But sleeping wrapped in any guy's arms would have created the same effect, probably. It was simply a reaction. Nothing personal. Nothing to do with Edward.

I wanted to relief this, scratch the itch but being in Edward's bathroom while he was in his bedroom, just a thin wall away, made me hesitate.

Then I heard his door close.

Edward had left his bedroom and closed the door behind him and I relaxed and stopped biting my lip. I was well practiced at relieving my own stress quickly but somehow I wanted to drag this out.

"Think of Jake," I ordered myself. I thought of his hair, and his gentle eyes, and those hands I had begged him to touch me with. I remembered his smile, and his rough lips and the times we had kissed and I'd blacked out.

"Fuck no, that was Edward, you moron. Think of Jake."

I swear I did try but the images morphed and turned into Edward with his arms up and his abs exposed.

I had my eyes shut and was teasing myself when the glass door to the shower slid open and Edward stepped in, taking my hand from between my legs and sliding his own there. His fingers were so long and warm and gentle.

"Shh, just let me help out," he whispered, catching my lips and kissing me deeply.

His fingers were so much longer than my own and even though he had never touched me before, he knew right where I needed him. I could no more order him away than combust. Oh, maybe I could combust, scratch that.

The images in my head went far beyond any had with my Jake inspired sessions and I was a little shocked but when Edward pushed me against the tiles and I felt his eager erection trying to enter me, I opened my eyes and shook my head..

"No, that's a fantasy too far," I decided, knowing all too well where my mind was going. There was no way I was handing over my v card to anyone but Jacob, even just inside my head. I shook away the images of Edward and turned off the shower. Man, I was hotter now than before I'd gotten in. I must file that fantasy away and use it again.

Or not, I chastised myself.

_You happen to love Jacob and how hurt would he be if he knew what you just summoned up inside your head? You really are a piece of work, Bella Swan. You love Jake yet get yourself off to the fantasy of another man. A fantasy that's far hotter than any you ever had of your Jacob._

Leaning out to grab a towel, I wrapped it around my body and opened the door to Edward's bedroom.

To my shock and complete dismay, he had not left after all, but was sitting on the edge of his bed with his bedclothes in a heap on the floor, and a towel across his lap, waiting to use the shower himself. I knew immediately that he had heard every moan and no doubt even the one single word I had cried out loud and I wished I could curl up and die right there and then.

"Um, yeah, I uh tend to imagine Mr Darcy when I'm ah..." I stuttered, feeling my face get hotter and hotter.

"But his name was Fitzwilliam," Edward replied. "You meant Edward Rochester?"

"Sure, Mr Rochester," I agreed thankfully, feeling like so many kinds of embarrassed. "Um, I'm going to go now."

I struggled with the door handle that seemed reluctant to allow me to escape and when it did finally cooperate, Jasper Whitlock was standing in the hall. Immediately I wondered how thin the walls were and if he had overheard me. I would be testing that later.

"I should get dressed," I stated the bleeding obvious, and scuttled into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me.

"Idiot, moron, God could you be any more humiliated?" I chided myself out loud as I threw things from my wardrobe and drawers and pulled on underwear and a pair of jeans, and then a bra.

"What did you do to embarrass yourself?" Alice asked from my bed, where she lay completely forgotten by me.

"Believe me, you don't want to know."

She sat up and grinned.

"Bella, did you just 'amuse' yourself in Edward's shower?" she asked evilly.

"Shit, tell me you couldn't hear all the way in here," I begged as I pulled my red blouse on. I turned to face her.

"I thought Edward had left the bedroom, and when I went back in there afterwards, he was still sitting on the bed. He must have heard _everything. _I tried to talk my way out of it but he knew, Alice!"

"Well I never heard a thing. It's just that I haven't seen your face that shade before so I gathered whatever you did was epically shameful. Calm down. So, Edward heard you imagining Jake touching you in the shower. Big deal. He has done worse things. Forget it."

"I'll never be able to look him in the face again," I moaned. "I really, really thought he had left his room. I heard the door slam and assumed I was alone."

"Bella, if he was listening, I imagine has was relieving his own stress at the same time, thanks to your sound effects. Were the sheets pulled off his bed?"

"Yes, they were," I replied, confused.

"Then Edward owes you a big thank you for the helpful words. Pretend it never happened. And Bella, by the way..."

"What?" I questioned roughly.

"That red blouse clashes badly with your purple face. Try wearing a pastel tone. Maybe light blue."

I grabbed my bag and opened the door warily. The guys were gone, thank the Gods. I did check, and call their names. Nope, they had no doubt gone off to college splitting their sides with laughter.

"Alice, do me a favour? Stand here in the hall and tell me what I say."

I went into Edward's room and closed his door, then into the bathroom and closed that door as well."

"Um. Jacob," I cried, hoping this was as loud as it had been.

I went to check with Alice and to my continued shame, both guys were back, standing there beside her.

"Go back for seconds?" Jasper asked, grinning.

Edward held out his hand and took mine and led me outside into the lobby. I couldn't look at him at all and kept my eyes on the carpet and my hair falling about like a curtain around my face.

He pulled me into the elevator and as the door closed, he leaned in and kissed my head.

"You were my inspiration so if I was yours, we're even, Bella. I'm honoured to have helped you out."

"Kill me now," I replied.

X~x~X

Throughout the day as I sat in one class after another, always managing to grab the last chair in a row so neither Edward nor Jasper could sit beside me, I would become engrossed in the lecture then suddenly remember this morning and blush.

I felt like a complete idiot and as if every other student in the class knew what I had done to make myself blush and whose name I had called out. I had no idea if Edward was really freaked out by me using him in my mind, and was just being polite. And where the Hell had Jake been? I'd only ever thought of Jacob and now I felt like some sort of skank. I'd been apart from him for a matter of days and already my mind was moving on.

I avoided the final class before lunch and went to grab a bite before my usual companions joined me, then slipped into the college library. I had to get back into control and stop this ...whorish behaviour. In my head.

But dammit, Edward had inspired things I'd never imagined with Jacob. Maybe because I knew Edward was sexually adventurous and Jake wasn't, I reasoned. It was not because I was more attracted to him than to Jake.

I loved Jake and I would marry him one day, in four years time. We should never have waited and kept ourselves virginal. There was no doubt in my mind that had Jake slept with me, Edward would never have stood a chance at invading my thoughts. I am a good girl, a nice girl.

I went outside and hit the button on my phone that would connect me to Jacob.

"Hey Bells, what's up?" he asked cheerily. "Great to hear from you."

"Jacob. I miss you."

"I miss you too. I'm loving it here. Everyone's being so welcoming. I was a little scared of being the only Quileute here but it seems to be to my advantage. Some of the girls are fascinated."

"Have you kissed any of them?" I asked, possibly hoping he had kissed more girls than I'd kissed Edward. I needed a way to settle my conscience.

"No, Bella. I haven't kissed anyone yet. I will. Don't worry, Loca. I am guessing you just let some boy kiss you and now you feel like you cheated on me."

"Something like that," I admitted.

"Bella, we trust one another, right? We have our line and we won't cross it, and even if you did, you know I would forgive you anything. Anything, Babe. I know it's hard being apart and I know you must be meeting so many new guys every day. And you are a pretty girl, Bells. If you ever slip, you know you can trust me to accept that these things happen sometimes."

"You are amazing, Jake. I won't slip, I swear. But you are right, it is much harder than I ever imagined, being away from you."

"I'll be there in the first break, Babe. Just hold on until then. Leah has made me see a few home truths and we were crazy never consummating our love. I want to do that, Bella. I want us to be a real proper couple in every way. Then we will make it through this. I promise."

"Really?" I said in surprise. "You have always been so against us doing that. What changed your mind?"

"Leah just pointed out the obvious. If I don't make you mine, then you will start to wonder why not and maybe let someone more willing into your bed and maybe even into your heart and that would be the worst possible thing. I want absence to make our love grow stronger, not weaker, so I need to make my claim on you and remind you who you belong to, Babe."

"I belong to you, Jacob," I murmured in reply and reminded him once again that I both loved and missed him.

His final words warmed me from the inside out and I stood there smiling and suddenly the weirdest feeling overtook my buzz. I turned, and Jasper Whitlock was standing three feet away, staring at me, shaking his head.

"What?" I asked him. He was starting to freak me out with his mysterious conversations and the way he would just be there when I didn't want him to be.

"Edward's looking for you," he stated and I felt the conflict rise again.

"Don't do that to me, Jasper."

"Do what?" he asked, seeming surprised.

"Don't try and make Edward enter my heart and take Jake's place."

"Bella, I didn't do anything, I promise. If that is what is happening, you have to look within yourself and your own heart."

"Of course it's not happening," I snapped and turned away, heading for home. I could afford to miss an afternoon of classes more than I could cope with this constant conflict inside myself.

Alice was laying on the sofa watching tv and I slammed the door behind me.

"I love Jacob," I shouted at her.

"I'm not the one who is doubting that," she replied calmly.

"What are you still doing here? Aren't you supposed to be going to learn how to heal the sick?" I griped.

"Rose is arriving any minute. We have late class today." She went to the kitchen and came back with coffee and I grasped the cup between my cold hands and sat down beside her.

"I'm sorry. I think Jasper is doing something to me. I never doubted Jacob and I are meant to be together until now. He's fucking with my head."

"Can he do that? From a distance?" she asked.

"Probably. I bet he was the one who made me think of Edward in the shower, and he made me call out Edward's name."

"You were thinking of Edward?" Alice said, grinning.

"You two are in this together," I ranted. "Nothing is ever going to happen between us. I loved Jake and I will wait for him."

"I know you loved Jake, Honey. There's Rose, I have to go."

With that she was gone and I was left alone with my thoughts. My brain refused to shut up and let me concentrate on the movie on tv, and by the end I was confused as to why the girl chose a guy I hadn't even noticed was in the film. I switched it off and went to change and go try to outrun my screaming brain. Maybe if I tired myself out, I could sleep, and escape this fucked up day all together.

Jasper was clearly dangerous and did use his powers for evil. There's no other explanation. As if I would ever let anyone else inside my head and my heart now. I loved Jake, always. I can't even remember a time when Jake was not such an important part of my life.

He'd always been there for me. He was the one who listened when I ranted about Renee and what an unnatural mother she was.

He was the one who let me rage and scream and stamp my feet because I didn't have a mother, not really. I have a biological egg donor who carried me inside her womb for nine months but with no more feeling than a surrogate felt when she did the same thing for some stranger.

Jake was the one who lay beside me in my bed and let me cry into his shirt when I came home from vacations away with Esme. While I was with the Cullen family, I could pretend they were my parents but always, the first night back home was horrid.

A cold, empty house. A note written by my father, welcoming me back and informing me dinner was in the fridge, and, surprise, he had a shift and was at the station. Leaving behind a house that looked grubby and neglected because Charlie didn't get that dust built up and had to be cleaned away, and that leaving the clean washing piled on the sofa was not a solution, or that dirty dishes piled in the sink would never wash themselves.

He was a man who apparently thought the bath and basin magically stayed spotless even after he shaved and left whiskers everywhere. And that carpet never got dirty, no matter how many times he clumped across the floor in his outdoor boots that he had forgotten to remove.

I felt like Cinderella in reverse. I'd been to the ball and now here I was, back in my life of servitude. Yet he must have done these things at first, when Mom first left. Before I grew and became old enough to take over and do them instead.

I remember how many times we had pizza delivered because Charlie forgot to grocery shop, or the nights he promised to cook for a change then found an empty fridge and instead, pretended we were going to the diner as a treat and not a necessity if we wanted dinner.

I tried not to resent all those years, as other kids my age played and swam and enjoyed their days and I washed linen and cleaned floors and pushed a cart around the supermarket filled with only the tins I could reach, nothing from the high shelves.

The bliss of going to the Cullens and having Esme just do all those things for all of us without a thought made me long so much to live with them permanently. She kept her house spotless and she cooked every day and even worse, Carlisle was often there beside her, breaking eggs and cooking them as she made the toast. Or preparing dinner together.

Dad didn't even do that. The few times he followed through his offer to cook a meal, I always had to take over and toss out the mess of pasta he had neglected to stir, so it was a sticky lump. Or the jar of ready made sauce he had put in the microwave without reading instructions, leaving me to clean up the resulting disaster.

I'd been the adult for as long as I could remember and if Jake hadn't come and taken me to the beach or to his house now and then, I swear I would have packed a backpack and just gone. Runaway, joined a circus, become a gypsy.

I had been cheated of my childhood and yeah, I still resent that.

Jake understood. Jake was like me, he had no Mom either. Not like Edward. Edward had the perfect mother.

Edward's world was so different to ours, it hung between us like a gaping chasm. And I knew I wanted to find a bridge and go live on the other side.

It would be so easy to just go be part of Edward's world but Jake would never fit in there. There would never be a gap for him, and I would not leave him behind alone. I would never leave my brother behind.

Fuck me.

I screamed into the air and ignored the startled faces that looked at me in shock, and ran faster.

I did not think of Jake like a brother.

I didn't.

I promised to marry him and I would.

X~x~X

EPOV

To say I was confused was a massive understatement. Everything was going wrong, yet Jasper kept grinning and assuring me it was all happening as he had seen it would. He even hinted that my first time would be with my true heart's desire, but I couldn't see why he believed that.

Bella had started locking her bedroom door, and was clearly avoiding me during the day as well. I would wake to find breakfast made and waiting, but no Bella to share it with. Her dishes would be neatly rinsed and stacked in the dishwasher.

My clothes would be cleaned and pressed and hanging in my robe, but I had never asked her to do that. I didn't expect her to take care of me just because my father had been the one who got her here, and it worried me that she saw herself as some sort of maid.

She had always been my equal and I was perfectly capable of using a washing machine and making a meal. I checked my class schedule. Today I had nothing after lunch, and usually went to study hall. Instead, I came home and cleaned the apartment and washed my own clothes and Bella's too, and had everything ironed and hanging in her closet before she got home.

Dinner was cooking, and I was scrubbing a small stain from the carpet when she opened the door.

"Hey. How was your day?" I asked. I wouldn't know, she'd had her schedule changed and we no longer shared classes. And she had changed subjects completely to get out of her classes with Jasper. She was always at the library or in her room studying and my life was so empty without her.

Emmett was pushing me to go out and have some fun, but then, he had no idea how little attraction fun without Bella held for me now. She clearly didn't want me and didn't like how close we had become and she was actively taking steps to erase that connection , as if it had never existed.

She was quite simply, breaking my heart.

I thought about her day and night and was spiralling down into a dark place that I hated so finally I gave up. It wasn't as if being with Bella was an option any more. She made very sure of that.

As the long lonely weeks past I pulled myself together and became determined to change things.

If Bella was truly in love with Jake, as she insisted to everyone on every occasion that we spent time together as a group, then there was no room in her world for me, and there never would be.

I'd gone from the highest hopes to the blackest depths as she called him frequently, running up a higher phone bill then the rest of us had altogether.

Tanya and I started more or less dating but going nowhere fast due to the girl in my head not being the one sitting beside me. Even the lure of a sexual partner had lost any appeal it may have once held. The more time I spent with her, the more sure I became that I didn't want to sleep with her at all, let alone for the one time I thought should be special. She had high expectations and was growing weary of my insisting we got to know one another before anything happened in the bedroom. Last night it had all hit the fan.

We were walking back to her apartment after dinner, and idly chatting.

"For fucks sake, stop talking about Bella," Tanya suddenly shouted. "I don't even know her and I think I hate her and how fucking perfect she is. I swear I will hit you if you mention her name again. God, I had no idea how boring you are."

"I'm sorry. I guess she is always on my mind. I didn't mean to keep mentioning her to you. I guess it's pretty poor form to talk about another girl to your date."

"Edward, you do realise I do only want you for your body, and your companionship is a much lesser secondary requirement? We don't have to date and pretend to be more than we are. I just want you in my bed and if all these delaying tactics mean it isn't going to happen, just be a man and say so. I don't need a boyfriend, I have one already. I agreed to attend any parties or outings where you needed a date, and you promised to keep me happy in the bedroom. So far my bed has remained empty, and I'm not keeping my part of the deal if you don't hurry the fuck up and complete yours. Fuck or fuck off."

"Tanya, it's not as easy as you think. I guess I hoped for a real relationship. It would feel wrong for me at the moment to sleep with you. I kind of imagined the girl who slept in my arms would be someone who loved me, and wanted me, not someone pretending."

"Who said anything about sleeping in your arms? I don't intend cuddling, Edward, for God's sake. I don't do any of that stuff, including kissing, with anyone but Garrett."

"So, I'm just supposed to arrive at night and sneak out in the morning before dawn?" I growled.

"No, you don't need to stay over. Just come and give me what I need and go home. We don't even have to talk. We both know what we want, so for fucks sake, get that stick out of your ass and come fuck me."

"Thanks, but I believe I will pass," I had replied, and left.

She'd called and left a dozen messages on my phone that I'd neither read nor answered. At least now I knew for sure what I didn't want. Emmett may enjoy sex without any connections but it wasn't what I craved at all.

What I craved was standing right there at my door. I couldn't help remembering what Dad had always said about Renee. How she wanted things she couldn't have. It had seemed silly and pointless at the time and I'd wondered why she had been that way and not just moved on to something else that she wanted and could have. I understood her now.

Now I wanted the same thing. I wanted a girl I couldn't have . I wanted a girl who didn't want me. A girl who was spiritually engaged to her childhood sweetheart. Whether her feelings were real or not was irrelevant because she believed they were real and that's all that mattered.

She stopped and stared and looked around, noting everything I had done.

To my surprise, she didn't seem pleased that I was pulling my own weight.

"Stop it now. I know you are perfect already, you don't have to prove anything," she growled. "Perfect parents have perfect children. I get it." She headed for her usual retreat and slammed the door behind her.

"Okay," I murmured and returned to the task at hand. Once the evidence of spilled red wine disappeared and the carpet looked clean, I stopped and put everything I'd used away.

Things were going from bad to worse. I had to find out what I'd said or done to make her turn against me this way. She had been the best friend I'd ever had and now she seemed to loathe me. The only incident I could think of was the shower incident that I had overheard.

"Bella, can we talk?" I called through her locked door.

She opened it and stood there, biting her lip.

"Is this truly about what happened that morning in the shower? Do you think I'm stupid and don't know girls do that as well? God knows boys do it a whole lot. I get that it embarrassed you that I overheard you say my name but it was just a fantasy. I've used Scarlett Johansson and Megan Fox plus various other beautiful women to inspire me in the past and I realise that is different because they will never even know I exist, but please don't let what happened come between us. I value your friendship above all others and now you are cutting me out of your life. Over that?

I told you that you had made me experience a release of my own already that morning and hearing you in my shower, believe me, I have never enjoyed myself as much as I did when you called my name. I was biting my own lip to not scream your name back. Okay? It was just something that happened and it doesn't have to mean anything. Neither of us have anyone here to help us out that way, it's bound to get frustrating at times. It was just fantasy sex and we didn't even do it together, so can we let it go and forget it? Pretend it never happened?"

Bella blushed, of course, as I knew she would, but she looked up into my eyes and held my gaze.

"I'm over that part of it, Edward. It's not the embarrassment, believe it or not."

"Then what is it?" I pleaded.

"It's the fact I even thought about you and not Jacob. I feel like I cheated on him and I've told him everything and he has forgiven me."

"Well that's good, right? If he's forgiven you, what's wrong? Why can't we go back to how we were? We did nothing wrong, we didn't even touch one another."

"But I wanted you too. I really wanted you to walk into that shower and touch me like I imagined, Edward. And I know if we kept kissing and flirting and sleeping in the same bed, we would end up crossing that line, and I would betray Jacob. Virginity is a gift you only get to give once, and I intend giving mine to him. He's going to be here next week, so we just need to avoid one another for this week, then sure, maybe once Jake and I have slept together, then you and I can be friends again.

Not kissing friends, now I know that was stupid and dangerous. But we can be friends. Okay?"

"Okay. I'd like that," I replied.

I didn't even want to think about what had to happen between her and Jake for us to go back to being friends, but I would take her anything she offered and if that meant nothing more than becoming bff's, so be it.

If I had to stand back and watch her life from the sidelines, at least it would be better than living without her.

**Holy Moly, Fanfic now tells us how many readers each chapter has, do me a favour and leave a review, EVERYONE! You can do it anonymously even.**


	7. Chapter 7

The Lie

Chapter 7

EPOV

The next week passed slowly yet too fast. Bella actually waited and ate breakfast with me and even changed her schedule back so we could be in the same classes but she avoided Jasper like the plague.

I half expected her to wear a garlic necklace and hold up a crucifix whenever he crossed her path.

He seemed unconcerned and anyway, he had his hands full with Alice. She had never hated anybody in her entire life to my knowledge but she sure seemed to both love and hate him. Yet she couldn't stay away from him, it seemed.

She tried to hide it but after class at the Nursing college she rushed home to change and go stalk him, and I was starting to wonder what she intended doing to him.

"I don't get the whole Jasper and Alice thing, do you?" I asked Bella as she sat down at our lunch table again for the first time in weeks.

"Seriously? Jazz made her fall in love with him and couldn't take it back. She wakes up every morning thinking she is in love with him, then when they meet, he talks about Maria and shows Alice photos of the two of them together over the years, and she feels like the discarded ex-lover. She can't help it, even though she knows there was never anything between them really. How bad is that, Edward? Feeling jealous and envious of a girl you never met, because you know you have some stupid spell on you that makes you think you love that girl's guy?"

"But I thought he took it back. Isn't that why she said she hated him?"

"If he had taken it back, why would she hate him? She'd just see him as she did before. As Emmett's friend, no more, no less. Someone she would run into now and then, maybe have a coffee with, and forget as soon as they parted again.

All day and night she misses being with him, and then when they are together, he's on his cell talking all lovey dovey to Maria and sending texts and cute little pictures back and forth. In front of Alice. Like he does in front of me, but it doesn't bother me, because I know I'm not in love with him. It must be horrible to be delusional like that. At least I know who I love, and it's real. He needs to take the spell off her properly."

"Has she explained that to him?" I enquired. It seemed to me that females seemed to expect us to know exactly what they were thinking by reading their minds but we never got given the handbook instructing us how to do that.

"She has, many times and he can't fathom why he can't do it. He's done his party trick numerous times and there's never been any lingering effects before. I can't say I like him much either at this moment. I know he's doing something to me, there's no other explanation."

"What do you think he's doing to you?" I asked her.

She blushed and stared into the distance.

"He's making someone come between me and Jake and it's not fair. Jake has done nothing wrong, yet Jasper acts like what we have together is insignificant. I don't understand why he is so against me marrying Jake. It would have been a done deal if Mom hadn't put that condition into the agreement."

"Your Mom probably just wanted you to take your time and consider your options a little longer, Bella. Girls of eighteen don't get married these days. It's a big commitment and one that can be hard to undo without a lot of pain and anger. Better to be cautious and let yourself have some time to be sure."

"How sure do I have to be? Jake has always been the most important person in my life and I can't see that changing," she claimed.

Her phone buzzed and she read the text and looked concerned.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, sliding her meal across the table. We were sharing a platter of mixed grill and I didn't care which bits she left for me. She chose a couple of pieces and pushed it back.

"Rose is having a crisis of some sort and wants me to skip afternoon class and go talk to her. Can you let me see your notes tonight so I keep up?"

"Sure," I said. I'd miss her but since things had changed between us, she was always including other students in our conversations so it wasn't like class was my time alone with her anyway.

She ate and left and I headed back to class to make two lots of notes for the afternoon lecture.

BPOV

Rose was sprawled across our doorstep, there was no other way to describe it. Her face was streaked with tears and I was mentally weighing up whether Emmett had done something more to hurt her or whether this time it was Royce. Maybe he had slipped off his pedestal and she'd realised he was just a man after all.

"What's up, Rose?" I asked, unlocking the door.

"My life is over," she cried, and I sighed. I had never really bought into the dramatic theatrics she and Alice seemed to thrive on.

"Why? Has Royce turned up five minutes late or forgotten to open a door for you?"

"Bella, this is serious. I don't know what to do. I've fucked up so badly I may as well pack up and go home now."

I knew she was doing really well in her classes and loved every minute of them so this was not related to Nursing School.

"Nothing is that bad. Tell me about it," I urged, handing her a tub of Ben and Jerry's and a spoon. Rose placed the ice cream on the counter top and shut her eyes.

"I'm late."

"For what? Class? Can't Alice cover for you? Can't she tell them you are sick or had an emergency?"

"Bella, I'm late. Late. Overdue. By ten days."

"Oh fuck," I exclaimed as what she meant hit home. "Rose, for God's sake, I thought if anyone slipped up it would be Mr I-don't-like-condoms Emmett, never you. How did this happen?"

"There has only been one time where we weren't safe. Royce and his friends were at a bar and he called me to come collect them and afterwards, when they were all dropped off at their homes, he started doing some stuff and I tried to calm him down and make him wait until we got back to his place but he kind of forced me to let him. In the car."

"Do you mean he date raped you?" I asked in shock.

"No, not rape, how could it be rape? We've been sleeping together for months now. He's my boyfriend, Bella. It isn't rape if it's your boyfriend."

"Funny, I thought if any guy on the planet forced you to have sex when you didn't want to, it was rape regardless of who he was."

"Please don't make this worse than it is," she begged. "I could have gotten out of the car and walked away but I didn't. He apologised so many times the next day, I just wanted to forget what happened and put it behind us. Now this. He won't be happy, Bella. He made it clear from the start that he would not be trapped into marriage and he would fight any paternity claim through the court and delay any payments as long as possible. He said some girl in his past already tried to make him marry her and he will not be forced into anything. I can't tell him this has happened. I didn't plan it, you know that."

"Slow down. First things first. It's possible there's another reason for you being late, surely? You've been so stressed ever since Emmett broke up with you, it could be that. We need to do a test. Do you have a pregnancy test kit yet?"

She shook her head and I volunteered to go buy one.

"Please don't tell anyone. I can't believe this has happened."

"Rose, I won't tell, I promise. There may not be anything to tell, anyway. Hold onto that hope. I'll go buy a couple of tests and we'll know in a few minutes once you pee on the stick. Save your panic for after that, okay?"

Of course nothing ever ran to plan and as I stood in the store with three different tests in my hand, reading the back of the packets because we wanted reliable above cost or any other factor, who should come in and walk straight to the condom section beside me than Emmett.

"Uh oh, I thought you planned to pop your cherry with Jake next weekend...aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself? You can't use these until after you have sex, Bella. Weeks after, I think. They'll be stale by the time you use them."

"I'm not an idiot, I do know there is no way short of immaculate conception that I could need them," I snarked back at him as he piled up the packets of condoms on the counter.

"Are you stocking up or buying for all your friends as well?" I asked him as the middle-aged woman behind the register started ringing them through.

"They are all for me," he replied with a wink.

"Really? Twelve boxes of fifty condoms? Must be a good weekend coming up."

The salesperson took his card and he paid with a smirky grin and asked her if she could recommend which of the many condoms felt the best for the woman involved.

She picked up a blue box from beside the counter and pushed them towards him

"These are good. They slow down young studs so they don't finish before their girl gets a chance to enjoy the experience themselves. That's why they are called Delay. I'm guessing they are what you should be stocking up on."

Emmett had clearly expected her to be embarrassed and instead, he wasn't even sure if what she had said was an insult or a compliment.

"You should come visit me, I like older women," he replied, trying to save face if that was necessary. He was clearly thrown off his game.

"Really? We have something in common then. I like older women too," she said, handing him his parcel.

I handed her the three test kits and she rang them through.

"So, who is knocked up then? Fuck, don't tell me Alice and Jasper and doing other things together apart from talking to ghosts. Mom and Dad will not be pleased. We have had a lecture or seven about pregnancies that are begun at college and there are definitely a no-no in the Cullen family. Let's face it, I'd hardly be using condoms at all if I wasn't afraid of the fallout from the folks if I didn't. I hate the things. Who slipped up, Bella? You can tell me."

"Actually I can't. It's nobody you know, just a girl I sit with in one of my classes. Now, I have to go."

It never occurred to me that Emmett would follow me home so as Rose and I sat on the sofa with the plastic stick on the coffee table in front of us, waiting and hoping for a Negative result, his entrance took us both by surprise.

"Rosie. Fuck no, not you," he said quietly, walking towards her.

Rose burst into tears and Emmett pulled her into his arms. It was weirdly the most intimate thing I'd ever seen and I headed for the door to escape. Rose no longer needed me and I didn't want to wait and see what happened next.

I sat on the top step and when Edward arrived home, he raised his eyebrows and sat down beside me.

"What's happened?"

"Emmett is inside with Rose. I'm just giving them some space. We could go have coffee or something."

Edward nodded and opened the door , walking inside.

"I'll be right back. I'll just drop my books off and check with my brother that everything's okay."

Resisting the urge to follow him, I instead walked down to where his car was parked and leaned against it. Ten long minutes later, the front door to the apartment building opened and Edward gestured for me to go inside again.

Rose and Emmett were sitting together, his arm around her, her head on his shoulder. She looked almost happy and so much more relaxed than she had been for months now. I jumped to the conclusion the test was negative until Emmett spoke.

"Bella, we'd like you and Edward to be the first to know, we are getting married. Rosie and I both think this is the best solution and that there's no need to involve anyone else. Mom and Dad won't even be that surprised. I think they expected this to happen last year."

"Is this what you really want, Rose?" I checked.

"You know I have never stopped loving Emmett. It was ridiculous to pretend otherwise," she stated sincerely.

"I've been an idiot but this has opened my eyes and I know it's the right thing to do," Emmett added.

"It won't be easy. Not only are you two young and in college but there's the chance Royce may work it out one day. I presume he can count backwards from nine? What if he makes trouble for you?"

"Bella, we all have to make a choice at times, between what is right versus what is easy. This will be hard for all those reasons you mentioned, but it will also be the right thing to do. Rosie wants to let her baby live, and to keep it. We both know we were always going to get back together sometime. This just speeds things up and makes the obvious answer so clear to me," he explained. I did not doubt his sincerity or love for her, despite his behaviour while they were apart. This grand gesture surely absolved his sins in her eyes.

"So, what happens next?" I asked.

"We are going to go inform the man that Rose and I are back together and his presence in her life is no longer required," Emmett replied, looking at Edward for support.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked and they shook their heads in unison. Despite the circumstances and the mess that may evolve, I still felt like the world had righted itself. Rose and Emmett were always meant to be a couple and I couldn't help feeling happy that this had happened, if that was what it took to reunite them.

Emmett's eyes held such deep love and protection for his Rose, I for one had no doubts he would be one of the very few men in the world who truly could accept another man's child and love it just because it was Rose's baby.

"Congratulations, you two. I'm so happy it worked out this way and anything I can ever do to help, just ask." I meant it. I was sure I could change a diaper just as ineptly as they would.

After they left, Edward pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head.

"Who'd have thought, Emmett Cullen getting married at nineteen, with a baby on the way, and it's not even his. I swear even Jasper will have missed seeing this coming. Maybe we should invite Alice and Jasper here for dinner tonight so Rose and Emmett can make their announcement," he suggested.

Edward sent out texts and after Emmett answered, agreeing that would be a nice idea, he called his sister and Jazz and they accepted.

"So, what are you cooking for dinner?" I asked Edward, keeping my face straight. "I'd help only I have all the notes you took to copy so I don't fall behind in class."

"I made two copies. You just need to read them and you'll be caught up," he replied hastily, opening the pantry and checking what we had on hand.

"Come on, the supermarket is this way," I informed him.

X~x~X

"Roast lamb and a chicken as well seeing we have Emmett to feed, plus vegetables for the main course, then you decide what we make for dessert," I suggested as I put what I needed into the shopping cart.

Edward looked slyly at the many ready made desserts on offer and I pretended not to notice when he slipped three of them into the midst of the groceries. He chose wine, including one non-alcoholic brand and we headed home.

He was quite eager to help me prepare the meal so I assigned him tasks and we worked together to get the dinner cooked by the time our guests arrived. Jasper was grinning like a lunatic and I revised my agreement with Edward's opinion that this had somehow slipped past his radar.

Alice pranced into the room on her tippy toes and handed Rose a small gift which she immediately opened. She smiled and hugged her friend when the items revealed were a tiny white and yellow embroidered baby's bib and pair of impossibly small white baby shoes.

"You know?" Rose said in surprise.

"Of course. Jasper warned me weeks ago, as soon as the conception occurred. I was just waiting for you to decide what you were doing and tell us when you were ready. I'm so excited. I'm going to be an aunt."

"Unless it's a boy then you will be an uncle," Emmett joked. "Hey Jazz, you don't have any clues to which gender it is, do you ?"

"Of course I know but why would I tell you?" Jazz replied. "You may decide you want be surprised at the delivery. It's sometimes better that way. Not always, not all surprises are good."

"What's that mean?" Rose asked worriedly. "Is there something wrong with the baby?"

"No, relax. The baby is fine. So are the next three you two have together. You will never face any doubt that this was the right thing to do. While I'm sure Royce could count to nine, he won't even think of ever doing that. He has other irons in the fire and will barely notice your absence, Rose. Normally that would be a sad thing but in this case it's all for the good."

"But can Jasper tell me because I really want to start buying the right colour," Alice pleaded.

"Anyone can wear blue," Edward commented.

"If this is a girl, we want to dress her in pink," Alice whined.

"Oh tell her," Rose replied. "That way at least we have Alice's appropriately coloured baby clothes in reserve. Just keep them put away so I never see them."

"Alice, how do you feel about swapping apartments? Rosie and I want to live together so you can choose which apartment you prefer and we'll move into the other one. I'm sure you and Jasper have enough in common to get along 24/7. Jazz, would it be okay with you? " Emmett asked.

Jasper smiled.

"I have realised something myself and even Alice may be surprised to hear this. In the break, I have to go to Seattle. I feel I need to break up with Maria face to face. Don't get too excited, but basically, yeah, you and Edward will be my brothers, if only in-law. I don't see the point fighting Fate, not when the prize waiting for me is your beautiful sister."

Alice started to cry and Jasper pulled her in closer and stroked her face, speaking without words. It was exciting to be there witnessing their moment. Things were getting better and better.

Everything seemed to be sliding into place and I felt all eyes turn to look my way.

"Don't say anything. I'm still in control of myself and my future. None of you seem to understand how hard it would be or me to walk away from Jacob. We've planned getting married since we were fifteen. In fact, when we were little kids, we played Mommy and Daddy constantly. It's always been there, and I will fight to keep my right to choose whichever path I want to follow. I dare say Jasper already knows how everything ends but let me do things my way, please. At least let Jacob and I decide for ourselves."

"Ease up on her," Edward warned. "If Jasper is right, then everything will work out as it should. Let Bella decide for herself what the right ending is. She knows I'll always be here, waiting, should she choose to explore me as an option."

"So, you plan to sit around all virginal while Bella goes and pops her cherry with Jake?" Emmett questioned.

"Hey, as you know, not everything is written in stone and if Bella chooses to do that with Jake, I support her," he replied.

I felt completely confused once again. Not so long ago when I cut myself off from this group, I knew exactly where my future lay. Now, once again, things were cloudy and unclear and my mind was filling up with Edward.

I owed Jake more than this.

"Seeing you all feel entitled to discuss all my private business, you should know I am taking the Pill, and it will keep me safe," I announced. "I don't want any complications happening."

I let them all wonder what that meant. I didn't intend getting myself into any situation resembling what had happened to Rosalie. A man should be there to parent his own child, in my opinion, but Emmett was the better choice in this case so maybe not everything is as black and white as I always thought.

I was grateful to have been left behind when my mother left us, and not forced to grow up with a step-parent. I preferred the right man raising me, not some stranger who was not there at my conception. That being said, I would not be taking any chances of beginning a baby with Jacob until this was all sorted and he and I knew for sure that we were truly meant to be.

And if we weren't...

To me, gaining closure with Jacob was the least I could do and I would be going ahead with our plan to sleep together, before making any further decisions. I had the idea that by doing so, I would then know. It would be my epiphany.

Either it would feel like Goodbye and we would both move on, or it would rid me of all thoughts of Edward finally, and let Jake and I progress.

X~x~X

EPOV

I think sometimes you need to step back and let somebody you love make their own mistakes and learn from them. Arguing with Bella about her determination to sleep with Jake would only force her to distance herself from me again and I would not let that happen.

I had less than a week, but in those days I would attempt to show her how good we could be together.

If I lost, I was still completely able to accept her willingly if she changed her mind and decided Jake was not her One, and hopefully I would not resent that he got to sleep with her first. It did upset me, naturally, but she was the one in the driver's seat at this point and anyway, Jasper still thought I was in with a chance.

Each day when he met me at college, he would give the me the odds for that day. They changed constantly and he explained there were always at least two pathways, he could clearly see which one was the better but he could not force a person to choose the better path any more than the rest of us could. Not long term.

The lingering effects he had inflicted on Alice could just be that the whole party trick had opened her eyes to seeing him in a different way, he suspected. It was her who had developed real feelings where none had been before, not his limited power.

"Neither of us could see we were meant for one another. It often happens like that. I was so busy sussing out everyone else's futures that I didn't keep track of my own. That's always harder. It's like when a friend tells you his problem, you can see the solution or see that it's a lost cause and he should walk away, but when it's your own problem, it is never that easy.

I have no doubt Alice is mine and I'm hers, I just hope Maria handles it okay. It's difficult and I can totally empathize with Bella. We are both in similar positions. We thought we had what we wanted and neither of our partners have done anything wrong, so it's really hard to just end things because we feel differently now. It's almost like walking out on a marriage where nothing actually went wrong. Hearts can change but I can see how bitterly unfair this will be to Maria, so I can see why Bella is refusing to let go of Jake without a fight.

It's not that she doesn't want you, Edward or see you as an option, it's more a case of why fix what isn't broken?"

He was right. Bella and I needed to talk but that didn't mean she would say what I wanted to hear.

We were sitting on the sofa alone after everyone had left and she leaned against me, not looking my way but staring straight ahead.

"I hope you understand that I can't just desert Jacob when he has done nothing to deserve that. I know you want me to weigh up my options but basically as I see them, it's a choice between staying with Jake and knowing what we have will always be safe and enough, or taking a chance on an unknown quantity. All I really know about you is that you admit you use women for sex; orally is still sex in my eyes; and you have never had a girlfriend. I know you think we would be good together but we have no way of knowing that without me risking everything I currently have and it's not a chance I'm willing to take, Edward.

It's about more people than just us. Charlie and Billy have wanted this union forever. I'm sure the idea was hatched the moment I was born and Dad realised he had an opposite gender child to Billy's. I'm sure had the babies been the same gender they'd have expected us to be best friends for life but seeing we weren't, they both immediately wondered if that was even better, and there was a possibility of even more happening than just us being friends.

You can see it in the photos.

Esme and Carlisle visited my Mom when she was in hospital and you were left in your stroller when your Dad held me. But Billy held both Jake and I in his arms and in the videos Dad took, he looks from Jake to me and back and they all laugh and agree, yep, this could be the start of something amazing.

I can't just let go of what everyone else believes is the right thing on a whim. I am counting on the night Jake and I spend together giving me the answer I need, but until then, I think you need to consider you and I may never be more than friends."

"I know you don't feel the same way about me as I feel for you, Bella. I just hope you will give me a chance if things don't work out as you hope with Jacob. That's all I ask. Write my name in your 'friend' column with pencil so there's a chance you can erase it and move it to the other side of the page."

"Edward, please don't count on anything. Live your life as if I wasn't an option because to be honest, I don't think I will be. Jake and I have invested so much already, and I'm pretty sure we can make things work."

"Sometimes you have to consider not so much how much you have invested but how much more you are willing to waste on something that won't work. Just promise me you will think seriously about what you want," I urged.

"It's all I do. I think about it all the time but there's no real reason to change my mind. Jake has never treated me as anything but his princess and he has never caused me a single moment of worry. I truly don't think he would ever cheat on me, Edward. I just don't think he has it in him to be deceptive."

"You think I would cheat on you?" I asked in amazement.

"I don't know and neither do you. You have never had a real girlfriend. You admit you were dating girls who could have potentially become your girlfriend had things worked out yet you were going to those other girls for what they offered at the same time. You didn't find that deceptive? What would you have done if one of your dates had clicked? At what point would you have stopped seeing Victoria? And what would you have told your girlfriend about her? Or would you have ended the arrangement with her on the quiet and pretended she never existed?

I don't know enough about your character to even judge what you are like. I value you as a friend and I'm not going to pretend I don't find you attractive and talented and pretty much perfect but you are still unproven in a relationship and Jake has proved to be all I could ask for."

"So if I'd had girlfriends and treated them right you'd consider me?" I asked her.

"I'd take you more seriously, that's for sure. You think you want me but you don't know if that involves us outside the bedroom or if it's just this sexual attraction we share. I admit it exists but if it's not love then it's not worth throwing everything away for. Surely you can see that?"

"You aren't giving me a chance, Bella. Sure I don't know what it is between us or if it's lasting, I only know how I feel, but we may never know if you choose Jake without finding out first. There's no law against dating two guys at once, some girls do that. No matter how spiritual things are between you and Jacob, you are not actually engaged, that's a fact. Tell me this, if you were free and Jake wasn't in the picture, would you then take a chance on me?"

" Promise me you will never throw this back into my face? I would absolutely date you and be your girlfriend in those circumstances. I really like you and I can imagine sleeping with you, well, I have imagined that sometimes; that's not news to you. If I had nothing to risk but my own heart being broken, of course I would, Edward. But I have to take into consideration what it would cost Jake, and I'm not willing to hurt him that way. I love him, I don't think any of you get that. We are not talking about some guy I just met and have a crush on, I'm talking about the man I expect to spend the rest of my life with."

It was sobering to know she had considered all her options and I had not been the obvious choice. I had completely underestimated the depth and strength of her ties with Jacob and that was stupid of me. Bella would never become engaged, spiritually or otherwise, to anyone she wasn't sure about.

And she wasn't the kind of girl to behave rashly or recklessly.

That's what it would amount to, if she just shook off Jake and started dating me. I don't know that I'd even trust a girl who was willing to do that.

She'd promised herself to Jacob and I had to live with it, for now.

Four years apart is a long time.

Absence does not always make the heart grow fonder.

X~x~X~x~X

**A/N..truly, I've been there, I was engaged when I met my husband. It's not as easy to walk away from a perfectly adequate lifeplan into something that could be just passing lust, and have to face the wrath of your parents who thought you were already on the right path . She'd be crazy to walk away from Jake and jump right in with Edward, even though that worked for me. Especially as she isn't sure how much she's feeling for Edward is coming from her, and not Jasper's influence. It's only now I look back and think "Geez, I was sooo lucky, this could have ended badly!" Everyone predicted we'd last 6 months.**

**NEXT Chapter is THE NIGHT. Review now if you want it before the weekend ends.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Sorry it's so long but a lot has to happen tonight. Also, this is the last of the prewritten chapters (other than the ones I've written out of order) so from now on, I'll update whenever I find time to write. Cheers for reviews, you all blow my mind. MrsAuburnCullen, you will now get why your review was so funny!**

The Lie

**That Night**

Chapter 8

EPOV

"I won't be coming home until Sunday night," Bella announced. I nodded my head, having fully expected this. Jake was due to arrive in the city today, Friday, and he'd booked them a room somewhere close but she hadn't wanted to tell us exactly where. I had wanted to cut her some slack and say he could stay here but the thought of him being in her bed, in our apartment, was more than I could cope with.

I slept in that bed with her and I'd never be able to do that again if he and she 'spent time' together in there. It was 'our' place, the only place we had spent time completely alone together.

I also suspected if he slept there, she'd never invite me back in anyway.

They had a hotel room purpose made for this weekend.

Maybe Renee was paying for his trip and his room. I had no idea. He had a part-time job in Seattle so his finances were his affair.

Affair.

I hated the word and had no reason to look upon this coupling as Bella having an affair but that's how it felt to me. It was irrational and wrong and just plain stupid but when you have a voice in your head 24/7 saying "mine, mine, mine" every time you looked at Bella, it was so hard to fight back. The fact was she was not mine, she was his.

Alice moved silently to Jasper and took his hand, almost as if he was some jilted lover having to watch his girl go share some other guy's bed. Jasper paled and ground his teeth.

"Don't go. Stay with us. This is not how it's meant to be," he said to Bella, pleadingly.

"I'll thank you to stay out of this, and Jasper, promise me you won't do anything reckless. You won't try and read my mind and control my feelings for Jacob. I need you to swear."

"Bella, to be honest, what little I could do would mean I'd have to be in the same room as you two, and as that is not going to happen, I regret I cannot influence you at all anyway. But if you wish to pretend I can, and use it to prevent tonight happening, go ahead. I'll support you."

"You have never met Jake and you've only known me a few months. I don't even begin to understand why you want us to break up. Why do you even care?"

"Because I see only two possible futures for you, Bella, and this one is wrong. It leads to such heartache and sorrow that I fear for your life."

"You think I'd kill myself? What, why? Do you think Jacob will cheat on me? Even if he did, I tend to react more with anger than self pity. I may not react nicely, but all I could ever imagine me doing would be to toss his clothes out into the street and maybe dump a can of paint onto his beloved car or something like that. I'd never kill myself."

"Then why I do I see standing at the edge of a cliff?" cried Jasper.

"Cliff diving?" Bella replied. "I've done that. It's not as dangerous as you would think if you'd grown up near La Push. All the kids do it. I bet Edward and Emmett have done it."

"Does one usually cliff dive with a baby in their arms?" Jasper growled.

"A baby? I'm holding a baby?" Bella whispered. She looked torn between being thrilled she would have a baby sometime, and confused as to why having had her dearest wish fulfilled, she would ever take it near a cliff edge.

"Is it ill? Is it dying?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"It's not ill, but it will die if you carry through with your plan to jump off the cliff with it," Jasper moaned, holding his head, pulling at his hair as if to erase the images inside.

"I would never do that," Bella cried out in real distress. "Why would anyone kill their own baby? What sort of monster do you think I am?"

"It's more what sort of baby you give birth to. You can't accept him and you don't see any other way out."

Bella collapsed in tears and I hurried to her side and pulled her against me.

"Stop it, Jasper. You have no idea about her or her future. This crap has to stop. It's not even real, it's in your head and I hate to imagine what sort of brain you possess to be able to speak about Bella that way. She would love her baby no matter what problems it has. It's her dearest wish, to become a mother. She's an adult. She knows as we all do that pregnancy is not a promise of a perfect child, but she'd never kill it."

"Then why do I see her crying, screaming into the wind, that she has to fix things and that this child has to die? Don't get me wrong, she fully intends dying herself as well. She knows something is wrong with this baby in her arms and she can't let him live."

Alice was touching Jasper's arm and she suddenly closed her eyes and frowned. Her body shook and I honestly started to wonder if they were doing drugs together.

"What's wrong with my baby?" Bella screamed.

Alice held her hand out toward Bella.

"It looks perfect. It's a boy, and he has brown skin and black hair. He seems fine. It's something you know about him, where he came from. You say it's not what he is, it's who he is. It's about his ancestors."

"This makes no sense," Bella replied. "Is he Jake's or did someone rape me or what?" she asked.

Alice gasped.

"He is Jake's but Jake... Jake found out whatever you did, too. And Jake has...gone."

"Okay, enough," I shouted. "This little circus is leaving town. Get out of here, now, both of you. Go do your mind reading and talking to dead people somewhere else. Alice, I'm ashamed of you. That you would go along with whatever crap Jasper thinks he knows is beyond the pale. Stay away from Bella, both of you."

I slammed the door behind them and turned to face her.

"Ignore what they said. You are a sensible human being, you know it's impossible for them to foretell the future. There's no real reason to think any baby you and Jake have would be less than perfect."

"They said he was perfect. It was who he was. Who his ancestors were. I don't understand. Do you think someone in Jake's family tree was a killer or something? But even if he was, why would I assume an innocent baby could inherit bad genes?

I know so little about my own grandparents...Dad's parents died before I was born and Renee's cut her out of their lives when she left Charlie, so I haven't really got any real memories of them. Nothing specific. Just hazy images of a cranky man and a woman who did everything he said. I remember not liking him and being a little scared but Mom rarely took me to visit them and they moved away when she ran off. I've never heard from them again. But if you traced them and told me one of my grandfathers was a serial killer or a Nazi sympathizer, or a member of the White Supremacists, why would I assume that could taint me? Much less my baby."

"I don't believe the sins of the father shall be imposed upon his children either," I answered. "Some fostered and adopted kids come from bad places, let's face it, or they would still live with their parents. Yet Emmett is no worse than plenty of young guys his age. He's a manwhore on occasion but I doubt that's even an inherited trait. His parents were neglectful drug users but nothing worse, as far as I know.

And Alice's parents were extremely religious and thought she was 'touched by the Devil', whatever the hell that meant. I think they used it as an excuse to try and beat the evil out of her just because they liked hurting children, myself. But it has never stopped her planning on settling down and having kids of her own one day.

She knows she won't be like them. Alice is her own person and she's intelligent enough to know she could use them as an excuse but that is all it would be. What they did does not have to impact on her own mothering skills."

Bella seemed to have calmed down, which was all I was trying to achieve.

"Do you want to go out and get some real coffee? And we could maybe go into a naughty shop and look at the lacy underthings so you were dressed properly for the Big Night tonight."

As much as I wished she had chosen differently, I was her friend and God knows she needed one with the witch and warlock carrying on with their crap. If she wanted to give Jacob her virginity, so be it. At least she would know I supported her decision and was on her side.

I wasn't even sure Jasper was right about them not truly being in love. I had little to compare it to. My parents were in love still, always had been as far as I knew, but really, sometimes I wondered if they were the abnormal ones because I had never seen anyone else's parents arrive at our school holding hands. And Dad would plant kisses on Mom in public, even in the supermarket at times. I remember hanging back a bit so nobody would know I was their kid, it embarrassed me so much as I got older.

They did everything together, and these days they had neglected their friends for so long, most had disappeared. All Carlisle needed was Esme and same for her. So long as they had one another, even we children sometimes felt invisible and superfluous. Not in a bad way, we just knew they would have been perfect even without children.

Bella admitted she had never been near any of the shops here that sold sexy underwear and such, so I took her to a classy but expensive lingerie shop and she looked like a kid in a candy store, not knowing what to choose first.

"What would you want me to wear if we...if you and I...if you were Jacob?" she asked.

Probably nothing at all, I thought, but I looked through the racks and found several pretty yet still sexy sets. I particularly liked a royal blue bra and panties set because the colour seemed perfect against her skin, and another black lace set came with either red or pink roses entwined in the lace...I couldn't choose between them so I ended up choosing all three sets.

Bella looked a little embarrassed, but she bit her lip determinedly. She was going to test us, and our self restraint. She was going to prove we were nothing but friends.

"I should try them on," she said. "And you are going to be a friend and give me an unbiased opinion, because that is what friends do. And seeing me in underwear will not be weird. I've worn it in front of Rose and Alice. This is no different."

"Sure," I agreed, turning away to flick through the brief lace nighties because the thought of her in those sets was affecting me. My pants were tight and uncomfortable and I wondered where I could escape to if necessary. I adjusted myself and breathed in long, slow, deep breaths.

"Edward, could you just peep in and tell me what you think?" she asked through the curtain.

I carefully posed my body so only my face would be on show to her and peeped.

Fuck me.

The black bra was so sheer that the red roses looked to be tattooed on her breasts and the area around her nipples was completely undecorated and see through. I could see the coral pink buds harden and peak as I glanced at them.

The panties were a complete work of art as well. A red rose perched low between her legs and I wanted to invade it's petals.

"That's...um...nice," I said hurriedly and stepped back.

"I guess the pink rose set will fit, seeing it's the same, I don't need to try it on," she said and I thanked God for small mercies.

I spent the next few minutes calming myself as much as humanly possible.

"Edward, this one isn't nearly as pretty, what do you think?"

I inhaled and peeped inside the curtain again.

The royal blue bra and panties were made from sheer fabric as well, of course, and had tiny dots all over, but once again, no nipple coverage. And now I could see that Bella shaved or waxed, whatever. She had no jungle for Jake to have to fight through and I shivered. Fuck me, if there was ever a time that I envied that man, it was now, tonight.

Bella was determined to be completely unaware of my reaction as I tried to stop staring at her pale skin beneath the blue, and she spoke but I didn't hear the words.

"Edward, I said, do they make my bum look big? The others were proper panties but this one has a g string and I don't find them flattering," she said, eyeing her reflection in the mirror critically.

Fuck me, if she could find any sign of imperfection, she was insane. The damned things were made with her body in mind.

"Just buy them all, they'll all come in handy, sometime," I stated, my voice somewhat higher than usual. "Come on, Bella. Get dressed. This is ...I want to...I want to look in other shops as well."

"God, sorry," she apologized. "This must be so boring for you."

Oh fuck yeah, I've never been so bored. If there's one thing that bores me rigid it's looking at her body hardly dressed at all. Well, the rigid part was true.

The sales assistant looked at me with a smirk as I handed over the three sets to her while Bella redressed.

"Nice. Is it your birthday?" she asked.

"No, but it's a special night tonight," I said without thinking.

"Oh really," she said with a laugh. "Need anyone to come help you two work out the way these unsnap? I'm always available for after sales service."

I paid with my card and she lay the bag on the counter.

"Edward," Bella called, waving a couple of the silk nighties I'd hidden behind. "I'm going to try these on, okay?"

"Okay," I called back, and tried to adjust myself discreetly.

"Would you like a hand? I have a break room back here and it wouldn't be the first time I gave a male customer a little relief from shopping..." the salesgirl suggested.

Much as I would have accepted the offer immediately had it been Bella speaking, I shook my head.

"Where are the bathrooms?" I asked and she sighed and pointed them out along the hallway to the left. I did what a man sometimes has to do alone and unaided and whispered Bella's name. This was becoming a habit I needed to break. This was the solution for boys just entering their teens, not those about to leave them behind.

The salesgirl was still waiting when I got back.

"Give your wrist a rest. Call me. Whenever your girlfriend is working late or whatever."

"Thanks," I said dryly.

"No problem. There are other solutions to the one you used. Men tell me my mouth is really amazing."

She slipped me a card with the storename on the front and her cell number on the back.

It wasn't until we were in the car and Bella was inspecting her purchases that I realized I hadn't asked her what her name was.

"She was nice. Maybe you should date her if Tanya is still being difficult," Bella suggested.

Maybe not date but if Bella's life was going to leave me permanently hard, I possibly should consider looking for someone just like that salesgirl.

Nothing was going to happen between Bella and I but I couldn't become a monk because I wanted her so much; so pointlessly. I'd go insane if I sat in my bedroom every night while she and Jake did the things I wanted to be doing with her.

I had to accept there were things in life I would never get to have, and Bella was one of them.

The sooner I got myself a distraction, the sooner I could pretend to move on and maybe one day it would become bearable.

The other main thing that held me back was knowing any girl would expect me to fuck her as well as anything else and I was still resisting the idea of my first time being completely meaningless.

Rose was waiting when we arrived home and she and Bella disappeared into Bella's room but Emmett arrived soon afterwards and we went out to get a beer.

I related the story of the salesgirl to him and he laughed and slapped my back.

"Wow. I mean, Rosie and I have fucked in change rooms but I've never had a salesgirl offer to help me out. Why didn't you fuck her? She was clearly willing."

"Because I still want to wait and be with someone special my first time," I replied. I knew Emmett would never understand but I wanted a memory that consisted of more than just sexual release when it came to the cashing of my v card.

"Edward, you realize you will be a pretty crap lover for a while? Your first time will probably be over in a few seconds. Do you really want some girl you may end up marrying remembering your inept attempts before you learn some control? Personally I agree with what most guys do. You use a few girls who you will never see again for the early times. Or go find an older lady like I did, who can actually teach you what to do and how to make it last longer. It's way better having someone tell you where to touch and how to slow down. Ladies with years of experience themselves know the tricks."

"Who was your older lady?" I asked.

"Mrs Cope was the first," he replied with a wink. She worked at Forks High on the Principal's staff. I knew that woman had inappropriate thoughts about me by the way she forgot how to speak when I went to her office but clearly I was not the only one she had lusted after.

"She was one hot Mama under that stern exterior. How do you think I got the key to the janitor's closet? She took me there and it already had that armchair inside. I bet you that she put it there herself. The woman loved bending over it, I can tell you."

I laughed but I was very glad I had not known about her and my brother when I was at High School or I'd have stammered as much as she did when I went to get anything signed by her.

"She gave me the key so long as I promised to get detention every Friday."

"There was no detention Fridays," I recalled.

"Exactly. She got to punish me and me alone those days."

" Emm, I'll be honest with you. Sometimes I wonder why I am waiting. It's probably not going to happen like I'd want it to anyway."

"Not if Bella spends tonight with Jacob. That would ruin half your fantasy. You won't get to be her first."

"Is it that obvious?" I asked. For some reason I assumed my crush on Bella was going unnoticed.

"It is, bro. Pity, because I always hoped you would make her my sister for real. I still want you to, but it's a pity that dog gets to put his hands on her first."

"They are spiritually engaged," I reminded him.

"Yeah, they are. Edward, you are not sitting around the apartment , imagining them together. You are coming out to a party with us. Mike Newton may have been a dweeb in High School but he knows how to throw a good party. Why don't you tell me that salesgirl number and I'll invite her along for you tonight. It's just a date, bro, not a wedding. Not that the girl you encountered today sounds like marriage is on her mind."

I took the card out and handed it over.

He was right.

Bella would hand her precious gift to Jacob Black tonight, dressed in an outfit I'd paid for myself. I was an idiot, and there was no reason now to wait. I knew deep down she was the girl I'd been holding on to my v card for and there was no way I was staying virginal if she wasn't.

"She has a blonde ponytail," I replied. "The girl that wanted to help me out. I don't know her name but she is my date."

"Sometimes the experienced ladies are pretty young, they've just helped a lot of guys out already and Pony Tail sounds like just such a girl. Go pretty yourself up for tonight. We'll be by to collect you at nine o'clock. And Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Wear something pretty," he chortled.

Emmett would always be Emmett.

X~x~X

BPOV

"Tell me again, Rose," I ordered nervously.

"For Heaven's sake, have you got a fruit bowl in this place? Go get a banana."

"A banana?" I queried.

"If you want to learn how to give good head without biting, start with a banana," Rose stated, pulling me to the kitchen and browsing over the fruit bowl. "So, any ideas on size? Is Jake this size, or more generous?"

She held up two vastly differently sized bananas and we both burst out laughing, just as Edward walked into the apartment.

He laughed then shook his head and smiled at me.

"Fruit shopping?"

"Um, sure. Fruit's healthy and you should consume five pieces a day," I replied.

"Well, start small because that one in Rose's left hand will make you gag," he pointed out.

"Rose, she has never done this before, don't choke her to death on a herb."

"Technically it's both a fruit and a herb," Rose replied dryly. "Come on, Bella, we need some privacy and for God's sake keep your teeth covered with your lips."

I know I looked perplexed as I followed, sucking my lips in and feeling with my fingers.

Rose shut the door and handed me the smaller banana, peeled.

"Don't choke. You'll only end up choking if you bite, so don't bite."

"I thought Jake and I would just have sex, not do all this other stuff," I moaned. I hadn't suggested to Jacob that we should try everything, just get our damned v cards cashed.

"This is called foreplay and most guys expect a bit of mouth action first."

"Fine," I retorted and watched in amazement as Rose somehow fit almost the entire larger banana in her mouth then sucked on it and pulled it back out.

"Whoa. I don't think my mouth is that big," I protested.

"You did notice I leaned my head back," she said, pointing to her throat. "It's called deep throating for a reason."

"Ugh," I replied, trying not to gag the minute went past my back teeth.

"Okay, Edward is right. Take it slowly. Just start out sucking say one third inside your mouth then get used to that and use your tongue. Pretend it's a lollypop."

I felt like an idiot but I followed her lead and spent five minutes pushing the herb/fruit whatever it was, in and out and licking it's tip.

"Now, add a little suction. That's it," Rose coached, watching me critically. "A little more inside now."

My cellphone rang and I pulled out my banana and answered, looking at Rose.

"Hi Mom. No, it's not a bad time. I was just fellating a banana."

Rose laughed so much I thought she'd wet herself.

"Yes, I have a date tonight," I agreed to her question.

Her answer shocked me.

"I'm glad, sweetie. It's time you got out there and explored other options. I know you and Jake have been together forever but all the more reason to go out with other guys and have some fun.

And remember, what Jake doesn't know won't hurt him."

"Really, Mother? Seriously?" I said in shock.

"Bella, nobody settles down without a few interesting experiences behind them first. Now, keep yourself safe and use protection. I'm sure Jake is doing some exploring himself. Every time I call him, Leah answers his phone. I suspect she's been teaching that boy a few things. She's quite the perfect teacher for a boy like Jacob. Now, I won't keep you, you go and have some fun and don't worry, Bella. I won't tell anyone. Not Charlie nor Jake."

"Goodbye Mother," I grated. Honestly, considering she was the one helping us so we had a better future, she seemed a little keen to encourage us to do things that could come between us and split us apart.

"So, you didn't tell Renee that tonight was the night," Rose mentioned.

"Gee, maybe I should have. She was so busy congratulating me for cheating on Jake, I never felt the moment was right."

"Well go shower and I'll do the honours, I don't think Alice wants to help you on your downward spiral into hell. What's her problem, anyway? She used to like Jake. At one point I even thought she fancied him herself, now she's all anti-Jake just because her weirdo boyfriend has some delusional idea Jake is the anti-Christ?"

"Do you think Jasper is her boyfriend?" I asked. I wasn't sure if there was more to them than just their joint interest in both running and ruining my life. My bathroom lacked towels so I took my banana and went to get some from the linen cupboard. Just as I bit down on the fruit, Edward walked by and winced.

"Ouch, Bella. Here's a tip for you. Don't do that tonight."

"Waste not want not," I replied and got myself some towels.

Rose painted me up and fiddled with my hair and oversaw my dressing like I was some incompetent two year old. When we were done, I admit I liked what I saw. I'd gone with the blue undies at her suggestion, just in case the rose bedecked ones made him think of innocence and flower filled meadows we had run in as kids in Forks. I was an adult and Jake had to see me that way.

Edward was dressed up nicely and I gave him a thumbs up of approval.

"Big night for everyone, it seems," Rose said. "Have fun, kiddies. Edward, nice, go get 'em. Bella...no biting."

"Got it," I replied.

Edward opened the door and we went down to the lobby together.

"So, I hope tonight is everything you are hoping for," he said, leaning in to kiss the top of my head.

"Cheers, Edward. You too. See you Sunday."

I picked up my overnight bag and looked towards the door where Jacob stood waiting.

He and Edward shook hands and did a brief bit of small talk then we parted company with him and headed for our hotel and our luxury room for the next two nights.

It was a once in a lifetime event, worth paying every cent.

I'd remember tonight for the rest of my life, no matter what else happened.

X~x~X

EPOV

Mike's party was in full swing by the time I got there and I handed over the various bottles of alcohol I'd brought with me and accepted a glass half filled with Jack Daniels. Swallowing it down, I really tried to forget what was happening in that unknown hotel bedroom.

She would never be the same again. Even if she and Jake didn't last, they would have shared this first time together and it ate at my gut. She would always remember him. That's what they say, right? The first guy stays in a girls heart forever, even if just as a treasured memory. They stay together then it means nobody else ever gets to be inside her so she only has memories of him.

They split up and move on, he's still special. Always there, always her first. There's no erasing that. She'll never forget Jake, no matter what. Even if she ever becomes mine.

More alcohol seemed like a solution of sorts. I would drink until I could no longer see the images in my head.

"Hey, slow down. Being a virgin and all, you might not know this, but alcohol impairs performance," Emmett stated, taking the bottle from my hand and filling the glass with a lot of ice and soda and a small shot of Jack. "Now circulate and talk to some pretty ladies. Mike knows about your predicament and has agreed to you using his room, if necessary. If you don't want to go back to her place or take her to yours. I recommend doing the deed here so she can't find you again later. Don't use your own name. Think of something else now, and pretend to be a guy who is just in the city for a few days or just overnight, even. Traveling salesman, whatever. Don't give her your cell number and don't take hers. If she insists, file hers in the Delete section and give her this number," he said, typing in a number I recognised as being the local pizza delivery shop's number into my phone.

"What are you calling yourself?" he asked as he waited to type the name in.

Mike Newton appeared beside us.

"Use something you will remember. First name of your favourite actor, last name of your favourite poet. Then you will remember it," he suggested. "I'm Orlando Keats."

"Let's see. Edward Norton is his favourite actor and Countee Cullen is his poet, that gives you...Edward Cullen!" Emmett laughed.

"Maybe I could use my middle names," I suggested. "Anthony Masen."

"Okay. Orlando Keats, meet Anthony Masen."

Mike and I shook hands.

"Let the games begin," Emmett chortled, walking towards a group of women. "So, did it hurt when you ladies fell from Heaven?"

I sighed and glanced at the four of them, looking for someone who would be gentle and not expect a stellar performance. I had a feeling they had all been around a bit and let's face it, someone had to be the worst they'd had, may as well be me taking that crown.

Emmett had them all laughing and gravitating closer to him, and I could see there could be trouble when they found out he was here with Rose and that was not going to change. Just then, someone tapped my shoulder and I turned around and stood face to face to Pony Tail Girl.

"Hey. You've managed to slip out alone for the night, I see. Want some company?" she asked.

"Sure. I never asked your name. I'm Anthony Masen."

"Okay, I won't tell anyone you were using Edward Cullen's creditcard today," she grinned.

"Crap. I never have managed to get away with lying," I confessed. "But do me a favour and call me Anthony. Just to keep my brother off my back."

"Emmett's your brother? God, now I'm having flashes of what it would be like if both Cullen brothers came home with me tonight. Emmett is pretty damned skilled. I'm guessing you are too. The pretty ones always get the most girls but then, that just means they know what they are doing in bed."

"You know Emmett?" I said in surprise.

"We go way back. At least a month. I don't think he recognised my voice when he called me today. I had given up expecting him to call, then there he was, calling me Pony Tail girl like he has forgotten my name."

Before I could stop her, she tapped Emmett's shoulder and whispered in his ear. Emmett slapped my back and then whispered in my ear.

"Holy fuck, Edward, this chick is very athletic and supple. She will show you a good time, I can vouch for that."

I pushed away the thought I was getting my brother's leftovers. It was one night, and then I'd never see her again and neither would Emmett.

Pony Tail clutched onto my arm and I once again realised I didn't know her name.

"You take her in your car and we'll meet at my place. You can use our spare bedroom," Emmett called out. "See you there or I will hunt you down, Edward."

I seemed to be pretty much stuck with having to go along, and I opened my passenger door for her. Maybe it was better I never knew her name at all.

"We could always just go back to my place," she offered and I agreed. There was no way I wanted this to happen at Emmett's.

"So, I live in Dodson Street, near the Pizza place."

I headed the car in that direction and breathed in slowly.

_It has to happen sometime. Just fucking do it. Even playing fields, Edward._

X~x~X

BPOV

I couldn't understand why this felt so unnatural. Jacob handed me the glass and I downed the liquid in a single gulp.

"Hey, I don't want you to be drunk. Then I'd never know if you only did it because of the alcohol. This is what you want, right? You don't feel weird?"

I did feel weird and the closer it came to the crunch, the worse it felt.

_He's not my brother, and I love him in a real way, not a sisterly way. Not like I love...Emmett._

Oh fuck, that's exactly how I love him.

Why had it taken me so long to realise?

"Bells, you look like a man about to face the firing squad. I thought this was what you wanted."

"I did too. Jake, be honest. Are you sure we are meant to be together? You never think of me as more of a sister than a girlfriend?"

"What do you mean? We are friends, Bells, first and foremost and everyone says that is the best way to be. Like one another first then fall in love. So it's not just hormones and lust."

"When did we fall in love? I can't say that my feelings suddenly changed. I've always felt the same way about you."

"That's because it was love at first sight. We were in love forever."

He sat down beside me and I closed my eyes and tried to relax. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was confused, and I had some deep hidden feelings for Emmett as well? I laughed.

"This is funny?" Jake asked.

"I was thinking of Emmett. Wondering what it would be like to kiss him. It made me laugh."

"At least you don't have a thing for him as well," Jake murmured, pulling me down onto the bed with him.

I could feel panic swelling inside me.

_Breathe, Bella. Once you and Jake do this, you will be tied together forever._

Images flashed through my mind. A small black haired baby. I smiled, then remembered what Jasper said about the baby. Jake and my baby. I would never kill it. He must have been seeing something else. Maybe it was not what he thought. Maybe I'd get pregnant and not be ready for motherhood and want to make a choice that would kill the baby early, when it was just a group of cells. Then maybe I'd regret that choice and want to jump off the cliff myself. I could imagine that scenario but never the one he had painted.

Jake kissed me deeply and I found my tongue fighting his, not moving against it lovingly as it had in the past.

"Okay, maybe you do need to have a drink or two to relax," Jake decided and we sat up. He poured another drink and held out a hand and we went and stood outside on the balcony and played 'Do You Remember?'

So many memories. It bothered me greatly to realize there had never been an epiphany. My feelings had always stayed the same. I loved Jake, of that there was no doubt, but the scenarios we'd shared were always more like those of siblings. We'd never rushed blindly into anything and surely that would have been pretty natural, given our age. Teenagers make bad decisions, yet at no point had we ever lost control, yet Edward had me amusing myself in the shower and he'd never done more than kiss me.

"Do you remember the first time we kissed?" Jake asked me with a grin.

"Oh God. Alice's fourteenth birthday party. Spin the bottle. Never a good idea."

"It was for me. I'd never have summoned up the courage to give you your first kiss if that game had not been in progress when I arrived. It was my first kiss as well, and even though it took me a whole year after that to ask you to be my girlfriend, I knew from that party we were meant to be."

"How did you know?" I implored him. Maybe he had been the one having the epiphany.

"Because I was the first boy to kiss your lips. There had to be some significance."

I bit my lip and wished I had the courage to tell him the truth. He had been the third boy to kiss my lips.

Edward had already kissed me once before that night and even Alec had kissed me by then. Jake was the third and it wouldn't have happened if not for the game.

I'd never forgotten my first kiss even if I had never told anybody. I'd gone to the Cullen house as usual to hang out with Alice but after Dad dropped me and left, I saw the extra car that didn't belong. They had guests. I could hear many voices talking and laughing inside the house and was too shy to go in.

I suddenly realized it had been Tanya and her family. Gosh, I'd almost met her!

I'd heard someone say her name. I couldn't muster up the courage to go inside yet it was too far to walk home again, so I'd stayed out of the way, walking along one of the hiking trails in the forest and who should I find but Edward.

He was up a tree, watching his house.

_"What are you doing out here? I think your Dad wants you to go entertain someone named Tanya. I heard him saying you must be around here somewhere and she should go look for you."_

_"Shit no. Sorry, I didn't mean to curse in front of you but if you had met Tanya, you'd know why."_

_"What's wrong with her?" I'd asked, interested who would make Edward run away and hide out here._

_He balanced on a branch above my head and I decided to climb up the tree and sit with him in case this terrible, frightening girl appeared on the path._

_Edward looked shocked as I climbed even higher than he was and I gave the all clear._

_"If she is tall and has white hair, then she's sitting outside with your dog. Alice is talking to her."_

_"Yeah, well, Alice likes her for some reason. I guess because Tanya doesn't try to kiss her."_

_"She tries to kiss you?" I asked, surprised. Not that he wasn't good looking but he tended to stay well away from girls, unlike Emmett._

_"She has been trying to kiss me since I was twelve. Usually I make sure I ask if I can go to music c__amp if I know they are coming in the break, but this time they are just dropping in on their way to somewhere else, so if I stay out here in the forest, eventually they will leave."_

___"So, you are staying out until after dark? I heard Esme invite them to stay for dinner."_

___"God, my Mom is such a pain. She said they were just having a cup of tea and moving on. Now I get to freeze out here and starve to death as well."_

___"I could go get your coat and probably some food," I offered._

___"Then don't let anyone see you and if they do, please don't tell them where I am."_

___"I wasn't going to tell anyone, Edward."_

___I snuck back down to the house and managed to raid the kitchen unseen. Just as I finished putting some of the leftover cakes and sandwiches from the teatray into a lunchbox, Carlisle wandered in._

___"Hungry, Bella? You should have come in earlier and had tea with us all. You haven't seen Edward, have you?"_

___"Plenty of times. Tall, coppery hair, green eyes, is that the one?' I replied cheekily._

___"Okay, I guess he has sworn you to secrecy. He prefers the white bread sandwiches," he said, taking a second lunchbox and filling it before handing it to me. "You two keep an eye out for bears, and hunters. And stay together. The Denali's will leave after dinner, then you both must come inside, no matter what Edward says."_

___"If I see him, I will pass on that message," I replied._

___"Take some drinks. I don't want you frightening the deer down at the stream."_

___"I think I'd be more frightened than they would," I answered._

___"Okay, now take care. Be safe. Do you both have coats?"_

___I shook my head and Carlisle fetched two of Edward's jackets from the closet in the entryway and brought them back to me._

___"Thanks. If I see Edward..."_

___"Bella, just go. Before it gets dark. And don't you two wander in too deep. Tell Edward I said he has to protect you."_

___Huh, I was protecting him, actually._

___I ran all the way back to Edward and handed him his food and coat and we perched in the tree and spied on Alice and the three blonde haired sisters._

___"Oh shit, Tanya is kissing my dog. I never should have left Izzy down there all alone. She's a poor defenceless animal and that Tanya would kiss anyone. What has Izzy ever done to her to deserve this? We have to rescue her."_

___We climbed down out of the tree and ran along the path to where the trees were thinned out and Edward lay down on his stomach and started crawling commando style through the thick layer of leaves on the ground. He signalled me to do the same and we crawled to with about twenty feet of where the girls sat._

___Suddenly he turned and grabbed me and pulled me up level beside him._

___"Bella, don't scream. I'm going to kiss you. On the lips. Just in case Tanya catches me. I don't want her to be the first girl I ever kiss, okay? Do this for me."_

___And just like that, lying on the forest floor half covered in rotting leaves, Edward and I shared our first kiss together._

___I remember being surprised at how soft and warm his lips were. I assumed boys had hard cold lips for some reason. He cradled my face in his hands, and I touched his hair for the first time. He pulled back and then grinned, and moved back in for a second time._

___This was better, I knew what to expect and I moved my lips against his._

___He moved back away afterwards._

___"Was it okay? I didn't hurt you or anything?" he asked._

___"No, it was kinda nice," I replied._

___"Thanks for letting me kiss you," he whispered._

___We moved closer to the girls and managed to attract Izzy's attention, and she jumped up and raced towards us when she saw us._

___Edward and I got up and the three of us ran as fast as we could into the woods, until we collapsed on the ground laughing._

___Izzy licked our faces enthusiastically._

___"We saved you, Izzy. We'd never let Tanya slobber all over you."_

___The three of us finished sharing out the rest of the food and huddled together until the car left hours later. It was cold by then and Edward had put his arm around my shoulders and kept me warm, and Izzy's hairy body had covered our legs like a big shaggy floor rug._

___I wrote all about it in my diary when I got home that night, and Charlie asked me what the big secret was._

___"When can I have a boyfriend?" I asked him and he raised his eyebrows in surprise._

___"You haven't been hanging around with Emmett, have you?" he asked me worriedly._

___"Nope, I didn't see him all day long," I answered honestly._

___"So, did Jake find you? I told him you were at Alice's."_

___"Nope, didn't see him either."_

___Dad scowled at me and I got the first ever ' birds and bees' lecture, but he need not have worried. Edward never came near me again, and a year later Jake asked me to be his girl. I figured I'd given Edward enough time to make his own claim by then. He was always quiet and moody and shy, and I think he found playing his piano enough, even though his brother was dating just about every girl at school._

___He did seem a tiny bit sad when Alice announced Jake and I were going together, but he still sat beside me in class, seeing Jake didn't go to our school. He even invited me to Prom seeing Jake couldn't attend, so we went together but only as friends. He said he respected my relationship with Jacob too much to kiss me at the end of the night._

___I remember feeling a bit let down and sorry about that, but it was the right thing to do._

I smiled at the memory, and Jake mistook it for nostalgia about us.

"I need another drink," I decided. In fact, I drank drink after drink until finally Jake cut me off.

"Come on Bella, it's time."

He stood before me, peeling my clothes from my body and I didn't fight him. I promised to be his and now I would be.

"Bells, you are amazing. So lovely," he crooned, quickly shedding his own clothing. He leaned in and kissed me and we fell back onto the bed and he kissed my throat and his teeth grazed my neck as he mock bit my skin. I closed my eyes and let myself feel the longing. I wanted to be loved, and taken, and to give myself willingly to the man I loved.

"God yes, let's do this. I want you so much, Edward," I cried, surrendering.

Jake paused and rolled off me.

"What?" I asked in shock, opening my eyes.

"Edward? Seriously? You called me Edward."

"I didn't," I argued, but I knew it was true. The man who had hovered above me in my mind was not the man who had hovered above me in this bed.

"Jake, I'm so sorry," I cried and he lay on his back and pulled me onto his chest.

"Bella, I think on some level I always knew. But you didn't, so I thought I could prevent you from ever realising. If Carlisle hadn't sent you two off to college together, you would still be oblivious. Right now, I hate him. Him and his son. I've known for a long time that Edward loves you but you never saw it and he didn't even know himself. I should have married you when I had the chance."

"I don't love Edward," I replied. "Do I?"

"I fear you do but I hope you don't. I think the best thing would be if you and I took a proper break from one another and you used this time to work things out. If you love him, so be it. If you don't, Bells, I'll still be here, waiting. Now get dressed and go home and really think about what you want. Don't call me, I'll call you when enough time has passed."

He kissed me again when we were both dressed and he called a cab and put me inside it.

I felt so relieved I knew Jake had been right in some respects. I was confused and unsure and there was time to wait and not do this until it was sorted in my head. He'd leave me to work things out for myself, as he had promised but I would not keep him dangling for long. I'd confront Edward and sort this once and for all.

The apartment was dark and empty and I let myself inside and dropped my purse and overnight bag onto the couch.

I hadn't bothered turning any lights on and in the dark, I sat on the sofa and tried to do as Jake had suggested and really work out what I wanted.

A sigh left my lips because I did know, deep inside. I wanted Edward but I also wanted to do the right thing by everybody, and the two didn't gel. If I did what would make me happiest, I would be letting down my Dad and Jake and Billy. How much did I owe them? My Mom on the other hand would be pleased if I slept around with every boy in college. I would never do that, but maybe there was nothing wrong with making one single mistake, if this was what that was.

There was no saying Edward and I would last long anyway. He may hate having a girlfriend. He'd come to college ready to taste many flavours and so far he'd tasted none.

"I want to be Edward's first and I want him to be mine. That's the truth of it. Right or wrong, sensible or reckless, that's what I would do if it were only about myself," I admitted out loud.

"Maybe you should follow your heart and not your head for once," a voice said and I looked towards the chair beside the window. I could see his green eyes reflected in the moonlight.

"What happened?" he asked me quietly. "Why are you home already? I thought you were staying two nights with Jake."

"Things didn't go as planned. Why are you home? I thought this was your big night too."

"I got naked with a girl and all I could think of was how wrong it felt, and I came running home like some frightened child. I don't want to be with anyone else but you. I want to share my first experience with you. Do you want me?"

"I do, Edward. I think Jake and Jasper are right. I think this is how it is meant to be."

I stood up and walked to him, and he pulled me onto his lap and kissed my head.

"I don't know where this will lead but we owe it to ourselves to find out, don't you think?" he asked me quietly.

"It seems inevitable. I guess I always wanted it to happen this way, ever since that first kiss," I replied.

"God, I was such an immature kid. I always liked you but once you chose Jake over me, I guess I gave up."

"Edward, I never chose Jacob over you. You never asked me to be your girl. He did. It was that simple."

"But the notes I wrote that you never answered...I thought you didn't like me that way."

"What notes?" I demanded.

"I slipped notes into your bag during lessons. You must have seen them, I wrote one each day until Jake.."

I slapped my forehead.

"About the one chore Charlie did was emptying my school bag and refilling it for the next day. He was always frowning and cranky now I come to think of it. He kept reminding me I had options and choices and then he'd list Jake's qualities and remind me how he was the perfect boy for me. I never knew what prompted those lectures."

"I should have grown a set and spoken the words out loud," he sighed.

"It's not too late. We can share this night together then work out the rest in the morning," I suggested. Just his closeness was affecting my body, and making it hunger.

Edward kissed my lips and his hands stroked my breast, above my clothing. My body sang, but the song was, "Please, sir, I want some more."

"No passing out, not tonight. Tell me what we did in my shower that morning," he asked.

He wrapped his arms around me and I whispered into his ear and he grinned against my skin.

"That all sounds quite amazing. I love how your mind works. I've never put my mouth there on any girl before so tell me what feels good, and feel free to give directions."

He slipped his hand between my thighs and I opened my legs and lived my fantasy for real this time. I slipped my knickers off to make sure he would have plenty of access.

"Hey, I paid for these," he said with a smile, putting them into his pocket.

He had two fingers inside me and his palm...God, I would never be able to look at his hands again without remembering this.

He moved his face back a little and watched my eyes as I struggled not to moan out loud.

I could feel my body welcoming his fingers in and I was suddenly wetter than before but it only made him smile and stroke me harder.

Suddenly he sat me on the chair and knelt down and just as I had fantasized, he kept his fingers busy but moved his palm away and placed his mouth there instead.

I had missed a couple of bases here. From never been fingered, to being fingered while being sucked...God help me.

I felt myself lean in harder against his mouth but by this point, I had no shame left. He reached his spare hand up and pulled my backside in closer and I grabbed his hair and held him there while he did the most amazing things I'd ever felt. His tongue was stroking and teasing in a way my fingers never managed and my knees felt like jelly. I never wanted this to end but when the ending came, it was magnificent and I cried out his name. He licked me gently as I rode out the tsunami against his mouth and then suddenly he was here again, kissing me, holding my shoulders and pushing me against the back of the chair.

"Shower time," he murmured.

If it was a race to see who could get naked the fastest, I won. Edward stood before me, and to my amazement he looked unsure about whether I liked what I saw. He stepped in close and flipped my hair from my shoulders and gazed at my naked breasts.

"All of you is so beautiful, so perfect," he whispered, touching me as if I were made of porcelain. I timidly looked down at his penis and reached out to feel what it felt like. It was hard yet covered in soft skin. He moaned and shivered as I stroked it's length.

"I ...do you really...is this going to fit? Inside me?" I asked him anxiously.

"We should find out. Get into the shower, the water might make things easier."

He soaped my skin all over and washed the bubbles away then started kissing an sucking on my nipples and I wanted to rip my hair straight out of my head. I'd never felt so needy yet sure this was right. I wanted so much more of him.

Edward paused and looked at my eyes.

"Tell me if you want me to stop. It doesn't have to happen tonight. If you'd rather wait until we try dating first..."

"No way, this happens now," I growled. He was not running away again.

His erection pushed between my thighs...

This time I wanted to know what happened next and I felt him inch cautiously inside me. He was gazing deeply into my eyes, watching my reaction the whole time.

I winced a little as he paused to fight the barrier that kept him from moving in more deeply.

"Sorry Bella, it has to be done," he whispered, kissing my neck and throat and up to my lips. "If I hurt you too much, you must tell me and I'll stop. I swear I'll stop."

He eased in further, and I felt pressure as my hymen resisted.

"It's okay, keep going," I assured him. He looked pained, like this was hurting him more than it hurt me. His hands stroked my face and he edged in more firmly.

I swear I saw pain and fear in his eyes, as he cradled my face between his palms. It helped, to be honest, to know he was empathizing with me and feeling every sensation I was feeling.

As it tore, he kissed my mouth and shared my pain. It was brief and stung more than hurt, and it was over in a flash, then Edward pushed in further before stopping and holding me tightly against him.

"I know it hurts, Baby. Just breathe through the pain," he said, kissing the top of my head.

"I think it's okay," I replied, and he smiled and smoothed my hair away from my face.

"So beautiful, my Bella. So perfect," he murmured and held my head against his chest.

"This is where I want to be, forever."

It did feel right, and natural and I felt no hesitation or doubt that he was the one this was meant to happen with. How could I have not known and pushed him away for so long? This would have happened anyway had I just let things progress as they had been. It was inevitable.

"This might not feel so good for you, Baby, but it has to be done. Next time will be better, I promise you that."

He was gentle but firm and while I can't say it was exactly enjoyable like his mouth had been, it was wonderful just feeling him inside me and as he came, he buried his face in my neck and held me tightly. I could feel him pulsing inside my body and it blew my mind. His lips sought mine and we kissed until he withdrew, then he took the sponge from the rail and started washing us clean. I let him towel me dry and then did the same for him. My body ached a little inside. I enjoyed the pain, the proof of what we had done.

" We should continue this in bed," he whispered and I agreed. He carried me to my bed and pulled the covers back open. He lay me down then lay beside me, inside the covers at last and pulled me in close, kissing the top of my head.

"If this is a dream, don't wake me up," I begged, and lay my head on his chest.

X~x~X

I have never forgotten that night, I was right about that. We both slept for hours, entwined in one another and before dawn, he made love to me again, so gently I could have cried. It hadn't hurt at all, but it did convey to me how much he cared about me.

I dozed in his embrace until morning.

I dreamt I was standing at a crossroad. To my left was Jake, waiting with infinite patience and undeniable love. To the right was Edward, smiling and holding his arms out to me. I knew on some level he loved me every bit as much as Jacob did, but it was a different type of love.

And now I finally understood the difference.


	9. Chapter 9

The Lie

Chapter 9

EPOV

Waking up entwined with Bella was my dearest wish come true and I still found it hard to believe that last night had begun so badly yet ended so perfectly. To think I'd almost given up and slept with that girl, out of hopelessness and , yes, a desire to somehow hurt Bella because of how badly I'd felt about her original plans for last night.

My Guardian Angel must have been working overtime. It could have so easily been the worst night of my life rather than the best. If I'd slept with that girl then come home to find Bella had changed her mind about being with Jacob...it didn't bear thinking about. We'd have both been gutted.

I'd never slept beside a naked girl so it was yet another first, and in a way it was almost as good as what we had experienced together last night.

Afterglow.

I fully realized the sex had not been anywhere near as good for Bella as it had been for me, and all I could think about was how to improve things fast.

When she stirred and whispered my name in her sleep, my body reacted as one would expect and I was debating whether it would be possible to make love again or if she would be too sore, when Bella herself decided for me.

She reached down between us and stroked my erection with her small, gentle hands and made me shiver. I opened my eyes to find her gazing into mine.

"You did say the second time would be better," she whispered with a grin.

Once again I was torn. This might be a one time offer, we had not made any promises and I wasn't game to assume this night had changed the current status quo. Bella may well stay with Jacob, having succeeded in realizing her wish to be my first and for me to be hers.

Insisting she might be too sore could mean I was passing up the only invitation she might ever issue to me.

"Are you sure about this? Do you feel up to it?" I asked, regretting the words but I needed to know she was okay. Laying side by side, I was watching her reaction, waiting for any hesitation or indication of pain as my fingers checked she was aroused enough for me to enter her.

"Of course I do. I just want to know what it's like to reach that peak with you inside me this time,"she purred.

No pressure then. I'd made love a total of one time and now I was expected to ring her bell.

My hands caressed her breasts and I grazed my teeth down the side of her neck, seeing that had turned her on so much before, and Bella pushed me onto my back and straddled my body, smiling down at me from above. Her long brown hair fell like a curtain beside her face and I reached up to tuck it behind either ear.

I wanted to see all of her. She inched down, guiding my erection inside her body, pausing now and then, then continuing with such determination. It felt so awesome my one fear was that I would lose it before she felt much herself but the sight of her breasts bouncing slightly above me as she moved kept me as firm as a rock. God, I wanted this to last. I wanted Mrs Cope or some other older woman to whisper in my ear and instruct me how to hold off because my eager body just wanted to let go and fill her.

Instead I gazed into her eyes and demanded of myself that I wait until she was done.

She writhed and bucked hard against my pelvis and my hands reached to cup her breasts, then I leaned up and took one nipple into my mouth. Something changed as I sucked down hard. I felt her tighten inside, around me, and she ground against my body frantically , moaning "God yes Edward, don't stop," as if that was possible. Her eyes opened wider and her mouth closed in a tight line line then fell open as her head fell back away from me and she screamed the second most sweetest word in the English language.

"Yes!"

I felt her pulsing madly and it was as if she was grasping then releasing my dick inside her as her walls contracted firmly and yes, I lost control.

"Bella, fuck yes," I heard myself cry out as I filled her.

She stopped moving as her head fell forward and her hands clasped my hair tightly. I could hear her gasp in large breaths of air, but I needed to feel her move as my body convulsed inside her so I grasped her hips and moved her up and down a few more times, until it passed. She fell down onto my chest and I found myself laughing softly. It was perfect, so perfect.

My arms slid around her and held her in close and tight so our hearts raced together and my sweat dried on her skin, and hers on mine.

There was no denying we had been made for one another but did she know that yet?

She just wasn't the kind of girl who would switch boyfriends just like that and leave Jacob Black out in the cold. I was somewhat confident she would eventually see the truth and be mine but I could not push her.

My hold on her was tenuous at best. Of course, she had no idea what she had done to me.

I smiled sadly. How often do you hear some girl say a boy has ruined her for other boys? Bella had ruined me for every other girl on the planet.

My heart was in her hands.

Amazingly, she dozed and I heard her mutter both his name and my own, and my heart swelled at the breathless way she whispered "Edward" as she slept. Sure, she had spoken Jake's name too, but it had been said in sadness and to me, the way she said it sounded like goodbye.

I couldn't help being encouraged and letting my hopes rise with every breath that made her chest inflate and push her breasts in closer against me.

We lay there for ages. She slept; I didn't want to move. I wanted to imprint this into my memory.

It wasn't until the unmistakable sound of Rosalie bashing the door down shook us both to complete consciousness that we moved as one, jumping from the bed.

"Shower," I said, pointing the way, as I pulled on yesterday's jeans and pulled Bella's bedroom door shut behind me as I answered the door that had somehow held up against the barrage.

"Edward? Seriously? You brought her back here?" Rose said angrily and for a moment I thought she knew everything and was unhappy about Bella and I. Then I got the picture.

"I just think you should have kept your promise to Bella and kept your..activities...out of this apartment. She had the decency to go elsewhere with Jacob. You should have done the same. Emmett told you to come use our spare bedroom."

"I didn't bring who you think back here," I swore.

Rose tapped her foot then flounced down the hallway and threw open my bedroom door. My bed was still neatly made and obviously had not been slept in last night.

"You went to hers? You went to Pony Tails place?"

"I did," I agreed, as it was the truth though not the whole truth. I was protecting Bella, not myself. We had not even discussed whether what happened was something that would ever be mentioned to anyone.

Obviously, if Bella was not leaving Jake, then she would hardly want anyone to know what had transpired here last night and again this morning.

"You what? Came home to shower? Where are the rest of your clothes?" she demanded.

"On a certain young lady's bedroom floor," I replied with a smirk, knowing that was the answer she expected.

"Leave them there, you have plenty more clothes," she growled. "And go shower, you stink like sex."

"And you would recognise that stink," I laughed and pushed past her to go into my bathroom and turn my shower on.

I was out and dressed and still Bella had not appeared. I made coffee and poured Rosalie a cup and another for my brother when he appeared at my front door way minutes later.

"So, did he back out? Did he turn tail and run home? Edward, tell the truth. Did you go through with it?" Emmett asked, sitting down at the breakfast bar and opening the cake tin to help himself to Bella's latest offerings. "Did you need that shower or is it just a charade so we think you did the deed?"

"Oh he needed that shower. Little Miss Pony Tail must have taken him for one wild ride," Rose

interjected.

"Yeah? Serious?" Emmett asked me. "You cashed your card?"

"I guess I cashed it twice," I replied, grinning at the obvious conclusion he had jumped to.

Emmett jumped to his feet and rounded the bar, grabbing me in his arms and lifting me from the floor.

"Edward Cullen is a man, Ladies and Gentlemen," he crowed, ruffling my still damp hair. My scalp was a little tender from Bella's tendency to yank on my hair as she enjoyed herself, so I winced a little.

"Come on, Bro. We are taking you out for breakfast," Emmett yelled. It seemed the best thing to do. Bella could have made her presence known at any time and she hadn't. Therefore she hadn't yet decided how this game went from here on forward.

Or else she actually had decided.

As we headed for the car park, I saw Jake emerge from a taxi and head towards our building and

all I could do was hope she chose me.

Now I had tasted the wine, how would I ever settle for enjoying the bouquet instead, again?

X~x~X

BPOV

Everything had changed yet nothing had changed.

I'm sure Edward had picked up on my need to keep things simple and low-key but that didn't mean last night hadn't been the best night of my existence. And he had entered my heart as easily as he had entered my body.

That meant I loved him, right, at least more than I loved Jake. In a whole different way to the way I loved Jake.

Jacob was not my brother and brotherly love really didn't describe the way I felt about him after all. He was special and beloved and I would always, always want him in my life, but as my friend. Possibly no other friendship would ever feel as intense and just necessary, but just because I couldn't love him in the way he wanted didn't mean I could ever walk away from him.

Well, I had to do that, obviously.

I just wished he could read my mind and understand everything I was feeling because it was so hard to put it into words.

I loved him still, nothing had changed, not for me, but I guess I never loved him purely and simply, like the way Edward made me love. Jake made me feel complicated, like the lines were there but they were blurred so much I couldn't see where to stand any more.

There was no black and white, just a million shades of grey.

I walked into the kitchen and picked up the coffee Edward had left for me; poured into my favourite mug. The one with the little cover than kept the coffee hot.

My lips smiled automatically at the knowledge he had been thinking of me, caring about me, even as he talked and joked around with Emmett and Rosalie. I didn't assume for one minute he was ashamed at what we had done, that was not why he hadn't told them.

Either he wanted the knowledge kept between just us, so it was our secret, or else he was protecting me. There was no third option.

We needed to talk but how did I sort out all the feelings and new knowledge inside my brain and put it into words? I doubted he was ready for any declarations of love, anyway, I wasn't in a position to say them. Not yet.

I walked to the window and looked outside, my hand tracing my throat where Edward had mouthed and bitten yet left no marks. God, who knew you could be turned on by that? I didn't allow myself to re-live the sensations he'd caused when he sucked on my nipples because he wasn't here to deal with the fallout.

I felt quite pleased with myself. I'd always assumed I was maybe somewhat undersexed, because I had never just told Jake to shut the fuck up and jumped his bones one of those many, many nights he slept in my bed beside me.

Yet this morning when I awoke in the pre-dawn darkness and reminded Edward he still owed me the better version, I had been quite bold and I had definitely not blushed or felt even slightly shy. And I was feeling absolutely no regrets.

Not only that but I didn't even feel like they may come tapping at my conscience somewhere down the line in future.

Nope, I knew what I wanted to happen; I helped it happen, and I loved it. Not only that, I wanted it to happen again, many more times.

I traced a heart into the steamy condensation my coffee had caused on the cold glass. I wanted to write inside it.

Grinning to myself, I traced the letters with one finger and stood back. It was juvenile and childish but I had never written my name in a love heart with a boys name until now.

_Bella Loves Edward._

Did I, though? Was this love? Or was this what happened when you let a guy inside your body the first time? I was pretty sure it was love. I felt warm all over, and wanted, and trusted, and even yes, loved. Cherished, protected, needed.

Just then a knock sounded at the door and I hurried to answer, hoping Edward had come back already, but he had keys, why would he knock?

"Jake!" I said in surprise.

God, I wasn't ready for this.

"Bells. I couldn't leave without talking about what happened first. I'm going to Forks for the rest of break so you will have the space you need as I promised but I feel like I may have given you the wrong impression.

I want us to stay together. I want us to be re-engaged as soon as possible. Don't think my walking away indicates anything more than just me recognising that you need some time to think and be sure. I'm confident if there is anything between you and Edward in the future, it will at least give you something to compare our love to, and I believe you will know then that you and I are meant to be together.

I can't pretend I'm happy knowing this may end badly. I'm sure he wants you, and maybe he does even love you Bella, but keep in mind our history and all our hopes for the future and our plans. They can still happen, even if Cullen does become your first lover one day.

Please don't rush into anything.

I'm not handing you over to him, I'm just giving you space, okay? That's entirely different.

If you date him, please always remember that I live inside your heart and I was there first."

"Thank you, Jake," I murmured. This was worse than I imagined. "I'm not rushing into a relationship with him but I have to be honest and tell you I do think that will happen, in time. I think Edward feels the same way I do. I know he does. He said we owe it to ourselves to explore whatever this is between us, and I agreed with him, Jake. Is it love? I can't say with certainty. I love you but I love Edward in an entirely different way," I confessed.

"That's good. Amazing. You already know this won't last and you will come back to me," he said jubilantly. "Bells, do we really need to even tell our fathers that we are on a break, when we both know it's temporary? Is there any point upsetting everyone for what will possibly be nothing but a hiccup? I will wait for as long as it takes for you to tire of him and come back to me."

"What if that doesn't happen? What if Edward and I fit together better than you and I do?" I asked him, hoping to start him doubting what was between us now. I couldn't bring myself to tell him I would never feel for him anything like how I felt for Edward.

But this was new and precious and delicate and who knows if it would even survive the next month, the next year? I wanted it to, but would Edward find it stifling? The last thing I would want was for him to stay with me and wish he was out tasting other flavours. As hard as it would be for me, I had to remain somewhat detached until he felt as sure as I did.

I should protect my heart but was that even possible?

Look what was happening to Jake, even if he didn't get it yet. His heart would be broken, of that I was certain. I was going to break it, shatter it, and kill his dreams.

And I had no idea how to do that gently. Anything I said would be brutal at this point.

"I have so much to think about," I declared. "Jake, whatever happens, whoever I end up with, I will always need you. Always. I can't say as what. Not yet. But promise me we will always be the very best friends ever born even if things don't work out like we expected. I couldn't live without you."

"Baby, you know you feel that way yet you still need time? I don't get it, Bells. It sounds like love, it feels like love, yet somehow you doubt things now? I can't pretend to understand but I am trying. Okay? Know that. Here, in my heart, where it matters, I have no doubts and I wish I knew a way to make you feel the same. But, hey, I promised to allow you to work things out for yourself and the minute you do, you call me, Babe, and I will come running. I don't think he will tear us apart simply because I don't think anyone or anything could. Now come here."

I smiled weakly and went to him, into his embrace, but when his lips met mine, I froze.

_God, Bella, you have been kissing him for years. Just do it._

I knew my mouth was tightly sealed and unresponsive and I wished I could fake it at least but these were the wrong lips.

Jake pulled back in shock.

"Bells? We can't even kiss now? What's going on?"

"It's just that I think it means a different thing to you than it does to me now. Jake, something's changing. I am not sure how this will end up but I have to admit, I can no longer see us getting married. The image of me with your children...it's gone."

"No," he denied. "Bella, you need time, I'm giving you time. But don't you dare say our future is **erased.** There's just no way for that to happen. This is a detour. You want to try and be with Cullen... fine. I can't stop you. But you will be back and I will forgive you. I love you that much, Bells. I love you enough to know you will probably end up in his bed, and yet I will take you back."

"I don't deserve your love or your trust," I wailed. "I know it isn't cheating because you are man enough to let me go for as long as I need, and clearly you know how things will go, what will happen. But you shouldn't put your life on hold for me, Jacob. That isn't fair. You are free, too. You can date other girls, kiss them, sleep with them if you want to, because you cannot be thinking this is just some crush I have on Edward. It feels real. It feels like...love."

"And what you feel, have felt, for me, isn't?" he barked harshly.

"Of course it is but it is a different kind of love. That's what I'm trying to explain."

"Oh Bells, you are so innocent. What you feel for him is lust and attraction and he's here and I'm far away. Tell me this. If Renee hadn't paid for my college and Cullen hadn't paid for yours, would we be married, living together, by now?"

That was true. I couldn't deny it. Had I never come here to the city, Jake and I would be at home, sleeping in our new bed, cooking for Charlie, working, scraping by.

"Yes. I know we would be," I admitted.

"Then hold onto that thought, because once this college crap is over, we will fix everything. You will marry me, Bella. Promise me you won't do anything reckless? You won't marry Cullen? Not before we all go home to Forks and see which jigsaw puzzle you fit into best. Back in the real world."

"Maybe you are right," I sighed. "But we are on a break. A real, proper, no-ties, no promises, break. If you meet someone new, I will understand and not make a fuss. You have to promise the same. If Edward , or any other guy, becomes what I need and can't walk away from, you have to promise to try and understand and accept that."

"I'm not going to fight with you. I'll fight for you, Babe but I can see now I was trying to pin you down too fast. You need to have your time here to meet other men and date, and one day we will be home and back together and it will be like this never existed. I promise you, you will feel the same by then."

"Then we won't have a problem," I said with a smile.

Jake put his arms around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head, which made me feel more uncomfortable than when he had kissed my lips, because this was Edward's thing. But I didn't react. I rubbed my hands across his back and smiled into his dark eyes and wondered if it was possible that he could be right.

I didn't think there was any way he was, but then, had you told me before I came here that I would not want to marry Jacob anymore and that I would imagine myself completely in love with Edward Cullen...well, I would have wondered what you were smoking.

"So, we are the very best, closest friends in the universe with view of a future more binding relationship," Jake summed up. "Once you have your fling, of course. Funny, I always thought it was the guy who got cold feet and needed to spread his wings before settling down but I don't feel that need. Not at all. I'll wait for you, Bells. I promise you that."

"I wish you wouldn't. You need to be open to other friendships, other possible relationships. What about you and Leah? I mean, you live in the same apartment as she does. Haven't either of you ever wondered what it might be like to...explore that?"

"No way. I love you; she loves Sam. Neither of us has any doubts. That would be just you, Babe."

"I'm truly sorry, Jacob. You will always own a part of my heart, I admit that. It's just that I don't know how big that part will be."

"Do what you need to do, and then come home, Bells. Home where you belong and where I'll be waiting for you."

I shrugged and kissed his cheek.

I didn't deserve him but then, had I ever?

X~x~X~x~X~x

EPOV

Alice and Jasper were already sitting inside the restaurant, waiting and the moment Jazz saw me, he jumped up and all but ran toward me.

"Oh Thank God!"

"Indeed," I replied, winking at him and Alice.

"Emmett and Rose don't realise..." he said in wonder.

"Yes we do. Edward is no longer virginal. And he liked it so much he did it twice," my brother boasted on my behalf.

"Amazing. I was so worried and then, around midnight, things changed. The air suddenly became easier to breathe and I fell asleep. I expected to be up pacing the floor all night," Jasper admitted.

Alice looked confused then Jazz took her hand and placed it on his chest and she jumped up and down a little and turned to embrace me.

"Oh Edward. We were so worried."

"You need not have been," I answered glibly. God knows I'd been far more worried than they would ever be, before midnight.

"What's going on? Didn't you think our bro could get it up? He's a Cullen.. We can go all night," Emmett stated proudly.

"Sure can," Rose replied, looking perplexed at the overjoyed reaction from Jasper.

"So, all's well?" she asked hesitantly.

"All's well, Rose," I replied.

X~x~X

I could hear them before I even opened the door. Bella was laughing and to my surprise, so was Jacob. That could only mean he didn't know. She had not told him.

I went inside and they were sitting side by side on the floor, their backs against the sofa. I crossed the room to stand beside my girl, and she looked up at me with clear eyes and no trace of shame or regret or even confusion.

"Jake and I have talked things through. He's putting his money on us not lasting," she said waving her hand to indicate 'us' was me and her. "He thinks we will come to our senses and I'll go running home to him after college."

"I never said Cullen would come to his senses. I merely said you will see through him and realise what he can offer you is not as real as what we have shared for years. You've never cared for pretentious cars or fancy houses. I know you will be satisfied with what we can afford to buy together, once we both secure good jobs and earn decent money. It will come down to which one of us you love more, Bells."

Jacob Black stood and held out his hand to me.

I took it, and he grinned.

"May the best man win. Nobody pulls the wool over my girl's eyes. Not for long. She will know where her heart belongs by the time college is done. You look after her while I can't. Promise me that. I want her back in perfect condition. No ring on her finger, no baby in her belly. Bella and I have agreed those are the rules. So now you know too. We will see one another every break and any other time we choose, regardless of what happens between you two. Goodbye, Edward. Bells, walk me out, would you?"

And he was gone.

I watched from the window as he caught her inside his embrace and kissed her face but from here I couldn't tell if he had aimed for her lips or her cheek. She didn't pull back at all.

As his cab arrived, he jostled her playfully and she slapped back, but she was laughing.

The truth was, I may never have her entire heart. Not while he lived and breathed.

He kissed her again, quickly, on the lips and she stood back waving as the cab pulled away.

Once it was out of sight, Bella came inside and closed the door behind her, standing against it.

"So," she said with a smile.

"So," I replied.

"I guess none of us can see into the future. We don't know how this ends. But we all know the rules."

"Did you tell Jake about last night?" I asked.

"Nope, but it makes no difference. Whether that happened then or tonight or in a week, he knows it was going to happen and he accepts it. He loves me that much, Edward."

"And him and Leah?" I grasped at straws.

"Friends. Without benefits. Friends working together toward their goals. To graduate and go home and prepare for the future, however things pan out."

"He's a better man than I am, then," I informed her.

"Maybe, maybe not. I'm in no position to compare," she said, walking towards me, into my waiting arms.

I kissed the top of her head and she snuggled up close to my body.


	10. Chapter 10

The Lie

Chapter 10

Going Home

EPOV

"We should all go home for break," Emmett announced, kissing Rose's cheek as she curled snuggled up in his arms, on his lap. "We have to make our announcement. Sooner would be better than later, methinks. I just hope Mom is so thrilled at the idea of a grandbaby that she and Dad don't ask too many probing questions. Best they just think Rosie and I fucked up and forgot to use a condom."

He squeezed Rose's arm reassuringly. I was amazed in the way Emmett had just not only reverted to loving Rose exclusively, but also the way he was accepting the baby as if it was his. Life did seem unfair. All those times he could have so easily been the one who knocked her up, and instead, she has an unwilling tryst with Royce and here she is, pregnant.

It did make me understand Jacob Black a little more. I guess some men do love their women with unconditional love.

Jake would willingly take Bella back even after her relationship with me, or indeed, any other males.

Emmett seemed completely sure of his love for Rose, which puzzled me because he had ignored it so completely when we got here.

I guess I had a lot to learn.

If Bella were mine, there was no way I would ever stand back and virtually give her permission to be with any other man on Earth. To me, Jake's idea of true love was twisted and strange because waiting around for her to choose him after she had attempted to be with others reeked of a complete lack of self respect. Sure, she was beautiful and amazing and easy to love but it did scare me a little that he was so willing to accept whatever crumbs she offered. If I ever felt that way, I would have to wonder if the girl was good for me.

If a clean break would not be a better solution.

"When are you thinking of going?" I asked, flipping open my laptop and searching for tickets to Seattle.

"We were thinking next Monday. We have one thing to get accomplished first."

I froze.

"Emmett, Mom will kill you if you two get married without her there. You know she has always looked forward to our weddings. If you want her support, you can't think of doing this."

"I know, but I think it would be best to get the legal bit done. It won't be a wedding as such, more a signing of a marriage licence. The wedding will happen at home. I don't want anyone talking either of us out of this."

"Why would they try, when they know there is a baby involved?" I replied.

"Dad will tell us we have options, and Rosie isn't open to those options. She wants to keep the baby. Heck, even Jasper says it will work out fine. This is my baby, Edward. Mom and Dad accept and love me as their very own and always have. The fact some other man fathered me and some other woman carried me has never stood in the way of their love.

That's all that's happening here. I love Rosalie with all my heart and I was a complete dick who needed a slap in the face to make me wake up and realise I was tossing aside the only woman who is right for me.

I don't see this baby as my punishment for that, more just a reminder that I am not the ruler of the universe and things happen when you drop the ball. I'll never look at another woman as long as we both live. Rose never doubted her love for me, so really, we both did fuck up badly. It's hardly a lie. All I ask is that none of you ever speak of the so called 'true paternity' of this child. It's mine. It's ours. In every way that matters. Just as I am a Cullen because I was chosen to be, so is this baby. I just want to spare Mom and Dad , and Rose's parents, any anguish. If they assume it is ours, we'll just cop a few lectures and a few 'you have let us down' speeches and life will go on as it was meant to.

If they know differently, it will be a shit storm of massive proportions.

They'll panic and want Royce informed, and he does not deserve to know. He cared nothing for Rose. She was simply a fashion accessory to him and he had replaced her long before she even left him. He is nothing to do with our baby and that's the way it stays, now and forever."

"Fine. Nobody will ever hear a word about it from me," I promised. "It's a pity you two didn't hook up while you were on your 'break' from one another and have a fuck for old times sake and then maybe this baby really could be yours."

Emmett paled, and turned to Rose.

"What?" I demanded.

"That party...at Sabrina's...when was it?"

Rose frowned.

"Emmett, that was ages ago, long before this," she said, pointing at her stomach. "That was like four weeks earlier. I had a period afterwards, anyway. The next day, if I remember rightly."

"Okay. I can't remember the details. I know we were both hammered. Damn, I thought for a minute...," Emmett mused.

"I'm seven weeks along. I would be eleven weeks if it had happened that night. But we could always pretend Sabrina's party was a month later. Who would ever question it?"

Bella arrived home with Jasper and Alice and immediately, Jazz started grinning.

"Worked it out, have we?" he asked, smiling at my brother and Rose.

"Yeah, sadly," Emmett replied. "So, are you three up for a quick trip home to Forks? Rose and I have some explaining to do about how **we** slipped up and are expecting a baby together. Do you guys want to be there for the explosion or are you wanting to avoid that shit?"

"I imagine Carlisle will insist on doing a scan," Jasper stated. "I want to be there for that. With my camera."

"Freak. Whatever. So, you are in. Alice, Bella, you two game to bear witness to our earthquake when we tell the folks?"

"I definitely want to be there, for the surprise," Alice answered, clapping her fingertips and smiling at Jasper. "Are you going to tell them first?"

"They should have worked it out for themselves. You told them already, Alice," he replied.

"I'm going to be an Aunty," she said, and we all wondered why she was saying this. We knew Rose was pregnant already.

Bella suddenly gasped and headed for the bathroom and Alice and Jasper burst out laughing.

"Hey, go calm her down and assure Bella it's not her we are talking about," Jasper urged Alice, who was still laughing as she followed Bella.

"Fuck me, I wish you pair would speak English," Rose complained.

"All will be clear, in time," he replied. "So, we need six tickets on a flight home. What have you found, Edward?"

I paid for the tickets and closed the laptop.

"Done. No complaining, they were the only seats left. Forks, here we come."

Bella came back into the room with my sister but she had clearly been crying and I took her arm and steered her into the kitchen area, hiding her from the others behind the column that housed the fridge.

I placed my hands on the fridge door and loomed above her.

"What's wrong? Why were you weeping?" I asked in fear.

Bella smiled and shook her head.

"I got the wrong end of the stick. I thought Alice meant she was really going to be an aunt and that meant there was a baby coming that was either really Emmett's, or else yours. As I'm the only one you..."

"Baby, you are on the Pill. It works in about 99 point something cases. You are as safe as possible. Don't worry. If anything like that happened, I would never abandon you."

"I know that but everything's still a confused mess," she replied, wiping her eyes.

"Not for me. I know that I love you, Bella. I realise you need time to sort things out in your head and I know Jake has first claim, but you need to know I'm sure that we should be together, no matter what.

I love you, Baby."

She placed her hands on my hips and started crying again.

"I'm pretty sure I love you too, Edward," she replied tearfully.

I put my arms around her and hugged her in close to my body.

"Then why cry about it?" I asked her, my heart thumping out of control at her confession.

"I'm going to hurt Jake so badly. I can't ever go back to him and he doesn't understand that. He thinks he still has a fifty/fifty chance, at least, and he has none, Edward. Even if you and I don't work out, I can't see myself ever going back to him."

"You won't need to, Bella. We will work out just fine. Spend some time with him while we are in Forks. You have to make him see that you two are done. At least he will be home, among friends and family when he realises."

"There is that," she agreed.

I cradled her cheek in my hand and lifted her face to mine, and kissed her.

She kissed me back, desperately and I wished our guests would disappear and to my shock, I heard Jasper suggest they all go to the coffee shop and next thing our door slammed shut behind them.

Bless the man and his 'powers' or whatever.

"Come with me," I urged Bela, and took her into my bedroom. We lay together on top of the covers and I held her tightly and kissed the top of her head. "You can control the pace, Bella. We can go as fast or as slow as you need us to. I want us to work, and I'll do everything I can to make that happen."

She lay there against me, her fingers drawing little circles on my chest, and in time, she stopped weeping and actually smiled.

"I hope we do have a baby, one day. Not for a long time, of course, but one day," she whispered.

"I hope we do too," I assured her. "What would you prefer? A boy or a girl?"

"Both," she grinned. "I'm greedy that way. I want to see you holding our little girl in your arms and see you falling in love with her."

"She will be the only other female I ever do love," I replied.

"And I want to have your son. I want him to be exactly like you."

"God forbid," I sighed. "I want him to be better than me."

"Edward, you are perfect," she murmured. I knew I wasn't but if she chose to believe that, then who was I to argue? In time the blinkers would fall from her eyes and she'd see I was just a guy, no better or worse than most. But if she loved me, I would always be special.

X~x~X

We gathered at the airport and I checked to see our flight was leaving on time. Bella had chatted in the car, about anything and everything, and nothing important. In between she sank into silences so deep she didn't hear me speak to her.

She'd never been in Forks and not been Jacob's girlfriend and I knew she was feeling distracted and displaced. Ever since she could remember the two of them had been firm friends. Renee had apparently never cared for the members of the Quileute tribe and had possibly thought associating with any of them was beneath her, but Charlie had always mixed with them regardless of his wife's opinion.

One of Bella's few memories of her Mom living at home had been the rows between her parents as Renee forbade Charlie to take 'her daughter' anywhere near 'that place' or 'those people'.

After Renee fled town, Bella had visited the Res with her Dad and had come to know Jacob even better, now that they spent just about every weekend there.

It had been inevitable that Jake and Bella would end up dating. Billy wanted that, Charlie saw it as a way to cement his friendship with the Black's, and Jacob had never really looked at any other girl anyway.

He'd grown up assuming Bella was his and always would be.

It must be just as weird for him if he was coming home for break as well.

Alice and Jasper arrived together in the same cab but they did spend a lot of time together and the fact she was bringing him home to meet the folks was a sign that things were happening much more quickly between them than anyone acknowledged.

Although it would make sense for him to stop at Seattle and speak to Maria first before following us home, he didn't want to miss the scan, so he was traveling all the way with us. He planned to return to Seattle next week and break things off cleanly.

He had warned Maria that his heart had changed so she was at least forewarned.

Jake was as well but he refused to see it that way.

Rose and Emmett arrived together. It was a popular flight and we'd gotten three sets of two side by side seats but all were apart from the others.

Bella and I hadn't talked about whether we'd sit together but as Alice snatched two tickets and kissed Jasper's cheek , then Emmett and Rose started talking and absently took a set of tickets from me as well, it seemed Bella and I had no choice. We'd be side by side by default. It didn't matter. Jazz and Alice already knew the truth and my brother had more pressing things on his mind than who I was dating.

I sat down to wait for our flight to be called beside Bella.

Her phone buzzed and she answered.

Hr brow furrowed and she glanced at me frequently as she spoke quickly and urgently so quietly that I couldn't hear what was being said. When she disconnected, she walked to my side.

"Jake got the third degree and despite not wanting to, he has informed them we are on a break."

"Maybe that's for the best. Your dad will have time to calm down before we arrive."

Her phone rang again and this time I heard every word. Charlie was not happy. Bella agreed to go straight to their house as soon as we got home, and she started walking nervously on the spot, one pace to the left then one back again.

I reached out a hand and rubbed her back.

She barely noticed and I could tell she was rehearsing her speeches in her head. Charlie had demanded an explanation for her actions and she had promised him one.

I assumed Jake had told his father as well, so maybe Billy Black would be wanting to hear what the heck had happened to pull his son and Charlie's daughter apart so abruptly, after all their years together, and all their future plans.

Our flight was called and I led Bella on board and found our seats. She absent mindedly took the window seat, without thought.

I reached over and took Bella's hand and she looked up at me but her eyes didn't register my presence. I could see she was much more concerned about the arrival than the flight itself.

"They don't understand. Just because nothing went drastically wrong, doesn't mean everything was right," she said to me. "It wasn't meant to be."

"Sometimes it happens that way," I replied. As much as I loved knowing she was free, I feared stepping in too fast and becoming the rebound guy who never stood a chance at longevity.

"It was always more their ideal life than ours. I think maybe Jake was a little unsure too, don't you?"

I shrugged. I didn't want to confuse her further by adding my two cents worth into the mix. I really didn't think either one of them had wanted to get married but I could be wrong. I barely knew Jake. We'd attended a few of the same parties over the years but he had always been glued close to Bella's side, especially when I approached. That made me ponder if maybe Jake saw something even back then, while I had been oblivious.

Maybe I'd always known on some level that Bella was to be mine.

Maybe that was why she had never fitted seamlessly into the role of my 'sister' like Alice had.

Maybe that was why in that photo at Emmett's sixteenth birthday my eyes looked like they were watching the only person I truly saw in that crowded room.

Maybe I had always been hers and that was more the real reason I had never taken that step and joined Emmett in his quest for notches on his bedpost. I'd attracted the attention of easily as many girls as he had, I'd just never taken advantage like he did.

The three girls who had relieved my stress had been nothing more than what I perceived as a necessary aid to my sexual needs. I'd used each one for about a year before moving on when sensing the girl of that time was starting to want more and I had never considered them in that light.

My dates had been unaware as far as I knew that I was seeing the other girl, and I'd always been ready to end it if anything clicked between me and the girls I took out to dinner. But those two worlds had never collided before.

I looked at Bella. She had lain back and closed her eyes but wasn't asleep. Her breathing was a little frantic and jerky at times, as her lips mouthed the words over and over.

"Sorry, Dad."

Then she rehearsed more of the speech.

"Sorry Charlie. I know what you hoped for. But you can't choose for me. It has to be my decision and being apart just showed me how ridiculous marrying Jacob would be. It was never about passion and desperation to be together. It was just a progression from being together so much. And we knew it would make you and Billy happy. I did think I wanted to marry Jacob but I know now I was wrong."

She curled up in her seat and I put my arm around her and held her to my side.

"Edward," she said and I looked at her face again.

Her hands sought my shirt and she grabbed on to it.

"Edward," she sighed, and smiled. "I will survive this and in time, we can be together. Once they get over the shock. I want my Dad to like you, and not blame you at all."

I lay my head on hers and started singing that song that had calmed her once before on a plane and she hummed along until she fell asleep.

I let her stay there until the seatbelt sign came on then shook her awake. This time her terror was all about landing but for an entirely different reason. I think she may have ticked the 'plane crashes on landing' box had it been offered. Her greatest fear had been eclipsed.

She stood like a person about to face a firing squad as I grabbed down her bag and handed it to her, before getting my own.

"Thank you, Edward," she stated absentmindedly.

"Do you want me to come home with you? Moral support and all that," I suggested.

"No, it's best I do this alone. It's just so hard to explain when nothing really happened. We didn't fight or fall out. I changed. Somehow I started feeling differently to how I had before."

"Bella, I really wouldn't mention the 'Jasper mood altering thing' if I were you. He did not do anything, you know. He would never come between you and what you wanted. He just reads what's there, even if he does sometimes seem to get a preview."

To be honest, Jazz had been so distraught **that night** I wasn't even sure I was telling the truth to Bella now. I suspected if Jazz really did possess some type of mystical power, he had been beaming it out towards her on full force.

But it had never been in Jasper's control. We had fallen in love, with no help from anyone. Some things are simply meant to be and this was one of them.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised to find Charlie Swan standing at the gate as we disembarked from the plane. Bella stiffened and stepped away from my side and hurried towards him. I could see how badly she was shaking, but it had to be done. Her Dad had to know his dreams for her were not going to happen.

I hoped she was sure enough of her love for me to go through with this and stay strong and not let them browbeat her into giving herself and Jake another go.

Jasper and Alice got into the backseat of my car and I waited until the Chief's cruiser had left before hitting the road myself. I felt Bella's need for space between us while she worked through this part of her life journey but I would be there if she called. I wasn't afraid to stand up to her father and assure him of how much I loved her and that I was a good option for her, regardless of what he might think.

Maybe I wasn't special to him like Jake was, but I was special to her and that was what counted here.

"So, things are all falling into place. It will be okay, Edward. He would never hurt her. He really wants her to marry Jake but when he sees how passionately she wants to be with you, he will have to give up. They'll fall out over this for a while, so expect to share your bed while you are here. Or get your Mom to make up a guest room for Bella if that's more appropriate."

"She has a bedroom in our house," I replied. She always had. Mom considered her just another of the children she and Dad had gathered together to make up our family. And she was their Goddaughter, though they shared that privilege with Billy Black and his late wife as well.

"She's going to need you to step back while she is here. She doesn't want anyone to think she abandoned Jacob without thought and moved on already. Even though she has, in her heart. They don't understand because they assume she was in love with him and therefore moving on this fast does not make sense to them. In reality, she has just fallen in love for the very first time, so you consume her every thought.

She understands that but how could she begin to explain it to them? She loves Jacob, there's no question. It's just that now she knows there are so many more types of love than she knew before. She is a true swan, Edward. She will mate for life. You are the only man who will ever know what it is like to be inside her. I really want to tattoo that across your forehead," he said, exasperated for some reason.

"I trust Bella, completely. Even if Jake slept in her bed again like he did before, I know she would never let anything happen," I told him.

"See, more words to tattoo on your body," he answered, his mood much more deflated now.

I didn't understand why his mood swings were happening. He was up; then he was down.

It must be such a bitch to know how the future would play out, if that was what he was doing, because he clearly saw every bump along the highway that Bella and I would travel together. Even though he had previously said all would end well, I knew he saw something really major happening between us somewhere along the road.

I just hoped those two babies Bella and I wanted were going to be okay and if they weren't perfect, I prayed we would be able to cope with whatever challenges they brought with them.

X~x~X~x~X

Emmett and Rose had arrived first and both were waiting nervously with Carlisle and Esme as we pulled up. Dad and Mom both looked too happy to have been informed already about the 'mishap' that brought us here, so that shit was yet to hit the fan.

Alice ran into Mom's arms and I shook the hand Dad offered and pulled him into a man hug.

I felt more affectionate towards everybody lately. Especially knowing he and Esme met when she was seventeen and he was twenty five, and they are still together and seem really happy. I grew up believing that you can be together all of your life.

That was what I wanted, too.

I was sure they'd hit speed bumps themselves. Everybody did, but unlike so many of their contemporaries, they'd worked through those times together and come out stronger and even more sure of their love and commitment.

That's how it would be for Bella and I. I swore nothing would come between us and if I was ever tempted to 'spend time' with any other female in the future , I would run home to her instead.

Cheating only happened if you allowed it to. It was never an accident. It took some degree of planning to happen, and nobody ever accidentally fell into a vagina.

I couldn't imagine ever wanting another woman but things happen and even the most devoted couples must sometimes start to imagine what it would be like to be with someone else, even if only for a single night.

Emmett had strayed, despite the obvious love he had always felt for Rose. I just prayed I was stronger than he was, and could recognise the signs and spend that energy on working on my relationship rather than chasing some other woman.

Bella would never cheat on me. Jasper had said as much, but he seemed to detect some weakness in me and at least I had a heads up, and would walk through life prepared to fight myself and go home to my Bella.

She was giving up her whole life to be with me and I would cherish her for that, forever.

"So, I thought the plan was for you kids to stay in New York this break? Did anything happen?" Dad asked, eyeing off Jasper.

Alice jumped forward.

"Mom and Dad, I'd like you to meet my future boyfriend/fiance/husband, Jasper Whitlock."

"One step at a time, Alice. He's your boyfriend for now," Carlisle replied, shaking Jasper's hand.

"Actually he's not quite my boyfriend. He has to go break up with his girlfriend, Maria, at SeattleU before that can happen. So, he's my prospective boyfriend, okay, Dad?"

"You have a girlfriend already?" Carlisle said worriedly.

"Maria knows things have changed and this is just a formality. But I don't like relationships crossing over one another, if you know what I mean. I need to cut all ties with Maria before I can formally ask Alice to be my girl and I assure you, nothing has happened in haste. I know Alice is the girl for me, and I will do everything I can to give us both the best chance possible of lasting the distance and making it last until our deathbeds. I'm completely serious about us."

"That sounds promising," Mom said, shaking Jazz's hand then pulling him in for a hug.

"I was actually in a relationship when I met Carlisle, so I know how it is to think you already know your path and then find a different path that fits you better. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

I hoped she would feel the same way when she found out about Bella and I.

"I would have expected it would have made more sense for you to stop over in Seattle while you were there, anyway, and fix that up before coming here," Dad stated.

"Oh, he didn't want to miss the scan," Alice replied thoughtlessly.

Silence fell and Mom looked worriedly at her daughter.

"Oh, no, not me. I'm not pregnant," Alice assured her and my Dad, who looked fit to kill.

"Rose is pregnant," Emmett said, stepping up. "I know what you are going to say but things are already decided. She and I are married and we will have this baby. We know it will be a hard road ahead, fitting an infant around classes, but that's the way it has to be, because we are keeping this baby."

Mom didn't hesitate. She rushed to their side and embraced them both together.

"At least you have done the right thing by Rose, I guess," Dad decided. "Do her parents know about this?"

"No," Rose replied. "I thought if we had a photo of the baby to distract them, things might go better."

"Ah, the scan. Then come inside. I have a small hand held scanner here. It's not as flash or accurate as the 3D scanner at the hospital but we need to get this over with so you two can call on Mr and Mrs Hale as soon as possible. Have you been drinking plenty of water, Rosalie?"

We all followed and I saw Jasper pull out his camera and line it up to catch Emmett's face. I wasn't sure why he was doing this but he had to have his reasons.

Rose didn't seem bothered by the mob watching and she stared at the monitor instead.

"That's the heart, beating away, perfectly," Dad commented as he moved the small transducer across her skin. "There's not a whole lot to see at what, twelve weeks? Allowing for Emmett's size, I'll put it at eleven weeks and a day or two."

"Eleven weeks?" Rose said in surprise and Jazz was quickly catching looks on faces as the conversation proceeded. Emmett was grinning like a lunatic.

She caught his gaze and frowned.

"I had a period ...I'd guessed it was seven weeks along."

"Periods can take a while to be suppressed in some cases. It didn't harm the baby, so relax," Carlisle replied. "You are almost twelve weeks along. There's no room for doubt."

"That doesn't prove anything, Emmett. It just opens the door to the possibility this baby was conceived at Sabrina's party. Nothing more," Rose warned.

Jasper laughed.

"This baby was conceived at Sabrina's party. Alice told you twice that she was going to be an aunt, why weren't you listening?"

Suddenly we all got it. If the baby had been Royce's, well, Rose was not related to us. It would be a stranger. But as it was indeed Emmett's baby, Alice was going to be an aunt.

Mom and Dad looked confused.

"Hey, congratulations, Grandfather," I said, patting my father's back. "The first of your children is making you a grandbaby, with Rose's help."

"I'm hardly the first child. You lived with them from the day you were conceived," Emmett replied.

"But you are four days older than I am," I retorted.

"Don't fight, boys. We are all going to be blessed with a miracle, now we just have to work out the logistics."

Of course Mom was all for moving in with them and becoming the full time babysitter, and Carlisle didn't want her to go to New York without him, so discussions flew left and right as everyone argued about what would be the best solution.

I slipped outside and sent Bella a text.

_Thinking of you. Be strong._

The conversation stayed on the same subject all evening and as I sought out refuge in my bed, I stared at my phone again, but still no answer. I wanted to be there to support the girl I loved, who was changing everything for me.

I sent another text.

_Is everything ok? Do you need me?_

Minutes later my phone pinged.

_Come save me, Edward. They won't listen. I need to get out of here NOW._

I grabbed my car keys and headed outside.

X~x~X~x~X


	11. Chapter 11

**.**

The Lie

Chapter 11

BPOV

"So, tell me. I want to hear your side of the story," Charlie said as he pulled out of the airport.

"It's pretty simple, Dad," I replied. "Jake and I have never spent any time apart until now. I've gained perspective being away from him and I realise I miss him and love him but not in the way I thought. I guess we needed distance between us for me to be able to look at things clearly. I don't want to marry him."

"And you came to this conclusion because of Edward Cullen?" Dad said quietly. Too quietly. "I knew I should never have agreed to you going off with Carlisle's boy to the city. Have you considered maybe you only feel attracted to him because Jacob isn't around? It's pretty normal to bond with the friends you know, especially when you move away from home and New York is a big place, especially after Forks. Isn't it possible you are simply turning to Edward because he's familiar and comfortable? And safe. No doubt he is looking after you. I know Carlisle's boys were raised to respect women."

I suppressed a chuckle. If Dad had any idea about Emmett and his 'sex in the city' escapades he would be a lot less calm. But then, he knew Emmett and Edward were not blood related, so I suppose what Emmett got up to did not reflect on Edward at all anyway.

"Dad, don't you think the fact that it took so little time for me to doubt that my future lay with Jake speaks volumes? I realise now I should never have just drifted into an exclusive relationship with him without dating at least a few other boys. The whole marriage idea was stupid, at our ages, and lack of experience."

"You can't promise to marry someone, and accept their ring, then just toss that promise away lightly," he growled.

"I haven't done anything lightly. I've done nothing but think and rethink until my head feels like it will explode. All I know is, Edward was right. You can't choose a flavour until you taste at least two, or you are not making a choice. The way I feel for Edward differs completely to the way I feel for Jake."

"You've been with Edward for five minutes. Of course he's exciting, like any new shiny toy is, but you and Jake have been together all your lives. Doesn't that tell you anything? You never wanted to try other flavours here."

"I was wrong. I was young and naive and just assumed Jake and I were mean to be a couple but now I have some perspective, something to compare us to, I have no doubts we are not right together. It's that simple."

"You and Edward might last a few months or maybe even just weeks. Have you considered that? You are throwing away your future for a quick thrill."

"And if you are right, then so be it. I can't swear Edward is my One. Not yet. I assumed Jake was, and I was wrong about that but at least allow me the right to make my own mistakes. If Edward is a mistake, time will show me that."

"And meanwhile Jacob sits by waiting for you to come to your senses."

"I have told Jake not to do that. Dad, he doesn't get it, he won't listen to what I say. Even if you are right and Edward and I last just months, Jake will still not be an option. I'll move on and date other guys or end up all alone with cats for company in my old age, but the one sure thing I can promise you is that I will not ever marry Jake. I can't explain to you how things have changed. Didn't you ever have a friend who was so close you couldn't see past what seemed like the obvious? Jake has always been there. He's always been whatever I needed at the time and I jumped to the conclusion that meant we were meant to be a couple. I think what it really mean was that we are meant to be best friends."

Charlie shook his head.

"Even your Mother never put me through anything like this. You are like her, it would seem. Flighty, unable to settle down. "

"Then maybe it's just as well we found out now before the wedding and the baby," I huffed.

"At least your Mother hung around long enough to hand you over to me. I can't imagine surviving her leaving me if I hadn't had you. I would have been left with nothing, nobody. I thank God every day that I got her pregnant, even if outsiders looking in think it was a mistake. I got a daughter out of the brief time your mother loved me, and that's a whole heap more than what you are leaving for Jake. God, Bells, I hate to say it but it may have been better if he had gotten you pregnant."

"I'm glad he didn't. That would have made everything worse."

"You say that, but look at what you are doing. You are taking away Jake's future. The future you promised him when you accepted his ring. You are taking this whole break up far too lightly. You are robbing Jake of his wife, his kids, his everything. At least Renee left me my child."

"I can't believe you think it's better to break up a family, rather than just an engagement. Jake and I are adults and regardless of how he feels at this time, he will get over it. I know he will feel shattered for a while and I don't intend rushing into anything with Edward because of that reason. I would never rub his nose in it. But whatever does or does not happen with Edward and I, Jake and I are done."

Charlie stared straight ahead for the rest of the ride home and I stared at the passing countryside out of the car window. I could feel the tension there between us. In one way, I wished I could change things and just turn back time and not have any of this happen, but the knowledge that marriage to Jake would have been a disaster made me see whatever I had to go through now was better than waking up on our honeymoon and realising I didn't even want to be intimate with Jake.

I knew more about myself now, and I wasn't proud of sleeping with Edward before we were in a relationship or at least dating, but I wasn't ashamed either. At the very least, it had felt normal to be so overcome with lust that I wanted that night to happen.

That had never happened with Jake. I'd always thought it was because we were too sensible to let go and just do it but now I knew it was because neither of us wanted it enough.

Seriously, how could you marry someone and not have sex with them first? Even if you got along as well as Jake and I did in every other way, sex was such a major part of life, it had to be good with whoever you ended up with. Or else every day would be miserable.

"Did you sleep with Jake? I know I gave you two every opportunity. That may have been wrong of me, but I kind of figured it would happen even if I nailed your bedroom window closed."

"No, we never slept together," I replied. It was weird because most fathers would want that answer, but I knew Charlie didn't.

"Then how can you judge him? How can you compare him to Edward and know Edward is the one you want?" he asked, genuinely mystified.

"Because it's about the connection, not the sexual performance. Maybe Jake is even better in bed than Edward is, but the point is, I don't care and I don't want to know. Dad, you must have had friends, girl friends when you were young that were better suited to you than Mom was. Yet you chose her. Why can't you understand? If one of those other girls made more sense to marry, why didn't you just follow that path? Because you loved and desired Renee no matter how wrong she was for you. Please let me make my own choices and if they are as wrong as yours was, then I'm the one who gets to suffer and pay."

"I don't want you to suffer. I want you to choose the safer option and the better chance to be happy. Do you seriously think I want you to end up like me? Betting on the exciting, more luring choice when Jake would always be safer?"

"Maybe safe isn't enough. Anyway, safe isn't an option because I don' feel about him the way a woman is supposed to feel about the man she marries. It would be almost like marrying my brother."

"You never had a brother so how can you compare and know that?" he asked.

"Maybe if I had, would have known the way I feel about Jake is much more that way than the way I feel for Edward. I practically grew up in the Cullen family and Emmett feels like my brother and Alice feels like my sister but Edward never felt even slightly that way to me. He was always different and intriguing and I always wondered what it would be like to be his girlfriend. I never wondered that about Emmet. That would be weird. I could no more sleep with Emmett than I could with Jake.

We did try, Dad. I'm only telling you this so you know. Jacob and I did spend an evening naked in bed and nothing happened. He wanted to, but I didn't. I didn't even want to when I was pretty much drunk, and isn't alcohol supposed to make everyone more attractive and tempting? That never happened for us."

"So, you and you alone get to decide what happens. So much like your mother. She discarded me and replaced me with Phil. Jake loses everything and you replace him with Edward and go on your merry way."

"And if Edward and I don't work out, I go on my merry way with the next guy," I replied. I couldn't imagine that ever happening but I hoped Dad would accept things easier if he could see it wasn't really so much about Edward being right for me, as Jacob being wrong.

I could understand he thought I was just dazzled by Edward's looks and possibly money and family, and if that was how he wanted to perceive things, well, time would show him he was wrong. If Esme and Carlisle were as against us as Dad was, and cut Edward off without a penny I'd still choose him.

Thinking the stuff Edward's money could buy would fulfill me was like thinking taping sandwiches to the outside of my body could feed my inner hunger. It was him I wanted, with or without the trappings. If things changed and Jake became the one with the money, he'd still never appeal to me like Edward did.

I loved Billy just like I loved Carlisle, it wasn't even the attraction of truly becoming a Cullen that called to me. I wanted to be a Cullen of course, but only because of Edward.

It was as if there was a ledger and on one side stood everyone else in the world, and on the other side stood Edward.

See, he was wrong. It was never about trying all sorts of flavours, it was just about finding the flavour meant for you alone.

Edward wasn't chocolate, he was Bella's flavour.

X~x~X~x~X

As we pulled into the driveway, my stomach dropped. Billy's adapted truck stood there and I knew that meant Jacob was here as well.

"Come face the music," Charlie said, taking my bag and heading for the front door. I followed but wished I had never agreed to come back to Forks yet. Edward and I were so new, and Jake was so familiar and they were going to use those facts.

"Hey Bells, I'm so sorry. I just needed you to really open your eyes and consider what you are turning your back on, here at home where we belong," Jake said, stepping forward and putting his arms around me.

I stepped back and stared at his arms. They were the same ones that had encircled me for years but they were suddenly the wrong arms and that's all I needed to keep me strong.

"Talk. Scream, yell, argue, the outcome will remain the same. I love Edward Cullen. I don't love Jacob in the same way. Whatever you try to guilt me with will be water off a duck's back because those are the facts."

Jake stepped back, aghast.

"Its the truth, Jacob. Tell yourself whatever you like. This is not a crush, a rush of lust, a mistake, or even a detour. It's a connection and the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced. Nothing else compares. I'm sorry I never felt it with you because yes, it would be easier and so much simpler if you were my One. I know that. Then we could all just go along with everyone's plans and hopes, and we'd be one big happy family. The problem is, it feels like that already. Billy feels like another father and you feel like a brother. Nothing can change that. If Edward disappeared and I never saw him again, I still would not take up this option here."

"Bella, don't be hasty " Billy said. " Your father and I think it was stupid to send you two to different colleges so here's what we suggest. You transfer to SeattleU for one term and live in the apartment with Jake and Leah. If at the end of that time you still feel the same, then go back to NYU and to Edward Cullen. If what you two have is real, it will last, won't it?"

"Okay. Fine. If that's what will convince you all, I'll attend his college and live in his apartment and nothing will change. Then at the end of next term, Edward and I will be together and none of you can ever say another word about it. Are there three bedrooms, Jake?"

"Um, no, just the two."

"Then I hope Leah is looking for a roommate, because I will be sharing with her."

"You may decide otherwise, that's okay. Your Dad and I accept young people sleep together before the wedding. If you and Jake end up sharing his room, we will not object."

"I'm beginning to understand where Jacob gets his inability to listen from," I said rudely, and headed for the bathroom, to take a shower. Unbelievably, the conversation between them was about what would happen once 'Bella gets over this crush' so I slammed a few pots around as I cooked dinner, and hummed Edward's song.

After we finished eating, I checked my phone and found the messages.

"Charlie and I have an idea," Billy said. "He and I could share a house and give the other to you and Jacob so you have a place of your own. That way you wouldn't even have to finish college. You could just get married now and start out life without a mortgage. We should have thought of it before. You two can have this house, Bella. Charlie spends most days at the Res anyway, when he's not working."

I texted Edward, picked up my purse, put my coat on and headed silently out the front door, down the driveway to the curb to await his arrival.

X~x~X~x~X

"I can't believe jake ambushed me," I whined at Edward. "Here's me thinking he's taking it so well and acting so maturely, and all the time he's was just distracting me while he ran home to get everyone onto his side so they could all attack me."

"But you stayed strong?" Edward asked.

"I did. You know what cinched it? Jake put his arms around me and the vast difference to how that felt compared to how I feel inside your arms kept me determined to end it with him, in front of his father and mine. They know the facts now."

"So, are we an item or not yet?" he asked. "I just want to know if we are sharing our news with my family today. It won't have quite the same impact as the news that Emmett is really the father of Rose's baby did, but Mom and Dad will be pleased."

"There's a slight delay, but that could be a good thing. I've apparently been accepted as an exchange student of sorts for next term at SeattleU and I will be living in Jake's place, with him and Leah. It's what they need to accept things are over between jake and I so I agreed. Are you angry?"

"No," he laughed. "I think it could be a good thing. You need a break between relationships. I need to not be the rebound guy. I think this could be good for us as well. See if absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder. I'll miss you like crazy and I hope you miss me just as much."

"Wait. Did you say Emmett is the Baby Daddy?"

"Yes, it seems he is."

"Was it when they hooked up at Sabrina's party then? That's the last time they were together."

"Rose told you about it? Emmett never told me."

"Emmett actually wanted her to reconcile but she decided to give him a hard time first and then Royce lifted his game and tried to turn her head and make her stay with him, so she decided to enjoy the thrill of having two men want her. Then that night happened and she stayed, like an idiot. You'd think that would have been clear enough indication Royce did not love her at all. Gosh, they dodged a bullet there. So, you are going to be an uncle and I'm going to be an aunt seeing Emmett is practically my brother."

"And one day he will be your brother-in-law so yes, you will be an aunt."

"This is so exciting. I can't wait. I wonder if Jasper knows what it is?"

"He does, so he says. he has old Alice but Rose wants to find out at delivery so if my sister tells you, keep it quiet."

"Of course, I wasn't going to tell anyone. But it looks like I will be sitting around the apartment in the evenings with plenty of time on my hands next term, so I can be knitting. I just need to know what colour yarn to buy."

"Anyone can wear blue. I keep saying that."

"Edward, our daughter will be wearing pink. We will probably only have two kids so I fully intend dressing the girl in pink and frills and the boy in blue. I want to experience the joy of both genders fully. None of that yellow/lemon/white neutral baby gear for our kids."

"If they have my hair and our pale skin, I'm thinking blue would be a better colour on the girl as well," he grinned.

"Bad luck. She will be a frilled up little pink birthday cake of a child."

Esme opened the door and hurried out to wrap me in her arms as we got out of the car.

"Bella, darling, now we have everyone we love under one roof. Come inside."

"I forgot to bring my bag but I'm hoping i can stay here for a few days until Charlie comes to his senses, if that's okay."

"Of course it is. I could always give you your birthday presents early, then you would have plenty of clothes to wear."

"Esme, you know Edward forced me to go buy new clothes in the city? Thanks so much for that, by the way. I don't look like the poor relation even around Alice."

"Bella has some amazing clothes. Next thing she will be wearing real shoes," Alice replied in glee. "Louboutin has some gorgeous new lines and we must go buy some when we get back."

"Enough,anyway, Bella isn't coming back with us. She's spending next term at SeattleU before returning to NYU."

"What? That's ridiculous," Alice moaned.

"Ridiculous but necessary. I have to prove to certain people that Jake and I are over and will always be over. It's the shortest and easiest way, Alice."

"Bella, welcome home," Carlisle said, kissing my cheek as he hugged me. "Of course you need to do this. It will free you up to turn your attention elsewhere after a suitable break to let everyone know your engagement is over," he said with a wink.

"Bella's sleeping in my room with me. If we are going to be parted, then we need some time to prepare and say au revoir," Edward stated.

His parents both smiled and stood together, their hands mingling automatically.

They had what I wanted and I didn't just mean their son. I wanted a relationship just like theirs. It would be a drag staying away from Edward right now but I couldn't see any way around it. Who'd have thought my absent Mother would return and prevent that happening? I guess she was useful for some things.

My phone shrilled loudly and I frowned.

"It's Mom. And yet it's not even my birthday," I joked and stepped away to answer.

"Bella, you can forget about going to SeattleU. That will not be happening. Charlie has always been a little slow at accepting when something is over, it is done. Don't cash in your return ticket to New York, you will be using it. I'll fix everything. You and Jake are a closed book and that's all there is to be said about it. I wish you and Edward all the best. Don't let him get away, Bella. He's a keeper."

I was confused as to why she cared/

"Yes, Edward is a keeper, I agree. In fact, we are getting married tomorrow," I lied, testing for her reaction.

"Bella, I won't have time to get there as well as buy a new frock. I guess the red one will have to do. What time? Is it a home service? Esme has such beautiful gardens."

"Mom, that was a joke. We haven't even dated yet."

"Oh. Oh, I see. Well, don't let the grass grow under your feet too long."

"Mom, just curious. I was 'far too young to marry Jacob' yet a few months later I'm old enough to marry Edward?" I queried.

"Bella, when it's right, it's right. What's the point of waiting? Life is short, enjoy it all you can."

"Okayyy. I'll tell Alice she can choose my wedding shoes. Bye now."

Edward was grinning madly so I knew he'd overheard everything.

"I guess I can sleep in my own bedroom seeing we are not being forced apart after all," I informed him and received a slap on my behind.

"I don't care whose bed we sleep in, Baby."

EPOV

Mom had handed over all her stash of gifts to Bella, so she had plenty to wear but sadly no nightwear. I was looking forward to her naked body curled inside mine but she emerged from the bathroom wearing an old Tshirt of mine and once again I wondered how that garment had looked so ordinary on me yet so sensational on her.

We had decided on using my bedroom seeing it was all alone on the top level and any noise we may make would not disturb anyone. Not that I imagined for a moment there would be any of the perfectly matched couples not making noises of their own here tonight.

Jasper was going back to Seattle tomorrow, so impatient to end one relationship cleanly so he could begin another.

He'd assured me it was different for Bella and I and that I could not be the rebound guy because this was her first relationship.

Mom and Dad had agreed with everything Jazz had said to me. I was amazed again at how unsurprised they were at the turn of events.

Dad slipped Bella a replacement pack of birth control Pills seeing hers where in her overnight bag at Charlie's, and I was surprised he'd thought of that until he mentioned Jazz had asked him to do this because the time was not yet right for our first baby to be conceived.

I sought out Jasper while Bella was in my shower.

"If the time isn't right, and I do wholeheartedly agree by the way, then surely it wouldn't be conceived even if she missed some Pills," I reasoned.

"Edward, the future is not carved in stone. Things can change. All I see is the most probable outcome. If you do reckless things and take risks, of course you could alter things. All I can warn you is, first babies are a massive responsibility and they do change things so at the very least you, in particular, need to be so ready for her arrival. You need to have become really solid and trusting with Bella before she arrives. Every day you two spend building strong foundations will pay off in the long run. There's no need to delay sleeping together, in fact, the sooner you two get this relationship properly started, the better. Go strengthen your connection and know this is the real thing. This is eternity, Edward. There's no point wasting time. Charlie can't see you two here. Jake has probably figured out the deed has already been done, and he is irrelevant anyway. Just go to your Bella and love her."

Now that was a piece of advice I enjoyed hearing.

Bella slid into my bed beside me where I was waiting and I slid my hands up her thighs and found her all too ready for me.

I plunged inside her, and kissed her face.

"Jasper said we had to do this," I chuckled.

"Oh, then we must," she replied.

X~x~X~x~X


	12. Chapter 12

The Lie

Chapter 12

BPOV

At Edward's insistence, the next day I called Jake and we met at the clifftop overlooking the beach to talk. He had to understand so being brutally honest was the only way left to me.

"I don't want to go to SeattleU. I'm going back to NYU with Edward and the others," I stated.

"I know. Renee called Charlie twice last night. Once before she called you then again afterwards. There was a lot of yelling but your Mom was very determined and by now she will have had your student exchange arrangements canceled. I wish you'd reconsider. I think if we spent time together, away from Edward Cullen..."

"Nothing would change," I said loudly. "Nothing at all. I love Edward, why don't you get that? I love you like a friend, Jake, listen to what I'm saying. A friend, a brother, a companion, a member of my family. You are not ever going to be on the correct side of the ledger to ever again be a possible romantic choice. I swear you would know that yourself if you were able to open your mind and look at us honestly. Our past has been like two siblings."

"I don't see it that way at all," he argued. "I love you and not as a sister or as just a friend and I think you are only saying this so you can run to him scott free with a clear conscience. Admitting the truth, that you love us both equally, would make you feel bad when one of us lost the race."

It was a race he could never win because he was not a competitor. He left me no choice.

"Jake, we can't see one another any more. If I come home to Forks, I'll be staying at the Cullen's house. I don't want you to visit me in the city either. You can't accept we are just friends so you leave me no choice. We are done. In every way. I can't see you again."

"Don't be ridiculous," he argued. "You can't stop me visiting New York. It's a free city."

"Fine. Come to the city and Edward and I will immediately pack our bags and go somewhere else until you leave again. I want a clean break, Jacob."

"A clean break? Not a temporary break to sort this out?" he said worriedly. I had finally managed to get something through his thick skull into his brain.

"A clean break. One day when you feel like me the way I feel about you, like siblings, we can maybe be friends again but not now and not for years."

I could feel the sting from the tears that wanted to pour from my eyes and splash down my cheeks but I resolved to keep them hidden until he was gone.

"I guess you really do mean it," he said sadly, looking out at the horizon.

"I really do, Jake. I'm going now. One day you will realise I am right."

"I can't see that happening, but I love you enough to let you go. This is a mistake, Bella. Have no doubt about that. A big mistake that won't be easy to fix but I will honour your wishes. I won't seek you out. When you are ready to admit you are wrong, then you seek me out. You know where I'll be."

"Goodbye Jacob," I replied sadly. This was far from what I wanted. In an ideal world we would remain tight friends, and Edward and I would be a proper couple, and everyone would be happy, but that was not going to happen. There might never be a time when Jake could accept this way was the right way for all of us but losing him just didn't compare with losing Edward.

Jake stood up and ripped off his T shirt and I was about to scream to bring him back to his senses when he ran full pelt to the edge of the cliff and dived cleanly down into the sea.

I had to watch, to wait and see him emerge amongst the waves, just to know he was alive.

Once that was plain, I ran for the car and went back to what had always been more my home than Charlie's clapboard house could ever be.

"Hey," said Edward, walking quickly toward me as I sat inside the car letting the tears wash down my face. "One day he will thank you for being brave enough to be honest. Maybe we could invite him here and he will watch us together and finally get it, Bella."

"I don't want to see him again," I replied, hugging Edward in close. "I had to let him go completely otherwise he would always be waiting for me to go back to him. I guess you do have to be cruel to be kind."

Esme looked up as we walked inside.

"What we need is a project. Once you start thinking about other things, this will become the line between the past and your new beginning. I have just the thing. We can go fix up the old cottage down the back. It'll be fun. It belongs to Edward so who knows, one day..."

She was smiling so happily I didn't want to spoil her mood.

Well, it would be a way to fill in the next week or two. Emmett and Carlisle were busy already, repairing the outside walls and roof, but Esme led us inside where fresh dry wall plaster had been installed in every room.

"Hey, wait. This used to be a one bed guesthouse. Now I'm seeing, what, two more bedrooms and another bathroom," Edward said in surprise.

"It's big enough to be a starter home for a young family," Esme replied."Just think, you and Bella could have the back bedroom that overlooks the brook and these two bedrooms could have your babies living inside them!"

"You do realise we are not yet twenty years old, right? That won't happen for a very long time," Edward said .

"I know that, silly boy. But I thought it might be best if you and Bella had your own place to come home to in any visits back here so it's clear to everyone that you two are a permanent couple."

"That could be best, actually," I said, kissing her cheek. Once certain people saw us living here like newlyweds, they would have to give up and accept the new order.

"I made this," Alice said, coming out of the back bedroom. She held up one of those cheesy signs people put on the front of their houses. Usually they have some word like "Dunroamin" or such. This one was both more simple and direct.

_Welcome to Edward and Bella's Home._

"Yeah, it's a little presumptuous seeing you two have only just begun but..."

"Let us guess," Edward said dryly. "Jazz said it was fitting."

"You are right," she trilled, urging Emmett down from the roof to attach this masterpiece to the wall beside the front door.

Okay, it did look good and it did make the cottage feel like home. Our home.

Edward squeezed me against his side and kissed my forehead.

"Welcome home, Bella."

X~x~X

"You should choose the paint colours for each room, " Esme urged, showing me a dozen tins of various hues. "Though may I suggest you stick with white ceilings throughout, and white walls for the main rooms. You can paint the bathrooms and bedrooms in pretty colours but white main rooms are so much easier to furnish."

I took her advice. She'd decorated a lot more houses than I had. My only experience to date had been repainting the kitchen cupboards in Charlie's house.

The house he'd wanted to bribe me with to stay with Jacob.

"So, what colour are our children's bedrooms to be?" Edward asked with a grin.

"You know already," I replied, smirking.

"Oh yes. Pink for the Princess and blue for the Prince. How silly of me to ask."

I opened the tin of pink paint and handed him a roller so he could do the bulk of the walls while I painted the corners and edges with a brush.

"So, are we going with another 'I' name for our daughter,or maybe another 'bella'. I like that idea. Annabella, Arabella, Kristabella. They all appeal. Maybe we should consider having three girls and using all three names."

"Or saddling our one and only daughter with them all," I suggested back.

"That would be a little silly," Edward deadpanned.

"Jasper said.." I began and Edward paused and lay his roller down carefully so no paint dripped onto the wooden floorboards. He took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles.

"Jasper may not always be right. We have to consider all this stuff he's predicted correctly so far could all be a coincidence. We only have his word for it that Emmett is even the father. Think about it. He knows we will all believe him so it's possible he is only saying what he did so Rose and my brother get what they want. I for one, will be looking at this baby carefully when it's born, and suggesting a discrete paternity test to Dad. It just makes sense."

"Oh yea of little faith," I responded. "I think they would know if it was not Emmett's. Surely parents feel these things? I mean, wouldn't a man know his own child?"

"Not always," Edward replied. "There have been many marriages break down when little Tommy turned out to not be the offspring of Daddy Tom. Even if Tom himself always thought the child was his until something proved otherwise. The blood test when Tommy Jr was in a car crash and needed blood; the paternity test when Tom realised all his family has blue eyes and blonde hair and yet Tommy is a brown eyed brunette."

"But if Tom truly loved little Tommy, why would it matter?" I asked him. "Surely you must know that biology is not as important as love. You have two adopted siblings who you accept as your own and I would never be game to suggest otherwise to your Mom. She knows Emmett and Alice are her own, even if she didn't get to give birth to them."

"Facts are facts," Edward shrugged. "Mom can accept the others as her own but she knows they were someone else's babies first."

"Do you think you could be happy adopting if we don't manage to conceive our own babies like we hope?" I asked him. I'd never given it much thought but Esme had always planned a large family until no new babies followed Edward's birth. It was possible to not be able to complete your desired family even if you started it easily. She never knew why Edward was her only biological child. She had admitted to me she had never given up hoping and trying to conceive and carry more babies of her own, right until Edward started at Forks High. Then she conceded defeat because the age gap would be too large by then, even if it did happen.

At least she had all those years of not having to take the Pill or use condoms, I guess.

I hated taking the Pill but it was necessary and the safest and surest contraception, so Carlisle had assured me and much as I longed to bring home Annabella/Arabella/Kristabella, I didn't want that yet. Not for years and years.

We'd repaint this room a few times before it was required as a nursery. Always pink, though.

I got back to work and by lunchtime, the first coat was done and Edward smiled and put his arms around me and I could almost see our little daughter, with her too pale skin so like ours, and her big green eyes and copper coloured ringlets. She was going to break the run of ordinary babies like Renee and I had been. She would be so beautiful.

I just knew it.

X~x~X~x

EPOV

It's hard to explain how easy everything was. Despite my promise that Bella choose the pace, it was never discussed again. We were a full on, bona fide couple from the beginning. It just felt so natural and right and nobody in my family doubted we were forever for a minute.

Bella stayed at the house, sharing my room and my bed until we went back to the city, having attempted to reconcile with her father several times, but Charlie was mad at both his females.

Renee had done as she promised and fixed it so Bella would not be expected to attend SeattleU for a term, and she even sent us our first engagement gift.

Not that we were engaged. It would not happen for another three years but I think Renee just wanted to show us she believed in us as a pairring.

Once the cottage was completely decorated, Bella and I unpacked the beautiful handmade patchwork quilt Renee had made for us and together we tossed it over our brand new brass bed in the back bedroom that overlooked the pond.

A large letter 'C' for Cullen was embroidered in the center and either side, the letters 'E' and 'B'.

She'd never been fond of her daughter's full name and preferred to pretend it was just 'Bella'.

My favourite name in the whole world.

"We could spend our last night here in Forks in this cottage," I suggested. Bella smiled and agreed. The bed needed christening. The whole house needed to become home, the home we would return to over the years in every break.

Jasper had followed our lead and claimed my sister the very day, maybe the very hour of his return from Seattle. Maria had accepted he had moved on and it sounded like she may have done the same because she took it so well. Jazz hoped that was the case. Like Bella, he had some guilt about discarding an old flame easily when they had done nothing to deserve this abandonment.

It was different for Jasper, though. He'd only been with Maria for a year and they had only met two years ago. Bella had known Jake all her life and his absence left a gap.

Sometimes we'd hear a car pull up in the driveway of the main house and she'd smile and turn in that direction then her smile would fade until she noticed me watching her. I wasn't even slightly jealous or worried that she was changing her mind and thinking she had made the wrong choice, but that didn't mean she was accepting his loss easily.

Often she would let things slip, like when we painted the blue bedroom for our future son, she looked at the walls and said "Jake would love this colour. It looks like the sea on a not so cloudy day." Then she paused and shook herself. He wouldn't come to admire this cottage. This was the symbol of all he had lost. I did feel sorry for him because losing Bella was one pain I didn't think I could ever bear, and I hoped he was coping.

I heard he had flown back to school, unable to stand seeing us together when we sometimes saw him across the street in Forks shopping complex, or at Point Angeles where we went to buy little accessories for the cottage. He would start to do that brilliant smile he had when his eyes saw Bella, then he'd stop, remember, and walk the other way, never looking back.

It didn't take Jasper to tell us pain was radiating from his every pore; we could feel it ourselves.

Bella was always quiet and subdued after these almost encounters but she always assured me she knew she had made the right choice.

"There was no choice to even make," she declared in the end. "I know our type of love is the right type. The forever type one only feels for a soulmate."

Whenever she said that, I knew it was true.

Label us whatever you like, we were soulmates now and for eternity and nothing would ever change that.

BPOV

Losing Jake so completely was understandable yet so hard for me to accept. I had so many memories of so many good years shared with him. He'd been at every birthday celebration I could remember ever. Although Esme and Carlisle had always bought me amazing and no doubt ridiculously expensive gifts, sometimes it's the little heartfelt offerings that touch you even more.

I still wore the little charm bracelet he made me. At first the charms were amateurish and commonplace; a small shell with a hole drilled through it, a tiny pebble with glorious colours, then over the years each new charm became nicer and more personal. Billy taught Jake how to carve wooden figures and I had a whole zoo now.

A grizzly bear, a wolf, a mountain lion. All tiny yet perfectly formed.

Edward loved looking at Jake's work and often said it must take great skill and eternal patience to create these little animals and he never tried to replace it or top it with something from a fancy jewellery shop.

I appreciated that, I needed a keepsake on my person to remind me how much Jake cared, even if he could never be part of my life again in the foreseeable future.

The last few days at Forks, Rose and I painted and decorated my idea of the perfect cottage furniture. Edward would have been happy just buying a house full of grand, expensive French designer stuff but I was always a fan of shabby chic, so he gave in and let me have my way.

As we women repainted mismatched chairs for the kitchen table, in glossy white paint, Rose looked critically at an old chair Esme had dug out of her garage, and given me.

I loved it. I loved the fact that every single chair was different to the others, and each already had a history.

"Are you having a problem with my chair?" I asked Rose and she smiled.

"No. Not at all. I was just thinking how something can be flawed and used by others before you yet still worthy, still lovable."

I mentally named that chair 'Emmett'.

Suddenly Esme jumped up.

"Bella, I just remembered. When Edward was due to be born, Carlisle and I were budgeting so he and his father made the nursery furniture. I never used it again, but it's all in the cellar.

Would you be interested in that or do you prefer new and modern for babies?"

"Of course I'd love to have Edward's baby furniture," I assured her and soon the boys were carrying an old wooden cradle, a high chair and a crib to the verandah where we were working.

I touched the cradle and swung it and smiled. My Edward slept in here.

Once upon a time when he was so tiny this cradle was twice as long as his little newborn body, my Edward really slept in it.

"Somewhere I have the liners. I made both blue and pink. We didn't want to know which gender we were getting. Of course, back then we assumed there would be others to follow. So much so, I made several pink covers in pretty prints and the blue ones are all manly, with little trucks and dogs and such.

The pink lot is unused," she said a trifle sadly.

"Oh if only you'd come and rescued me right from the maternity ward," Alice sighed, putting her arms around her mother. "I'd have loved to be safe and warm and accepted from Day One. I don't recall a whole lot but I do know nobody ever held me with love until you did. I remember flinching the first time you touched me, and sitting on the bed in my new beautiful ballerina themed bedroom, waiting for you to discover how wicked I was.

And then, when I did accidentally tell you about the people who talked to me, the invisible ones, I fully expected a whipping. Instead you said Marie sounded like a lovely little friend to have to talk to. I couldn't believe it. Marie was acceptable too, even though you couldn't see or hear her. I knew you totally believed she existed. Maybe not in the same timeline as us, but she did once live here. Somewhere. Maybe even in this very cottage."

"I'm not inheriting ghosts, am I?" I joked nervously.

"Bella, the dead can't hurt you," Esme replied.

"No, that's the job for the living," Rose said quietly.

X~x~X

The trip back to New York was refreshingly different. I felt no fear of flying or dying. In fact, I grabbed the window seat before Edward could sit down in it.

"Really?" he laughed as I pushed him aside. "Now we like looking out at the view?"

"Edward, everything's different now. I don't expect you to understand but everything is so perfect, if I died today I'd die happy. I never realised how wrong Jacob and I were until I found out how right you are for me. It's an epiphany of gigantic proportions. Now I think I even understand why I was with Jacob. He kept me pure for you. Other boys might not have. I might have dated Mike or Tyler or any of the others and maybe things would have become intimate between one of them and me. Jake actually kept me on the straight and narrow until you came along."

"I may have come along a lot earlier if you two hadn't been so tight," Edward replied. "I used to wish..."

"God, do not say you use to wish that was me...doing that thing...to you, because that is never going to happen."

I could see he was puzzled, surprised and a tad disappointed, but he had been felated by girls who knew the tricks, and knew how to make it good for him, and I was not going to compared and found lacking at that skill. It was strictly for bananas, I thought with a chuckle.

At least they'd never had another mouth around them before mine.

"I'd never ask you to do anything you weren't a hundred per cent comfortable with," he murmured in my ear. "I just don't get why that particular activity is not even allowed to be tried and tested before you decide you don't like it."

"I guess you wouldn't. You are a man, after all," I sighed, and lay back, closing my eyes.

I knew I would be an epic fail trying **that **so it would simply be something we never did. I was willing to make love any time he wanted, that would have to be enough.

X~x~X

The fact Edward was a full blooded male never escaped me. He seemed to become quite sure he could change my mind as our sex routine became established. We would shower together, before bed, then he would carry me to his bedroom and lay me across his bed and put his head between my thighs and lick and suck me to such heights I'd thought at times my head would explode.

I wasn't about to stop him doing this if he chose to, but in time, he started becoming a little pushier, and would insist on lying beside me, but his body upside down to mine, so his ever hard erection would graze against my lips as he ate me out.

I couldn't do it. Images of those other girls flashed through my mind, even though I scarcely knew anything about them much less their names or what they looked like, apart from Victoria, of course. There was just no way I was inviting her ghost into our bed.

I'd quickly kiss the tip then use my hand on him or even push it between my breasts and get him off that way, but there was no chance that was ever happening in my inexperienced mouth.

I'd probably bite him, and ruin it for both of us.

X~x~X


	13. Chapter 13

The Lie

Chapter 13

OUTTAKE...Kind of.

Summary: Rose gives birth, Edward finally gets a headjob.

Title:

"Always Use Contraceptives..Class 101"

DO NOT READ IF YOU:  
Are pregnant.

Are trying to get pregnant.

Prefer to remain ignorant about the less romantic ideas of how childbirth is.

(Baby WON'T die.)

DO READ if you are a foolish young girl taking silly chances with unprotected sex.

BPOV

My head was shaking back and forth as I stood there, my back against Edward's chest. His arms were around me, his fingers woven through mine.

This was a horror movie. Worse than any I'd ever watched.

I felt Edward kiss the top of my head and his thumbs started rubbing against mine.

"Ssshhh, it's going to be okay."

Until then, I hadn't realised I was groaning out loud.

"The only okay about this is that it's not me," I answered. My face was permanently cringing and I was waiting for Carlisle to clear the Delivery Room because Rose was dying before our eyes.

Everything was so wrong. There was blood, Rose was screaming, fluid was leaking from inside her, and it had been hours already.

I closed my eyes as I realised Edward's father was about to put his fingers inside Rose again.

Gah, no way.

"You are doing so well. Not long now," he said cheerily. He was announcing she was dying cheerily? It made no sense.

Alice was standing by the only window in the room, looking calmly outside.

Jasper was sitting on a chair beside the delivery table that Rose was slumped on, holding her hand. Emmett straddled the table, his legs dangling down each side of it as he supported Rose's heaving back against his chest and he reached around and rubbed her thighs.

"Great, Baby. Dad says it's nearly over," he said happily.

Oh, they meant the birth!

"Can this possibly be normal?" I whispered to Edward, because it seemed like something straight from Torture Chamber Stories.

Edward smiled and shook his head.

"Of course it's normal, or else Dad would have insisted on a C section."

"Fuck I'm glad I chickened out of Medicine," I sighed.

"You should still watch. Someday you might get cast in a movie where you have to fake this," he replied.

"Fake it...entirely possible. Do this for real? Edward, did you ever answer my question about adopting?"

"That's a little premature and negative. We haven't even tried to conceive yet. I thought you wanted to finish college and become an actress before you had kids."

Yes, despite my high grades I was following my heart's desire and not pursuing a 'sensible' career, according to Charlie. Things were still awkward between us. I was trying to make amends because he was my only link to Jacob, and I needed to know Jake was okay.

"Right, the head is crowning," Carlisle announced.

Jasper looked as calm as somebody sitting in their den listening to a soft, gentle piece of classical music. Alice moved to his side and Edward tried to edge us in closer.

"Don't. I can see more than I want to from here," I hissed.

"You don't want to miss the miracle," Edward replied. He looked and sounded excited, but I guess he was safe, knowing no matter what happened, it would never be him on that table. Or me, I secretly pledged.

"Oh God, it's deformed," I whispered frantically as something appeared between Rose's thighs.

The head was distorted, pointy, and all this skin was bunched like ripples across the top. The baby was blue, and this was nothing like the classes Rose had dragged us to, where the midwife pulled a rubber doll through a plastic pelvis.

It had fit easily and almost looked to be fun as she repeated the action, explaining the stages...crowning, etc.

The thing began to rotate and a squashed up, hideous face looked out at us.

"Oh God, how he your Dad going to break it to them?," I cried, brushing away the rush of tears. It was pitiful.

"Just pant," Carlisle said and I knew he must be holding on to the bad news until after the baby was out.

"Emmett, do you want to catch her?" he asked, and I was shocked. He wanted Emmett to see this sadly misshapen little ...thing...that was meant to be their baby daughter, according to Jasper.

Emmett kissed Rosalie and jumped down from the table and to my shock, Edward took his place, bracing Rose as Emmett followed Carlisle's instructions.

They all looked enthused, like this was going well.

Esme appeared at my side and started rubbing my arm.

"Isn't it amazing, Bella? Such a miracle."

"But it's all wrong. All wrinkled and smashed up," I cried.

Esme laughed.

"That's what they all look like. Wait until she is out, and her head reshapes and becomes more rounded and her skin fits again. It's just the trauma of fitting one rather large baby through a rather narrow space."

Oh my God, that was worse! This was normal.

"Oh, there seems to be a hitch," Carlisle finally admitted.

He turned to the midwife who was assisting.

"The shoulders are too wide. Rose, don't panic but I may have to break her arm or collarbone. Don't worry, it will mend but we can't leave her stuck for too long."

Jasper stood and placed his hands gently on Rose's belly.

His eyes closed and he spoke so softly we all shut up and listened.

"You need to calm down, Little One. Mommy wants you out in one piece. Just relax and stop fighting and in a minute you will be in her arms."

"Whoa," Emmett exclaimed as his father dropped the forceps back onto the tray as to his surprise, out slid one shoulder then the other, followed by the rest of a very large, enormous even, bloody, grubby, bluish purple shar pei looking baby.

Emmett caught him, and Carlisle grabbed the feet to make sure he wasn't dropped.

Yes.

He.

The baby girl we had secretly bought and sewed and knitted a great stash of pink baby clothes for was a boy.

"Oh yes!" Emmett chortled, giving away the fact that although he had said all along he was happy with a girl, clearly he was ecstatic to get a boy instead.

Rose looked like she didn't care about anything except the fact it was over.

"Okay, it's a boy," Carlisle said, frowning at Jasper, who was craning his neck to see for himself.

"I got it wrong! That never happens," he said gruffly. He looked completely confused.

"I told you," Edward whispered in my ear, now he was back beside me and Rosalie was laying down on a pillow. "Why do we even listen to him? He must just guess and happen to be right more often than wrong. I don't know a heap about babies but I am pretty sure the girl version does not come with those accessories."

"Oh he is so beautiful," Esme gushed which only made me wonder about her eyesight, because this bruised and battered monster looked nothing like the sweet pink babies in tv ads, my main source of comparison.

True, his head had gone more round, and his skin was tightening, but still.

Honestly, who would go through that nightmare to get one of these?

"Adoption. It's the only way," I whispered to Edward.

He shook his head as he laughed...laughed...at me and he lined up for a turn to hold the wrinkled little prune like baby thing.

"Bella, look at him. He looks a lot like Rose but you can see Emmett's nose, though it's rather squashed at present. And Emmett's great big hands and feet. Isn't he amazing?"

God, the only amazing thing was women who went back a second time. Maybe they were super optimistic that the next one would be an improvement.

I stared down at the fat face peering back from the blue blanket and Rose finally spoke.

"May I hold my son again, please."

"Yes, give it to her," I urged. "After what she went through, Emmett had better treat her like the Goddess she is. That was above and beyond the call of duty."

They all laughed at me and Jasper walked over and kissed my cheek.

"I bet you never miss another Pill," he said with a grin.

"I'm actually thinking of doubling up and taking one each morning as well as the one at night," I admitted. I wondered if Edward could cope with using some nice thick condoms as well because sadly I was pretty sure he'd never agree now to go back to abstinence.

Maybe he would settle for a blowjob? I'd never given in and that was still the one thing he wanted that I just had not been able to give him. Suddenly it seemed like a better option than risking ending upon a table just like this one.

"We should go, give the family a chance to bond," Esme suggested and I was first out the door, standing and waiting for the others to follow.

They all emerged and we headed back to the house for coffee and shock treatment. At least, that was what I wanted.

Edward never shut up blathering about how amazing the experience had been and how wonderful his nephew was and how he could hardly wait for it to be our turn.

"Well, I wonder what his name will be?" Esme mused, holding her coffee mug and breathing in the steam. She looked so happy.

"I'm going to guess it won't be Natalie Rose," Edward chuckled.

"I don't know what happened. I'm never wrong," Jasper moaned.

"Clearly you are," Edward sniped back at him. He was sounding quite testy and I wondered what his problem was. Did it really matter to him that Jazz had gotten the gender wrong? It wasn't like it was Edward's kid, it was just his nephew. Maybe he had been really looking forward to have a niece and felt cheated?

Later as we walked hand in hand down to our cottage, I asked him why he was so grumpy all of a sudden.

He opened the front door and led me inside, then sat down on the sofa.

"Bella, be honest. Was part of the reason you left Jake because of that rubbish Jasper said about what would happen if you and he had a baby?" he asked worriedly.

"Of course not. As if I would do that. I can't even remember what he said, exactly. Something about me jumping off a cliff with the baby even though he was perfect. Something about ancestors or something. It never came into my decision."

"Good. Because now we all have proof that Jasper was wrong. You and Jake would have had the same chance as we have of having healthy babies."

"Stop talking about babies, if you ever want to have sex again," I warned him as we made our way down to the bedroom.

Edward paused at the doorway of the pink nursery and looked inside.

"It's going to be so exciting when we have a little baby girl to put in here. I will even do night feeds."

"Are you planning on growing breasts then?" I enquired.

"You plan to breastfeed?" he said in surprise.

"Edward, IF and it is a mighty big IF, I ever have a baby, I would want to do everything as right as possible. That would include breastfeeding but now it would also involve a lot of drugs. Like, an epidural, and a spinal block and anything else they have on offer, because there's no way I could do what Rose did today. Maybe a c section. Can you choose to have one even though you don't medically need one?"

"Maybe," he replied, placing his hand on my thigh as I sat down on our bed.

"Oh that reminds me. It's time you taught me how to get you off with my mouth," I said casually.

His reaction made me wish I could take the words back, because he was suddenly sporting the biggest erection he had ever had before. And I had just offered to allow that in my mouth.

X~x~X

It wasn't that bad. Really. It wasn't that good, either but it hadn't been a truly horrible experience and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?

Edward was completely blissed out and was laying on his back, his hands under his head, and the biggest smile across his face.

"Baby, that was awesome."

"You aren't just saying that because it's been a long time since anyone did that to you and you have forgotten how much better they were at doing it?" I questioned.

"Bella, you have no idea how much I love you. I know you never wanted to try this and I can't tell you how happy I am that you reconsidered. That was the single best blowjob ever. In the world. Possibly in the entire universe. I've never had that done to me by the girl I love before. I've never loved anyone but you, and you showing me that love back in this way is just incredible. I'll do anything you want, love, just ask. Anything."

"Wear a condom when we make love," I replied with a grin.

"I should get you something to drink...or do you need to clean your teeth or what? How can I make it okay so you want to do that again sometime? My God, the others always spat, never swallowed, even though I was wearing a condom with them. They didn't even swallow the saliva that gathered in their mouths, let alone what you did. That was so freaking amazing. You have no idea how much better it felt as you swallowed me down. Absolutely incredible."

"You can spit?" I said in surprise. Now that would have been useful information beforehand.

Edward gave me a sly grin.

"Oh, it can be dangerous to spit. I believe swallowing is recommended by the Health Commission."

"Liar," I laughed, taking a second mint from the tin beside the bed. Suck on one before and one after, Rose had instructed. and I presumed it had made things taste less horrid. I wasn't trying again without the mint to compare, I'd take her word for it.

"Are you hungry? Do you want me to cook you something?" he asked.

"Ice-cream. With chocolate sauce," I ordered, and my eager waiter hurried to fetch it for me.

Okay, Rose was right again.

Give a man want he wants and you have a slave for life.


	14. Chapter 14

**I've started a Facebook Page for anyone who wants to talk about Rob in a motherly/sisterly, not cougarly, fashion. Feel free to join us if you want.**

**Its named Rob Pattinsons Othermothers. Once we get enough people I believe we can change it to a Group.**

Chapter 14

EPOV

To me, my nephew was completely fascinating, even sitting by his crib watching him sleep made me feel waves of warm affection for him.

He was perfect, in every way.

It was hilarious but no doubt annoying that most of us wanted to be active participants in his care and Rose often said it was lucky she was the only one who could breastfeed Chance because otherwise she'd never get her hands on him.

Mom lived with them, in their new four bedroom apartment in NY, every second week, and spent the intervening weeks at home with Dad, who was seriously considering taking some leave so they could both just be there, on hand, day and night, with their first grandbaby.

Alice had been beyond pissed at first to find out her massive stash of little girl's clothing was not needed, then Bella pointed out, the fact the baby was a boy did mean now Alice could start again, and buy everything frogs and snails and puppy dog tails instead.

That was all Alice needed to hear, I swear the new clothing stash was complete before Rose even left hospital

It was left to Jasper and I to assemble all the baby furniture in the new four bedroom apartment that Mom had found for Emmett's new family on the internet, seeing we four had to fly back before the new college term began.

Rose and Emmett would follow in a few days but this way, all the hard work was done and Alice was just as capable of frilling up a nursery as Mom was.

The room did look amazing.

Alice spurned an all blue approach as being 'too predictable and expected' so Chance's nursery was a burst of primary colours that assaulted your eyes but Alice said this was what babies needed to be exposed to.

Colour.

Jasper said he thought babies saw only black and white at first but none of us knew if that was true or whether it was puppies that saw that way. Whatever, there was no way Alice was gutting this nursery and starting again.

Rose loved it, and thanked us all a hundred times. Emmett grinned widely at the added extras Jazz and I had added ourselves.

Chance's first football.

First baseball glove, bat and ball.

Even Charlie Swan's gift of a miniature fishing rod hung from a wall, waiting for it's owner to grow tall enough to hold it and cast out the line.

While the three women examined every article of tiny clothing and exclaimed how tiny and perfect each thing was, the other woman, Bella, looked a cross between bored and impatient to get out of here.

She had contributed; she'd purchased a stack of disposable diapers and a bagging device that was used to dispose of the used ones, so she considered she had played her part and was done.

Maybe it was good that she wasn't baby obsessed like the others because our own family was years away in the future and nothing would change that.

As the early weeks flew by, I became an expert at changing diapers, bathing small, slippery baby boys, and walking the floor when he had a screaming session.

They weren't a problem if Jasper was around, because that warlock could simply take Chance in his arms and soothe him instantly. I swear, one minute we had a red faced, screaming, hysterical infant and then Jazz took him and instantly, instantly, that same baby was asleep.

Of course, Jasper had his own life and couldn't be there 24/7, something Rose regretted, but the rest of us tried our best to help out.

Bella would happily do housework, laundry, grocery shopping, anything they needed that didn't involve touching Chance.

She alone was not dazzled by his presence and she often looked puzzled as I gazed into the baby's eyes and spoke those embarrassing 'who's a big boy then?' phrases even the most sensible people are reduced to uttering when an infant was present.

She just didn't get it.

I was surprised, because she had always spoken eagerly about our two future children, but maybe the reality was not nearly as romantic as she had imagined. She admitted to having had zero experience with babies before now, so maybe it was something she would grow into liking gradually, I hoped.

Actually, just like our love had hit her like a lightning bolt, so did her love for Chance strike out of nowhere.

Mom was at Forks, Jazz and Alice plus Rose and Emmett were at the wedding of one of the girls' fellow student nurses, so Bella and I had been left in charge of the baby for the first time.

I had no problem with that but it happened to occur the week I had major exams and I had to get in and finish a musical composition that was due in just days.

Chance had decided it was a crying night, so as Bella had instantly made herself scarce and was polishing the faucets or something, anything rather than hold the baby; I was pacing the floor.

Nothing helped. He'd been fed by his Mom just before they left, so he wasn't hungry. His diaper was clean and dry though I changed it anyway in case it was prickly or something.

He was dressed in a lightweight onesie, so he wasn't too hot or cold.

I was starting to worry he was ill, and was rocking him in one arm while Googling to find various diseases that showed up with no high temperature or rash or any other sign except screaming.

"Oh for God's sake," Bella exclaimed, snapping the laptop shut and taking the baby.

"He's bored, not sick. Put some music on. And not one of those excruciating lullaby cd's Rose plays."

"What do you think he'd like to hear?" I asked, flipping through our cd collection. I picked out Clair de Lune by Debussy.

"No, try this," she replied, tossing me one from her separate collection of cd's that she listened to through headphones because she knew I hated screamo.

"Nine Inch Nails?" I questioned. "Wouldn't they be a bit loud?"

"For a baby screaming at this level of decibels? No, Edward, Trent Reznor would not be a little too loud, now play it."

All I can say is I'm glad the baby can't talk because if he started singing Closer around his mother, we would have lost our babysitting privileges.

However, Bella was right. Chance gave up competing with the music and calmed down and Bella shoo'ed me away to go finish my composing.

The second bedroom was now my music room and had been soundproofed so I wasn't assaulted by the noise from the cd, but as I sat at my piano playing what I'd composed, I sensed the door opening, and Bella came inside and sat beside me, with a wide eyed baby against her chest.

"Maybe NIN was a little overboard," she confessed and to our surprise, Chance snuggled there for the next hour, watching and listening to me play. He seemed like a fan.

"See, now you have two Edward Cullen music fans," Bella smiled.

Finally, Chance slept and Bella went out and lay down on our sofa with him balanced on her chest.

When I'd finished, I went to join her and took the warm bundle from his resting place and lay him into the travel crib.

"Aw, now I miss him. He's so warm and cuddly," she sighed.

"Oh, have we become a baby fan at last?" I questioned, laying beside her and letting her snuggle up with her head on my chest.

"I guess he's more likeable than I first thought. He is cute, now Rose has ironed his skin out straight," she joked.

"They all look kind of wrinkly at first. He's filling out. And yes, he is cute."

"Did Carlisle ever do that paternity test?" she asked me, trailing one hand out to touch the side of the crib.

"No. Rose forbade it but it doesn't matter. Look at him. Emmett's dark curls, Emmett's blue eyes. Emmett's chunky build. I doubt it's possible for Royce to have fathered a baby who looks like this. He has straight mousy brown hair and dark brown eyes. I know because I noted those features after we found out Rose could be carrying either Emm's or Royce's offspring.

Rose has hazel eyes, so chances are the blue eyes came from Emmett.

Anyway, I don't think anyone cares anymore. He's Chance. Their Chance for a new beginning."

"We should hurry up and graduate and have a baby too," Bella murmured.

"One thing this has shown us is how hard it is for them to juggle classes and baby time and couple time. I definitely agree, we need to graduate before we reproduce," I stated.

"I feel impatient, for the first time," Bella admitted. "I want it now. I want our baby here with us."

"I guess we could maybe talk about it," I replied hesitantly. We had our life planned out and a large part of that plan was waiting until the time was right, and I was gainfully employed.

"Bella, don't you want to be an actress any more?" I questioned. It was a terribly hard profession to get into, and anyway, that lifestyle would probably interfere and force us apart often, for months on end if she got parts that were shot overseas.

"I'm thinking of changing my major to Creative Writing and just doing the Drama for fun," she replied.

"If that's what you want," I murmured happily. All those lecherous directors out there, waiting to take advantage of immature starlets...I can't say I was sorry she was not walking down that Red Carpeted path.

"So, you want to be a novelist. What type of stories do you want to write?"

"I am thinking I prefer love stories, with some steamy parts and always a happy ever after," she replied. "That's really what most women want to read."

"Okay. That sounds reasonable. I wonder where you could get your inspirations for the steamy parts," I murmured, running my hand along her thigh.

"Edward," she cautioned, "Not in front of the baby."

I slipped my fingers inside her panties.

"Well, he is asleep," she whispered, writhing against my hand.

We went into our bedroom but left the door open and I covered her mouth with mine when her moans got too vocal. But we didn't wake the baby and that was what mattered.

X~x~X

BPOV

Once Chance got under my skin, I was as bad as the rest of them, and my maternal instincts were aroused. Alice was sitting in front of the computer, on an online auction site when I next visited Rose and the baby one day after class.

"What are you looking for? I thought half the thrill was spending hours walking through shops looking at everything before buying," I asked.

"Not buying, Bella. Selling. Of course I only buy clothing if I get to feel it and hold it first, but let's face it, it will be years and years before any of us need this pink stash. I may as well list it to sell, someone will bid and buy it all."

I picked up a tiny pink frock and smiled.

"Let me keep it."

"The dress? Okay," she said, filling in the description part of her auction.

"No, everything," I answered. "One day Edward and I will have that little baby girl that Jasper 'sees' and she will need clothes. And we have all these."

Alice thought that was a great idea so we wrapped the items in acid-free tissue paper and stored them all into large plastic boxes that we packed into my car.

I put them all in our largest storage cupboard and of course, Edward found them the next day when he was looking for something.

"Hmm," he said, crouching by the transparent boxes. "Are you trying to tell me anything?"

"No," I laughed, squatting down beside him. "Alice would never get back near what we all paid for these so I thought, why not just put them away for a few years and when our baby girl arrives, we won't have to buy anything at all."

Edward stood and pulled me up.

"I do want this to happen, Baby. When we are ready."

"Gah," I replied. "I wish I had a time machine and could just fast forward the next three years."

"Well, I'm glad you can't do that because we need to practice how babies are made, so we are experts by the time it becomes necessary."

I knew he was right, but Chance had stirred up hopes and dreams and desires in me that even made the whole labour room experience start to look worthwhile, and who ever thought I'd say that?

Watching Rose's face as she fed Chance at her breast filled me with warm fuzzy feelings and maybe even jealousy. I guess in another universe, I'd be married t Jake and wanting a baby by now, even if it had meant a life of counting pennies.

We'd have had Charlie's house.

We could have gotten by pretty well compared to most kids our age.

But it wasn't Jake I saw sitting by my side, watching me feed my little baby girl, it was Edward, and he was always the one with the sensible plans.

He was right, though. We had time on our side. Meanwhile, I could just become as pushy as the rest of them and claim some time with Chance.

He really was getting cuter by the day and Rose and Emmett were so happy, it was as if their blip had never happened. Emmett was the epitome of devoted husband and father, and he swore he would never think of himself first again; he would always put his wife and child's needs and welfare before his own, and we believed him.

All in all, life was pretty much perfect.

Jasper and Alice had taken things surprisingly slowly and we not even sharing a bedroom yet, though we all knew they did have sex sometimes. It was obvious when that happened because she would be all pink faced and happy the next day.

"So, when are you slackers moving it up a notch?" Rose asked the day we were all in her kitchen, baking cakes and slices for her son's first birthday party.

"There's no hurry," I replied, grabbing the chocolate frosting for my cakes before Alice used it all on hers. "Edward and I have a clear plan with a proper timeline. We'll get engaged in our final year and married once college is done, then once we both establish our careers, we will have our first baby."

Alice laughed.

"How keen are you really to have a career?"

"What has Jasper said now?" I queried. Although Edward completely dismissed anything his sister's husband predicted these days, I still liked to listen and then wait and see if what he said did come to pass.

He'd been wrong about the gender, that was all. That didn't mean he didn't get a heads up about things that were right and would happen, in my opinion. I noted everything in my Diary and ticked them off when they happened.

"Jasper says you will conceive on your honeymoon," she said excitedly.

"Really?" I replied, my face lighting up. "Even though it's not part of our plan?"

"Doesn't matter. Jazz says the time will be right."

Her face dropped a little.

"Bella, he does caution me that there will be a hurdle you need to get over after the baby is born, but it won't end you two. He wants to tell you that but he knows Edward prefers that he keeps his thoughts to himself."

"I'm going to be a useless new mother, aren't I?" I said. Babysitting Chance was one thing, but some days when he toddled around our apartment and pulled my books out of the bookcase and dropped them onto the floor, or put things into his mouth that I had left in his reach, I did wonder if doing this full time would be crazy difficult.

I was in charge of him for mere hours and by the time I was feeling fed up and wanting my own life back, he was packed up and handed back to Emmett or Rose. You didn't get to do that with your own child.

They were forever.

"No way, it's nothing like that," she answered, taking my hands. "You will be the original Earth Mother and protect your baby with your life. It's something that becomes between you and your husband, but you will work through it and Jazz is almost sure.."

"Almost?" I cried, grabbing on to one word only.

"He's only almost sure?"

Alice frowned and shrugged.

"There are always at least two ways any situation can play out and it really does depend on the players which way it goes. Look at couples where one partner cheats. They can cut their losses and call it a day and walk away; the easier, more obvious option. Or they can stay and fight. try and get back what they had and overlook the indiscretion. See it as a warning sign not a closing chapter to their story."

I sat down on a kitchen chair, my legs shaky.

"Is Edward going to cheat on me?" I asked in horror. I'd never considered he would be capable of treachery, certainly not to that degree and not to me. He loved me. he said it constantly and showed me in every possible way.

"No, sweetie, not Edward. Never Edward," she replied. "Edward has this deeply ingrained need to be faithful and nothing can shake or change it. Edward has integrity. He will always do the right thing even if he could get away with doing the wrong thing and never getting caught.

It's just a basic part of him and that will never change."

"So it's me," I said in shock, standing and pulling away from her touch. "Tell me, Alice. Who do I cheat with, because if I know now then I can cut that person from my life now and it will never happen," I pleaded.

Alice shook her head.

"Jasper doesn't always get everything like watching a video in his head. He just knows one day, within the first year of your marriage, Edward is going to be thrown into the blackest pit of despair that he has ever felt, and you won't be at his side to hold him and bring him back. He has to go through it and work it out alone."

"Maybe I'll die," I said, rather hoping for that scenario rather than the other. I could never betray Edward. Never.

Alice looked lost and quite miserable then she snapped back.

"Jasper also tells me a hundred times whenever we discuss this, that it will be okay. You two will get through it and come out tighter than ever."

Of course I was glad to hear that but still, how on God's green Earth would there ever come a time that I would be able to betray Edward like Jasper clearly saw?

I just couldn't imagine any circumstance that would allow it to happen.

I turned, wishing to God not for the first time, that Jake was here. I missed him so badly, and he had always been the friend that I could share anything with, even if what I told him did not reflect well on myself. He had this knack of keeping me grounded yet letting me see nothing was the end of the world unless you let it be so.

I felt like I'd lost the instruction book that had come with me at birth. I could no longer refer to him and ask him for help because I had pushed him out of my life. I didn't blame him at all for his absence, that was all my doing.

Who wouldn't have stayed away in the same circumstances?

"Talk to me. I will always be here to help you through anything," Alice promised.

I really wanted to believe that, but first and foremost, she was Edward's sister and if anything did happen, I knew she would side with him. It was natural and expected but it held me back from telling her every conflicting thought in my head, in case she held them against me or brought them up again later.

She was the wrong person.

Jacob had always been my person.

Edward was my One, and always would be, but sometimes you need a friend who is not also your lover. I didn't have that.

"God, how come I get the kid that does everything months before schedule?" Rose said, exasperated as her son ran across the room and tangled himself in the long sheer curtains on the front window.

"Chase, the books say babies don't take their first steps until their first birthdays and you have been walking for seven weeks and two days. It doesn't seem fair," she sighed, flopping onto the couch beside us.

"Well, he also wears size two clothing, and he shouldn't be for another year," Alice replied. "he's just a boy ahead of his time. Maybe it means he will be an awesome leader when he grows up, always a step ahead of his contemporaries."

Alice went to the breakfast bar that divided the kitchen from this sitting room and picked up a cupcake, and handed it to the toddler. Chance flopped down on the carpet and showed it into his mouth, making little sounds of ecstasy at the sweetness. Rose didn't believe babies needed sugar so sweet treats were few and far between.

We all sat there grinning at him.

"Food and sex, that's all men care about," Rose murmured.

"At least you have thirteen more years before Chase discovers sex," Alice comforted her.

Rose turned white.

"Did Jasper say Chase will be sleeping with girls when he's only fourteen?" she asked in a panic.

"No," Alice replied cheekily. "I'm just assuming he'll take after his father."

"Alice, that's just mean," I pointed out to her. "He's a cute little baby boy. Don't spoil things for Rose. She'll lock him in the basement when he's ten."

At least this nonsense was a distraction from the horrible things Alice had said before.

But, forewarned is forearmed. I knew now I wasn't as pure and ethical as I assumed I was.

I guess I did sleep with Edward before breaking off cleanly with Jake. I should already know I did have it in me to cheat.

After all, I was Renee's child.

XXXX

**A/N Spoiler alert, just in case you can't cope with any more infidelity, I'm going to tell you all, my Bella won't cheat on Edward. Edward will not cheat on her. No douchebag directors will appear in this story.**


	15. Chapter 15

New account at facebook if any of you ladies want to join us. It's called Rob Pattinson's Othermothers. It's not intended as a Cougar gathering, just a place for us to chat to one another about Rob Pattinson and other subjects.. It will become a Group in time, if I can work out how to change it! Feel free to ask us to friend you. Any trouble finding us, email me and I'll ask to friend you. I'm kismetianfanfic at gmail dot com

The Lie

Chapter 15

EPOV

They say time flies when you are having fun, and college for Bella and I was definitely a time filled with fun. Being young and free was crucial though. We both knew we had no vows made nor contract binding us thus we were together because we wanted to be.

It wouldn't have been that incredible to any outsider looking in if we had slipped up or strayed or even called it a day so we could date other people, but neither of us wanted that. I asked Bella maybe twice a year if she had any doubts or concerns about us lasting, because I sure needed to know if that was the case.

My heart was filled with her and it seemed a permanent condition so if she didn't see us the same way as I did, I needed a heads up.

Fortunately, she never doubted us for a minute so I started making plans for the rest of our lives.

We'd agreed to wait until our fourth and final year here before getting engaged but in the third year, I had to rethink things.

"That's so unfair," Bella seethed as she arrived home one afternoon, tossing her bookbag on the sofa.

"What's unfair, Honey?" I asked. She rarely got upset so when she did, I knew it was important to her and not some silly reaction to whatever was happening in other people's lives or celebrity gossip; she wasn't Alice.

"Jasper asked me to keep Alice busy this afternoon after class because he had something important to do. I did that, without asking any questions, because he is a friend. And what was he doing?" she asked irritably.

I shrugged. It seemed the safest option because I did know the answer. I had been with him.

"He was buying her an engagement ring! They haven't been together as long as we have, you know. She found it anyway. It was hidden in his sock drawer. I swear your sister can smell diamonds. This just smacks of Alice needing to be first."

She flopped down on the sofa.

That was perfect, actually.

I walked to stand in front of her, then dropped onto one knee and took her hand.

"Isabella Marie Swan, would you marry me? I know it has to be a long engagement, and that we have more than a year left here, but I really would like to see this ring on your finger. Would you do me the extraordinary honour of agreeing to become my wife?"

I waited with bated breath, because nothing in life is written in stone. I knew she wouldn't accept just because Alice would accept Jasper, especially if she suspected I was only doing this now to beat them to the punch.

Bella laughed, which was hardly the reaction I expected or wanted.

"Of course I will. I'm sorry, I was just surprised. I thought we agreed this would happen on my 22nd birthday."

"I can't wait any longer. I want the world to know we belong together and this is the logical way to do it. I was going to ask you to get a tattoo on your forehead with **I Belong To Edward Cullen **but somehow I didn't think you'd go for it. So, I went with the other option."

I slid the ring onto her finger and watched her eyes light up.

"My God, Edward, where did you get this from? It's beautiful!"

I smiled and kissed her hand.

The wide gold band had our initials engraved continuously, _E loves B loves E loves B loves E._

Then the engraved letters were studded with minute diamond chips. The 'o' in 'loves' was a larger diamond each time. I'd designed it myself and nobody else had one the same.

"I wanted something different, something no-one else could say 'oh it's the same as mine'. I wanted it to be as unique as you are."

"I love it, Edward. I think it's my second favourite thing on the planet, after you."

I felt quite dizzy with relief. It had been worth surprising her; she was on a high for weeks afterwards. I got used to being dragged off to the bedroom every day when we got home from classes so she could thank me again.

It's a hard job being Bella's fiance but someone has to do it.

The only downside was, becoming engaged for the second time seemed to remind her of the first , at night anyway. Her dreams began to be full of her begging Jacob to let go of the past and be her friend again.

I was torn between being sorry for her for missing him so much, and worrying that I had stolen something precious from her. I understood Jake's complete absence in her life from his point of view, but it was hurting my Bella.

She tearfully ended every phone call to Charlie begging for news of him. Her Father relented finally and told her Jake had graduated already, by doing extra classes during the three years he was at college, 'as it wasn't as if he had anything else to do'.

"But he must date. Have girlfriends? Please Dad, I want to hear he has moved on ," she begged.

When she finished the call, I put my arms around her shoulders and she cried into my chest, her tears soaking the front of my shirt.

"What did Charlie say that upset you this much?" I asked, disappointed and a little angry that he had killed her buzz.

"He said Jake has no intention of even looking for someone else. He considers he has lost his only chance to ever be happy , and dismisses the whole idea that he could find joy with another girl, because she won't be me, so he's not trying. He never dates, or even talks to other girls. Leah was glad he left already because she said she was sick of living in a perpetual atmosphere of gloom and doom and sadness. She called their apartment, the Funeral Parlour."

"Bella, you had no way of knowing he would be this way. He's clearly got some form of depression, and needs help."

"Oh he's getting help. His one outing each week is to his therapist. How do you think that makes me feel? I ruined his life. He's always been my best friend and I did this to him."

I soothed her hair and kissed her forehead.

"We did this to him. Together. It was the right thing for us but the very worst thing for Jake," I admitted sadly.

"He said Jake wishes I was dead, Edward. That way his grief would run it's course and he could adapt and cope. The worst thing for him is knowing we are out here having some incredible life, never thinking twice about what we did to him."

I didn't know what to say or do to make things better but later I took her phone and copied Jake's number into my own. He had refused to answer calls from Bella but maybe he would take a call from my phone, even if only to scream words of abuse at me.

I tried for weeks, and in that period, Bella herself became depressed and lost her sparkle. She barely ate enough to keep alive and what little weight she carried was falling off her slender frame. This was becoming serious.

Finally I bought a throw away cell phone and called him on it, so he wasn't forewarned it was me.

"Yeah?" Jake said when he answered. "Who is this?"

"Please don't hang up. I need you to listen. Please Jacob."

"Edward Cullen. Oh this makes my birthday complete. Thanks for that," he growled.

"Bella is beyond unhappy to hear you haven't gotten over her and moved on with someone new. Charlie would never pass on any information about you before and I kind of wish he had stuck to that. I'm sorry what happened has had such a negative impact on your life."

"Gee thanks," he replied dryly. "You sucked out my only joy and you need me to forgive you? I wouldn't hold my breath. No, wait, do. Hold your breath. Die even. For me. It is my birthday."

"Would you just think about calling her? Just once? She misses you so much and just hearing your voice would be so good about now."

"Are you two married yet?" he asked sadly. "Have you eloped and not told Charlie?"

"No. We are engaged, but the wedding won't happen for a while yet. I wouldn't dream of holding the wedding until Bella is one hundred percent happy."

"So, basically, you want me to cheer her up so you can have the benefits?"

"Jake, you say you love her. Are you happy she is like this? She's coped thus far because she was so sure you must be over it by now. Since Charlie burst that bubble, all she feels is pain and despair."

"Are you nervous that she will break your heart too, and call off your wedding? I mean, she has gone down that road once already. Maybe she gets some kind of thrill dumping fiances'. Maybe it makes her feel powerful."

"I'm not even slightly concerned about that happening because I know Bella loves me and wants to marry me. Jake, the truth is, once she started having feelings for me, she was able to compare them to the ones she had for you, and see they were different. She does love you and always will, I suspect. You'll always own a small piece of her heart. Knowing that, couldn't you at least forgive her? Would you consider coming to see her?"

"Let's see. Me forgive the woman who promised to be mine. Who accepted my ring, and bought a new bed so we could live together. Who played Mommy to my Daddy all through childhood. We both knew from a very young age that we were meant to be together. I don't get what she thinks you have that I don't, Edward. There's always the chance she will experience another epiphany if I come and see her, and she remembers what she has lost. Hmm, maybe I should come after all."

"I would appreciate that so much. I know you know it's her birthday next Sunday.. Maybe you could fly here for the weekend? I could book you a room somewhere or you could stay here."

"I think I'm liking this idea. I'll come and don't bother getting me a hotel room. I'll be perfectly comfortable staying in your apartment. I'll be nice and close when she realizes what a mistake she made and begs me to take her back home here with me. Makes sense to stay at yours."

I cleared my throat. This wasn't going quite to plan. I had a feeling Jake would probably be the very worst guest we had ever had. It would be disturbing having him under the same roof, knowing he was openly trying to get steal my girl back.

But it was that or risk her fading away.

I moved the piano to the farthest wall and set up the bed we kept in storage back into that room, and Bella didn't even ask who was coming. I guess she didn't care.

Jake sent me a text announcing the time his flight would arrive and I persuaded Bella to come for a drive with me, and took her to the airport,

"I don't want to go anywhere. We haven't even packed any luggage," she argued when we got there.

"We aren't going anywhere. We have a guest to collect," I informed her.

She sat listlessly on one of the benches in the Arrivals Lounge and I didn't want to spoil the element of surprise but I decided I would tell her who were meeting if she asked.

She didn't.

X~x~X

He was almost unrecognizable.

I watched him walk towards us down the long corridor, unable to believe my eyes. He'd always been pretty thin and scrawny and not so tall. Jacob Version 2 was well over six foot tall, with muscles that rippled through the confines of his cotton shirt; well chosen to hug his body and show his new shape.

Emmett would possibly be jealous of his physique.

Apart from that, he still had the long black hair that I knew Bella loved, and he broke into a run, smiling that big white toothed smile he had always reserved for her alone.

Bella looked up at the sound of his pounding feet.

"Jacob? Jacob!" she squealed and ran towards him. He scooped her up in his arms and squeezed her tight.

Was this a good idea? I didn't know, but it had to be endured.

They were both talking over one another, and Bella's eyes were finally alive and filled with happiness again, so, yes, I think I did the right thing.

The only thing.

X~x~X~x

BPOV

I'd felt almost angry that Edward had invited someone to come stay, without even discussing it with me. I was in no mood to be welcoming and polite to some guest I didn't care about, so I was sitting on the bench in the airport, debating whether I'd even bother standing up when she/he arrived.

I half expected it to be Renee. Just because Edward loved his Mom and shared a great relationship with her, he tended to assume everyone else really felt that way about their Moms too, but were afraid of admitting it for some obscure reason.

Then I heard the sound of his feet as he ran, and I knew that sound.

Jake!

Of course, I hardly recognised him now he was buff and gorgeous. He had kept his hair long. I'd always imagined he would have gotten sick of long hair by now and cut it, but no, it was longer if anything. I have to admit it was one of the happiest moments in my entire life. I admit I didn't even give a thought to how Edward must be feeling to see me finally happy, and only because Jacob was holding me.

Nothing had changed, I knew that instantly.

While I loved Jake desperately, it felt like I was greeting my brother who had been away in Iraq at the war. Like I had lived in constant fear I'd never see him again, yet here he was.

Jake's lips crashed into mine and I was so happy I even kissed him back, but only for a moment.

I pulled back and laughed and slapped at his tree trunk arms to make him put me down again.

I still wasn't comfortable kissing him, even now, when he was the second most important person in my world. My most prominent feeling was an outpouring of love and gratitude toward Edward, for doing this for me. The man's love knew no bounds.

I turned to him and he caught my eye.

"Thank you," I mouthed at him silently. "Thank you. I love you so much."

"So, Edward, want to collect my bag?" Jake suggested, and Edward nodded and walked away.

"Bells, Babe. It's been far too long and life's too short for petty squabbles. I've missed you."

"You seem to have found a way to fill in your spare time. Have you got your own gym?"

"I've got my own house, Baby. Charlie and Billy are living in your old house and I got the place on the Res. You would not recognise it. I got Sam and a few of the boys to help in their spare time. I'm now the proud owner of a spacious three bedroom abode, the like of which the Res has never seen before. I gutted the ground floor , extended it out sidewards, and added another floor and a loft.

You have to come and see it. I have photos but you need to walk through it to really appreciate it."

"How on Earth did you afford to do that?" I asked, his excitement spilling over onto me. He grabbed my hand and we followed Edward out to the car.

"I came into some money. Sit here in the backseat with me and I'll show you the photos."

Edward raised his eyebrows and smiled, so I knew he was okay with this. Jake naturally, looked completely victorious at his minor win, and I snapped on my seatbelt to show there would not be any sitting closely to one another going on.

"So, downstairs...the new sitting room. A whole wall made of glass so you can watch the ocean instead of the tv. I always thought it was such a shame to live in a house overlooking the beach and have such small windows along that side."

The photos showed a room I would never have expected to see in that small red house. It was about the size of the original house in it's entirety. The view was amazing. Sand, surf, seabirds. The sky was cloudy and threatening but a few stray sunbeams lit up like beacons in the darkness and gave the whole thing an air of excitement.

"Yeah, it's amazing when a storm hits, it's like being inside the storm itself without all the getting cold and wet part. And I continued the same style. Here's the new upstairs. I turned it to face the beach rather than the front of the house. You can see why."

"Wow, that's amazing," I gushed, but it was. This time the sun was shining and the view from upstairs was a panorama of soft gold sand and gentle blue waves. Like an amazing 3D frieze.

"But don't you feel kind of exposed? It must be like living in a fishtank," I asked him.

Jake sobered and looked at Edward.

"It's not like I do anything anyone would want to watch. But, anyway, it's tinted glass. I can see out but nobody can see it. I'll show you later in the exterior shots. Now, here's the set up. Two bedrooms on the second level, plus an open sitting/tv area with cathedral ceilings that the loft overlooks."

"So it has three levels? Isn't that a bit of an overkill?" I questioned.

Jake shrugged.

"I haven't given up hoping you may one day come back to me. When that happens, I need a family home ready and waiting for you."

"Jake..." I moaned.

"Bells, it's okay. I know you think you love Edward but I don't see any wedding ring on your finger. Until I do, I can hold out hope that the world will realign and tip back on it's axis and things will return to how they always should have been. If not, well, I have an amazing house."

He handed me more photos and I looked at them silently because suddenly it all clicked into place.

Once upon a time, the kids on the Res wanted to build tree houses and Jake alone decided his would actually be a more typical, on the ground cubbyhouse.

He and I had discussed what rooms would be needed and although the other kids and their father's completed theirs in a matter of weeks, Jake's took over a year because he insisted it had to be just the way we had sketched it's plans on the sand with a stick.

Of course, it was tiny by comparison to a real house, and the two children's bedrooms were so small they only fit a chair for the doll and teddybear we used to represent our future offspring, not even a doll's bed.

This loft was exactly as we had created the one in that little playhouse.

Sloped ceilings, dormer windows on either side. The bathtub in the left hand window, only this time the bath was large and white and grand and not an old plastic washing up dish.

It stood inside the dormer window space and overlooked the whole beachfront.

I knew why.

Jake had thought it a silly idea to incorporate the bath into the bedroom back then but I'd explained it would be the best bedroom ever, like movie stars had, if I could sit in my bath and look out at the sea while my husband lay in our bed watching me play in the bubbles, waiting for me to come to bed with him.

The opposite bay window had a built in window seat, as I knew it would, and it was on the sunny side of the room, so I could curl up on it and read my books there. Even the pillows were covered in bright paisley fabric; my latest obsession when I was twelve years old.

I frowned and handed the photos back.

Clearly Jake saw my time with Edward as simply my bubble bath, and he was waiting for me to join him in that bed.

Still.

"And finally, the kitchen. It runs right across the length of the lower floor and overlooks the forest. I put the kitchen counters all the way, like you always said would be the height of luxury. And I installed dish drawers, not shelves. Remember how you got all indignant when builders started doing that and you were convinced they somehow overheard you 'inventing' them? You were such a cool tweenager. The kitchen has all mod cons, even some that didn't exist when you designed it."

I'd thought it bad enough when my Father had dangled his mortgage free house in front of me, as a bribe to reconsider and just go along with what they wanted. Now Jake had shifted to delusional and built my fairytale house for me.

There was no way a man who thought cooking began and ended at 'pierce the container with a fork, place in microwave and cook for four minutes on high' built that gourmet kitchen with himself in mind. I bet even after ten years, those matching ovens would still be unused. And he would never need one dishwasher, let alone the two in the photos.

It was my ultimate kitchen dream, not his. His could have fit in a broom closet.

"Where did the money come from?" I asked him again.

He shrugged.

"Renee and Phil gave it to me. They wanted me to take a long holiday. World cruise, that sort of thing. Have some fun, get over my broken heart. I didn't think a vacation would help anything so I used it to renovate instead. I must admit, Renee was livid when she found out. I have no idea why she gave me the money.

So, I spent it differently to how she wanted me to. So what? It's not like it cost her more, or anything. I don't get why she even thought she owed me anything just because we broke up. I feel it was conscience money somehow but nothing she did pulled us apart."

I thought about that.

Renee could actually be rather wise and achieve her goals without using a sledgehammer at times. She must have suspected sending Jacob away to SeattleU, even if I stayed at Forks working at my boring little library assistant job, could mean he could get his head turned and lead to a 'momentary indiscretion' that could tear us apart.

So why did she want to break us up?

She'd always gone into a complete rage if I mentioned Jacob and the games we'd played together when I visited her and Phil when I was a child, and I heard the bitter arguments when I was handed back. She would warn Charlie nothing good, but possibly something very bad, could come of pushing Jake and I together, and she was always begging Charlie to stop taking me to the Res.

And Renee did not beg.

She even threatened to apply for full custody of me if he didn't comply, so that was when Dad sat me down and told me if I wanted to keep living with him, it would be necessary to lie to Mom about my friends.

He invited Jessica, and even Mike over now and then and always made a big deal about it, taking photos that he put in my photo albums, and he packed those same albums in my vacation suitcase and told me to show them to my mother and tell her Mike was my best friend.

I had gone along with it, even though I was ashamed to lie to her and a little disgusted to have anyone think I liked Mike Newton.

Dad said I was to pretend I only saw Jacob on our birthdays and maybe a quick Christmas Day visit to exchange gifts, but I could never disclose the truth or Renee would take me away from him.

I admit I always wanted a mother, but not a stepfather, and not to be taken away from the house I loved, and the life I enjoyed. My Dad and I were close back then. He never restricted my time with Jacob, and encouraged it, if anything. I had ample opportunity to be with him day and night, and the expected ending really was quite obvious.

A teen boy sleeping under the covers in the bed of a teen girl, in an otherwise empty house, night after night?

Had that been Edward I'd had coming to sleep in my bed, I dare say I would have been a pregnant fifteen year old.

I saw Dad's agenda, but Renee's was clearly the opposite. I even bet if I called her now and said Edward and I wanted to get married and have twelve kids but we couldn't afford to do that, she would sell every holiday house she and Phil owned around the world, and deposit the proceeds into my bank account.

I was being manipulated again. Away from Jake but full speed ahead towards a happy ever after with Edward.

When we got home and Jake was unpacking his bag, I slipped away and called Carlisle.

He was pleased to hear from me and I could hear the excited squeals in the background. Rose and Emmett were visiting them with Chance. Clearly he was running riot and having a fun time.

"Carlisle, I have a question. Did Renee know you were going to pay for me to come to college?"

"Of course," he replied. "I promised her that when I was asked to be one of your Godfathers. That was my gift to you. She always knew."

"Did Charlie know?"

Carlisle went quiet.

"Your father was like you, Bella. He didn't take what he saw as charity kindly. I didn't tell him, in case his pride refused to allow him to accept it."

So, she knew when she made that offer that I would choose for Jake to go to SeattleU, and that I would be attending NYU. And despite saying she could only afford to send one of us, she had handed over oodles of conscience money to Jake once we split up. Money she assumed would never benefit me, her only child.

Something was very strange here. I almost wanted to suspect Jake was her secret child.

That would make sense of everything.


	16. Chapter 16

The Lie

Chapter 16

EPOV

Watching Bella return to her old self was worth enduring the insufferable smirk that lived on Jacob's face. He was thoroughly enjoying his time here with us. As much as being with Bella was his main source of enjoyment, he also loved baiting me and would touch her and drop kisses on her head at every available opportunity.

I developed a new habit...nocturnal teeth grinding.

Bella shook me me awake and asked me what was troubling me, and I didn't even have it in me to lie.

"I want to slap that smirk off your bff's face. I want to break his fingers, and maybe even kill him, slowly, but I can't, because you would never forgive me."

"If he doesn't keep his hands to himself, I may help you," she replied.

I bristled.

"Edward, he's here for my party tomorrow, then he leaves. I love that you invited him but I admit, him being this way is like having a really annoying brother around. It's not that I don't love him, but I can see him pushing your buttons and he is just being a dick. I don't want you to hurt him but if you did..."

"I can hurt him?" I said hopefully.

"I didn't say that. I said if you hurt him, I would understand. Not condone it, but know why."

"Has he asked you to leave me and go back to Forks with him?" I checked, sure this was going to happen.

"Nope. I don't think even Jake is that stupid."

I wasn't so sure. He knew we were engaged and that the writing was on the wall. I would claim Bella as my bride, and the way I was feeling tonight, it could be a lot sooner than we planned. It wasn't that I doubted her sincerity or her love or even suspected she could cheat on me, it was just that I needed everything cut and dried.

I wanted 'Cullen' tagged on to the end of her name. I wanted a plain gold band sitting beside her engagement ring. I wanted a Marriage Certificate framed on the wall.

I knew none of those things could keep her here with me if she wanted otherwise, but it would be nice to have some tangible things to cling to.

I did like the way she seemed desperate for body contact with me at night, after a day at his side. Whenever I emerged from Morpheus' embrace, I could feel her body pressed close to mine, her fingers were entwined with my own and her lips never far from kissing my skin.

My dreams bordered on nightmares where we were all in the forest back home in Forks, but it was too dark to see one another and I couldn't find Bella. I could sense Jake was there too, waiting, trying to step in her path if she turned my way.

I understood the meaning and it would have raised my blood pressure except as I came back to reality, I could feel some part of her touching some part of me and I knew she was mine.

In the morning, we indulged in a kissing marathon that I needed even more than sex, and I'm sure Bella picked up on my very few unspoken tiny lingering insecurities, as she made no effort to leave our bed despite the crashing coming from the kitchen.

"Hey, you two, I've cooked breakfast," Jake yelled, knocking at our door.

"Come on, we can always keep kissing in front of him," I suggested.

Jake had lain three places at the table. Two settings on one side, one on the other. Predictably he was perched at one of the two close settings, so Bella merely picked up her plate and placed it next to mine, and seated herself on my lap.

"Cheers, Jake. Who knew you could cook?" she murmured, turning to run her fingers through my hair, kiss my lips soundly, and only then pick up a fork and taste the food.

"Gosh, I guess we used up a lot of calories last night," she whispered loudly into my ear.

Jake's mouth set in a hard, straight line but he was the one starting things, so he could cope with the result.

"What are you two doing today?" I asked, rubbing her thigh.

I had a full day. I had to collect Emmett and Rose and their son from the airport and help Alice decorate this apartment for Bella's party tonight.

Twenty one.

A true, undeniable adult.

My own birthday last week had been spent exactly how I desired; in bed with my girl. I'd had enough elaborately staged bashes attended by every family member and friend and mere acquaintance in the past and my eighteenth had been my official coming-of-age party so I managed to convince my parents I truly wanted to go low-key this year.

That being said, it had been the best night of my existence.

Just thinking about things we had done, places we had explored, tended to leave me unable to stand and walk for a while.

Bella was very adventurous in bed and seemed to forget herself, and lose all self-consciousness when it came to sex. She enjoyed partaking and already knew exactly what she liked but was open minded to experimenting and trying new things, in other words, she was a dream come true.

By day she still carried off the innocent virgin facade but believe me, within the confines of our bed, she was anything but.

Had I not taken her virginity myself, I would have suspected the girl had been around the block a few times because she caught on instantly. She was completely unashamed despite her quiet, blushing exterior, and she suggested as many new ideas as I did, and believe me, I had a lot of them.

It was incredibly exciting to me, to know I could do anything to her, and she would join in enthusiastically. So far, I had not found a single thing she didn't like and she often got into bed before me and would be studiously reading some book or another when I joined her. Then she would start something, and if I asked what we were doing, she would warn me to just go along.

"I read this in a book. It looked interesting. Now, you have to lie like this and touch me here and I..."

The props surprised me.

I couldn't quite imagine her entering a sex shop to buy her many new toys. She just didn't seem like the type of girl who would do that in public, but I guess maybe she bought them online. Most only got used once, before she would decide she liked my body better as her plaything, so I was in no danger of being replaced by anything manufactured.

I shook my head to clear it and Jake was watching, glaring as Bella leaned in close and whispered in my ear.

"Edward, there seems to be a steel rod in your boxers. Shall we give Jake ten dollars and send him to the cinema?"

Jake couldn't hear her words but he rolled his eyes and started clearing the dishes from the table while I tried to settle myself down so I could walk away with my boxers in place and not tented.

Bella laughed and grabbed my hand.

"You clean up, we'll go shower then you and I can go visit the shops or something, Jacob," she called out, pulling me into our bathroom.

I swear I forgot how the acoustics in this place were so bad that our neighbours heard every sound we made together, but even when I realized, we were too far into it to worry and anyway, I knew from past experience Jake could hear every moan, every cry, every time my name left her lips, so it was all good.

We finally dried one another's bodies and dressed.

"Have a good day," I called as Jake grabbed her hand and pulled her from the apartment.

"I already did," she called back, laughing.

"Bella, please," Jake growled. I liked that. He sounded quite angry and annoyed. I guess we were as bad at being his hosts as he was at being our guest.

I had a little work to do on my latest composition, the song I wrote for Bella. I would be playing it for her tonight in front of everyone.

X~x~X

Emmett and Rose looked a trifle harassed as they disembarked, and Chance saw me waiting and ran straight to me.

"Unca Edward, I got so many toys from Grammy and Gramps. Spiderman mask and web shooter.."

"I swear the airline should classify web shooters as weapons and ban them inflight," Rose grumbled. "So, Edward, should you ever need a reminder about using contraception, take Chance here on a flight and I swear you'll line up for a vasectomy afterwards."

"He wasn't that bad," Emmett added unconvincingly, raking his hands through his black curls and shuddering as he dislodged a handful of 'web' .

"He was, Emmett. He was a menace to society, ask any of our fellow passengers. I bet they check to make sure they never take another flight we are on. Terrible two's...more like Terrorist two's."

"So, are we looking at an only child?" I laughed.

"That damn Jasper said we end up with four of them. I truly can't imagine how," Rose snapped.

"Baby, we had our first at nineteen. We have plenty of time," Emmett replied.

"Yeah, clearly we lose our memories and our wits if we go on to have three more," Rose growled as I scooped Chance up onto my shoulders and felt his sticky little fingers grab onto my hair. It was already in pretty bad shape after Bella's ministrations so it didn't matter.

Alice and Jasper were waiting when we got back and Alice ran to Emmett's side.

"So, did you do it?" she asked.

Emmett pulled some type of document from his inner coat pocket and handed it to her.

"I'm officially a JP, allowed to perform various duties including spontaneous wedding ceremonies."

"Who is getting married?" I asked. Emm and Rose already were and Jasper and Alice were as good as. But she had grand plans and would never indulge in a hurried legal ceremony without all the bells and whistles.

"We just thought you might get the urge," Emmett replied, raising his eyebrows.

I glared at Jasper, the man missed nothing.

"Will I follow through? Now? This far ahead of our plan?" I enquired.

"Not here but when we all go to Forks next week..."

"Seriously?" I laughed nervously. I wasn't sure Bella would go for a hastily arranged ceremony now, and not follow Alice's lead and want the whole shebang later, when college was done.

"Come on, we have a party to prepare," Alice urged.

Jasper pulled me aside.

"You and Bella need to apply for a marriage licence and get the blood tests done. This week."

My heart started beating faster. I wanted this, so much, but Bella had never spoken of moving up the date. Heck, we didn't even have a definite date.

The party was amazing, and Bella even managed to pull off looking surprised when she walked back through our door. More people were crammed into our apartment than had ever been before and the noise level was deafening. Alice herded half the guests out to the rooftop pool area and she and Rose and some volunteers started carrying plates of food up there while the boys took the liquor, and I took my girl.

Jake was pretty much a spare wheel but some of Bella's classmates seemed determined to distract him and I think even he was tempted to just let go of his obsession with my intended, and let one of them console him.

He kept coming back to find Bella but she only laughed and waved him off.

"Jake, this is where I will be all night. Right beside Edward. He won't let me stray away from his side or get lost. Go relax and have some fun. It's a party."

Jasper and his friends set up their instruments and started playing so I pulled Bella into the center of the roof and started dancing with her clasped in my arms, against my aching body.

"Bella, Jazz thinks we need to file a marriage intention," I whispered in her ear.

"It's about time," she replied, grinning cheekily, forcing herself against me closer.

"You'd consider us getting married soon? Like, next week at Forks?" I questioned.

"Edward, my Mom is coming for a visit, and even Dad has given up and agreed to hand me over to you if that's what I really want. And I do."

"You have no reservations?" I checked, unable to believe my ears.

She sighed and bit her lip.

"Only one. Jasper said we would conceive on our honeymoon and we have one more year to go here before we graduate. I'd rather wait and not be pregnant until we are settled back in Forks permanently."

"Not a problem. As much as I want to put my hands on your pregnant belly in the future, now would be impractical. So, we delay the honeymoon. No honeymoon until we graduate. I'm sure it's pretty much a moot point at this stage anyway, considering what honeymoons were invented for."

"I guess we have been there and done that a few times already," she agreed.

I didn't notice anyone else that night, my Bella was the only one important so the jokes Emmett made about Jake disappearing for a while and being MIA with not one but two girls could have been just that; a joke.

I hoped it wasn't. I hoped he had found a way to begin letting go and moving on, because his friendship with Bella would never be what it had been and she wasn't even that commited to keeping it up again now, after this visit.

I guess I should have invited him earlier. His actual presence had done more to erase her image of him as the perfect best friend than anything I could have ever said against him. He truly had been quite annoying and too obvious and she had moved on well and truly.

My gift of the song was well received and Bella was reduced to tears after I played the final note and turned to where she sat beside me.

I put my arms around her and kissed her decently and Jasper stood up and lead the applause.

"And that, my friends, was the fat lady singing. Thanks for coming tonight, now let's form an orderly queue and leave these lovebirds alone."

I carried Bella to our bedroom and kicked the door shut and although there must have been a lot of noise as the crowd dispersed, we never heard it. We didn't hear anything but our own cries of delight and joy.

"We should go file that application tomorrow," Bella said sleepily before falling asleep in my arms.

BPOV

The plane trip to Forks was nowhere near as bad as Emmett and Rose predicted. Chance went from one couple to another, and we all took turns amusing him. Edward had bought him a little handheld game system that was flight friendly and he was captivated as he tried to manipulate the onscreen figures to do his bidding.

"Normally I would be annoyed that you had introduced him to game playing this young, but I actually got to sleep on that flight," Rose said with a smile as we disembarked.

I couldn't wait to get Carlisle alone, all to myself, so I asked him if he could help me with a couple of personal questions, and he led me upstairs to his study.

I knew he was the one person who wouldn't be thinking all sorts of possibilities by this request, he'd simply wait with an open mind and listen to what I asked. Mind you, I don't think he was expecting what I asked him.

"Can twins be born say, six days apart?"

He frowned.

"It has happened. Sometimes in a multiple pregnancy, the weight of the babies just gets too much for the mother's uterus and one baby or even several, will be expelled before the due date. Sometimes not all the babies are ejected, and one or more may go on to grow inside until term. It is pretty rare though, and the risk of infection is pretty high once the cervix opens. In a high care unit in a large city hospital, there would be some hope of a good outcome for some of the babies, if the first born was mature enough to survive, and no infection took hold in the mother."

"So, not here. Not in Forks Hospital."

"I wouldn't like to put that to the test. If I had a patient who seemed to be heading that way, and she was well enough to travel, I'd transfer her to Seattle."

"So, are you saying it has never happened at Forks Hospital, then?" I queried.

"Not in my time here."

"Was Jacob born on the Res or in the hospital, do you know?" I asked.

"He was delivered in his parents bed on the Res then he and his Mom were transferred into the hospital as he appeared to be suffering from a common blood condition that sometimes shows in newborns. But he was actually fine."

Right. So, if Renee had carried twins, maybe Sarah and Billy faked that he had been born to her when he was really born to my Mom and six days later she went into hospital and had me.

Then Carlisle blew that theory out of the water.

"I delivered him myself. Sarah was amazing. I was used to women who begged for drugs and yelled a lot by the end, and I'm not saying they don't have every right to react that way. It's so different for the Quileute women. They are very stoic and never make a sound until the baby is born. They believe their babies have to enter a silent world and know peace and comfort from the time labour begins. Sarah would have been delivered by their own midwife except two babies arrived the same night so she was busy and I was asked to help out."

"And you delivered me. From Renee?" I checked, my head swimming.

"I did. Well, I assisted. I was there when you were born. I went in especially, being Charlie and Renee's close friend. I needed to know everything would go okay. We'd just had Edward ourselves that week, don't forget, so I wasn't actually rostered on. Therefore I was available to help Sarah and Renee."

"Damn," I said quietly. There went that theory.

"Is there anything else you need me to help you with, Bella?" he asked.

"No, thank you, " I sighed. Maybe just something to calm down the paranoia. I had been so sure I was right.

Naturally I forgot all about this once my Mom arrived and it started to seem like this wedding would really be happening.

Carlisle and Esme had set up a lovely little section in their backyard for the service. We were keeping it simple; just immediate family. I didn't feel the need for friends to attend. Most of our school friends had attended different colleges and lost touch so it wasn't rude to keep this intimate.

Charlie was the only one with any doubts and he asked me to come with him to La Push beach the day before the ceremony.

We stood together on the clifftops and he turned and looked into my eyes.

"This is what you want?" he asked quietly.

"It is, Dad. Edward is my One. I have no doubts."

"And even I can see you are different with him to how you were with Jake. Do you think you can ever forgive me?"

"Of course I can. I know you always wanted what was best for me, and you thought that was Jacob. For a long time, I did too. I know better now, and this is how it was always meant to be. I'm just happy that you accept it as well."

"More than anything, I want you to be happy. I've always been happy in my life and that was only because you existed. Had Renee taken you with her, or never had you, my life would have been very different. Very empty. I understand now how you feel about Edward because that is how I have always felt about your Mother. There simply is not any other woman for me. You possibly don't want to hear this but I have tried, over the years, to move on. I have spent nights in other women's beds but it's a cold and empty exercise in futility. I never want you to experience that. Edward is your One. You do everything to stay with him forever, Bella. I will hand you, my most precious person in this world, over into his care tomorrow and I won't have any doubts that it is the right thing to do."

"Thank you, Dad," I choked.

"Carlisle raised that boy right, as if he were his own son."

"What?" I said, stepping back away from him in shock.

"Bella, he must have told you. Esme was in a previous relationship when they fell in love. Edward is not Carlisle's actual biological child. I would have expected Edward to reveal that before the wedding. Not that it matters. Edward Anthony Masen was out of the picture from the get go. He didn't fight to keep Esme once he saw how much she loved Carlisle. It's kind of ironic almost. Their parents always wanted them to marry, kind of like Billy and I wanted you and Jake together, but although she and Carlisle dated on and off in High School, she initially chose someone else and it wasn't until Carlisle stopped playing around like the young, free stud he was, and chose her, that it all happened.

For years I thought they just bowed to parental pressure and married to please their families but Carlisle told me the whole story one night. Not too long ago, actually.

He said it was a bolt out of the blue. Like being struck by lightning. It was the same for her, too. One minute she thought she would marry Edward Masen, and the next her entire world was all about Carlisle and even when she found out young Edward was on the way, it didn't deter them.

They even named the baby after him out of respect. A way to acknowledge he had once been important to her.

You must have noticed, Edward looks like Esme and nothing like Carlisle. Then they never managed to create a baby of their own together so they took in the other two. Carlisle has no offspring."

I stood there in shock.

Edward had shared everything with me, from his childhood memories to his dates to his oral hook ups. Nothing was out of bounds, or off limits.

"I don't think Edward knows," I said tearfully.


	17. Chapter 17

The Lie

Chapter 17

EPOV

"What are you doing in here?" I asked Bella when I finally located her. She was the in library up on the third floor, some of my Father's medical books spread out on the floor before her.

"Did you know twins can have different fathers?" she asked.

"Really? I guess I never thought about it. Why do we care? None of us are twins."

"I had this theory. I mean, let's face it, Renee has never been that big on fidelity and I wondered if maybe she had an affair with Billy Black and ended up pregnant to both him and my Dad at the same time. I kind of thought it would explain a lot. Like why Jake and I are so close and always have been. I wondered if we were wombmates. But your Dad told me that wasn't the case and so I was wrong."

"My Dad never lies," I replied absently.

Bella stared at me intently and blushed.

"Hey, I believe the bride is supposed to be more into the whole wedding stuff than the bridesmaids and it seems to me that Alice and Rosalie are taking charge and you are hiding out. Don't you care what happens tomorrow?"

"So long as I end up Mrs Edward Cullen, then no, I don't really care about the trimmings, and the table napkins and the shoes. I'd never know a good shoe from bad. I'd wear my Chuck's if I could get away with it but I believe Alice would cut my feet off before allowing that."

"I'm sure she has bought some amazing footwear for us both," I agreed. "So, is there anything you want to do on your last day as Bella Swan?"

"I guess I should have one last conversation with Jacob. I want him to be here tomorrow but only if he behaves. He's my substitute brother and he should attend my wedding, seeing it will be the only wedding I ever have. I'm just slightly scared he'll object and make a fool of himself."

"Let him. Everyone will laugh and the ceremony will proceed."

"Edward, that's not very nice. You should put yourself in his shoes. Not so long ago you would have been the guest at the marriage between Jacob and I. If you'd been in love with me all your life and had to watch me walk down the aisle to him, how would you like that?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't even know I loved you back then when that was a possibility, and even so, I wasn't looking forward to enduring it. I should be more tolerant and understanding towards him. I can't blame him for falling in love with you. I'm kind of surprised there aren't a whole heap more of us, fighting for your hand, to be honest."

"Well, I'd choose you. Even if Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom and Hugh Jackman were on offer, I'd still choose you."

"And if we added Chris Hemsworth?" I joked.

Bella paused then blushed and I laughed.

"See, you do notice other guys."

"I don't know him. He's a celebrity and I know nothing about him apart from what we are lead to believe and God knows celebrity gossip is rarely the truth. But I admit, looking at pictures of him carrying that tiny new baby girl of his in his arms makes me spontaneously ovulate. It will be a very brave man who ever asks to date India Hemsworth."

"It will be a very brave boy who ever asks to date our daughter," I replied. "I'm sure Charlie will buy me a gun the day she is born."

"Possibly," she grinned. "Though look at how little Charlie's firearms helped him. I still managed to choose who I wanted to marry."

"Bella, Jake is here," Alice yelled from two floors down.

We both froze then burst out laughing. Alice did not yell. Alice always came upstairs and spoke quietly when announcing a visitor so it seemed she was really into this wedding planning stuff.

Jake stood there, waiting as we walked downstairs.

He looked nervous and anxious and I could have been kinder and left them alone but to be honest, I enjoyed his discomfort.

"I just want to show Bella my house" were the words he used but we all knew what he really meant.

"_I just want to show Bella her other choice. She can still have a big, fancy house if she chooses me."_

I smiled and shrugged. With Bella, it was never about stuff or things. She wanted to live in the cottage, once we came home after college. I had no intention of that happening. It was fine as a place for the two of us to stay in our visits home but I had much grander plans for an amazing house built on the land my unknown Godfather had gifted me.

The land was on the cliff edge on the very boundary of the forest and overlooked the beach and ocean and the views would eclipse those from Jake's house a million times over.

I wasn't about to enter into any arguments with Bella, I was just having it built in secret and if she could walk through it and not want to live there, then fine, we would live in the cottage. But I was pretty damn sure our new house would be irresistible to even her.

It was to be all glass and wood and brick and would blend in beautifully, and we would have such a panoramic view we'd never buy a television.

It would knock her socks off.

I had intended it to be my wedding gift to her but I had counted on the wedding happening in another year's time and it was barely under construction as yet. Today I would go check on progress and see how long it would take to complete. I suspected even offering more money wouldn't get it constructed any faster as I had chosen a particularly good builder and he was always fully booked up, and in fairness, I had told him I was in no hurry and it was fine to not complete my house for another twelve months. No doubt he had other projects he had put ahead of mine in line.

As I expected, the foundations were in place and the cement left to cure, so all that existed was the slab of the lowest level and the future garages, plus the driveway and paths.

Someone had built a platform so I climbed up the ladder and stood, realizing this had been constructed so anyone could stand up here and see the actual views that the house would have.

I could see Jacob's house, and his car, far below, and I wondered what Bella had thought being inside the actual house based on their childhood Wendy house.

It would have to have some impact.

Esme had told me many times how she had an entirely different life before she and Carlisle married. She had been expecting to marry her boyfriend whom I was named for, Edward Anthony Masen, then Carlisle had swept her off her feet and that had been it. New story.

She had never held on to any regrets but that didn't mean she didn't sometimes think of him, her first lover.

I was extremely glad to have been Bella's first lover.

At least she would never have memories of being in somebody else's bed. Of, let's face it, Jake, enjoying her body and bringing her pleasure. That was me and me alone who had been allowed that privilege and I was glad about it.

I never thought about those three girls when Bella and I were making love. They had been all about sex and I'd forgotten their faces. I never fantasized about any of them when Bella's lips were around me, doing the same thing that they had done before her.

I had fantasized with them that it had been her instead, but that was different.

I wished it could have been Bella right from the beginning, that would have been so sweet. So good. Had she seen Jake as a brother figure back then, I know I would have asked her to be my girl. For some reason, I'd thought sixteen was the right age to become involved in a relationship and my hesitation had cost me the chance to be possibly the only boy ever to kiss her, even.

Well, Edward, it's far more important that you are the only one to have been allowed inside her, I comforted myself.

Much more important.

The vague fear that maybe, just maybe, it would have been fairer had she experienced a lesser form of sex with others before I tied her to me did enter my mind, but I shook it away.

Too late now.

She may wonder what some other guy bringing her to orgasm was like but she would never know.

I shrugged.

Males usually had more sexual exploits than women, so I heard. This was just the way it had to be, now. Because now she was mine and mine alone.

Tomorrow my ring would encircle her finger and her options would be gone forever.

The one thing I was unbendable about was fidelity.

She knew that, my beliefs were not a secret.

Anything else we could work through together and solve, but infidelity was a deal breaker.

X~x~X~x~X

BPOV

"It is an amazing house, Jacob," I admitted as he proudly took me from one room to the next. It was disturbing to see how much of the decorating was based on my taste and not his because he would be the one living here, not me.

"You like purple?" I said in surprise when he showed me into his main bedroom. "You hated my purple bedspread, I seem to remember. You said it looked like something a gay man would have on his bed. You aren't trying to tell me anything, are you?"

Jake turned white and slumped on the bed.

"To be honest, for the first time in my life I actually wish I was gay. Then I would never want you to be anything more than my girlfriend that shopped with me. I'd still have hope that somewhere out there, existed my One. The way it is, I know full well who my One is, and I know I'll never have her. Are you really sure about what you are doing? The ring isn't on your finger yet, Bella. You could change your mind."

"That won't happen," I said softly, taking his hand and holding it against my cheek. "Jacob, this is killing me. Please tell me you will move on because it will blight my entire life if you remain single. I can't cope with knowing you will follow in Charlie's footsteps and live alone, without the love and affection of somebody special. If I'm truly your One, then there must be a runner up who would give you a good enough life. Don't forget, I was willing to marry you before I met my One, so second best can be okay, Jake. It can be pretty darn good. Don't close yourself off."

"You want me to lie to some girl and use her to try and bear living without you? Living here in this house that I built for you? You know I'd have to admit to her that you are the only girl I can ever truly love therefore she would be settling as well. She'd be acknowledging that she could cope with knowing I just wasn't that into her but she was an okay second choice. A poor replacement for the woman I love."

"Maybe just try. Just date a few girls and see how it feels? Maybe in time you will realise you like one girl more than the rest and geez, Jake, I'm not that great that you couldn't find someone better for me. Look at me. I'm ordinary. I'm worse than average. I go around breaking hearts and spoiling the plans others have made for my life when it was once what I wanted. I know now I should have never accepted your proposal and even at the time I did, I wasn't thinking "Wow, amazing, this is the One for me. I can't imagine ever feeling more for any other guy" because look how quickly Edward got inside my heart and stole the larger half. You need a trustworthy girl who won't go allowing the idea into her head that some other guy could be better for her, and acting on it."

"I'd take you back. I don't just mean now. I mean, any time in the future, if the mighty Edward Cullen fails to live up to what you expect, just call me. I'll be here, in our perfect little house, waiting for your call. Forever. Until your heart stops beating."

I couldn't stand this any longer.

"Take me back home, please. I can't do this, Jake. I suppose you think you deserve to punish me and this is way, know that. Me seeing you settled down and happy would make me happy, but knowing I wrecked your life and your future will eat into me."

"Good," he replied, leading the way to the car. "If anything happens to me, you are named in my Will to inherit this house. It's yours anyway. I'll just be living in it as a caretaker until you need it yourself."

"Jake, nothing will happen to you. You'll outlive us all."

"Don't say that. Like I want to live into old age, alone and unloved." he replied harshly.

"That's your choice to make that happen. There are so many girls out there who would adore to be married to you. So many girls who may end up alone, because these days finding a guy who is willing to commit is pretty hard and a rare and precious thing and you have so much to offer. You are not only sacrificing yourself as a martyr, you are condemning whoever you are really meant to fall in love with to a life alone as well."

"You can't even see the truth, can you, Bella? You are the one and only girl for me, so, it sucks to be me, sure. But short of cloning, there's nothing that can be done. Have a great life. Enjoy snuggling up to your precious Edward while I pace the floor in my house, wondering about what might have been had the whole college thing never happened. How could us bettering ourselves have ended up like this? This was not what was meant to happen."

Jake turned the steering wheel and headed along the shore road, driving off the main track and stopping the car at the cliff top edge so it's headlights reflected off the angry waves below.

"You won't hurt me," I stated hopefully, but quite unsure at that particular moment that the words were true.

"You've hurt me. I see no end to my pain," he replied, revving the engine.

"Jacob, please. Don't," I pleaded.

He tapped the wheel with his fingers and glared at me.

"What if I gave you only two choices? Choice number one, this ends, here, now. Or choice number two. I take you back to him and then return and throw myself off these cliffs tonight, alone. Then your honeymoon will be cancelled while they look for my body."

"Not that you'll care, but the honeymoon is not happening for a while. Not until after college is done. There's no real need, anyway."

"No, because you two already did that deed," he snarled.

"Jake, take me home," I begged.

Suddenly lights from another car lit up the interior and a small shiny Volvo slid to the side of the road. My door was virtually ripped off it's hinges as Edward reached inside and grabbed my arm, pulling me from the VW Rabbit.

"Get in my car, now," he ordered.

"I can't leave Jacob while he's upset like this. He might do something reckless," I replied.

"You cannot control what Jacob chooses to do with his life. Do you intend babysitting him forever? Get in my car. What he does is entirely his own decision. It's not your fault. Okay, we hurt him horribly but there are other answers. Do you need help, Jake? My dad could arrange for you to talk to someone."

"Talk is cheap, Cullen."

Edward slid into the seat I had just vacated.

"I'm truly sorry, Jacob. I know what it's like to have her love and I realise it must be truly devastating for you but there isn't any answer where we all win. She has chosen me and I will do everything in my power to make her happy, but she will always need you to be her friend so please think about that."

"Right now I'm thinking about if either one of us would survive if I hit the accelerator," Jake stated.

"You'd kill me?" Edward said calmly.

"It's an intriguing idea," Jake answered.

"Then Bella would be left alone and I don't think she would ever recover," Edward said.

Jake sighed and pointed at Edward.

"Get out. Go marry my girl but know you stole her from me and I will never forgive either of you."

Edward stepped out and Jake backed back away from the cliff and returned home with a squeal of burning rubber.

Edward got into his seat and turned to me.

"Put on your seatbelt. What were you thinking, getting into his car when he was that distraught?"

he growled. He called his father and we sat and waited until Carlisle arrived, and we watched him go inside to talk to Jake.

"Come on, we should go. If you show up tomorrow looking like you got no sleep, Alice will finish the job and kill me herself."

Edward drove us back but I knew he was worrying about Jake as much as I was.

How could us falling in love have hurt so many people? It didn't make sense. Love is supposed to make everything happy and perfect.

It's supposed to enhance lives, not ruin them.

X~x~X~x~X

Charlie tugged at the tight collar of his shirt and ran his hand through his hair. We could see the families sitting, waiting and I could see Edward standing there, beaming.

He looked so happy it was hard to find room in my heart to be still worrying about Jake, but I was.

"Okay, it's time, kiddo," my father announced.

"Don't let me faceplant," I begged.

"No chance of that," a voice at my side said, as Jacob took my other arm. "Do you mind, Charlie? After all, it's me he is taking her from, not you. Not really."

Charlie shrugged. "If that's what you want, son."

So, I walked down the makeshift aisle with the second and third most important men in my life and was handed over to the first.

"Look after her, Edward," Charlie said as he let go of my arm.

"Yeah. Treat her right or I'll kill you," Jake said politely.

They both stepped back and I stepped up and promised to love Edward forever, and keep myself only for him.

That would be easy.

Returning to college and living another year as a student would be annoying. I wanted our real life to begin.

I wanted to live in our cottage and have our babies and be a real family.

A career was no longer even important to me.

I knew what I wanted, and time alone stood between me and my deepest desires.

But the shiny gold bands on my finger promised it would all come in time, and it would be so perfect, so worth the wait.

Edward leaned in and kissed me for the first time since I had become Mrs Edward Cullen.

There was no doubt at all that this was right. No matter who we had hurt to be here today, newly married, it had been out of our control anyway. It was destined, written in the stars.

I just hoped up there, in the Heavens, there were other stars written with a happy ever after for Jake as well.


	18. Chapter 18

**Jen, your words of encouragement make me write even when I feel jaded lately so thank you.**

The Lie

Chapter 18

BPOV

I was right, the last year at college dragged. Being married changed the way I saw us, and still being students just seemed wrong for some reason. It hit home constantly as my classmates still did hook ups and chatted about some new boy who had caught their eye. It was like High School for them. They were dating and falling in and out of love, and most were not even trying to settle down. Some saw it as their last chance for fun and were determined to fill every last minute with wild parties and random sex and drugs and rock'n'roll. They were waiting to graduate and go to their various hometowns or wherever they would be living next before even looking for their One.

We were almost parental figures.

Girls came to me now for advice, as if my status now changed me from being their contemporary to being their counsellor. Their Mother figure.

I'd always been mature for my age but some days I felt like I lived in an entirely different world. Coming to college had given me a whole new existence and I was living a life I'd never dreamed of before we arrived.

Edward was throwing himself into his work but he always made time to play once that was done. Being newlyweds meant we had our troubles, the first year is supposed to be the hardest. Mind you, the troubles consisted of us forgetting where we were at times, and a simple kiss, out there, in front of everyone, would turn into something more and we'd forget that we had a whole group of spectators watching.

Sometimes Edward was at fault, and he'd let his hands slide to places that needed to be left alone in mixed company, any company and I'd have to swat them away and make sure there was some distance between us before anything got out of hand.

Sometimes it was me, and I'd run into him in some hallway and walk up behind him and bam, my hand would be caressing his perfect ass, or even trying to slide to the front of his jeans to see if he was happy to see me.

It was silly and wrong but we were crazy in love, and it kept us inside our own little bubble. It was lucky there were no janitor's closets here, because I believe I would have arm wrestled Emmett to gain custody of the key.

Mind you, if we ever had Study Hall coincide, we would dash home and take care of things that had 'risen' between us.

I loved being married. It gave us a freedom to do whatever we wanted, and nobody could even object any more.

The one dark spot was, of course, Jacob.

Dad kept me updated but the news was never good. Mainly he was angry and depressed and missing work; spending his days drinking too much and smoking! Smoking. Not something he had ever done before. He'd never rebelled and acted out like other teen boys so this new Jake was worrying.

He seemed determined to self destruct and I accepted a lot of drunk dialling calls some nights, when things were extra bad for him. Edward accepted this was part of the price we had to pay as I tried to soothe my best friend on the phone.

Dad reported even when Jake was fine, and coping, he was a worry. He'd go pick Charlie's brain about what flowers I liked so he could attempt to grow them in 'my' garden. Or what other furnishings he could add to the house to make it more 'me'. I knew Dad was seriously concerned and took him to his counselling sessions himself.

We tended to hang with Alice and Jasper a lot, and somehow I learned to enjoy rather than endure reading the piles of Perfect Wedding magazines that she carried everywhere with her.

Her dress was being handmade by some up and coming designer, right here in the city, so we went off for innumerable fittings, and Rose and I were forced into pale aqua bridesmaid gowns each time. Rose's figure had changed and matured since Chance's birth and I envied her that. She had changed too. She was super confident of her place in the world, now she was Emmett's wife and Chance's mother.

He was growing like a weed and I was starting to suspect Rose was getting to the point where a second child appealed rather than horrified her. He was a lovely child and I sometimes hoped our first baby would be a boy after all.

The final dress fitting outed Rose completely. Madame Whatshername shrieked. I didn't know people actually did that, but she did.

"How can it be so tight across the bust? It was perfect last fitting. And the waist seems a little tight too. Have you been eating?" she roared.

"Of course we've been eating," I replied in just as loud a voice. "Nobody told us we had to starve for this grand occasion." Though I suspected what had made Rose's dimensions larger had not entered her body via her mouth.

"How long is it again until we graduate?" I asked nobody in particular as the seamstress sighed in relief that my dress still fit me. I think she suspected Rose and I had been pigging out just to make trouble for her.

"Four months exactly," Rose answered.

"So, you'll be six, seven months along by then?" I asked casually.

"Six and a half," Rose answered, smiling unconsciously. "Oh damn it Bella, how did you know?"

"So many signs. The boob expansion, the refusal to drink alcohol, the appetite for both food and Emmett, it all adds up to only one thing."

"You should consider getting knocked up yourself. I mean, it takes nine months and can be pretty boring but this way, most of the pregnancy is done already by the time we go home, and then I still have time to decorate the new house before Kid Number Two turns up."

"But you will have just become a qualified nurse. I thought you couldn't wait to work at the hospital with Alice."

"I can be a nurse any time. Right up until retirement age. Being a Mom is the most important job I'll ever get to do and I am not being one of these women who assume they will always be fertile. Look at Esme. One kid and she mysteriously loses her fertility. At least we know we are getting two of the four kids Jasper predicted. I hope this one is a girl."

I worried that she may want the pink stash but Alice held her finger up to her lips.

"It will be fun, buying all new baby clothes for our new niece or nephew. I just wish you had waited until after my wedding, Rosalie. That would have been thoughtful."

"Sorry, Alice. I couldn't wait. I'm sure Bella can identify with someone being too impatient to wait until the sensible time to do something important to them."

"I'm not sorry," I stated, turning my wedding ring around and around on my finger. It felt good there and my engagement ring was no longer lonely. And we'd have our first anniversary before we graduated. Maybe I should broach the subject of babies with Edward.

As it worked out, we all went along when Rose had her scan and I truly felt something inside me start longing so much for that to be me on the table instead of her. She already had Chance, after all.

Edward stood behind me and held my body against his, kissing my neck as we watched the grainy images emerge and the doctor pointed out different points of interest.

"Okay, now for the biggie. The 3D scan. This way, folks."

My God, it was amazing.

The baby did slightly resemble a guinea pig at this stage but I didn't say that out loud. I knew by now, the baby inside the mother-to-be was always the most wonderful, beautiful, amazing baby anywhere so I tried to make comments about it's cuteness.

"Shh, overplaying your hand," Edward whispered in my ear.

"I want one," I burst out saying aloud.

Alice and Jasper held hands and laughed. We edged out of the room to give the parents some alone time with their newest baby.

"You know how to get one," Jasper stated.

"I believe we do," Edward smirked in agreement.

"I actually meant, you just have to go on your honeymoon," he replied. "I predicted long ago that Bella would return from your honeymoon pregnant."

"We can't actually fit in a honeymoon between now and finals," Edward said with a frown.

"Alice and I are limiting ourselves to a long weekend for Honeymoon Mark 1, over the bank holiday and saving the extended version for after we get out of here. You two should come with us."

I nodded enthusiastically. A honeymoon could be three days.

Emmett emerged outside holding up the photos he'd been given and Rose looked a little scared and bewildered and even slightly crestfallen.

"What did we miss?" I asked, a little concerned.

"Twins," Rose replied. "One hiding behind the other, but that 3D scan reveals all."

"Wow. Twins," I said in shock. It hadn't occurred to me, and yet this could happen to anyone, me included. I wasn't sure I could cope with two babies, even with Esme's help.

"Well, two chances for the girl you want," Edward said cheerily.

"Two more boys, actually," Emmett said happily, handing his brother some photos.

"God, Emmett, did you specifically request photos of their private parts?" Edward asked.

"Of course. These photos are going on the fridge."

"I'm sure it's the latest fad in home decorating," my husband replied.

X~x~X

The wedding was amazing. Way too fussy and choreographed for my liking but it was Alice.

Chance carried a little pillow bearing the rings and everyone oohed and ahhed over him, which he lapped up. He was certainly Emmett's son. He looked a picture with his sparkling blue eyes and overly long black curls. He was dressed in an off white silk and satin pageboy outfit befitting a Royal wedding, of course. It had been hand stitched and was decorated with embroidery in the same exact colour, and trimmed with lace. I wagered it would be the only occasion a son of Emmett's would be dressed this way.

Rose's rack looked spectacular and I caught Edward copping a sneaky glance or two.

"Hey, perv, she is your sister-in-law," I reminded him as we followed the bride and groom back down the aisle.

"I can't wait for your boobs to expand like that," Edward whispered.

"You aren't happy with The Girls as they are now?" I questioned.

"Baby, I'm always happy with The Girls but that doesn't mean I don't look forward to them growing during your pregnancies. Sometimes a little extra is a good thing."

"We are really doing this?" I asked him nervously.

"If you want to. You don't have to, but Rose is right. There's no reason to wait. We'll be settled into the new house well before the birth."

"What new house? You mean the cottage?"

Edward bit his lip and looked a little anxious.

"It's a surprise. I wasn't thinking, I didn't mean to say anything yet, until we got home. I've had a new house built for us. It's a bit further away from my parents house and I think we need the distance between us and them now. We are still practically newlyweds ourselves and I for one, value our privacy. I'd prefer my Mom not wandering down to borrow a cup of sugar when I'm busy licking your..."

"Sssh," I warned. This was hardly the place to bring that subject up. Talking about it just made me want him to do that, right now.

Later on, looking back at the photos, I know the smile on my face was there less because of the happiness of the day my best girlfriend got married, and more because her brother had whisked me off to the bathroom for some tongue action while the 'bride and groom only' photos were taken.

X~x~X

"Do you think that was the one?" Edward asked as he slipped from my body. It was a ritual, on this mini honeymoon. Every time we made love, he wondered if he had just put the beginnings of our baby inside me.

"I hope so," I replied, as usual, but this time I meant it. How cool would it be to know your child was conceived right here, on the deserted private beach, with the sun shining down on us and the sea lapping at our naked bodies? Edward lazily scooped up handfuls of warm seawater and sluiced me down.

"How about a swim?" I suggested, rolling over and feeling the sand on my breasts.

Edward lifted me into his arms and walked into the water, dropping me unceremoniously when we hit the deeper part.

I knew it was coming so I'd taken a deep breath before he dropped me, and now I swam underwater, kissing his erection , wishing I could work out a way to pleasure that without drowning.

He seemed a little flustered as I emerged.

"You look a bit unsettled," I commented, laughing.

"I was just wondering how you could do that properly yet not drown," he said.

"Come on," I replied, taking his hand and pulling him into the shore. I tied my sarong around his waist then I pushed him down into a sitting position and lay facing him, my head between his splayed thighs and got to work. It wasn't the same as being underwater but with each wave, the water splashed around and up over my feet and body first then over his legs and I had to hold my breath momentarily. Once it retreated, I got back to work in earnest.

Edward was getting quite lost in the sensations and started thrusting in a frenzy, needing to peak and neither of us noticed the bridegroom approach until he was only ten yards behind his brother-in-law. Edward grabbed at my head and released, and I was busy swallowing him down when Jasper called out.

Edward couldn't stop and I figured we'd been sprung now anyway, so I finished the task before

backing out from under the sarong.

"Oh, sorry. Carry on, don't let me stop you," Jazz said, embarrassed to have not figured out what we had been doing in time to just turn and leave.

I was still naked so I simply stayed laying facedown on the sand and let the water provide me with a modicum of modesty each time a wave rolled in.

"It's okay. You arrived at the ending," Edward said, laying down on his back and crossing his arms under his head. He was smirky in his bliss state and not even thrown by Jazz's interruption. I made sure the fabric covered everything that needed to be covered in company and rested my head on his thigh.

"Alice has made lunch. In future I think I'll just ring the dinner bell. Sorry for interrupting."

He turned and pretty much fled inside and I crawled up Edward's body and lay my head on his shoulder as we both started laughing. He slid one arm around me and kissed my face.

"Sorry, baby, I was too into it to know he was there."

"You do realise the only thing he has left to walk in on me doing is now actual proper sex," I sighed.

"He only overheard you in my bathroom that time, he didn't walk in on you," Edward corrected me. "Anyway, you'll never have any need to do that again now it's my job to get you off in the shower. Though, come to think of it, I would like to watch you doing that some time."

I stood and ran into the water and washed the sand off again then pulled on my bikini.

"You are a pervert, Mr Cullen," I said happily. "Let's go have lunch."

Edward shook his head.

"I've created a monster. The Bella I brought to NYU would have died of embarrassment if Jazz had seen what just happened here, back then."

"The Bella you brought to NYU wouldn't have been doing that to you," I reminded him. We walked inside and Alice was blushing madly so we knew Jazz had reported to her already. I walked to the sink and rinsed my mouth out with water.

"Damned sand gets everywhere," I complained, sitting down to eat.

Jasper and Edward smirked and Alice became terribly busy serving us each plates of cold chicken and salad. I had changed, he was right. It seemed all Bella needed to turn from a virginal little prude into a sexually adventurous modern liberated woman was an Edward.

I reached into the fruit bowl and selected a piece of fruit and peeled it.

"Banana, anyone?" I asked, sliding the tip in between my lips as Edward grinned at me, and grabbed my thigh under the table.

"Hmm, bringing you two along on our honeymoon has been very educational," Jasper commented.

X~x~X

Of course our gently tanned skin soon reverted to white in the following weeks as we waited the necessary time before I could do a test. I'd felt a little off one morning, but it had passed. Edward kept examining my nipples, having read that was often the first sign. A pink nipple turning darker, and becoming sensitive.

We were both excited and I couldn't wait to have some proof so we could share the good news.

My period was due on the fourth and as it came closer, I convinced myself I was just one of the lucky ones that wouldn't get any nausea.

Edward was secretly buying baby and parenting magazines and as we lay in bed at night, he'd read me snippets.

"You can't eat salads that have been prepared earlier, or soft cheese," he informed me. "Oh, and controlled crying has been outed as cruel and inhuman. Now the thought is, you go soothe a baby as soon as it begins to cry so it knows you are there and care about it. Dang, all those poor little damaged infants who went through that little experiment. It never sat right with me. I thought the only thing a baby would learn from controlled crying was the bleak reality, that basically, we are all alone. Until we grow up and find our One, there's nobody to trust. Not even your so-called parents."

"What are you really saying?" I asked, afraid he had found out about his own true parentage finally. I hated knowing what I did when I strongly suspected he didn't know himself, but was it my place to tell him?

"It's so obvious. A real parent could not sit by and let a little helpless infant get so distressed that it eventually goes to sleep just to escape the hopeless of it's unanswered cry. It's just wrong. I'm glad Carlisle and Esme didn't read any of these so-called child expert's ramblings."

I let out the breath I had been holding. He really didn't know or even suspect, I was sure.

That night after making love, I settled down to sleep locked in Edward's arms only to awaken in the night with low pelvic cramps. I lay there in the dark, hoping this was just another sign of early pregnancy but the damp stickiness between my thighs increased and I slipped out of bed and into the shower, crying silently.

Jazz had been wrong, again.

I dressed and returned to the bedroom rousing Edward so I could strip the sheets with their disappointing red stains from our bed. He went to shower while I remade the bed with fresh linens and when he came back, he lay behind me, spooning my body, entwining our fingers together.

"There's always next month," he whispered in my ear.

How I came to hate that phrase.

Graduation came and went and I returned to Forks no more pregnant than I'd left it four years earlier.

X~x~X

Edward opened the passenger side door and helped me from the car and I stood and gazed in amazement.

"This is it? Our house?"

"Wait until you see inside. The view will clinch the deal," he said confidently.

I'd never cared about having a big fancy house, no matter what Jake and Edward both thought, but I wasn't going to dismiss this magnificent structure out of hand, just because I loved our cottage. He led me excitedly from room to room, and I admit, I was impressed. There was a lot of glass, entire walls along the side that overlooked the beach, but there the similarity to Jacob's house ended.

This was a true showplace and even the music room with it's grand piano was the size of a ballroom. It was already furnished in French provincial style and to my delight, Edward had been right to go that route. The white pieces were grand and elegant yet still pretty with their scrollwork featured flowers and feather designs. It was like shabby chic for grown-ups. Rich, price-is-no-object grown-ups. I'm sure just one armoire cost more than what every stick of furniture in the cottage cost.

There was a lot of white, even the chaise lounges were all white, and I wondered how practical that would be with children and their sticky fingers. Maybe Edward would housetrain our children and want them kept spotless.

"Hey, I can read you like a book. I know white is stupid but we don't actually have a baby yet. You can change anything, and if the kids mess up something, we can replace it."

"The furniture or the child?" I queried.

He caught me around the waist, and pulled me up to his lips. I wondered if that chaise would handle the christening as my body lit on fire and Edward pulled my legs around his waist and leaned my back against the wall.

The glass wall.

My brain was too full of desperation to even think about who could be outside watching our little display of passion, and the only thought was a slight regret as his fingers ripped my favorite panties from my body. I quite liked that pair but no doubt he'd think about that later and buy me a dozen new pairs just as pretty.

"Hey, if you'd worn the crotchless variety I wouldn't have had to sacrifice them for the greater good," he murmured.

We'd never actually done it like this, with my back pressed against the cold hard glass, and I wondered how much actual thrusting was possible with him having to support my body at the same time but I need not have worried.

Edward pretty much impaled me and gripped my backside with his hands and this angle was actually awesome. I could feel every inch of him as he rammed himself in and out again, grazing my eager nerves and making me sigh and groan in anticipation.

"Welcome. To. Our. New. Home. I. want. you. to. love. living. here."

God, I would if this was what would be happening to me on a regular basis. I grabbed his hair and bit my lip as my mind concentrated only on the burning desire to come.

It didn't take long, he was a master at his task, and as I screamed his name I felt his mouth smile against my skin.

He kissed me then pulled his face back and his green eyes glowered.

"One," he counted and I knew then I was in trouble. Sometimes he set himself these challenges and today seemed to be one such day.

"Now let's see if I can get you off with just your nipples."

He stopped thrusting and stood still, but my bits were still pulsing so I just pushed hard against him and let myself feel every wave of satisfaction as he amused himself licking my nipples. There was no way he could bring me back again with just ...my God. Super intense sucking.

I felt like he was truly trying to make me lactate and feed him and for some reason that image turned me on something shocking. Maybe I was just as much a pervert as he was, because that image was rather weird, if you thought about it, but I no longer had enough blood in my brain to do so.

The acoustics were good, my moans were reverberating around the room loudly and that turned me on more as well and then he unexpectedly bit down on one nipple and the pain was truly exquisite.

My head tried to roll back and he bit the other and yes, he won. The tsunami I had felt building up hit at that instance and I jerked against his body and screamed his name as my hands tugged at his hair.

"Two," he murmured, rocking gently inside me as I exploded.

Oh God, what was our number today? I didn't think I could take any more but he hadn't let himself go yet.

My head spun as I felt myself falling but it was a controlled fall and next thing I was on my hands and knees on that white chaise and Edward was pushing back inside me from behind, his hot mouth needy on my neck. Oh God, _that _spot! How can a neck be an erogenous zone? It made no sense. I kept my eyes tightly closed and just let myself feel him as he moved inside then out again in long, deep , slow strokes. This was nice. It kept my orgasm going and I didn't care if two was the magic number for me.

Of course it wasn't; Edward knew from this angle it would be harder to get me off but that would not stop him trying and I sighed in delicious satisfaction as the waves finally abated. That had been fun. Good fun. I was done and had no intention of faking if he pushed for more but that didn't mean I couldn't just enjoy this.

He set a rhythm that was soothing and quite comforting then I frowned as he moved it up a notch, faster.

Okay, this was for him, so whatever.

I was done.

Nothing more would be happening for me.

My breathing hitched and I blinked in surprise because it was starting to feel like...

"Fuck, Edward," I screamed as he reached down and pinched my clit which had been complacently just waiting him out.

He growled in an almost animalistic way and I felt him fill me as he grasped my hips tightly with his hands and my body shattered.

"Fuck Edward," I repeated, more quietly as my body tightened in waves around his throbbing dick..

"You didn't see that coming, did you?' he whispered in a way that made me melt.

He pulled out and flipped me over and lay his head on my sweaty breasts.

"I love you. You are my life and my soul and I will never let you go."

"I'm never going anywhere," I slurred, hoping there was no drool involved because my body was no longer mine to control. My limbs were heavy and non functioning and my brain was out to lunch.

Edward rolled us, holding me tightly and I felt us fall again. I felt no fear or pain, he would never hurt me, and that was where we slept, on the fluffy white rug on the sitting room floor, beside the roaring fire, with Edward as my mattress.

X~x~X

I awoke feeling so many things at once. Sore, yeah, a little, but happy sore. It could be ignored or just felt as a reminder.

Thirsty; the heat in the room despite my nakedness had dehydrated us.

Hungry because we had not eaten since getting back to Forks.

Intrigued, because most of the house was still unexplored.

I wondered if it would be rude to just leave him here and go find a shower. I was sticky and overheated and longed to feel clean again.

Edward was snoring quietly, his lips smiling as he no doubt relived last nights antics; a habit that often led to early morning repeats, so I felt justified crawling off him before he got any ideas.

There was a powder room and a shower room on this floor and in the morning light I noticed we had a pool. I couldn't work out how it existed as it hung sort of out over nothing.

The land sloped away far below, so how did that work? The water seemed to spill over the far side yet that must be an illusion because surely that would have to mean the pool was constantly being refilled.

I shrugged and opened another door. It was a linen closet so I grabbed a towel and went back into the shower room. I say room, because there was no cubicle; the entire ceiling was dotted with holes and I turned on the faucet and stood in the artificial rain. It was amazing.

"May I soap you up?" Edward asked, stepping into the room and I nodded.

"What do you think of our house so far?" he whispered as he pressed his body behind mine and reached around to soap my breasts.

I slid from his grasp and knelt at his knees, washing his 'best friend' then taking it inside my mouth. He'd only come once, after all, and I really didn't think my body would cope with any real sex again yet. I was still tingling all over and Edward narrowed his eyes and smiled.

He loved sex of any kind, that was obvious but he truly did enjoy being in my mouth and I had long accepted the fact while I hadn't been the first to do this to him, he liked me doing it and thought I was the best at it.

I'd been practising, I'm sure my potassium level was elevated from all the bananas, but it was worth it. I sucked him gently but slowly increased the depth I could take him and he threw his hands out and touched the walls each side as he started thrusting.

I expected him to be all cautious and watching me worriedly as I hadn't managed to deep throat him before but instead, he threw his head back and did that animal sound again, and I felt him release. Swallowing was automatic and by now I was used to his musky taste and didn't even bother with the peppermints.

He was my Edward and nobody had tasted him before. I felt a little smug that those girls had sucked on latex while I got the real thing. There was no room for regrets, and I dismissed them from my mind as I kissed his softening erection and let him pull me up to hug against him.

"You will be the death of me. I have no doubt. One day I'll explode with love for you because it's bigger than me, and can't all fit inside my heart. I'll spontaneously combust."

"Don't you dare," I replied. I couldn't live without him now, either. That option had long disappeared and as weak and pathetic as it may be, it was my truth. Maybe women's lib would take back my card, but whatever. This man was my life and reason for living and suddenly the whole idea of having to share him with our children entered my mind for the first time.

I wanted his children, but they would never be more important to me than he was.

It was a kind of strange epiphany. I'd assumed you would love your flesh and blood even more than the man who gave you those children, but he was almost part of me in a way nobody else would ever be. He didn't complete me, I was already whole. He complimented me and stood by my side and together we were a force of nature.

X~x~X

The next level was the practical space. Gourmet kitchen, eating area, formal dining room next door. Long, tiled patio suspended out overlooking the pool, I still couldn't see how it just hung there in the air.

Two studies, two guestrooms with en suited bathrooms, a powder room, and two so far empty rooms.

"You can have these for whatever you choose. Hobby rooms, whatever. I have my music room downstairs and my study up here, that's all I need."

"Thank you," I replied, wondering what I'd use them for. I kind of imagined I'd be in the kitchen or out on that patio a lot.

The next level was bedrooms. They were enormous, and almost self contained. The girl's room was big enough to fit a dozen girls, even though I wanted just the one. Her bathroom was full sized and her study nook overlooked the forest behind. Even though trees swayed outside her window, she'd have to be dating Spiderman for him to climb up to this height.

The boy's room was on the other side of the house and was just as large. I envied our kids. They'd have the best bedrooms ever, even better than Edward's room at the Cullen house. It looked tiny by comparison.

"He'll never leave home," I commented.

"I'm sure some beguiling girl just like his Mom will come along and lure him away," Edward laughed.

"No, she'll just move in with him here," I replied. This room was larger than our apartment had been.

The children also had a recreation room and two smaller guest bedrooms for their friends to sleepover, and then, the nursery.

It brought tears to my eyes.

"It's perfect."

Of course it was tastefully furnished like the rest of the house but it was warm and cosy and had large windows and plenty of storage. My pink stash had been neatly hung up, and folded on shelves, and I felt my heart beat faster. I could share Edward. I could share him with our children. What had I been thinking? They'd be part of him.

Edward took my hand and held it against his cheek.

"We will love them with all our hearts, Bella, because when a child is born, you grow a new heart for each of them. They won't take away from us, they will just multiply the love we share."

I swear the man read my mind.

I could feel tears forming and he kissed me gently and took me back to the hallway where there sat the staircase to the final level.

"Come see our bedroom. It's nice."

Our bedroom was not merely nice, it was amazing. All four glass walls but at this height, only low flying aircraft would ever see inside, and we were not on a flight path. A bath was sitting to one side of the room, and the only partitioned off areas proved to be his and hers powder rooms. They alone had privacy.

The bed was enormous and I wondered how big our washing machine was, to fit in the sheets this bed took. He'd gone for romantic. The bed frame was silvery white and both bedhead and end were scrolled into heart shapes with metal climbing roses entwined through the bars.

"Amazing," I breathed. "This whole house is just amazing."

"And you prefer it to the cottage," he asked, kissing my throat.

"I prefer it to the cottage," I conceded. It was just mind blowing, this bedroom. It was like a big glass box almost and the lighting as all concealed around the edges of the floor and ceiling. It would look amazing at night as well.

A beacon calling us home.

My tub was a large white claw footed antique; his was a modern spa bath, but both looked like fun places to play in.

Our closets were glass fronted and enormous but he'd fill them. I had no doubt my wardrobe would keep expanding no matter how much I objected.

I didn't even notice the skylight window in the high sparkly white ceiling until Edward picked me up bridal style and plopped me onto the bed.

"Edward, have you given me the moon, and the stars as well?" I asked in delight.

"I have, my Bella. I have indeed."

X~x~X

For weeks I wandered around the house, unable to believe it was ours. It looked like something some billionaire movie mogul would own, and I started to wonder just how much my husband was worth. I knew he played the stockmarket, and he had a trust fund from his Godfather, so to speak. I found it hard sometimes to believe that Edward had no suspicions about who that man really was. Nobody gave a Godson the kind of money it had taken to build this house, yet Edward said that was where the money came from.

Edward Masen.

I wondered if I'd ever get to meet him, and if so, if he was as good looking as his son.

The next surprise I really should have seen coming. Edward always seemed to have his nose buried in medical journals and he read them like we mere mortals read fiction novels.

Finally, he came clean.

"I think I made a mistake. I mean, I love music and it will always be a major part of my life, but Bella, I think I want to pursue doing Medicine. I did pre Med as you know, and Carlisle has told me about the new courses that are more hospital based, it wouldn't necessarily mean years away from home. With my brain, I could pass the preliminary tests and start ahead of the game."

I could see by his eyes how much he wanted this, so I readily agreed. He was the one who would work to achieve this new goal, all I had to do was agree and give him my emotional support.

Of course he had to do a lot of studying, and classes, so we had to make a decision about whether we could cope with being apart weekdays while he went to Seattle to learn, and I stayed here alone. He'd be back weekends.

Weekdays I had Alice, when she wasn't nursing at the hospital, and Rose, who hadn't bothered starting yet, with the twins so close. Esme called in at least once a week but often more, and Jake naturally loved that he could spend time with me without Edward. I spelled out the rules and made sure he knew exactly where the line was drawn. Holding hands..okay. Sitting together, side by side...okay. Kissing...never. Not on the lips. Pecks on my cheek, acceptable when he arrived and before he left, but only then.

We could talk about anything he chose but he couldn't harp on about us. We were friends, and anything else was long in the past.

And he was never to question my commitment to Edward. I told him firmly if he did, he would be subjected to an endless litany about how much in love we were and how we would be together forever, and what a spectacular lover my husband was, so if he wanted to sit through that, then sure, he could ask.

The early weeks of being apart from Edward were hard but he was here for the important events.

I really didn't want to attend the delivery of Rose's babies. I mean, in one way I did because I knew this time I was mature enough to see it as the miracle it was and not get freaked out by the process like when Chance was born. But on the other hand, I'd just started bleeding again, regular as clockwork, minutes before the call came saying she was in labour one Saturday night. It just didn't seem fair.

Edward ended the call and reached for my hand.

"I really want to go. Will you come too?" he asked, kissing my knuckles.

"I don't know. I'm going to feel jealous and I'm worried I won't be the supporting friend she will expect me to be," I replied.

"Bella. we've only been trying for four cycles," he replied, rubbing my arm. "It takes an average of twelve in a normal healthy couple our age."

"It's been five cycles but who's counting," I replied harshly, more harshly than I intended speaking. "I'm sorry. I'm being a bitch."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a baby and being disappointed when it doesn't happen as soon as you would like it to. Just don't get things out of proportion. If it doesn't happen after another seven months, then we'll start worrying, not before. Okay?"

"Okay," I agreed. I'm glad, really, that I had no idea back then that the baby chase would take another three years before we managed to conceive. It would have been devastating to me, having to front up and watch Emmett's new sons arrive, knowing they'd be in nursery school before we even got pregnant.


	19. Chapter 19

The Lie

Chapter 19

BPOV

"Nothing?" I questioned as Carlisle sat behind his desk and reread all the reports. Edward had no idea how far I'd gone with the tests but I had to know if it was me, my fault, before suggesting he be tested. I knew men's egos were delicate little things and he was already worried that he was shooting blanks and would never give me a child, so I went this route and had Carlisle send me off for each new level of tests in the hope they would uncover something.

Something simple to fix and find a way around, hopefully.

"Your tubes are open and clear. The dye went right through both immediately. Your eggs are fine. The three they removed have been examined and tested and they were all open to penetration by the sperm. Everything looks normal. Your womb lining is better than average if anything. Your hormone levels are perfect. Bella, it's time to ask Edward to submit for testing."

I knew that but I'd do anything for it to be me and not him. He'd be shattered. Much as I wanted our two children, in one way I knew I could live without them and be happy anyway, but Edward ?

I feared he was counting on those kids to make his life and his world complete.

"Maybe he's too stressed with exams?" I suggested hopefully.

"He has only just started exams. You two have been trying for over two years."

"I know," I replied.

God, I knew.

Twenty six months that had ended in disappointment.

I'd done everything anyone suggested. Taken vitamins, changed my diet umpteen times as some new naturopath came up with yet another 'guaranteed' recipe for fertility, exercised, had sex daily, twice daily, which meant I'd had to go stay in Seattle those months; then had sex weekends only, fertile days only, not at all until a ovulation detection kit gave us the green light.

Carlisle had refused to prescribe fertility pills and had insisted on all these seemingly endless tests but they had ended now, it seemed.

I'd tried old wives' tales, even. Not bought a supply of sanitary products in the belief if I didn't have any on hand, maybe I wouldn't need them.

Yeah, that had been embarrassing. I'd started bleeding one morning when Rose had turned her phone off to catch up on some sleep, Alice was at work, Esme was out with her three grandsons, and only Jake was available to do the run to the store to buy what I needed.

I think he thought that elevated him to some higher personal level so it had been a mistake all around.

He'd arrived and handed over the plain brown paper bag and I'd dashed off to shower. When I came out, he'd made some type of herbal tea that helped ease menstrual cramps, and had the heat pad ready and waiting and a blanket to put over me as I settled down on the sofa.

"I can play nurse. Do you want something to eat? Aren't you meant to eat more red meat and eggs and iron rich foods at this time of the month?"

I hated hovering, and he was hovering. He'd never just go leave me alone but I could get rid of him into the kitchen for a while.

"Fine. Cook me a steak and eggs," I ordered, snuggling down under the blanket. He'd put the tv on and I tried to work out if I'd seen this episode of Criminal Minds. The episode was called Conflicted. It had Jackson Rathbone in it, so I'd watch it. 100 Monkeys was one of our favourite bands.

I was just getting into it when an ad break came on and suddenly I was a mass of tears.

Jacob stood at the doorway, frowning, and looking at me worriedly. He hurried to my side and half pulled me onto his lap, patting my hair.

"What's up, Bella?" he asked nervously. "I thought girls got all teary before...you know. PMT, all that."

I waved an unsteady hand at the tv.

"Oh. We don't like cute little babies who mean more to their parents than anything in the world so we need to keep them safe with antibacterial solutions?"

"Babies," I howled.

Jake froze.

"You and Edward want to have a baby?"

"We've been trying," I admitted. Nobody else knew, not really. Jasper knew we had tried on his honeymoon with Alice and Emmett and Rose never asked so I imagined they knew and were just staying out of our business, knowing we'd announce it as soon as it happened. But I had nobody to really talk to about this. It had felt like it should be one subject I didn't broach with Jacob. Too personal.

Edward had always been open to me talking about it but lately it had become an issue, and a thorn in his side. I knew he was doubting his ability to impregnate me, and I had consulted Carlisle already and started seeing a fertility expert.

Edward worked long hours and studied constantly when he was home and he was doing it so he would finish quicker and become a doctor at Forks Hospital, so he could come home every night to me. I couldn't greet him with my fears and dashed hopes every Friday night or he'd stop looking forward to arriving here.

I'd confided in Renee during one of our infrequent phone conversations and she seemed more concerned about being labeled a grandmother than caring about what I was going through.

Charlie had never wanted to discuss anything medical or personal and I doubted he'd be any help.

Alice didn't want kids and didn't understand why we did, and Rose was exhausted with three sons to chase and clean up after, so she was hardly going to sympathize. Her most frequent comment was we should enjoy our lives before tying ourselves down with little monsters like hers.

Maybe Jake could be useful.

"So,I don't know much but it's not uncommon to take a few months, right?' he asked. "If this was your first try, maybe you need to just chillax and give yourselves time."

"It was our twenty second try," I replied.

"Oh. Twenty second. That sounds like a lot of trying."

"Most people manage it within a year," I informed him.

He sat there, taking in the implications.

"Is it time you had tests or something?"

I nodded.

"Has Edward been tested? It's easier for the man, isn't it? Doesn't he just...you know. Into a cup."

"I want to rule me out first," I replied.

"But don't they do all sorts of horrible things? Like check inside and stick things in there? Wouldn't it make more sense to save yourself from all that if it's Edward?"

"Jake, if it was you, how would you feel having your fertility questioned? I'm a woman. I can handle all this but I don't want Edward tested unless there's no problem with me. It's probably me. I'm probably some genetic dead end or something."

"When do you next go? I want to be there for you."

So, rightly or wrongly, Jake started taking me to my appointments in Port Angeles and even Seattle when that became necessary. By then, Edward knew I was having tests but had no idea how many.

Now it was time to come clean.

I had dinner on the table and ran to him as always, when he walked through the front door.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek fondly. I knew he was pulling back away from me a little over our lack of success and I didn't want that to escalate. I guess he was thinking if we stopped making love then he would no longer feel like a failure when my next period turned up.

"How was your week? I missed you so much," I said, clinging to him.

"I missed you too," he admitted, pulling back then gazing into my eyes and leaning in to kiss me properly.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It's just the exams and everything. I keep fantasizing about coming home and finding a pair of booties tied to the door handle or something. No luck, again?"

"I got my period on Monday. It's finished," I replied.

"So, how are the tests going? Have they found anything? Before you go any further, I think I should be tested. I don't want you having anything invasive if it isn't necessary."

"Too late," I admitted. "I've actually had every test already and Carlisle got the results today. I'm in the clear. As far as they can tell."

"So, it's me," he replied sadly.

"We don't know that. It could just be me being allergic to your semen, that happens. Apparently they do this procedure where they inject your semen right inside my uterus if that's the case and that's it, done deed."

"I hate the idea of you having to go through some unnatural procedure just to conceive. It's not fair. I bet had we been lovers in High School, our kid would be older than Chance. I'm so sorry for putting you through this."

"Edward, we do have another option."

"What? IVF? What if I don't even make viable sperm, Bella? What then? Do we use a donor?"

"I don't want that," I replied. "Edward, our other option is to just forget it and if it happens, then great. If it doesn't, we will always have each other. How vital are children to you?"

"Do you mean how much of this want is based on an egotistical need to prove my manhood versus how much I really want a child? I would love to have a family but I guess I wouldn't do absolutely _anything_ at all to achieve that goal. How about you? Do you want a child desperately enough to consider alternative treatments? I'll agree with whatever you choose to do. A baby of yours would be a baby of mine, no matter where it came from."

I sank down onto the bed.

"No, Edward, no. I want _your _baby, not anyone's. Not some strangers."

"It may be our only choice," Edward replied, kissing the top of my head. "We will do whatever you decide."

Edward held me that night but made no attempt to make love and I fell asleep with tears silently coursing down my cheeks. I hoped he didn't know, and I tried so hard to keep my body very still and not shake. I loved him so much and if this was causing him so much pain, we had to just stop and let it go.

"I'm going to go see Dad," he announced when he brought breakfast into me in the morning.

"Good. I want to see Esme anyway. She's teaching me how to do Tunisian crochet. It looks simple but I keep ending up with less stitches each row I do, so I need her to show me how to fix that."

"Are you even writing at all? I thought you wanted to write the great American novel?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"I don't know any more. Maybe I chose the wrong course too. Are you getting tired of me not working? Do you want me to go earn a wage?"

"You know we don't need the money but if we never have kids, maybe you will need a career to fulfill yourself."

"I'm not giving up yet. I mean, we can just leave it to luck forever if you prefer and not talk about it any more, but I'm happy enough pottering about here. Maybe we could get a dog."

Edward disappeared with his Dad and Esme showed me how to keep my stitches consistent yet again. When the men came back, Edward looked devastated and Carlisle looked grim. I didn't have to ask.

"Hey, Esme, Edward said I can have a dog. Of course, we'd need to leave him or her with you when we travel, so how do you feel about that?"

"What breed? Actually, Lauren's parents have a litter of puppies for sale. Carlisle and I were thinking of getting one ourselves. We could get littermates then they'll be friends already. I'm happy to dog sit but you have to mind our dog when we go away anywhere in return."

"Deal," I said and dropped my crochet work onto the sofa. "Let's go choose a puppy, Edward."

He was silent on the trip there and it unnerved me.

"Say something," I blurted out.

"So, we are settling for a dog, instead of a baby," he replied. "Bella, I don't know how to accept that I can't give you a child. I always thought I would be able to give you everything your heart desired. I feel like a failure."

"You will never be that. I love _you,_ not some hypothetical child. We will be fine, Edward. We have Rose and Emmett's boys and anyway, we won't be alone. Jazz and Alice aren't having kids either."

"It's vastly different choosing not to reproduce, versus never having that choice in the first place."

A shiver ran down my spine.

"Edward, promise me you won't leave me over this. It would not be better in the long run or for my own good or what's best for me. You are what's best for me."

"You need to think long and hard about this. In all probability, you could have a dozen kids. I don't want to take away that option from you."

"Don't leave me," I begged in panic.

He parked the car and pulled me in close.

"I wish I could walk away and let you have a full and proper life, with your own children. You deserve that."

"I'll be fine, so long as I have you," I assured him again.

The puppies were cute and mostly spoken for but there were two females left so Esme let us choose. I liked the one with a black back and white head, and she said she had hoped to end up with the other, which had a black patch over one eye, anyway.

"They will grow a lot, you know," Lauren warned us. "And their coat will be major work. They'll have to be brushed every day once it grows in, and combed out once a week."

"We will have the time and energy for that," Edward said, holding the tiny puppy in his arms. He lifted her to look into her mismatched blue and brown eyes and she licked his face wetly.

"When will they be ready to leave their mother?" I asked.

"Another week. Do you want to name her, then I can register her under that name."

"Cherish," Edward replied, cuddling the dog to his chest.

I smiled and hoped to God that a puppy would fill some of the gaping hole in his heart.

X~x~X

Jasper sat on the sand, his head on his knees, his arms wrapped around them.

"I just don't see your future any more. At all. I can't explain why but when I'm around you and Edward, I get nothing."

"But you did see us with a baby, a girl, once. Back in college," I reminded him.

"I don't know if that's still true. I told you the future can change, depending on your life choices."

"But what did we do wrong?" I begged him. "I don't understand. Is this some kind of payback for what we did to Jake? Do we get to pay for that for the rest of our lives?"

"I don't know, Bella. I left Maria and nothing bad has ever happened to me. You did it right, you told him your heart had changed and you waited, more or less, before getting with Edward."

"But strictly speaking, if this was a court of law, I actually cheated on Jake with Edward, didn't I? You waited, you broke up properly with Maria before you touched Alice. Is that the difference?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry for misleading you. I really thought your futures were pretty damned solid. I know the way I saw your daughter seemed very real. Maybe only one child, but I definitely saw you two as parents."

"Maybe we adopt?" I suggested.

Jazz shook his head. "I saw the period of time just after you delivered her, and there was some issue but the scene was still quite golden. That usually means it will happen. There would be some issue that I could never quite put my finger on, but it will have a great outcome eventually. Things would be rocky but you would both have whatever commitment and love you needed to overcome the problem."

I sighed and lay back on the sand.

"Do you still see stuff about the others?"

He nodded.

"Rose will have a baby girl, and Alice..."

"Yes?"

"Alice will have the opposite problem to you. She's going to get pregnant and not want to go ahead with the pregnancy."

"Are you okay with that?" I asked worriedly.

"Of course not. I can live without kids if that's what Alice chooses but if she decides to abort our baby, I don't think we will make it, Bella."

"So, you know how it will end though?"

He shook his head. "That's what I mean. If Alice has the baby, she and I will be together forever. If she aborts, I'll leave her. I don't want to but I won't be able to get past it. That's what I mean. We all have choices, what we choose then dictates the rest of our lives."

"Just tell her. Tell her if she doesn't have the baby then she'll lose you."

"But will that influence her? She really does not want kids. Not even one."

"Then tell her to give it to us. We'll raise it for her," I said without thinking.

"I'd want to raise my own child myself, thanks all the same."

Emmett and Edward were playing baseball with Em's boys further along the beach and Jazz and I were in charge of drinks, snacks and Cherish. She was almost fully grown already and Lauren had been right. The coat took heaps of work to keep immaculate but we were determined not to give in like Esme had and clip our dog. Their dog had a 'fun clip' and her hair was about three inches long. Sure it made the chore easier but I wanted a big hairy floor rug and it gave us something to do. Something that involved caring for another living thing.

X~x~X

EPOV

I understood why Bella didn't want to attend the twin's birth but for me, it was an event not to be missed. It would be a one time offer, if we didn't go we'd never have that opportunity again. It was also a way to live vicariously through my brother.

I wanted our turn to come, and soon but with each disappointment as Bella's periods showed up with regular monotony, I needed to see all things were possible and know one day this would be us.

She agreed to come with me but also warned me she may fake a headache and leave. She didn't want me to leave with her but she did expect me to back up her excuse.

As it turned out, there was no time for her to pike out.

We were no sooner garbed up and inside the Delivery Room when a little fair head appeared and twin Number one was out in a matter of minutes. He was smaller than Chance had been and there were no problems with his shoulders.

Jazz was standing by in case he was needed and indeed, Rose started to freak after the first baby was born and the urge to push faded.

"Do something," she yelled at Carlisle.

"Rose, it's fine. Your body is simply taking a rest. The monitor shows his heartbeat is fine. I'm keeping a close watch. Just relax and meet your new son. This is the only time he will get your undivided attention."

Jasper held her arm and Rose calmed down.

Emmett returned from the table where his new son had been cleaned up and assessed and all was well with him, so he handed the baby to Rose.

She smiled at his blonde hair and blue eyes.

"He looks like you, Rosie," the proud father said happily. It wasn't important this time that the babies looked like Emmett; their parentage was never in question.

Bella edged closer and Rose suddenly thrust the baby at her.

"Carlisle, it's starting again! Emmett, help me."

Bella took the bundle nervously and I steered her back out of the way and we both admired the newborn.

"He's amazing," she whispered, touching his hair with one finger. "He's so pretty. Feel his skin, Edward. Is any other skin ever this soft? I don't think so."

The baby gazed back at her and I could see Bella was affected. She lifted him to her mouth and kissed his forehead and cheek before cuddling him against her chest.

"Okay, he's crowning," my Dad announced, and we turned to watch as twin two entered the world as well. He handed the infant to the nurse and Emmett followed her again.

"Are they identical?" Esme asked, and we could all see either they were, or they were at least very alike.

Carlisle delivered the placenta and grinned with joy.

"One cord, split half way down. Identicals."

"Oh boy. Emmett has identical twin sons, look out world," Jasper joked. "These two will be a double bundle of trouble. And I bet they do their level best to confuse everyone and pretend to be one another. I sense a lot of fun coming our way as they grow and find out the fun they can pull off with this."

"Bella, may we have our baby back?" Emmett asked as he handed the second twin to Rosalie.

"Damn, I was hoping they'd forget about him now they have that one," she whispered to me.

I took the baby and walked with him to my brother and handed him over.

"What are their names? " Alice asked, snapping off photos.

"Thomas means twin, so we are going with Thomas, but he'll get called just Tom. Emmett has asked me to let him name the second baby born."

"His name is Kato, it means second born twin," Emmett announced.

"Tom and Kato. I like them. Good strong names," Jazz announced.

"Kato?" Rose said, looking less than thrilled.

"You will get used to it. It's a cool name and it has meaning. I did consider naming him after our favourite tipple so he could have been Jim Beam."

"Kato is fine," Rose decided. "Now, second names. I'd like Caleb after my late father for Kato, and Carlisle for Tom. What do you think?"

"Excellent," Emmett agreed. "Everyone, meet Thomas Carlisle and Kato Caleb Mc Carty Cullen."

After everyone got photographed holding the babies, I finally pried a twin from Bella's grasp and practically dragged her home. So much for not wanting to be there; she hadn't wanted to leave.

"We can visit tomorrow, right?" she asked, going away from me to wrap the many gifts she had been splurging on for the twins. She opened the closet in her hobby room and pulled out a small red plastic roll along suitcase, and opened it.

"I think they are a little young for coloring books and toy cars and crayons...what did you buy all these things for already?"

"It's Chance's present. I don't want him to think we have deserted him and transferred all our attention and affection from him to those delicious babies. We have to be fair."

She lay a pale blue T shirt on her table and lined up fabric paints.

"We are looking after Chance tonight, did I tell you?"

"No, " I replied. "Where is he?"

The doorbell rang and she rushed out of the room, and went downstairs, calling back to me.

"Here. Jake was minding him for them."

She threw the door open and as always, the look in Jake's eyes as they lit up at the sight of Bella annoyed the heck out of me. It was wrong but I knew it happened automatically. He had no control.

"Here you go. One nephew in near perfect condition. We went fishing with Charlie and Billy and Chance embarrassed us all by catching two fish to our..lesser number."

"They didn't catch any," Chance said in delight, showing Bella the two medium sized fish in his little cane creel.

"Oh, do I have to clean those? I did enough of that when I lived with Charlie."

"You didn't live with Charlie," Chance refuted.

"I did. When I was a kid like you. He's my Dad."

"Oh," replied Chance, fitting it together. "I thought he liked you lots because he has photos of you on his walls. So does Jacob. He has more photos than Charlie."

"Yeah, thanks for that," Jake growled, looking embarrassed.

"But you do. He kissed Aunty Bella. I saw it in a photo on his wall. She has her hair down all long and curly and a red dress on."

I knew that red dress. Prom. It had a tight fitted top and yards of tomato red tulle in it's floor length skirt. It had looked amazing on her, for all it's generic branding. I guess my Bella would look good in a hessian bag, truth be told.

"Jake's going to pack all those old photos away, isn't he?" Bella stated, glaring at Jake.

He held his hands up in defeat.

"Okay. Sorry, I guess it's quite inappropriate now you are an old married lady and all. I'm keeping one by my bedside but only because it's an awesome photo of me."

I ushered Chance and his catch to the kitchen and heard Bella ask Jake if he'd put bait on all the hooks, or just on Chance's.

"Hey, he's a little kid whose world has just changed something fierce. Our egos can hack it for one day. We were starting to panic. He was losing interest by the time the first one took the bait and Charlie 'helped' him reel it in. Then the second one committed suicide a minute after I rebaited the hook and tossed the line out for him. The kid's a star."

"Of course he is," Bella stated.

I made coffee and hot chocolate and listened as Chance described how he caught his fish in minute detail over and over. His little face was flushed and his eyes as shiny as Jacob's.

I watched Jake watch Bella. It was such a fucking waste, all that love and devotion he had for her. If only he could meet some girl and fall in love with her, but I guess that won't happen until he falls out of love with my wife.

As the next years passed, I often came home to find Jake and Bella curled up on the big couch, eating popcorn and watching tv. She always immediately left his side to run to mine and I saw the pain hit him anew every time as I clasped my wife up in my arms to kiss her madly.

Our sex life was amazing as we were working on the theory that nobody knew which day was actually the most likely to conceive, so I wasn't worried that she ever felt tempted to allow anything to happen between them, also I trusted my Bella with my life.

She knew she would kill me if she ever cheated. I was sure she loved me and would never risk losing what we had, but of course, time has a way of changing things.

The biggest and worst change came when Carlisle confirmed what we pretty much feared. The chances of me fathering a baby were extremely remote.

My sperm sample revealed plenty of sperm but they were either deformed or useless. The healthy looking ones had no sense of direction and chased their own tails in circles, with no hope of ever swimming in the right direction.

I went along with buying the dog in the hope she would give Bella something to mother, and it did work to a degree, but I wasn't ready to give up.

We went through two attempts of intra uterine insemination, where my sperm were injected right by the openings of her tubes, but as we all watched the screen, no sperm made their way up to meet the egg she ovulated, and it became clear it was high tech or nothing.

We both needed time to decide.

The specialist would put Bella on drugs and then extract whatever eggs she released, then inject individual sperm of mine into each egg, then put them back inside her. I didn't like the idea of the drugs; they could be dangerous.

It had to be Bella's decision.

I wasn't sure whether I should encourage her or not and was debating that very thing in my head as I arrived home one Friday night. It was quite warm for Forks and I could hear Bella and presumably Jake, out in the pool.

I went upstairs without turning any lights on and through the open door I heard her explaining our only option to Jake. I didn't actually know she had told him about our problem, so was a little pissed off immediately, then I heard what he said.

"You know I'd give you anything, right?"

"Anything? Like what? What are you offering?" she asked, confused.

"Like a sperm donation. I'm not asking to sleep with you, I'm offering you a sperm sample if that's what it would take to get you a baby. I wouldn't be any more than I am now. It's uncle of sorts. Think about it. I don't imagine Edward's too keen on drugs that could end up killing you."

He was right about that but this was not the answer.

"Jacob, I want Edward's baby or none at all. I know you mean well, but I won't consider carrying any other child."

"It would still be your baby. I bet Edward would be like Emmett and accept your baby no matter where the sperm that made it came from."

"I think he'd notice if you were the father. There's enough secrecy in that family already."

I wasn't sure what that meant. We didn't keep secrets.

"Oh, tell me the secret," Jake urged her, splashing water at Bella as she climbed from the pool and wrapped herself in a towel.

"Forget it, Jacob. It's not my secret to tell. Do me a favour and pretend I never said that."

"Your wish is my command," he answered. "So, do you really want to risk your amazing figure and have a kid or is it just one more thing you will blindly do because it is what Edward wants?"

"I did think he wanted it more, to be honest, but lately...I don't know. Maybe that biological clock thing really is based on fact. I want a baby more than I've ever wanted anything in the world before."

"Then you have to do whatever it takes to achieve that goal. Do something for yourself for once, Bella. Do what you need to do to be truly happy, and go to your grave with no regrets. I can assure you, living with regrets is no way to live."

I went back downstairs and slammed the front door, then turned on the lights as I ran upstairs again.

"Edward, you're home early," Bella said happily, coming inside to throw herself into my arms.

Jake got out of the pool and pulled on his clothes.

"See you, have a good weekend," he said as he went downstairs and out to his car.

I decided I really had to toughen up and consider suggesting we try donor sperm. Not his, not Jake's; someone else's. Someone we would never meet. But first I wanted to research about how it worked out for couples who had gone that route in the past.

And Bella and I needed time away to strengthen our bonds. This was all taking too much of a toll. Baby making had become the only thing we discussed. I wanted us back.

Renee called out of the blue and offered us use of their beach house in Florida and we accepted. It seemed as good a place as any to have our second honeymoon. We'd never really had a first; just those three days shared with my sister and Jazz.

For one whole week we did not mention the 'b' word, and we just pretended we were newlyweds again, and did wild and crazy things like sex on the beach at midnight, and skinny dipping by moonlight. We came home rejuvenated and more in love than ever. We were going to be okay, I knew that now.

I wrestled with whether or not to bring up what our plans would be now. Were we going to try high tech? Were we truly letting it go?

I decided to wait and let Bella raise the subject herself and follow her lead.

Six weeks later it became a moot point.

I arrived home to a pair of soft white wool booties hanging on the front door knob.

X~x~X~x~X

Bella threw the door open and ran at me and I caught her in my arms.

"It's positive," she screamed, waving a small plastic test stick at me. "See, all we had to do was wait. I knew we could do it."

I hugged her in close and my mind was in turmoil. Several fertility specialists had told me this would never happen. My sperm was so fucked up even high tech was a big risk.

"I think it was that week in Florida, maybe the air is different out there," she babbled on.

She stepped back.

"Edward, you are happy? You hadn't changed your mind?"

"No, Bella. I haven't changed my mind. This is..amazing. It's just a shock and a lot to digest. I thought I was coming home to start a serious discussion about whether we proceeded at the clinic or not.. But we don't need to now, do we?"

"This is so much better. No drugs, no egg collecting. I'm so happy."

I held her tightly.

"Then I'm happy that you are happy, my love."

Maybe it was true. Maybe the water in Florida was full of testosterone or something. Maybe my sperm just got lucky.

Maybe.

I lay in bed watching her sleeping, my body spooned around hers, and wondered if we had just been handed a miracle.

X~x~X~x~X

"It had better not be a girl. I've paid my dues; I deserve the first granddaughter," Rose growled, then she burst into tears and hugged Bella. "Ignore me, you have whatever you want. I know this has been a long hard road for you two. I'm so happy. You will both be amazing parents."

"Congratulations, Bro," Emmett said, shaking my hand. "I knew you'd do it. This is really cool. Rosie, just so you know, I'll agree to starting Number four child as soon as this one here hatches. Okay?"

"You are on," Rose answered, wiping her eyes.

"Well done, Edward," Jasper said quietly. "I'm glad for you both. This is excellent. Don't be counting on a girl, I have gotten a few things wrong you know. But I know you'll be happy with whichever gender it is."

"Not a concern at all," I agreed, taking his offered hand. "I think we have opposite hopes anyway. I'd prefer a girl but I think Bella secretly wants a boy, so one of us will win. Truly, though, the gender is pretty much the least of my worries."

"What are you worried about?" he asked.

"Oh, you know. She's only just had an early scan to make sure it implanted in her uterus and wasn't tubal, and it's very early days. We decided to be sensible and not make any announcements for a few months but somehow, once we got here and saw everyone... I guess we're just excited."

"You seem a little less thrilled than I expected," Jazz replied, handing me a beer.

"It's nothing. Just a shock still. We thought we'd have to go high tech and then..."

"Bingo," he finished for me. "There's no set rules. Doctors, you will be dismayed to hear, don't actually know everything. They like to think they do, but really, they don't. I guess they are not God after all. So, when it is due then?"

"Shortly after Bella turns twenty five. September 22nd it's estimated. It'd been a long haul but at least we've crossed the starting line. Now we have seven months to anticipate how amazing our baby will be and how possibly inept we will be at handling it. I'm glad we had those years of practice with Emmett's boys. We can change diapers and make up formula and walk the floor with the best of them. I can't quite figure out how the stroller goes together but I have time."

"Does Charlie know? I bet he's stoked."

"Tomorrow. He's having us over for a barbecue and the Black's will be there too."

"Oh. Right. Jacob. This might be just what he needs to finally move on."

"Really? Do you believe that? I'm starting to believe he'll love her until the day he dies, to be honest. I can't blame him but it still annoys the crap out of me that he won't fucking let her go. She enjoys his company and I would never try and stop him being her friend but it's a minefield."

"Hey, you could look at it another way. If, God forbid, anything ever happened to you, you are one man who knows his wife would be looked after by someone who truly loves her and isn't after your money."

"That's true," I was surprised to realize. Bella would already be very appealing to most men as a widow, but there would always be the type of men who liked the idea of never having to work again if she married him. Jake had a great work ethic since we'd come home to Forks and if he spent a day with Bella, he worked through the night to make up for it.

He believed in working just as hard as his employees did, and his business was flourishing even in these hard times.

Mom and Dad arrived and Dad was clearly bursting for us to tell Mom. Esme reacted exactly as I expected, hugging us both and kissing us repeatedly and crying. All this crying. Bella was bawling with happiness and Jazz frowned and went over to calm her down.

He came back to where we men were sitting and placed her on his knee, rubbing her back in little circles.

"Come on, Bella. Baby needs a nice calm Momma. Just relax."

She yawned and curled up on his lap and promptly fell asleep.

"That worked well," I told him.

"Maybe a little too well. I didn't mean to send her to sleep."

"She has been falling asleep at the drop of a hat for a couple of weeks now. It can only do her good."

Jasper's brow furrowed as he held Bella and I wondered if his mysterious powers were returning.

"Sorrow and joy, so much sorrow and joy. Such a test of your faith."

"What do you mean? " I asked, needing him to clarify.

"What? What do I mean about what?" he asked me, puzzled.

"You said 'sorrow and joy'...what did you mean?"

"I wasn't aware that I spoke. I have no clue. Sorry, I guess sometimes I just pass on a message without processing it myself."

Alice came to join us and I took my sleeping wife back from Jazz and lay her down on the couch.

She was my joy and there was no room for sorrow. I placed my hand over where our baby lay and hoped to God she was safe. Surely we had paid our dues by now. This infertility had started to become a wedge between us; all my fault, I knew; but this little baby would save us both.

X~x~X

"I'm dying," Bella cried, crawling back into bed. Morning sickness had hit, and she was not handling it well.

"We can cancel the visit to Charlie's if you prefer, or I can go alone."

"No way. I want to tell him myself. And I think Jacob should hear this from me."

"Why? Our child is nothing to do with him," I replied.

"Oh Edward, you know how Jake is. This will hopefully be the final nail in the coffin and he'll go get a life of his own. Wouldn't you like that to happen?"

"Of course I would. I want Jake to be happy but I think it's more likely he'll go all over protective and start coming here to watch over you twenty four seven. You know, much as he does already."

"Edward, does his presence in our house bother you? I could always tell him I need some alone time. We've just fallen back to how it was when we were kids. We always spent every day together."

"It's fine, Bella. Do you need help to shower?" I asked, looking through her closet for her favourite jeans.

X~x~X

They were all there, already and I shook my head as Jacob turned and yeah, there they go, the eyes lit up and the stupid white toothed smile hit on cue. He instantly had tunnel vision and all he was seeing was Bella.

Charlie looked as annoyed as I was and we exchanged glances. He shrugged.

"Hey Bells. You look kind of pale. You okay?" her father asked.

"More than okay. Edward and I have some news."

I watched Jacob and he faltered in his footsteps, pausing from his intended destination; to come stand beside my wife. It was as if she radiated a magnetic pull toward him.

"What? What news?" Jake asked, looking panicked.

"Edward and I are expecting a baby. Around September twenty second."

Charlie cheered and threw his hands up and I watched in surprise as Jake turned around and almost ran toward the forest.

Billy Black glared at me from his wheelchair and I stopped smirking. His child had been in pain for years now, because of us and what we did to him. I would never want our child to hurt like Jake did, and karma could be a bitch.

"I'm really sorry that Jacob has never come to terms with what happened," I said to Billy as Charlie took Bella inside to dig out her baby photo albums. "I know it's still hard for him. I guess I've never really acknowledged how much we damaged him. We didn't mean to. We fell in love."

"You stole his life," Billy replied. "You walked in and took his future that Bella had promised him, and he never had any say or choice in the matter. He knew what he wanted from when they were toddlers and she wanted it too, before you came along."

"I don't know what to say. Bella and I have always felt right together. I would never have stepped forward and come between them for anything less than real, lasting love, Billy. I just knew she was mine and she wanted me, too. Sometimes things come out of nowhere, and all you can do is what you hope is the right thing."

"The right thing for you," he growled.

"And the right thing for Bella. This was what she wanted as well. I didn't force her. She chose me."

"She never had to make a choice with Jacob. They were a natural pairing from the day she was born. You have no idea what you have done. Some things should not be changed. Some things are written in the stars and if mere mortals interfere, they have to pay. Bella's mother was my very dear friend and she would want them together, just as Charlie and I always did. We expected to both have sons, and to have our sons share a friendship closer than brothers. But then Renee gave birth to that beautiful little girl and we knew something much more meaningful was going to occur. You interfered and changed the natural order of events."

"What can I say? I'm sorry we hurt Jake, but this is how it was meant to end. You can't fight love like ours, Billy. If Bella had loved Jacob as much as she loves me, believe me, nothing would have ever been able to break them up. I know this because nothing will ever break us up."

"We will see," he said ominously. "The tribe was ready now, ready to allow a paleface to come and be one of us. She would have brought us all together as one. Us and the palefaces. She was the instrument of our Gods."

I wanted to laugh and tell the man to stop living in the past. The 'tribe' was a meaningless group of Quileutes now; the boys mixed with the white girls in Forks and married or lived with, more like, whoever they wanted. There was no great divide nowadays that needed someone like Bella to integrate them all together. He was being so dramatic.

"Hey Edward, come see what my daughter is likely to give birth to. I swear I never knew the real meaning of 'as pale as a ghost' until Bella was born. This baby will make your skin look suntanned by comparison."

I happily walked away from the brooding Indian and stepped up to Bella's side, teasing her about her appearance as a newborn. She was white skinned, that was for sure.

Her eyes had been a lot darker than they were now, almost black; not that generic slate blue most babies were born with.

She had Renee's hair, from what I had seen in the many photos of her in my parents house.

Nothing of Charlie. None of his features at all.

But then, Rose and Emmett's kids had come out clones of one parent with no features of the other. Chance was mini Emmett, and you would never look at him and think "Yes, that is Rose's child" just as the twins were all her and if any 'other man' issues had been present at their conception instead, we'd have been demanding DNA tests the moment they arrived because they had inherited absolutely nothing from Emmett.

They even had Rose's peaches and cream skin tone, not to mention her golden blonde hair and her hazel eyes. If they had been girls, one would suspect they were her clones rather than her offspring. Genetics can be a funny thing.

Our child could look exactly like Charlie, or Carlisle.

Sometimes looks skipped a generation and came out in one's own grandkids. I looked forward to seeing if we got a blue eyed blonde like my Dad, or whether my Mom's green eyes and auburn hair won out as it had with me, or if she would look just like my Bella.

I liked the idea of a mini Bella.

X~x~X

Jake was a no show for months, and Bella missed him to some degree but nowhere as much as I feared. She was immersed in preparing for the baby and always had her nose stuck in a book about child rearing or was making little pieces of clothing herself. Alice had bought out several baby stores so the nursery was jam packed in pink.

It seemed everyone still believed in Jasper's prediction but I caught my wife knitting a little blue and white outfit one day when I arrived home early.

"It might be a boy. Jasper made a lot of mistakes when you think back and add them up. We didn't conceive on our honeymoon."

"It was kind of a second honeymoon though, so he was partially right," I suggested."Do you want to know what gender it is? A 3D scan would reveal that by now. I could book us in for later this week."

"I don't think I want to have the surprise spoiled. You remember how it was on Christmas morning when you were a kid? When you really, really hoped Santa had brought you one particular thing but it was by no means a certainty, and then you unwrapped your gift and there it was. The doll you craved."

I found it hard to relate, having grown up in a family where we pretty much got everything we wanted plus more but I could remember my Bella as a child reacting that way whener my parents gave her gifts.

Charlie had shown me dozens of Christmas photos and I thought maybe I did remember that doll. It was a baby and it squirmed and wept and Alice had one as well, with all the accessories. The stroller, the crib. Mom went out and bought Bella's doll the same things when she realized how much more my sister received than Bella did.

So, we waited. Dad and I did the main part of the scans but we got someone else to complete them and check the lower regions of the baby and she never gave us any hints, seeing Bella wanted it that way.

The pregnancy went well with no problems at all and Bella never took chances. I guess she knew this could be a once only event and she did everything to protect the child inside her.

I loved laying behind her in bed and placing my hands on her bump, and feeling our baby move and kick. It was hard not to get excited each and every time because it was such a miracle. We knew how blessed we were to be given this very special infant.

Nothing worried me, I was sure deep down this was my baby because my Bella would not ever betray me. I looked at our photo albums; at the record of our years together, and knew everything I had said to Billy that day had been true. She was mine and just as I would do anything to spare her pain, she would do the same for me.

Some mornings Bella would wake me up as she writhed in her sleep, and her nightmares were obviously terrifying, because she would jolt awake as I held her.

Then one day I went looking for her, and found her standing out in the yard, staring into space and the look on her face scared me.

She was petrified.

I walked up to her and put my arms around her and she burst into tears.

"I love you, Edward. Please believe me. I love you so much."

I had never doubted that but it did leave me feeling unsettled.

**Do me a favour and review if you are still reading and want more. Reviews are falling off, and I can't tell if it's because you are all busy, or bored with this, or just sitting by your tv's waiting for the Jon Stewart Show to come on tomorrow.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Well there you go, you do know how to leave reviews after all. Thanks for them all and if you keep it up, I'll keep updating regularly. This chapter was going to be the Epilogue originally but taking the Real Life situation into consideration, I think some of you need to read this now before the story proceeds further. Any other time I would have left you guessing but there's only so much we can handle at the moment. I'll have thought up another Epi by the time we get there. Cheers.**

Renee's Story

Part Two

(Happens prior to Chapter One, Prologue)

_God, God, God._

_All my life had been based around God and his supposed expectations and punishments if we dared break a commandment. Like that wasn't bad enough, apparently my Father's flock wasn't large enough for him and now he was pushing his beliefs onto the Quileute Tribe on the La Push Reservation._

_Why do I care, you ask?_

_Because it seems he has decided I have to accompany him to teach these 'Godless injuns' all about the God we have to believe in. This was my punishment for daring to question his right to do this._

"_Don't they have their own belief system? Don't the tribes worship Gods of their own? I thought we were told at school the Indians are all into nature and worshipping the earth and all her plants and creatures. Actually, when you think about it, that makes more sense than worshipping some Holy Ghost God we can't hear, see, smell, or demand any proof of."_

"_Renee Mary Higginbotham! Do not speak such blasphemy in this house," roared my father._

_Did I mention he's something of a bully and a man who believes his wife and lowly daughter MUST believe in the same things he does?_

_Mom learnt early to just shut up and go along with it but of course, I had to be the sassy loudmouth and cop regular punishments for having a brain of my own, and using it._

_I'd spent much of my childhood being forced to wear thick woollen tights to school, because of the telltale bruises on my legs that resulted from the beatings given to make me turn Holy or something._

_They really hadn't worked that well._

_Nowadays my Father used much better punishments, the kind that left no marks but were designed to keep me from my friends, and take up every spare minute of time I had on weekends and after school._

_I visited the Nursing Home and sang for the old dears, helped with the afternoon teas, brought them magazines and newspapers and read passages to those who could no longer read themselves._

_I know it sounds ultra boring for a teenage girl but let me tell you, it was better than being at home, so I didn't resent it as much as I might have done._

_I had learned to cook at a very young age so evenings were often spent preparing the vegetable soups and making nourishing stews for the local Meals On Wheels who made sure the elderly, infirm and housebound residents had a hot meal every day._

_I didn't hate doing that either. It was mindless donkey work, peeling and dicing vegetables._

_But always I'd had a half day all to myself, until my latest outrageous episode of blasphemy._

_Usually every Saturday afternoon was mine, and believe me, I had made excellent use of it. My friends all cleared their timetables so we could spend those few short hours doing stuff girls our age did, and it was the highlight of my miserable week._

_But not any more._

_The inside of the car was stifling and I knew getting out and wandering around the Res would get me further punishment but as there didn't seem any time to fit that in, I was not letting the threat hold me back._

_I could hear the waves rolling and crashing up onto the beach and the lure was more than I could stand._

_I loved the beach. We'd visited a few times, just Mom and I of course, during my childhood and those had been the golden days. I loved to swim and a bit of inclement weather and freezing water was no deterrent. In the sea one could forget who she was and be free._

_Be a dolphin, be a shark, be a brightly coloured fish._

_Be wild and free and pretend it was possible to swim far away from this shore and escape to a better place._

_I sat down on the pure white sand and kicked off my sensible shoes and hand knitted socks and let the grains fill the spaces between my toes._

_Despite the cloudy day, the sand was warmish and felt so much better than my restrictive footwear._

_Suddenly, like God was going to prove he did indeed exist and he didn't hate me or my rude words, the sun broke through the clouds and flooded the entire shoreline._

_I whooped and struggled out of my sensible plain coat and sweater, and felt it's gentle rays on my bare arms._

_Thank God there were no boys around to be driven into throes of mindless lust and passion at the sight of my pale skinny limbs, right? No chance of that, because that might fall under the heading of FUN, and fun was BAD._

_I looked around but I was truly alone._

_The day was getting warmer and warmer and my legs wanted the same freedom, so off with my neat handmade slacks and there I was, dressed merely in underwear and a T shirt._

_Not one of those unGodly T shirts with pictures of rock stars sent by the Devil himself to take our souls, naturally._

_No, my T shirt was pure and white, like my bra and panties. All sensible, plain white cotton, because clothes like that may rub off some of their purity and keep me virginal._

_I ran along the shoreline, kicking the foam along the edge of the water high into the air, laughing in glee._

_God, to think those Quileute kids got to do this every day, whenever they liked._

_I don't know how I knew **he** was here watching me, but I did._

_I glanced at the thick trunks of the trees that line the edge of the sand, and soon detected which one he was hiding behind._

_Of course, I didn't cover myself modestly and run back to redress, like any decent girl would._

_Oh no, I decided to put on a show for him._

_I had learned to keep a watch out for my Father out of the corner of my eyes from a very young age and this came in handy today, as I watched the boy yet appeared to be oblivious of his presence._

_He was tall, and his hair was so black it shone blue. It was long and very straight and clearly had not been cut for years._

_I help my hands up, my arms raised above my head, and danced along, around and around, singing quietly, as if to myself alone._

_He was smiling and I almost gave the game away when I saw how very white his teeth looked against his dark honey skin._

_To my surprise, he left his hiding place and approached me. I could see now he was roughly my own age. Sixteen._

"_Well, hello Paleface. You are human, right? I'm not disturbing some sea nymph who has wandered onto shore to do her daily ritual, or anything?"_

"_I am indeed a sea nymph, you mere mortal," I replied. I kept dancing, pretending to ignore him as his eyes brightened and sneakily took in all of my body._

"_You are beautiful," he said in awe and yes, I liked hearing that. Nobody had ever said anything like that to me before._

"_You are pretty gorgeous yourself," I replied boldly._

_I had no idea how to talk to boys but he seemed happy at my words so far._

"_So, why are you here at our lowly Res?" he asked._

_Darn._

"_I may or may not be the daughter of the Reverend Higginbotham, sent by white man's God to harass your fellow tribesmen," I admitted._

"_Really? The Big Pale Godbotherer is your Father? How much fun is that?"_

"_Do not mention the 'f' word," I warned him sharply._

"_Huh? I didn't say the 'f' word, I said 'fun'. Honest," he retorted._

"_Fun is the 'f' word in our house," I informed him._

_I flopped down onto the soft sand and he did the same._

"_Not that I don't love the outfit you are wearing, but shouldn't you maybe get dressed before your Father sees you? I can't imagine he encourages such wanton almost nakedness, though it is a good look for you. Your father might skin me alive if he sees us and assumes I was the one to remove your garments."_

_I considered this and decided I didn't want to see him skun, and slowly redressed._

"_So, what's your name?" I asked as I tied my sensible shoe laces in my sensible shoes._

"_Billy Black. That's the white man's version. It's He-Who-Stares-At Sea-Nymphs in our culture."_

"_It is not," I laughed, slapping at his arm. "So, where do you go to school? I haven't seen you at Forks High."_

"_Ah, we savages have our own unholy school right here on the Res," he replied. "I'm not sure if sea nymphs are permitted. What's your name, by the way? Or do I call you Nymphette?"_

"_That almost sounds dirty," I chuckled._

"_No way. Then we have to invent a name for you that is as lovely as you are. What name does your Father know you by?"_

"_Renee Mary. Yes, I know. Dull, plain, boring. He could have at least given me a decent name."_

"_Like?"_

_I shrugged._

"_Marilyn? Bridget? Even Jane."_

"_I can't see him naming you after a Godless whore actress," he laughed and it just seemed far funnier than it was, and we ended up rolling about on the sand. Not touching or anything._

_I heard the slam of a door and jumped up._

"_Oh great, I'm dead. I'm supposed to be sitting in the front seat of the car, learning my Bible passages. He will kill me."_

"_Not on my watch. Wait until I engage him in conversation then run along that way and cross to the car when I get his back turned away from you."_

_And with that, Billy Black was gone._

_I hid behind the same tree he had and watched as he ran down and cut off my Father's path to the car._

"_So, I believe you know all about this real God. You should tell me a bit about Him," I heard Billy say._

_My father looked towards the car and squinted in the sun, trying to see if I was still inside._

"_Us Indians might not make it into Heaven, you know, unless God's messengers like yourself come save us," Billy continued, taking my Father's arm and steering him back toward the house._

_I ducked and ran silently across the road and opened the car door, about to slip inside just as my Father turned my way._

"_Oh, I didn't realise you had your daughter waiting inside that hot car," Billy said, "Maybe you could come back another day and spread the word."_

_I caught on, and made as if I had just stepped out of the car._

"_It's really hot in here. Will you be much longer?" I asked politely._

_Billy was leading my father down the garden path in more ways than one, and Father frowned and looked from me to the boy._

"_Do you know Renee? How do you know she is my daughter?" he asked harshly, like he had caught Billy out in a lie._

"_A man of God would hardly be driving around in a car with any other young woman," Billy replied smoothly. "Good afternoon, Miss. My name is Billy Black. I'm the Chief's son."_

"_Nice to meet you, I'm sure," I replied haughtily and stepped back into the car and shut the door._

_Father hurried to the other side and got in._

"_I hope that boy wasn't bothering you while I was inside talking to his father."_

"_Of course not. I didn't even notice him until I saw you speaking to him. I've had my nose buried in the Good Book," I assured him._

_After that, my punishments turned from an utter drag to complete fun. Billy convinced his dad to ask my father if I could talk to the young teens on the Res and Father was in no position to refuse, seeing it would be about God and the Good Book that I would be speaking._

_Of course, the minute the Chief took my Father inside, the subject changed to surfing and hiking and television shows. And Billy Black showed me around the rest of the Res, including the burnt out tree trunk that had a hollow center just the right size for two teenagers to huddle inside, if they kept close to one another._

_At first it was just a place to hide and talk and share our hopes and dreams. Then came Billy's seventeenth birthday, and he asked me for a gift._

_A kiss._

_How could a simple kiss do any harm?_

_The thing was, we both enjoyed it, and our talks were replaced by make out sessions, and in time, he started touching my breasts, outside of my clothing. I liked it and pretty much thought that alone meant I was going to Hell just as my Father had always warned me, so it seemed silly not to be hung for a sheep rather than a lamb. I may as well enjoy the ride._

_For a whole year our harmless trysts continued, and father never suspected a thing. I would be back standing in front of the youths, explaining some Bible passage, when he came to find me, and Billy assured me his father was willing to distract my Father for two hours precisely every Saturday afternoon._

_That meant one hour and fifty precious minutes spent inside our hideaway._

_The first time we made love, it was more by accident rather than any plan. Billy was getting way too excited and I reached down to help him out and he was exploring the inner sanctum of my sensible cotton panties at the time and somehow, a part of him ended up creeping inside me._

_He pulled out before anything happened, of course but I panicked a bit at the spots of blood on my panties._

_I made sure to dispose of them discreetly , wrapped inside a sheet of old newspaper in the trashcan outside the school the next day. There was no way I was risking my Mother finding them soaking somewhere when she knew it was not my time of the month._

_Our affair continued until the day Billy turned eighteen._

_That became the blackest of black days in my life. _

_My whole system was out of whack and I would awaken feeling nauseous and have to run to the bathroom to be ill. Even the smell of cooking made me sickly, so I went to school chewing on a slice of plain, unadorned dry toast, hoping it would settle my stomach. It was becoming my new routine, but then, maybe this spartan diet would help me to lose some of this puppy fat that had suddenly started to thicken up my waistline._

_Carol, my friend asked me what was up, and I told her innocently about the way I was feeling of a morning now, for over two months. It wasn't getting worse, but it wasn't getting better, either._

"_Oh Renee, this sounds just like my sister felt before Mom and Dad sent her away to stay with Nan in Seattle for a year," she said alarmed._

"_They sent her away for a whole year because she had some stomach virus?" I said in surprise._

"_No. She was...you know."_

"_No, Carol, I don't. Speak English," I replied crossly._

"_Christine had been doing "things" with her boyfriend and she got pregnant. They made her give the baby away and then she came home and was really sad for ages. That's why she ran away."_

"_Gosh. Well, as you know, I don't have a boyfriend," I pointed out._

"_Just as well because having sex is very dangerous at our age."_

"_Not if the boy pulls out before 'it' happens," I informed her in a superior tone. Some girls knew nothing._

"_Christine told me to never believe that. Boys say it's safe but she and Trevor were always careful to do that and she still got pregnant."_

"_I don't think that is even possible. How could that happen?" I asked, perplexed, because Billy said it was one hundred per cent safe._

"_I think the first bit of 'stuff' is invisible or something, so you don't see it and it's there before 'it' happens." she answered._

_I was pretty sure she was wrong, but the school nurse soon put me straight and informed me Carol was in fact, pretty much right. There could be bits of stuff around beforehand. And it could make you pregnant._

_She did a test, made me pee into a paper cup and hand it over, and I could not believe what the little stick revealed._

_It wasn't a total disaster. To start with, I had no grandparents to be sent away to. And anyway, Billy was always saying he loved me when he was inside, doing his thing. He would probably marry me._

_I just had to go tell him._

_By luck, my Father had to go see Billy's Dad that night anyway, so I went along for the ride. Billy looked out his curtain and waved as he heard his front door close, and he jumped out of his window and came to sit in the car beside me._

_His normal happy grin was gone and before I could tell him, he took my hands and looked at me with tear filled eyes._

"_Renee, we have to stop seeing one another."_

"_No," I cried out._

"_I turned eighteen today."_

"_I know that. I made you something but I forgot to bring it. I'll give it to you on Saturday."_

"_I won't be here. I'm being sent away to spend six months on another Res. It's traditional."_

"_I won't see you for six whole months?" I cried, my lower lip shaking madly._

"_When I come back, I'll be a man. That means..."_

"_What?" I demanded._

"_I'll be married. To Sarah."_

"_Who is Sarah?" I asked, frightened suddenly._

"_She's the daughter of the Chief on the next Res. I've been seeing her and now she is pregnant, we have to do the right thing and all that."_

"_She's pregnant? To you?" I whispered. To think I'd been beating myself up for that one tiny slip with Charlie after Prom._

"_It's fine. It's almost required. The tribe needs to know the future Chief's wife is capable of producing the nest Chief in line. It's not a scandal or a big deal like it is for your people."_

"_But I thought you loved me," I cried._

"_I do. Truly. But it was always going to have to end this way. In time, you will forget me and I'll fall in love with Sarah instead."_

"_You will?" I asked, heartbroken._

"_Stands to reason. We'll be married and living together and I guess once we keep having a lot of sex and the baby is born, I'll fall in love with her."_

"_But what about me and the..."_

"_The what?" he asked, looking around, checking my father was not coming outside yet. "I should go. I need to call Sarah. We talk every night. Now what were you saying? The what?""_

"_The love. between us," I stuttered._

"_Renee, I do love you, believe me but the tribe would never accept a pale face for a Chief's wife. It just isn't allowed. Things are changing all the time and by the time my kid is an adult, he will probably be allowed to choose who he marries. Maybe even a white girl. But not now, not me. Are uou okay? You are as pale as a ghost."_

_"I have my period," I lied. Suddenly the thought he may want to say Goodbye with break-up sex horrified me._

___I vomited into the toilet all night long, and it wasn't morning sickness this time._

_____It was cold, hard fear._

_I didn't see him again for a long time. Father informed me Billy was married and expecting a baby well before the respectable nine months would be up following his wedding, and went on to lecture me about Godless tribes and their unholy rituals._

_**Oh, a reader just pointed out, this makes it worse if Bella is carrying Jake's baby. Once again. NO INCEST. NO CHEATING. **  
_


	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you for reading and reviewing and ignoring my Australianisms... a troll pointed them out to me. Especially thanks to Jen who made it possible for me to see Rob's segment on the Jon Stewart Show. I love her.**

The Lie

Chapter 21

The Birth

BPOV

From the desk of: Jacob Black.

Subject: Not dead or anything

_Hey Bells, so how are you? Fat as a cow yet? Sorry for the disappearing act but guess what, there's only so much I can handle and for my very sanity, I had to get the Hell outa Dodge._

_Don't worry about me. I still had some funds from your generous Mom and Phil, so I enrolled in an Arts course here at SeattleU. You would be proud of me. I chose it solely to meet girls._

_I get it now._

_It's time._

_Nothing is going to change your mind and my choices seemed to be live the rest of my life watching you and Edward have the life I wanted, or jump off the nearest cliff. _

_Neither appealed._

_I intended just being a student but the first class I attended I was asked to do some modelling because they do real life drawings and apparently I'm 'sort of beautiful', so there!_

_Not everyone can resist my good looks._

_It's fun and it has gained me a lot of attention, if you know what I mean. I never intended dating anyone again and I admit, I'm still not, but I am going out and playing the field and it is getting easier._

_Some nights I don't even think about you._

_That's a major breakthrough for me._

_I'll always love you, but I think now I can accept that and yet not let it be the only truth about my life._

_Be safe._

_**From the desk of: Bella Cullen**_

_**Subject: Glad to hear it.**_

_**Jacob,**_

_**Thank you so much for the email. I miss you like crazy but as you can imagine, there's a lot to do before this baby here gets born.**_

_**I'm happy for you, Jake. You needed to do something and this is as good a solution as any.**_

_**I'm doing okay and there is still some differences between me and the cows. Actually, I'm kinda tiny so Carlisle is forever weighing and measuring me and doing scans but all is well. Edward now works at the hospital so he takes me to lunch most days to make sure I eat and don't miss meals. Esme often brings dinner over for us. I think she thinks I'm too lazy to cook but the smell of raw meat cooking still turns my stomach.**_

_**Apart from the bad dreams, life's pretty sweet.**_

_**Don't end up with too many notches on your bedpost, my friend, though I did read the average guy has eleven sexual partners in his lifetime so keep that in mind and stop short of that number so you have some left in reserve for when you do start dating seriously.**_

_**Miss you.**_

_**You be safe.**_

_**Bella.**_

_Hey Bells,_

_Glad you answered and glad you are well. Eleven, hey? I guess I need to pace myself, then. Of course I could just lie if I go over that total, right? One little lie couldn't hurt anyone._

_Actually, some of the girls here are really nice. I get invited to a lot of parties and they don't always end with a hook up. Sometimes it's just a few drinks and some flirty chatting, and maybe some kissing._

_I'm learning so much from my time here. I like how girls sort of give you directions now so there's no worrying if you are doing things right, if you know what I mean._

_Tell me about the nightmares._

_I'm here for you, Bells._

_Well, I'm here once a week, lol._

_Life is pretty sweet right now for me too. Still no urge to 'settle down' but I finally am starting to think that could be the next step if I could just meet someone like you._

_When I say 'like you' I obviously mean like your better qualities; not your whole dumping me for Edward part of you._

_Hey, I'm not bitter. There's only one of you, more's the pity. I wish Renee and Charlie had pumped out a few more beautiful daughters but what can you do?_

_That would have been convenient, if you'd come with a twin._

_She'd be the good twin seeing you are the evil one, right?_

_Just kidding._

_Be good,_

_Jake. xxx_

_**Jacob,**_

_**Sounds like you are making good progress with the whole moving on thing. Dare I ask your number now? That was a joke, as you said, you'd probably lie anyway.**_

_**My nightmares are always the same.**_

_**I dream I go into labour and Edward takes me to hospital and everything goes wrong. Carlisle has to rip my belly open to save the baby, and then I die.**_

_**Everyone is knee deep in blood and Edward's thumping my chest and doing CPR and I'm just laying there staring at the ceiling.**_

_**Oh, and the baby is some kind of monster and tries to bite everyone.**_

_**I often wake up screaming, I think I'm giving my poor Edward grey hair but I can't tell him about the dreams because you know how he worries.**_

_**I am thinking of pinning down Jasper and trying to make him 'see' if me dying is a possibility because sometimes I just feel completely terrified.**_

_**I Googled deaths in childbirth, it does happen.**_

_**Some really gruesome things can occur.**_

_**Rose just wants me to hurry up and have my baby so she can start her next one.**_

_**Oh I saw Leah, she is dating Quil now. I dunno, I just don't see them as a forever couple, do you?**_

_**Be good yourself**_

_**Bella **_

_Bells,_

_Truly._

_STOP GOOGLING!_

_You know something like 80% of shit on the internet is just that..shit. NOT BASED ON FACTS._

_Anyone can write anything and next thing it goes viral and becomes 'fact'._

_You will not die in childbirth. Remember that Mystic Jasper said you and Eddie Boy have some issue to work through AFTER the kid is born, right? Well, I'm thinking for that to happen you will have to be alive. You can hardly fight with Cullen if you are dead._

_Course the kid will be a monster, look at it's parents._

_Date tonight so can't talk._

_Later, _

_Jake.x_

_P.S. Wet T shirt competitions...awesome! Should be made compulsory in all colleges._

_**So, Jacob Black, too busy for me now.**_

_**Thanks for that reminder, I guess Edward and I can't resolve 'our issues' if I'm dead.**_

_**Good point, thanks for that.**_

_**I have a million things to do so will talk later.**_

_**Bella.**_

_Hey, Bells, sorry. I know it's been ages but what can I say? I've been busy. Good busy. Met a couple of interesting girls, am dating both. Relax, they know the Jakester is not exclusive with anyone. Will attach photos, tell me what you think._

_Tiffany is the blonde, and I do mean blonde. Dumb as, but hell sexy._

_Courtney has a brain and is okay in the looks department. I think I'm liking her the most._

_Out of bed, that is._

_Hi to everyone,_

_Gotta go,_

_Jake._

_**Jake, if you even remember me, I'm still alive and the baby is due any day. I'm hoping you will come see it before it starts Grade School. I understand you have a very busy new life now but remember you have family and friends here and come see us. I'll call you when I go into labour or tell Edward to email you after the delivery.**_

_**Bye**_

_**Bella**_

_Bells, Crap, sorry. I thought you were due November and I'm about to leave on a vacation of sorts but I will get home someday soon. ish._

_Good luck._

_Hope the little one is better looking than it's unfortunate looking father._

_A little Bella would be good._

_Kiss her for me_

_CU when I get back_

_Jake._

EPOV

Seventeen hours had passed and still no end in sight. Carlisle looked a little anxious, which meant he was actually extremely concerned. I had lived with him long enough to know very little fazed him and the fact I could detect any signs of worry at all meant things were not going so well. I'd already figured that out for myself.

"Edward, I think we need to weigh up what method of delivery is in both Bella and the baby's best interests. It may be that a c section is our best option. Bella's exhausted, and the baby's head still refuses to descend. I know it's not the delivery either of you want and I realize you have both put in a lot of effort to get the vaginal delivery to happen, but I think we have to accept no good will come from pretending this is going to end any way but with an operation. The baby's heartbeat is dipping too much with each contraction and taking too long to recover.

Cards on the table, do you two want a safe delivery of a healthy child, or to stubbornly keep trying longer, knowing it will end in a c section anyway and Bella will be even more tired by the time you both accept the inevitable?"

Bella made no protest, which spoke volumes. She had been determined from before conception that she wanted a natural delivery and she had suffered so much up to this point to try and keep that dream alive. For her to give in now, the writing was clearly on the wall.

"Bella, this is the best thing to do. For you and the baby, okay? Maybe next time you will be able to have the dream delivery but this baby needs to be born now. Okay, honey?"

"Just get it out," she cried, balling her hands into fists as her back arched off the bed in agony.

Dad worked fast. He had the epidural in place in minutes then he administered morphine as well, by injection, into Bella's abdomen.

I could hear the baby's heartbeat echo in the room as each contraction caused the infant more and more distress.

"Okay, we have to do this now," Dad announced, as Bella's belly was covered in Betadine.

"Has the morphine worked yet?" I asked anxiously as Bella's hand crushed mine.

"I'm sorry, there's no more time," Dad replied, grimacing as he made the first cut into her skin.

Bella screamed in agony and I grasped both her hands in mine and tears leapt into my eyes.

God, it was never meant to be like this.

"Get him out, he can't breathe," she screamed and Dad cut her again, deeper, inside.

This time she didn't react and I thanked God for the anesthetic, which had clearly kicked in.

Dad and the midwife rummaged around inside my wife's open abdomen and then, there she was!

Bloody, screaming blue murder as she was lifted from her home, her limbs flexed and her hands grasping at the air in terror.

She looked a lot bigger than I'd expected. Maybe even nine pounds which was massive for a mother with Bella's tiny frame. No wonder she had not been able to come out the expected way.

Carlisle quickly handed her to me and cut the cord.

Rosalie cleared the baby's nose and mouth and threw a blanket around her little body.

"It's a girl, Bella," she announced and my lovely wife looked too relieved that it was over and the baby was safe to show any surprise that the little boy she had expected for the entire nine months was in fact a girl.

I stepped back and lay the baby in Bella's arms and we both grinned at one another like fools.

We had created this amazing little Princess. This true miracle.

"Well done, Baby, she is wonderful," I told my wife and kissed her lips quickly. There was no doubt over the next few days that Bella would feel some regret and maybe even a sense of failure that the operation had been necessary but I would point out, she gave birth to a miracle and that's the best result. We could have persisted but looking at this infant, the math was clear. No head this size would ever fit through that dainty birth canal.

The baby's face was surprisingly round. I had expected a little heart shaped face like her Mom's. Her skin was wrinkled and bloody and I wiped her cheeks and forehead clean and kissed her. She was nothing like the baby either of us had expected, but that didn't matter at all. I had suspected she was a girl all along but I'd kind of assumed that meant she would be a clone of her mother; petite and slim with short limbs and tiny feet.

Bella had always called the baby 'mini Edward' throughout the pregnancy so she must be just as surprised, if not more, at this solid little chunky body.

"Gosh, look at all that hair," Alice said, moving in closer.

The baby's hair was wet and bloody but was surprisingly dark and Alice was right, she had a full head of hair alright.

Her crying suddenly abated and she opened her jet black eyes and looked at us all.

"Whoa, I was expecting green eyes," Bella said in surprise.

"They'll change," Dad stated as he sewed my wife back together. "Most babies have slate coloured eyes at birth. The true colour will show in a few months. I'm betting Edward's genes will win out. Eyes that green have to have a pretty dominant gene behind them."

"I hope so," Bella smiled.

"Or they may be the beautiful chocolate pools like her Mom's," I interjected. Bella truly had the most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen and I for one, was voting for this baby to have those as well.

Bella was clearly exhausted and I was about to lift our daughter up when Alice appeared again, holding a camera.

"Smile, it's the first Cullen family photo," she trilled and Bella managed to smile despite the blood and mess and no doubt, lingering pain she was feeling.

The flash made the baby cry again and I lifted her to my chest and growled at Alice, who ignored me and snapped another shot.

"Okay, we need to weigh and tag this little angel," Rose said, holding out her arms to take my daughter from me.

"I'll carry her over to the scales," I replied and Bella laughed.

"Here we go. Daddy's little princess already."

"What can I say, she's perfect, aren't you, my sweet?" I cooed as the mottled skinned baby gasped again at being released from my arms and lain on a paper covered metal scale dish.

"We should line that with blankets, or something," I objected and everyone laughed.

"What? It looks so hard and cold."

"Edward, you have never objected when my infants got weighed like this," Rose replied.

"Ah, but those babies weren't his Little Blossom," Carlisle replied, finally done with Bella and walking to peer at his first granddaughter.

"Wow, she is a hefty one," he grinned as the scales registered nine pounds and one ounce. I think we all unconsciously expected a five or six pound baby. Bella just looked like the build that would never manage to produce such a bonnie baby as this one.

"Okay, I assume Daddy here will insist on doing the first bath. I'll bring everything in here so Mommy can watch," Alice stated and left the room.

She returned with a perspex bassinette full of warm water and I kissed our daughter's forehead and promised to be gentle as she was subjected to even more trauma but even though she screamed when unwrapped and exposed to the air again, she quietened immediately when the warm liquid surrounded her and she sucked on a fist and lay back relaxed.

"Oh look, she loves it," Alice announced in delight, snapping of more photos even though Esme was still filming every move.

"What do you think of your granddaughter, Mom?" I asked, wanting her to be part of this as well.

"She's perfect, Edward. So beautiful."

"And not as lily white as her parents, Thank God," Rose remarked as the blood washed away and revealed a somewhat tanned appearance to her skin.

Carlisle stepped in closer and took the baby's arm and examined it. I knew what he was thinking. Yellowed or suntanned skin indicated jaundice or liver issues but usually that took a few days to show. The liver didn't conjugate immediately, so newborns often looked darker skinned than they would later when their systems got going and cleared the toxins from their blood.

"We'll keep an eye on her," he whispered to me. "I think she's just a little more dark skinned than you two. Her eyes are bright."

He meant the whites of her eyes were not yellowed, another sign of jaundice.

I washed the mop of black hair free of blood and birth fluids and lifted the baby out into Rose's waiting arms, where she held a warmed towel ready to wrap the child.

She lay the baby on Bella's bed and rubbed at the hair, laughing.

"Gosh, look, it's jet black and so shiny."

I think that's when the first twinge hit me. This little girl was looking less and less like we had expected. Bella was so pale skinned as to look almost ghostly. I was little better and we both covered up outdoors to prevent coming back inside a distinct shade of pink, even after little sun exposure.

We'd both gone through agonies in our early teens when all our friends had come back from vacations abroad tanned and glowing, whereas we were both burned and peeling.

It just seemed strange to have such a coffee skinned offspring. It wasn't as if either my parents or Bella's were much darker than we were.

And the hair was so very black.

I hurriedly dressed the infant in her pink outfit and wrapped her in a blanket, walking towards the window to examine her in the natural light.

Rose was clearing up the bath and towels, Bella was laying there as my Father checked her blood loss, Esme and Alice were comparing photos and videos on their cameras and nobody was watching us.

I searched her thick hair for any tinge of red or copper but her hair was blue/black, if anything.

Her face was chubby already so little hint of her bone structure but already you could see she had not inherited either Bella's heart shaping nor my sharp jawline.

With a stab of pain into my heart, I realized who she did resemble. The air left my lungs and a sob caught at my throat.

"Are you okay, Son?" Dad asked, coming to my side and taking the baby from my shaking arms.

"She looks like..." I whispered.

"Edward, Bella would never allow you to think this baby was yours if it wasn't," he whispered back, examining the infants features. " She's battered and swollen from the birth, in a few days she will look entirely different. Her body is waterlogged and bloated, she will slim down in front of our eyes, won't you, Sweetheart?" he cooed but I could detect the note of doubt. Even my Father suspected this was the child of Jacob Black.

He handed the baby to Esme who turned and showed her off to Alice and Rose and I returned to sit beside my wife, silently panicking inside but trying my best to hide it.

"You two need some rest after that marathon," Dad said. I nodded.

"Edward, go grab a shower in Bella's ensuite while we get her washed and dressed. Then we will mind the baby while you two get some much deserved sleep."

"Because they won't get much of that in the next few months," Esme chortled, cuddling the baby in close. Clearly the girls had no suspicion anything was amiss. Maybe I was just exhausted. I hoped to God that was the case.

I could not believe Bella would lie about anything this important.

I had given her so many opportunities to admit if anything sexual had ever taken place between herself and Jake, and she always scoffed that he was like a brother and she didn't 'do incest'.

I had always believed her, I only asked her because I wanted to hear that assurance over and over.

Mistakes happen.

My heart felt heavy but still I remained optimistic that Dad was right and tomorrow the baby would magically resemble Bella or me, I had no preference at all now, I just wanted her to look like one or both of us, and not like him.

I showered and changed and headed for the nursery to make sure our baby had settled in okay.. There were three other inmates there currently. Two girls born to white couples and one Quileute baby boy.

I scanned their faces and shuddered. There was no doubt. These two little girls looked nothing like our daughter, yet Samson Uley Junior could pass as her brother or cousin.

Which he could possibly be.

I wasn't sure of the relationship between the Blacks and the Uleys but I had an idea I'd once heard Sam and Jake shared a great grandfather or something.

Rose entered the nursery and assumed I was there waiting to settle our baby so I forced a smile on my face and put her bassinet beside the two girls on the righthand side of the room.

"Edward, that little boy is not going to try and seduce her," she scoffed. It wasn't anything that ridiculous, I just didn't want anyone else noticing the similarities.

"Go to bed," ordered Alice, coming in with her camera and opening the white blanket a little to show the baby's face more clearly.

"Not too many Alice, she will get flashburn," Rose joked.

I went back to Bella's assigned room and climbed into bed beside her, gingerly. She was already almost asleep and I silently spooned my body around hers and prayed that tomorrow, our daughter would be pale and petite or even diagnosed with a reluctant liver.

Anything other than have my worst fears confirmed.

X~x~X

Bella awoke before me and shook my shoulder. I opened my eyes and yawned then remembered. God, had I been paranoid or what yesterday? Clearly the strain of the long labour and lack of sleep the night beforehand had left me delusional.

I kissed my wife and touched my forehead against hers.

"Sorry," I mumbled, so glad I had not started anything with her. For once I had managed to hold my tongue.

"Good morning, Mommy and Daddy," Alice trilled as she walked inside, pushing the baby bassinet before her.

"So, what have you two decided to name this little angel girl?" she asked as she helped Bella from the bed.

"We haven't decided yet. We were waiting to see which name on the list suits her the most," I replied. We'd been pretty sure we would call her Lily, because she was bound to be pale white, and now that name was off the table.

"I think she looks like an 'Ebony', maybe," Bella suggested. That name had never been in our list of preferences.

I shrugged. The name was rather fitting but why was it?

Bella stood there shakily and leaned on Alice as she peered over the basket and smiled at the baby inside. "Wow, she really is here. I thought I may have dreamed it. Good morning, my little ray of sunshine," she cooed as Alice glanced at me anxiously.

Rose entered with towels and clean clothes and the two of them walked my wife to the bathroom as I anxiously stared into the basket and examined my daughter in the morning light.

My heart sank. She was still coffee coloured and her hair was just as blue/black. Her face was round and chubby, and her fists curled with large solid fingers, so unlike my own, which had always been the butt of jokes.

"Edward has girl hands," "Edward should be a hand model...for women's rings!". Emmett had never missed an opportunity to imply I was gay or at least effeminate.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I gave Alice the wrong baby," the nurse at the door panted, pushing in another basket and taking the baby I was holding.

"This is baby Samson Uley," she said. I hadn't even glanced at the tags.

"It's just that they are so alike," she babbled, clearly petrified there would be repercussions for this mix up.

It was true, I thought sadly as I lifted the baby girl from her bed and placed her on my lap.

She did still resemble that Quileute infant so closely, mix ups were quite possible.

"Who are you, little one?" I asked her, feeling the tears run down my face. I would never desert her and her Mother. I just needed Bella to admit the truth to me. Nobody is perfect, least of all me, but this was such a low blow. I wished we could turn back the clock and be still waiting in the labour ward, still pacing the corridor to get labour established.

Carlisle entered the room and stood beside me.

"Edward, I don't know what to say," he said quietly, taking one of the baby's hands in his. "It's quite obvious, isn't it?"

"Dad, if Bella tells me she slipped up, I will forgive her. I want this baby to be mine, so much. If she just admits he is the father, we will find a way to ..."

"To what?" Bella asked in shock. I hadn't noticed her return into the room. "Edward, what the hell are you saying? Of course she is yours."

Alice and Rose exchanged glances, clearly they had noticed the coffee skin and black hair that was just too black to be caucasian.

"We'll go and let you two talk," Rose said, and my father nodded and left with them.

"Bella, I know how desperate you were to conceive. I want to believe you didn't have sex with him, at least. Did he donate sperm? Did you inseminate yourself with a syringe? Just tell me you made a mistake and she is Jacob's daughter and we will find a way..."

"What?" she screamed in horror. "Edward, don't you dare ever say that again. This is our baby. Your baby. I have never slept with anyone else but you, and Jake would be the last person I would sleep with even if we were not together. He's almost my brother, for God's sake. As if I'd use his..stuff."

"But he isn't your brother, is he?" I replied sadly. "You can say what you like, but this baby is part Quileute. Look at her Bella, and tell me this is what our pasty white genes could create."

Bella took the baby from me and frowned.

"She is nothing like I expected her to look, but Edward, she's our baby. There are no other options. She's our little miracle. We fought so hard to have her, how can you even think I'd do that? I wanted your baby, nobody else's."

"The nursery ward Sister just came and took back that baby you thought was ours while you were in the shower. It was Sam Uley's son. Even you thought it was our daughter."

Bella looked up with wide open eyes, her face paling.

"Edward, she is our baby. I swear, I would admit if there was any chance she wasn't yours. You have to believe me. Maybe they got her mixed up..." she said, staring at the baby in her arms.

"The two girls in the nursery are both blonde and almost bald. We would have noticed a mistake immediately," I replied. "This hair...it's Jake's hair, admit it. His skin, his eyes, his body type. This baby looks nothing like me and a heck of a lot like him."

"I can't explain that, I have no idea what to tell you. I have never, ever had sex with anyone but you. Jake and I have never had sex, not even when we were engaged. Sure we spent a lot of time together but we don't do anything wrong. God, we don't even kiss."

"How long since he last kissed you?"

She paused and flushed bright red.

"How long, Bella?" I queried.

" I did not kiss him back. I swear."

"When did this happen?" I asked calmly, even though the storm inside me wanted to break out and reveal it's tempest.

"Our wedding day," she said, her voice little more than a whisper.

"Our wedding day. That's just great, Bella. On our wedding day, the very day you swore to love nobody else but me, you let another man kiss you. A man you once loved and were going to marry, no less."

"I didn't know he was going to do that. I expected the usual cheek peck and he just turned his head and caught me full on the lips. I was so shocked it took me a minute to react but I did not return his kiss, Edward."

"So, he kissed you why? To let you know you had options? To assure you he was still in love with you? Still waiting for you to go back to him?."

"Stop it," she cried, wiping the tears from her eyes with one hand while still managing to support the baby with the other. Instinctively, I leaned over and supported the baby's head until Bella replaced her arm back.

"What's going to happen?" she asked, her voice hopeless.

"I don't want this to rip us apart. But I won't be seen as a fool, Bella. You admit this is not my baby and Jake, or whoever this mystery Quileute Baby Daddy is, fathered this child and have it out in the open and we can try to get past it. I've waited years to be a father, and nine months for this baby to arrive. I don't want fatherhood snatched away from me over this. Just tell me who he is and we can move on."

Bella slumped and I lifted the baby from her arms that had gone too slack to hold any infant safely, and placed her back in the basket.

"I guess I could end this now and just get a paternity test," I threatened.

"You would do that? You would ignore every word I've said and order a paternity test? After all we have been through, after all we mean to one another, you want written proof that I'm not lying? How could you do this to me? Apart from anything else, everyone will know. There are no secrets in Forks."

"Well, I can think of one secret that managed to stay hidden for nine months," I replied.

"Edward, please don't do this."

She lifted her hands to her face and covered her eyes, shaking her head, murmuring.

"This is not happening. This is meant to be the happiest time of our lives and it's all spoiled. How can love turn to hate just like that? "

"I don't hate you. If I hated you I wouldn't care about this, I'd just walk the Hell out of here and never look back. I love you, Bella. I have never loved anyone else. Can you look at this from my point of view? I've spent nine months waiting for a baby that isn't even mine. I've had so many hopes, and glimpses of our future in my dreams and they all involved us, walking along the beach, with a little brunette or auburn haired toddler between us. You pausing to slather more sun protection on us all every ten minutes, and making us all wear hats.

Us all turning pink anyway and laughing at how ghostly white we all are.

More babies, more suncream. More little hats. I still want all that but I need you to acknowledge this baby is my...stepchild. I promise you I can love her like my own, but I won't have everyone in this town laughing at me for believing she is my flesh and blood when she clearly is not. I will stand up for you. I will defend your honour. If anyone says I have a cuckoo in my nest, I will agree, yes I do. Then I will ask them if they are so perfect they never made a mistake. If any of them were ever so desperate for a baby they'd do anything to make it happen. If any of them are perfect, then they may cast the first stone but we all have things in our pasts that we are not proud of.

We all deserve a second chance and I am so willing to give you that. Just admit it. Say the words. I promise I'll understand. Things happen. You were desperate."

"Never that desperate," she replied.

" You and Jake tend to drink a little too much sometimes. How many nights have I come home and found you two blathered? People do things under the influence of alcohol that they would never do if they weren't drinking."

"Are you admitting you had sex with someone else while drunk?" she threw back at me.

"No, I would be the blind one here. The last to know. The stupid spouse who didn't suspect a thing until the proof positive was handed to him in the Delivery Room," I replied.

"I thought you loved me. I thought you fell in love with her as soon as she was born," Bella cried.

"No, Bella. I fell in love the moment she was conceived. I fell in love with a baby who doesn't exist. If I'd known, if you had warned me, I would be just as proud of this baby as I would have been of the one I was expecting to arrive. You are the one preventing us going home together by denying the obvious."

"We are not going home together?" she whispered.

"That's entirely up to you. You admit she isn't mine and we all accept that we have a lot of work to do, rebuilding trust, working out why this happened, why I failed you and forced you to turn to Jacob Black in the first place and then yes, we all go home together."

"And if I don't?"

I shrugged.

"I guess I will see it as your admission that you don't want to save us. That our marriage is worth less that your insistence to keep up this charade. Make me the bad guy, sure. I failed to get you pregnant for all those years. I worked too much, I left you alone too many nights. I came home exhausted sometimes, and barely spoke to you. I never acknowledged my hours were hard on you too. I worked on your birthday and didn't even get home in time for our dinner together. I admit, my work does sometimes infringe on our personal life and I'm truly sorry for that but these things happen. Being married to a medical intern can be a recipe for disaster. I thought we were stronger than that.

I was wrong and I'm willing to admit my part in what happened. I neglected you. I forgot our wedding anniversary and took an extra shift to cover for Mike that night. I've let you down. Well, Bella, you are even now. You've let me down. Start making amends and help me work through this. Admit she isn't mine."

"God, why did this happen? I wish I'd never gotten pregnant," Bella wailed.

"I can understand that but it's done now. All that's left is how we are going to fix this."

"Do you want me to give her away?" Bella asked. "Because she isn't what you wanted? Do you want me to abandon her?"

"I would never ask you to do that," I answered, taking her hand into mine. "I want to take you both home and try and salvage whatever we can from this mess. The question is, what do you want?"

"I want you to accept she is yours," Bella replied."Despite...everything. I want you to have faith in me. Trust me. I would never betray you. Never. Not to save my own life."

Alice appeared at the door, and fixed a smile on her worried face.

"I need to take the baby to the nursery. Carlisle is a little worried about her blood test results. It's nothing major, don't panic."

"God, she is going to die, isn't she?" Bella cried."Something bad has made her look this colour. Her blood's wrong, or her liver doesn't work and she needs a transplant."

"No, don't be silly. Her blood is just a little...strange. She may just needs supplements, extra iron. Some babies are born with low levels in store and we need to top them up."

"I'll go with Alice. You think about what your answer is going to be," I told Bella and followed my sister the nurse and Bella's baby out of the room.

Carlisle was reading the baby's chart. I took it from him.

"What's the problem?"

"Her blood cells are slightly distorted. Either she needs iron supplements or.."

"Dad?"

Carlisle turned and thanked Alice and asked her to fetch two coffees, even though he had his own machine right in his office.

She nodded and fled. I had a feeling she knew already that even though coffee fetching was not part of her nursing duties, suddenly being a barista for a few moments was preferable to being here with us for this conversation.

"Or else the shape is perfectly normal and part of her heritage as a..."

"Quileute Indian," I finished for him.

"Different races have slightly different traits and the Quileutes have a minor variation in their blood cells.

I can't start treatment unless I do a DNA test to determine her ancestry. It may be nothing."

I knew what he was remembering. He'd related the story many times in the past.

After he delivered Jake from Sarah Black, the baby had appeared to have a blood issue and Dad had ordered an ambulance and transferred them both to this same hospital. Tests had cleared the baby of any problems, it was just the 'Quileute thing'.

Their blood cells differed slightly to ours, even though they functioned just fine.

"You need to explain this to Bella, and Dad, please make sure she understands this is _not _ a paternity test. Don't let her think I'm hiding behind this test and using it as an excuse to find proof the baby is Jake's. I don't want that type of proof. All I need is to hear it from her lips, not from a laboratory."

Dad nodded and I leaned down and kissed Bella's daughter on the forehead.

"Edward, I know this is really rude of me, but any chance you could cover my shift?" Dr Mike Newton asked, tapping a pen against his teeth. "I just need say, two hours. My Mother's not well and..."

"Go," I said, glad of having something to fill in my time. "Anything I should know?" Apart from the fact my daughter is not mine.

"Nope. I'm just covering the ER and it's empty at present."

"Tell Rose on your way out to come get me if I'm needed. I just want to help Dad with a blood test."

He nodded and shook my hand.

"Congrats and all. And thanks, Edward, I wouldn't ask but her heart attack last month freaked her out and now she thinks she's having another one if she so much as burps."

"It's fine, Mike. Go check on your Mom and bring her in if you have any doubts."

He knew well enough that heart patients often became so paranoid they would sit with a finger on their own pulse for hours on end and panic if there was the slightest variation, even though this occasionally happens with every heart. What the average person didn't notice, they saw as a sign of impending doom, for a few months following a heart attack.

Dad came back and I did the procedure myself, and handed him the phial of blood.

"You do realise the results are almost as good as a paternity test? You and Bella are white, if this baby has Quileute blood and her cells are meant to look this way, then it means..."

"I am practically a fully qualified doctor," I growled.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I can't imagine for a moment how this happened."

"The usual way, one would assume," I replied, staring at the baby as I covered the tiny hole in her arm with a tiny Band Aid. "The only thing I have to cling to now is the hope she did inseminate herself and not let him deliver the goods the usual way."

"Edward, we have a patient," Rose called and I hurriedly threw on a white coat and headed for the ER.

X~x~X

"What does this mean?" Bella asked again, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Bella, the baby is fine. The variation is simply something that sometimes shows in Quileute patients. Not all, but some. It doesn't even indicate any health issue. She is perfect," my father replied.

"Not perfect enough for Edward," Bella replied, sitting down on the edge of her bed. "How could this happen? I have no Quileute ancestors. Edward..."

She looked pleadingly at Carlisle, as if pleading for him to come up with some plausible answer.

He shook his head at her and she bit her lip.

"Facts are facts," I replied. "Do you have anything to say to me?"

She shook her head silently, wiping the tears from her cheeks. It seemed she was forever crying now. I knew she must regret what happened, but if she was not willing to admit to me the truth then I didn't see any way out of this mess.

"I'll move my stuff out of the house as soon as Carlisle discharges me," she said , her voice flat and dead.

"I'll pack for you," I replied tightly. If this was the way she wanted it to end, then fine.

"Bella, you and the baby are welcome to move into the cottage. Esme hoped you and Edward would live there after the wedding, but then Edward announced the news that he'd built you that amazing cliff top house so we never mentioned it, but the deeds are actually in your name. Edward owns so much and for tax purposes, it was better to list you as the owner so, legally it's all yours anyway. And we'll be close by if you need us. Esme can't wait to help out with the baby."

"I don't want to cause any trouble between you and Edward," she replied listlessly.

"It won't. I don't pass the cottage to get to their house. I'll call ahead before I visit," I stated.

"You'll visit?" Bella replied and I felt something tear inside at the faint spark of hope in her eyes.

"Before I visit my parents," I corrected her.

She nodded and hung her head.

"I'm sure Mom will unpack everything and have the cottage ready when you are released," I stated, walking out of the room, out of the hospital, out of the life I had loved and wanted so much. I saw marriage as a forever thing, not something to be discarded at the first hurdle but clearly Bella thought our marriage was worth less than a simple confession for a mistake I'd already sworn to forgive.

Alice and Rose were ending their shifts and of course, they knew but they offered to help so I let them pack all Bella's personal things while I sorted through the items that hurt less. Her half of the cd's, dvd's, her books, her Winter coats and boots from the mud room.

The house looked bare and bereft as Rose rolled up the brightly coloured rugs she and Bella had bought at a market, and Alice took down Bella's paintings from the walls. Bella was very much a weekend artist and never thought her efforts were good enough to hang but I had insisted and had them framed myself.

Her paintings were full of brightly coloured wild flowers, and sunlight, and scenes of the forest and the beach and sea at La Push. She managed to merge the blues into one another so you couldn't see exactly where the horizon sat. Where the ocean ended and the sky began was indistinct and it made the pictures the more alluring for that.

By the sea's edge, the water was turquoise in the gentle sun's rays but out at it's furthest point, it was the same blue as the sky.

I stopped Alice as she reached for my favourite painting.

"That's mine. Bella painted it for me for my birthday," I stated. She couldn't be wiped away from this house completely. As if she had never existed.

As if she hadn't ever walked into this house when we returned from college, and hadn't run from room to room, amazed and thrilled and so excited, like a kid who just got a custom made dolls house and bike and a portable tv and games system from Santa when all she had expected was a book and a cheap plastic doll.

She'd loved the glass walls and the fantastic view It was like the world's best mural, overlooking the trees below, then the cliffs, the sand, and the vast expanse of ocean.

She'd loved us making love right here by this window that first day.

It took a couple of weeks to christen every room plus all the balconies and the swimming pool that seemed to cling to the side of one balcony and hang suspended above the drop of the mountain we were perched on.

She was actually nervous at first and feared the whole pool would detach and fall down the mountain if we swam in it, but Jasper explained the blueprints and showed her the metal supports from below that were imbedded deep into the rock face and explained the pool could support the weight of far more people than could ever be crammed into it, even if every swimmer had a second person perched on their shoulders.

We'd skinny dipped out in that pool of an evening, the water warm from either the fact it was on the sunny side of the house, and Forks did sometimes get warm weather, or from the hidden heating system that made up for the shortfall of warmth in the overcast days. They were the majority so the heater was well worth installing.

A glass roof overhung the pool so it was barely noticeable but it kept the cold rain from cooling the pool water.

I loved this house, it was unique. It was not in Bella's name at all, but only because Dad had added it to the Family Trust so it would never have to be sold, no matter what my personal financial state was. This meant, even if we divorced, and I truly did not want that to happen, it was not part of my assets that had to be shared with her.

I'd give her this house if she asked for it, but for now, it was mine and mine alone.

I stared at the beach and watched the foam slide across the sand as the wind tore across the sea. It was rough and restless and thrashing out in every direction. The sea had lost it's way.

Just like me.

I turned and started as Alice stood before me. I had forgotten she and Rose were here.

"The nursery? Do we dismantle the crib and pack everything or will you be having the baby here sometimes..."

She blushed and looked extremely awkward.

"I don't know. She has my old baby furniture at the cottage but if she wants this stuff as well, I'll send it over," I replied. "I can't imagine she will share this baby with me, in the circumstances."

No, I didn't imagine she would ever share that child with me. She had taken away all my hopes and dreams and not even let me cling to what little remained.

"She's Bella's baby, not mine," I said.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," Alice replied. We'd always been close but even she couldn't say any words I wanted to hear.

Rose cleared her throat and scowled at Alice and the two disappeared. I didn't want to be there and see them carry out all the other contents of that nursery; all the tiny clothes, and brightly coloured toys, and soft blankets, so I walked through the forest, down the long winding path that led to the cliffs and sat there until the cold of the night sent me home again, hours later.

I walked to the nursery and glanced inside. Now it was just a pale blue painted room with white trim and the bare bones of unadorned furniture. Everything else was gone, even the curtains with the smiling animals.

The closet doors hung open, empty and unwanted, like me.

It felt like a death.

The baby I'd dreamed about carrying into this room for the first time, showing her the clothes and toys and blankets we had bought together, chosen for their colourfulness and charm once we determined they were good quality and safe for her...

It had all been for nothing. It was like waking up and finding out it had all been a dream.

I went into our...my bedroom and ignored the empty walk in closet beside her side of the bed and went into my own and took down the box I'd hidden there.

Inside was the fluffy pink and white bunny I'd bought one day when I felt sure our baby was a girl despite Bella's convictions it was a boy. I took it from it's box and carried it into the nursery and sat it on the bare crib mattress.

"I guess this is your room now," I sighed and went out again, shutting the door behind me.

X~x~X

That night was the blackest night of my life. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even pretend to sleep, all I could think about was how Bella could betray me in the first place and then, to keep lying even now we had written proof that was not my baby.

I paced the floor, the wraparound balcony, the forest, the beach and finally somehow ended up at my parent's house.

I wanted to return to an earlier, simpler time and maybe if I slept in my old bedroom, maybe I would be able to pretend none of these past years happened. Maybe for one night I could go back to before we left for college. Before Bella beguiled me and took my heart.

My old bed was familiar but of course, Bella had been in it. The times we had come home for break, the quick visits before the cottage was done, she had been here and even this room would not let me forget.

I slid open the door to my balcony and leaned on the rail, looking out at the scene I had looked at for years.

"Hey," Mom said. I didn't turn to face her. I wasn't ashamed of the tears on my cheeks but I wasn't her little boy any more. This wasn't going to be fixed by a hug and a kiss and a cookie.

"Edward. Son," she said softly, walking up behind me and placing her hand on my back.

"I know you are confused. We are all totally confused too, believe me."

I turned and she grabbed me into her embrace and held me tight. I couldn't even raise my arms to hold her, all I could do was leave them hanging by my sides. Everything was too much effort.

"She isn't my baby, Mom. How could this have happened? I don't know why Bella did this. I wanted my baby so much. You know how I was. You were the one telling me to slow down and stop buying clothes and toys because we wouldn't have room for everything in the house. I dreamed of that baby and now I find out it never existed. The baby I held every night while it grew inside Bella...it wasn't mine."

"I know, Honey, I know. I can't pretend to know how you are feeling. I'm just begging you to not run away, Edward. Don't completely cut Bella and the baby from your life. You know your father and I wanted a houseful of children and you are my only natural born son, but Emmett and Alice feel like my children too and one day you may come to accept that little girl and want to raise her as yours."

"That is not the issue. If Bella had told me, Mom, I swear I would have handled it. If she'd warned me...just given me one single clue...then I would have had time to adjust and prepare and I know I would have still wanted to keep Bella and keep the baby. It's the way she still won't admit it happened...

I'm really trying to imagine how someone could have sex and not know. Tell me, Mom. Could she have gotten that drunk? Even if she did, wouldn't she know later? I'm a man and I always feel different after sex, don't women wake up and ache a little or something? Surely even if Jacob took advantage of her and she was...I don't know...unconscious, wouldn't she know afterwards?"

"To be honest, I think she would know. Especially as he could not have used a condom, it would seem. You are an adult, you know sex leaves behind signs of what happened. I can't explain it, Sweetheart but truly, whatever happened, I really believe Bella did not knowingly cheat on you. I think there must be an explanation, of course, but I can't imagine what it is. Take some time, Edward. You need to grieve for what you've lost as well. Your dream did not come true but maybe some day you can consider changing that dream."

"I don't have many choices, do I? I leave her properly, permanently and lose her forever. Or I just accept that she may have cheated, she may be lying, but if I want her I have to accept that as her baggage. I am just worried she is protecting him."

"Jacob?"

"She knows if she told me they had an affair or even just a one night stand or five minutes together that way, then I would want to kill him. I don't think she will ever admit what really happened. Even if he raped her."

"I don't think Jacob would do that. Really, Edward. He's basically a nice man and I know he has never managed to move on, but I cannot believe he would rape her. Not Jake."

"What's left, Mom? How else could it have happened?"

Mom stepped back and stroked my face.

"I have never cheated on your father and I don't believe he has ever cheated on me, but I could not swear on your life that he hasn't. All I know is, if he ever has, he must have known it was a mistake and come home to me, and not let it spoil our lives. Bella has not run off with Jake, so if anything ever did happen, it's you she wants to be with. There's nothing stopping her from leaving and going to him. And she hasn't."

I turned and held the bars of wrought iron on the rail so tightly I was surprised I didn't leave indentations.

"Not yet, she hasn't. That doesn't mean she won't, once she recovers. Once she sees him again."

"If it was his baby, he would have come home to be here with her by now. He knows she has given birth and where is he? Off partying with his college friends. That doesn't sound like a man who loves someone else's wife and has a baby with her."

"Maybe she has warned him to stay away."

"Edward, come on. If this was your baby, could anything keep you from it? Even if your father and I asked you not to go see it, you know you would have been there. When did Bella call him?"

"When she went into labour."

"So, even if he doesn't officially know the baby is here, he does know it must be by now. Wait and see how he reacts when he sees the baby. He'll have to feel something. I think he'll give himself away by looking proud and amazed to have been part of her creation. If he is her father."

"I know that feeling. I felt it when that baby was handed to me in the Delivery Room."

Mom reached inside the pocket of her robe and pulled out a packet of cigarettes and offered me one, which I took.

We stood there for another hour or so, occasionally talking, chain smoking, and by dawn I was a little bit together again and could function. Or fake that I could, anyway.


	22. Chapter 22

**As you may have figured, these chapters were written ages ago, before Kristengate. I've edited out a lot of angst because we don't need it. Cheers for reviews, my sweet readers.**

The Lie

Chapter 22

Bella's Heartbreak

How can the most amazing, special, long awaited event of your entire life go from the best of days to the worst of days?

I had never been as happy as I watched Edward hold our baby. Even with my abdomen open and Carlisle doing whatever doctors do after delivering a baby by c section, and even after all the hours of pain and still being robbed of a natural delivery, it was worth everything to see Edward fall in love right there in front of me. I knew somewhere, deep down, he had hoped for a girl and had just gone along with my conviction it was a boy. We hadn't wanted to know; both of us preferred there be the surprise at delivery.

Knowing ahead of time would have taken away some of the magic and anyway, it is true. Once your baby emerges, even if she is not the gender you imagined, suddenly it's like you had been expecting her all along.

Edward's eyes changed as he held her and looked down at her little face which proved to be quite pudgy, and nothing like what we had imagined. We had spent so many hours pouring over our own baby albums, wondering which features this baby might inherit from each of us.

Then, just when I was silently sending up a prayer of thanks that despite all the drama, everything had turned out perfectly, I noticed Edward's smile fade slightly and immediately started to panic inside. Was there something wrong with the baby? How could there be?

Watching Carlisle speaking to him privately in whispers as they scrutinized the baby was weird because I didn't feel worried.

"Is there a health issue?" I asked, but I was sure they'd be more panicked if there was.

"No, she is fine," Carlisle replied. I wondered rather than worried, until all was revealed the next day.

I _know _it's written here in black and white, and I know Carlisle asked for a repeat test to be sure the results were accurate, but still...I don't know how they can be.

Carlisle had come and stood at my side, taking my hand as I lay there alone.

"I know what you are hoping, but Edward Masen is Caucasian, Bella. I admit we made a massive mistake never telling Edward the truth of his paternity and now I'll have to add to his pain, but I need you to know I researched the Masen family tree back when Esme and I first knew we wanted to marry. His forefathers were entirely British. He was born in London, and only came to America as a young adult. I doubt he ever met a Quileute. There's nothing but British stock in that family, as far as the records go back. An infant can be as dark or light skinned as her grandparents, nothing more, and I know Edward Masen is the natural child of his parents. There's no answer in our Edward's family tree."

I know Edward desperately wants to believe me when I insist I have never, ever, ever slept with another man, and he should believe me, because it's true. No matter what the results say, there is NO way this baby has any Quileute blood in her, yet my own eyes, and everyone else's see differently.

She looks too tanned to be wholly 'paleface'. Her hair is too black in a way no Caucasians black hair ever is. Look at Emmett. Anyone would describe his hair as black, yet it doesn't start to compare with hers. His hair colour would be 'matt black' if it were a paint colour, and hers would be 'black gloss' and only other races have hair that completely dark.

It's too silky, with no coarseness at all.

It's too shiny, like the black hair in shampoo ads on TV only those images have been digitally altered.

I can't entirely blame my husband for doubting me, even though I have absolutely no explanation for how this happened. My one hope has been dashed. I'd hoped Edward Masen was an Indian of some type, but no.

I can't hide my head in the sand and pretend everything is fine and dandy because I'm losing Edward over something I never did, and would never do.

Alice is being as torn apart as I am over his ultimatum.

After he left, after the arguments and tears and confusion, she came to my bedside and took my hand.

"Bella, he already said he forgives you. Just admit you slipped. A lot of people slip and obviously you were never in some full blown, meaningful affair. You were almost always with Jacob when you weren't with Edward. So just admit you made an error in judgement and move on. Your pride won't pay the bills and help you raise this baby."

"You think I should lie, to keep Edward?" I replied in shock.

"I think I would. If it were me and Jazz, I would rather have to prove myself trustworthy again than to never be in his arms; never be kissed and held and loved by him. Okay, you don't remember what happened, maybe you blocked it out, but the thing is, this baby has been medically proven to be part Quileute. It's not a 'he said, she said' situation. The results are irrefutable. Throw yourself on his mercy and let him keep his pride intact. Don't forget, he has suffered a real loss here. He has waited so impatiently and longed for the day she would be born and now he has to completely adjust everything and he is doing that. He's willing to raise her anyway. He's willing to forgive you. Only a fool would let their marriage go to deny something that is obvious to the whole world anyway."

"Alice, I've never managed to suppress anything. Do you honestly think I would not know if I slept with Jacob? We never slept together when we were a couple. I think I'd remember cheating on Edward with him."

"But you two were so close and so happy for a long time. There's never been a single moment where you regretted not sleeping with him, back when you could have without being judged?"

"I've never thought about it, to be honest. When Edward and I got together and he was my first, I was glad I'd waited but that's all. I don't fantasize about Jake. God, Alice, if I wanted Jake I'd leave Edward. I don't believe in cheating or lying about cheating or even fulfilling your contractual obligations if you love someone else. Look at my family. I'd hardly been the first to walk out of a marriage. If I got divorced, Mom would say it was for the best or whatever. She'd never give me the guilt trip response."

"So, just between us, there has never been another lover for you?"

"Never Alice. I never wanted to sleep with anyone before Edward. It was different to when I was with Jake. With him, It was something we would do, in time, after the wedding, but I was never so...desperate to be with him that I just threw caution to the wind, like I did with your brother.

Edward has been my only lover, I swear that on my baby's life."

Alice immediately looked distressed.

"You don't lie, you never lie. You always tell me everything. You always have. I don't know what to say."

"I would tell you if there was something to tell. After I told Edward, though. We are married, I would always confide in him first about anything important. But, yes, Alice, I would tell you because I'd need your support if I ever did anything that bad and fucked up."

"Still, is it worth losing Edward over this? Couldn't you...lie?"

"Take the deal? Plea bargain? Plead guilty to manslaughter to escape being charged with murder, even though I never touched the gun? Even though I was not present when the crime was committed? Because, Alice, the only way Jake or any other Quileute ever had sex with me was if I was in a coma that I've forgotten about. And don't even point out we all used to drink a little too much because had that been the case, that baby would look like Jasper, if anyone."

"You fancied Jasper?"

"Keep it in perspective. Pretend all the feelings I ever had for Jasper were changed into water. He would be the dewdrop and Edward would be the entire mass of oceans that cover this planet."

"So what are you going to do?"

"All I can do is pray somehow things change and the baby looks more like Edward as she grows, I guess."

"Bella, that can't happen. She was fathered by a Quileute. She is never going to have green eyes and copper tinged hair. No matter what."

I slithered down under my covers and pulled the blankets over my head.

I never thought I would say this, but I wish I had never gotten pregnant. I wish Edward and I had been amongst the unlucky ones who never got a baby because being amongst the lucky ones who miraculously conceived against all odds has not worked out so well for me, now has it?

X~x~X

Despite everything, Esme kept coming back to visit and still referred to the baby as her grandbaby. She refused to be robbed of anything she had been looking forward to so much.

It was quite bizarre actually.

My Mom is the 'proven' grandmother and she is the one who threw a fit when she saw the baby. She came in with Phil and peered into the bassinet, folding the blankets back. Then she _screamed._

Like I'd given birth to a mountain lion instead of a baby.

Phil grabbed her as she fainted and lay her on my bed, so I got out of it and went to try and calm the baby, who was screaming herself now. I lifted her up and unwrapped the blankets and changed her diaper seeing Renee was out for the count, then when Mom woke up, she actually refused to hold her own granddaughter and fled from the room.

Phil just stood there, looking embarrassed, then he walked over and said he was sorry and the baby was great, and he would talk to Renee.

She'd dropped the baby gift she'd brought in on the floor and Alice picked it up and handed it to me and I tossed it to the end of the bed.

"So, your Mom..."

"I have no idea, Alice."

Edward came in every day and just sat beside me, while I lay with my back turned to him. He tried to convince me that we were stronger than this, and that everything would be okay if I just gave in and admitted that blasphemy, and I refused, so after that awkward conversation each morning, he would just do whatever husbands are expected to do.

Hung the cards up around the room. Opened gifts, put flowers in vases, topped up the water in older flowers.

He took my clothes home and washed them and brought them back clean and ironed.

He changed the baby and handed her to me to feed, and I wish to God there had been a way to make him smile again, like he had before this all turned to shit.

When the matron gave me the birth certificate to fill in, I had no idea what to write. I didn't feel comfortable about using any of the names we had short-listed now that Edward thought the baby wasn't his.

He sat there silently, one hand punishing his hair and the other pinching the bridge of his nose as I left blanks and in the end, I threw the form in the drawer and left it to be done when I was in a better frame of mind.

On the final day, he came in to drive me to the Cullen estate and carried my bag and my baby inside and settled us both down before making me a cup of tea and a sandwich, then leaving.

Esme immediately appeared, and she has been there for me every day. Edward visited briefly each day on his way to or from work, but we had so little to say to one another.

He checked I was recovering. He checked the baby over before bathing her, but he held her differently now. Like a patient. Not like a daughter.

He didn't smile at either of us.

He helped me shower, checked my wound, gave me medical advice even though Carlisle is my doctor and was here twice a day.

Then he would make me breakfast or lunch or dinner, depending on the time, and then he would leave again.

I couldn't sleep, despite the pills Carlisle gave me. I couldn't stop crying, for hours on end, and when I did, I was like a zombie. I sat in the chair by the window and stared out and didn't move, unless I had to use the bathroom.

Finally Carlisle prescribed me some stronger drugs and I fell into a state of warm fuzzy comfort. Like an awake coma. I knew what was happening but I was a spectator. He altered the dose until I snapped back and could function again but the baby had been weaned completely by then.

I'd always had to comp her because my milk supply was inadequate, but no wonder. Happy cows make milk.

Broken, depressed, shattered cows..not so much.

But it meant Esme would do most of the baby care so that was okay.

Then my breasts suddenly revolted against the weaning and became as hard as rocks. Mastitis is the name given to this new agony and it set me back further. My temperature spiked and I spent my time in a haze of pain and hallucinations.

The worst were when I fantasized that Edward and I had gotten our dream daughter and were blissfully happy. I know I talked a lot, without knowing what I was saying, and Edward was always there, wiping my forehead and face with cool, damp cloths, keeping me clean and changing my nightgown when it became damp from sweat.

He urged me to take my new pills and to sip water often, even when I was so out of it, the water ended up dripping down my chin when I forgot how to swallow.

Then he took my arm and inserted a drip and things got easier. Now I could sleep and dream and not be harassed into 'just one more sip, please Bella'.

They say a change is as good as a holiday and having an illness spared me from being able to clearly think about all that we had lost. Those few days were actually a respite from the other, worser pain.

Carlisle came in twice a day still and checked on me and Esme took care of the baby but Edward was the one who nursed me and took care of all my needs. I guess I would have been embarrassed had I not been so out of my head.

Then in the middle of the night about a week later, the fever broke and I started to improve. That was both good and bad. Once I was clearly recovering, Edward was here less and less.

I had to adapt to sleeping alone, something I had not done since High School. Even before Edward and I were lovers, Jake had slept chastely in my bed with me.

Then Edward had lain with me, spooning my body with his; a perfect fit

Now I was well again, nights were the worst. During the day I had Esme, and sometimes Rose and Alice. Emmett came to visit and always brought fresh flowers with him. Rose was my staunchest friend. She accepted that no matter what the evidence said, I had not cheated. She believed in me in the way my husband should have, and Emmett went along with her conviction. Jasper visited and sat in the rocking chair in my bedroom and played soft tunes on his guitar when I couldn't sleep. He was desperate to find the key to the heartache he had predicted would occur but he couldn't see the answer.

When I did sleep, my hand or foot would reach over to Edward's side of this bed, and seek the touch of his body. Of course, that meant I woke up when I didn't find him there and that meant an hour of weeping followed by another hour of trying to figure out how this all happened.

Was I insane? Had I had some kind of breakdown? Forgotten some night completely? Had I slept with Jacob and been so traumatized at the incestuous feelings that I blocked it from my mind?

Those thoughts tortured me until one day, when the baby was about three weeks old and Jake himself came to visit. He'd been away when she was born and in no hurry to return, being a single guy who didn't put babies at the top of his list of priorities. He had probably stayed away until things were less messy.

I knew Mom and Phil had run off to some island far away to get over the shock of my daughter, and Jacob clearly had not spoken to anyone else here at all.

He strolled in, grinning, kissed my forehead and sat down in the chair beside the bed. I guess he assumed we were living back here to be close to Carlisle and Esme's help.

"Guess what?" he said, as he unfurled his six foot five frame into the rocker. Jake's whole world was now all about Jake. Before he even thought of congratulating me, he had to tell me his own news. I would have liked him to think I'd done good and not jump to conclusions like most of the others had. He knew the truth.

"Tell me," I replied, glad to sweep my own troubles away for a moment. Any remotely happy news was so welcome.

"I met a girl."

"Oh God, Jacob's in love!" I replied, happily. It was time he gave up on me and moved the heck on, and now he had. Thank You God for one small mercy.

"Her name's Vanessa, but I call her Nessie," he stated, and I wanted to laugh for the first time.

"She's absolutely gorgeous and best of all, she's crazy about me."

He pulled out his wallet and handed me a strip of those photos you get when you stick five bucks in the slot at a booth.

She looked lovely. Slim, smiley, and she clutched onto his arm like she wanted the world to know he was taken and by her.

Just then, Esme entered the bedroom with the baby and handed her to me.

"I just need you to hold her while I make up some more formula. She's going to wake up shortly."

"Fine, thanks, Esme," I replied, cuddling the baby in closer.

"So, give me a look. Is she all ghostly and palefaced..."

He paused in shock as I showed her to him.

"Is this a joke? Is that Sam and Emily's kid? Am I being punk'd?"

I couldn't help crying out in distress.

"Bella, tell me this isn't your kid. How could she be? How could your kid with Cullen look like..."

"Like you, Jake? Good question," I sobbed into her blanket.

"But I never...we haven't...what the fuck is going on? Is she Sam's kid? Does he know? Does Emily know? What happened? I never even thought you liked him much."

"Just go," I cried.

Carlisle arrived right then and scooped the baby from my arms and I huddled back under the blankets and hid. Even though I was better now, medically speaking, I wanted to stay here, cocooned in bed, afraid to face the world. I was sure word had gotten around and instead of smiling faces greeting me when I ventured out, I was now expecting insincere comments and no doubt I was the subject of most of the gossip in Forks.

But one good thing came out of it. I now knew for sure Jake was not the one who had done whatever had happened to make this baby. Even if it had happened while I was in that mythical coma.

Jake must have left and I shut my eyes tightly and tried to ignore the quiet conversation going on in the kitchen. I heard the words 'post natal depression' bandied about and wished it was that simple. Anyone who has had a baby can get that, for no reason, whereas I had every reason in the world to be depressed.

I was apparently allowed two days to sulk then Carlisle ordered me up and out. I showered and wondered why Edward was avoiding us. Oh, of course. Why would he visit now? I was 'better' and he no longer felt it his duty to visit and care for me.

That was the worst feeling, knowing he didn't want to be here any more.

Esme bathed the baby and dressed her warmly in pink, and bundled her into a blanket, handing her to me.

I stepped back. For the first time, I didn't want to hold her. She'd caused this. She had cost me my marriage and my Edward. How was I supposed to love her without him here beside me?

"Bella?" Esme said worriedly.

"I just need some time alone. Could she sleep at your house tonight?"

That's how it began. My daughter practically became their foster child as I invented excuses not to touch her any more than strictly necessary and I started enjoying her absence at night. After a week, Carlisle sat me down and told me this was not right and not helping anything, and from now on, she could only sleep in his house every second night.

That was better than I expected. I'd thought he was going to refuse to have her there at all.

"And you have to name her and fill in the papers. Your extension because you were ill has expired."

"Fine," I huffed.

That night as an Esme night, so I sat up for hours, visiting baby name sites online.

None of the names appealed as I read list after list so I Googled name meanings. There they were, the two perfect names. Now, which order should I put them?

Willow Mallory?

Mallory Willow.

I filled in the forms...Mallory Willow Swan.

Esme seemed to like the names okay and Carlisle was just glad that Mallory had a name at last. Within a couple of days we all got used to calling her Mallory and not 'the baby' so that was a step forward.

Alice froze when I told her and she frowned and said I must not know what those names meant and I informed her the meanings were the reason I chose them in the first place and she wept.

"How could you do that? Doesn't that poor baby deserve one parent who loves her?" she had cried, walking out the door even though she had only been here for a few minutes.

I went to bed, it was an Esme night after all.

My dreams were all scary and horrid. I woke up and faced my demons. Nobody had died, like in my nightmares.

I knew my dreaming that Mallory had died was just my brain's way of grieving the loss of the daughter and future I'd expected.

I owed her, my actual daughter, some kind of a life, even if it wasn't the life I'd imagined. I ended up walking up to the Cullen house despite the lateness of the hour and sneaking inside. Mallory had a nursery set up in a guestroom so I went to get her and take her home and apologize for naming her those names when none of this was her fault.

The crib was bare.

I slipped quietly along the hallway and peeped into their bedroom but both Carlisle and Esme were asleep. No baby.

Before I had time to panic, I heard the sound of a velvety voice coming from Edward's old bedroom and snuck up the staircase to the landing outside his room. Peering inside, I was taken aback to see him lying upside down on his bed, his head where his feet usually would go, with Mallory snuffling into his shirt as she lay on his chest. He rubbed her back and sang quietly as he lay there looking out the window that made up the entire back wall of his room.

I left and went back to the cottage, even more confused now.

He was still seeing her and spending time with her, but then, in his mind, I was the one completely at fault here.

EPOV

Days were bad but at least I was working again. For the first time since I started working here, I wished for more patients. It seemed everyone was getting better and being discharged and nobody was taking their place. Mike and I sat in the Break Room and downed coffee and I even caught a nap most days in the On Call Room.

Nights were quite simply, horrendous.

My bed was empty on the side where my wife should sleep and a stuffed toy sat in the crib in the nursery where my baby should be.

I walked along my balcony and lit up a cigarette. She had never liked me smoking so we had agreed once she married me, I would quit cold turkey and I did. I'd missed my nicotine friends but nothing like I now missed Bella.

Caring for her when she had mastitis had given me a chance to distance myself mentally from her, especially as she had talked nonsense the whole time, and not held a single sensible conversation with me. I was able to pretend she was a patient, and the baby was too, but that was a step too far. It was just was too hard.

I stayed away but one night, I feared I was starting to think about things no healthy male my age should be thinking.

Dark thoughts were crowding into my brain and I knew I never wanted to live without her, but she wasn't dead...she was just a few miles down the road.

I couldn't visit her so instead I went to my parents house and snuck upstairs, not wanting to wake them but just needing to be near them. A soft snuffling noise arrested me in my tracks as I reached the staircase to my room up on the third floor, and on investigating, to my surprise, the baby was inside a crib in the second level guest room.

She was awake and I checked she was dry and warm and she didn't seem hungry so I took her upstairs with me and lay her on my bed while I changed into sleep pants and a T shirt, then I lifted her onto my chest and she soon settled down and slept. It was amazing. Her little heart fluttered against mine, and her sweet milky breath tickled my neck and I felt like I had regained a little of what I had lost.

In the dark, I could pretend this was my child. Her black hair and her honey coloured skin were in shadow, and she was the baby I had longed for. Before dawn, I took her back down to the crib and left the house.

All day at work I thought about her and Bella too, naturally, but Bella was out of bounds and the baby wasn't. Not if nobody knew.

So, that night I was back. I went straight to her room and the crib as disappointingly empty.

I almost jumped out of my skin when Dad switched the light on and smirked at me.

"Your Mother got up to check on the baby last night and tracked her down in your room, on your chest."

I shrugged.

"She's with her mother tonight. We have her every second night but feel free to stay and sleep here if you want."

"No, it's fine. I'll go check on some patients then go home and sleep," I replied. "But, Dad, I will be back tomorrow night."

"What was that, Edward? I didn't hear a thing. I know nothing."

I did go to the hospital and then home, but I was definitely taking advantage of this arrangement now I knew about it. I felt so much more cheery, knowing I would not be spending every single night alone any more.

What Bella would say when she found out remained to be seen but I wasn't hurting anyone by doing this and I was getting to know this precious little angel who had been taken from me.

X~x~X~x~X

"Edward, before you leave, would you mind going down to the cottage and telling Bella the Girl's Night In is on. Alice and Rose will be here by eight pm and Carlisle will be down to babysit the baby at ten to," my Mom asked. I'd only come for dinner, not to be at her beck and call, especially if it involved having to see Bella.

"I'd really rather not," I replied. It amazed me how my entire family still embraced Bella and her child, despite the fact they must know it was killing me. I had seen my Mom out shopping with Bella, pushing the stroller even, in Port Angeles several times over the past few weeks. They'd been chatting away like two bff's, looking at clothing and pointing out shoes to one another when they came to the shoe store window.

I was paying child support for the baby, wasn't that enough? Apart from the fact I wanted to support her, she was born within our marriage and legally my responsibility and strangely, Bella had accepted the money as if it was her due. It was so out of character for her.

When I'd called to make the offer, I'd fully expected her to tell me to stick the money where the sun don't shine, but instead, she'd agreed.

"She's your daughter, it's only fair you should support her, " were her exact words. It seemed we were still playing 'let's pretend the baby is Edward's and he is being a complete douche for denying it' game.

I'd almost walked up to them the last time, so I could give my Mom the 'how could you do this to me?' guilt trip look, but when I stopped walking and waited for them to get to where I was, they had both sailed past without even seeing me waiting for them.

They were too busy chatting and laughing and I overheard Mom say she was determined to buy some dress they had seen, for the baby, no matter how much Bella objected to it's price.

"It is going to look darling on my darling granddaughter," Mom had said, and I'd turned on my heels and walked away.

Her granddaughter?

She was playing the game as well?

For the first time in my life, I hated my mother. It didn't last, of course, but in that one second I had wanted to slap her and scream at Bella for involving my parents in her lie.

One day I hoped to somehow have a child of my own and how the fuck was that going to work?

_Hey, Edward's Actual Child, this is the child we all pretend is your father's kid. Now play nice._

"Why don't you just call her?" I asked, handing Mom her cell.

"Edward, you and Bella have been married for years. Go down there and say 'hello' and pass on my message. Please."

I grumbled but walked out, pausing outside to consider whether to just go to my car and head to my big, empty house that I rattled around in all alone, or just do what Mom asked and go see Bella. I wasn't scared of her, exactly, but I knew everyone but my Dad thought I was treating Bella badly, and I had no idea why or what I should do about it.

I couldn't imagine Carlisle calmly accepting a baby just because his wife gave birth to it, if it could not possibly be his. I had at least offered to raise this one if Bella would just come clean and tell me whose child it was. I thought I'd been more than fair. Many husbands would have walked out of the hospital and filed for divorce.

My breath hitched at that thought. No matter what, I still didn't want a divorce but someday it would have to happen. There was no moving on for either of us if we didn't finalize this marriage and we were living separately with no hope of reconciliation as far as I could see.

I wondered if Jacob Black snuck through the forest and visited his kid?

With that thought in mind, I eased up to the window of the sitting room in the cottage and looked inside.

Bella was sitting in an old wooden rocking chair, holding a photo in her hands, with tears pouring down her face. I hated seeing her like his, so sad and distressed. She wiped her eyes and replaced the frame onto the side table and I saw it was a photo taken of the three of us in the hospital: me holding Bella's baby when she was just minutes old, before I knew. Bella was smiling up at my face, looking like I was her God.

I didn't begin to understand how she could have looked at me like that. How could she be so happy? How could she seem to adore me, after what she had done? One would have expected her to be petrified I was going to notice the baby's appearance at any moment. Yet she looked exactly like I had dreamed she would look once our baby was born. Like we were cemented forever together with no escape clause because we had created a baby who deserved her parents to always stay together and be there for her.

Esme had the same photo framed in her and Carlisle's bedroom and I'd sat on the side of their bed and gazed at it and wished with all my heart that the baby had looked like Bella, so I'd never found out.

I truly wished I could be the father even if not biologically, but I knew she would never back down. I had to join the 'insane game' if I wanted to ever be part of their lives, and pretend I believed she was mine.

Bella walked to the mantelpiece over the fireplace and picked up a bottle of pills and shook a few out, then tossed them into her mouth and swallowed them.

Shit, no.

I hurried to the door and knocked loudly, calling her name in panic.

She answered in a second, and I realized my bashing had woken the baby.

"Edward, what? Wait, I have to..."

She had turned to walk towards the room the crying was coming from then she paused and wrinkled her brow and turned back to me.

"I know you don't want to see our daughter so just say whatever you came here to say and go."

"Those pills you just took..."

"What?"

"Bella, I saw you take a bunch of pills. You haven't.."

"Oh," she laughed. "I haven't taken the easy way out, no, Edward. I have responsibilities. I can't kill myself because then the baby wouldn't have anyone. She only has one parent who cares about her."

"Go see to her, I can wait," I stated as the crying increased, louder.

I stepped inside and shut the door as she walked out of the room and slipped over to see what she had taken.

Benzodiazepine. A common anti anxiety/ antidepressant.

I hated knowing she was feeling that bad about everything.

I replaced the bottle and turned, to see Bella standing there, holding the infant in pink blanket, over her shoulder, so I couldn't see any of her.

"I need a bottle of formula from the fridge. If you get it out and warm it in the bottle warmer you won't have to look at her."

"You didn't try to re-establish breastfeeding after the mastitis?" I asked. After a natural delivery, breastfeeding was the one thing Bella definitely wanted to do.

"The drugs," she said, waving her hand at the bottle. "Carlisle had to prescribe them pretty soon after I got better. They aren't recommended while breastfeeding so I didn't try to get my milk back. He figured better she was bottle fed than if I jumped off a cliff with her.."

I remembered Jasper making a prediction once about Jake's baby sending Bella to the clifftop.

"Relax," she said, clearly remembering that herself. "This is your child, not Jake's. I have no reason to kill her."

I did as she asked with the bottle of formula and stood there leaning with my back to the bench, awkward as fuck. She was looking at me and I was staring back and neither of us spoke a word. We were both fucked up. A complete mess. Useless apart. Like half a pair of scissors, all we could do was stab one another and cut ourselves; we needed to be together to be any kind of useful.

The baby squirmed and Bella gasped and grabbed her tighter and I instinctively stepped towards them and grabbed at the bundle so she wouldn't fall.

"She's so active now," Bella said, stepping back. I dropped my hand and turned to get the bottle as the timer dinged, and tested the temperature of the milk on my wrist.

Bella accepted the bottle from me and started feeding the baby, still keeping her carefully covered from my eyes.

"Mom said the girl's night is on and the others will be there by eight and Dad will be here at ten to, to babysit."

"Thanks," she said, juggling the baby and bottle as she stood there.

"May I see her?" I asked. I'd only seen her in the dark in my midnight visits to my parents home.

"You want to see her? You have avoided us for three months and now you want to see her?"

"Bella..."

"Fine. But she hasn't changed. She hasn't magically turned into the red headed, green eyed pale skinned baby you wanted," she cried, holding the infant out, and letting the blanket fall.

It was true, she hadn't changed into what Bella described but she had changed.

"May I?" I asked quietly.

Bella handed her to me and kept the bottle herself and I held the baby under her armpits and looked her over. She was, quite simply, stunning. Her face had thinned and changed and now was quite definitely heart shaped like her mother's. Her skin was paler than at delivery.

Her hair was still black, but not blue/black, and her eyes were Bella's eyes, which felt like a punch in my gut. If she had looked like this at birth, I would have accepted the lie that she was mine.

The baby looked intently at me and I couldn't help grinning at her intense little face. She was studying me as openly as I was her. Of course, she knew me by smell and touch, but she seemed amused at my appearance.

She gave me a wide toothless grin and chuckled.

"Hey, baby girl. You've grown and become so beautiful," I told her.

She frowned at my voice and reached out a hand for my face so I moved her in closer and held her in my arms. She stroked and slapped at my two day growth, and pulled her hand back as if stung at the prickles. I kept myself clean shaven for my nighttime visits, and hadn't shaved yet today. Her fingers were long and slender and I couldn't help thinking they looked like my own. Her skin was still more tanned than ours, and her liver must be working property long before today.

There was enough of Bella in her to be obviously her child, yet there seemed to be hints of me as well. She kicked me in the stomach and Bella reached and stilled her feet with her own hands.

"Hey, don't kick your...Edward," she finished, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

I moved to the couch and sat down and the baby bounced on my knee and slapped my nose and patted my face.

I looked at her feet and my stomach clenched at the sight of her toes. I'd been born with 'weird toes' as Alice called them. My second toe was longer than my first, and so was this baby's.

I knew every inch of Bella, and knew her feet were small and dainty and her toes were all shorter than her big toes.

It was weird, almost as if this child had three parents; Bella, me and the one who gave her the coffee skin and black hair.

"What's your name, little girl?" I asked. Nobody had ever told me what Bella had named her. I had avoided looking at her medical records because if I looked once, I was sure I'd be in there, checking them all the time to see when Bella had brought her in for check-ups and immunizations.

"Mallory" Bella replied. "Mallory Willow Swan."

Those names had never been on our li...

I felt my breath catch in my throat. Swan.

Just further proof she wasn't mine.

"That's different. But nice, " I managed to reply.

Bella took the baby from me and walked to the back door, holding it open.

"Goodbye, Edward."

"Goodbye, Bella. Have fun tonight. Goodbye Mallory."

As I walked back towards the big house, who should be walking up the garden path but Jacob Black himself. What a surprise.

"Edward," he said, darkly acknowledging me.

"Come to see your daughter?" I replied.

He had already walked past me but he stopped and turned.

"What? Are you insane? I tell you, Edward, I'm glad you have left her. I never thought I would ever be happy that Bella got deserted by her husband, but she is so much better off without you.

You know what? I wish that baby was mine. I do. It's IMPOSSIBLE for that to be the case seeing the only time I got to touch your wife since you stole her from me was on your wedding day. I kissed her and she slapped my face and threw me out of the room, but believe me, if she ever wants me to be that little girl's father, I would step up in an instant. I would be the proudest father in the universe. I would do anything for Bella and if she would just fucking open her eyes and realize what a waste of space you are and move on, I guarantee I will be here, praying to God she chooses me. Of course, that's what makes me the better man. I would love and accept Mallory, even though she is your child and believe me, I hate you. I hate you with every cell of my body. I would love nothing more than to find you hanging off the ledge of your fancy balcony because you know what I'd do? I'd stomp on your fingers and make you fall. And I'd laugh as I watched you plunge to your death."

"And that makes you the better man how?"

"Because I would accept your child and not hold her parentage against her. I wouldn't care who fathered her, although I admit, anyone else would be my choice. Anyone but you. That will be Mallory's handicap in life, having you for her father, but at least she won't even know that. At least Bella never intends telling her. She's better off being the child of some non existent man who drugged and raped her mother than your child."

Suddenly the one obvious explanation was in my head, and I stepped forward and grabbed him by the jacket. I balled the fabric in my fist and shook him.

"Is that what you did? Funny you should come up with that scenario. Drugging and raping Bella. Is that why she doesn't know you are the father? She doesn't remember, does she? That must eat at you like acid. You got to be inside her and she has no fucking idea."

Jacob paled and I dropped him to the ground.

"I wish to God she would have you charged, you bastard," I told him. "I have the written proof a Quileute fathered that little baby. How many of your kind does she ever hang out with, Jake? Seems to me that you are the only one.

Anyway, watch your back. I'm meeting up with my brother and Jasper tonight. I'm just wondering how they will react when I tell them what you did. You destroyed her life, and mine. I know you are happy to have killed me, but you never thought about how you would kill her as well, did you? Does she look happy? Do you think she's glad I'm gone? Do you really think she will ever be happy again, Jacob? Because I won't be, but that doesn't matter. You have hurt my Bella beyond all reason. She will never be the girl she once was, ever again. And that's down to you. I'm sure the boys will come up with a suitable payback."

"I didn't hurt her, Edward, I swear. I would never do anything like that. I know she's destroyed and I know she will never trust any man ever again but I didn't do that, Edward."

"Then maybe you need to ask all your friends who did."

"She knows it was you who destroyed her life. Couldn't you have just been happy it was Bella's baby? Did it really matter that much who the father is? She believes it's you. Why don't you wake up and let that poor woman go home to you and just fucking pretend Mallory is yours, if she really isn't. I would. In a heartbeat."

I would too. In a heartbeat.

Fuck my life. We have to work something out before we destroy the child as well.

X~x~X

Emmett and Jazz were waiting inside when I got home.

"So it's Ladies Night for us as well," Emmett smirked. "Shall we do some scrapbooking? Talk about hunky celebrities? Eat Ben and Jerry's while we swoon over Captain Jack Sparrow?"

"I tell you who'd I'd swoon over if I was a chick," Jasper said, sitting at my iMac. He leaned to the side and waved a hand at the screen.

"Chris Hemsworth. Is he hot or what? Thor is my hero. I loved that movie and we should go see The Avengers tonight. It's supposed to be awesome."

"Isn't he the guy in the Snow White action movie?" Emmett asked. "I bet all the girls are hoping he takes his armour off and walks around in the buff."

"Remember when Wolverine jumped into the waterfall thingey in that movie? Did you know he really was naked and the director gave Hugh Jackman all the frames of film that showed his penis? How much would the girls bid if those frames came up on eBay?" Jazz laughed.

"I imagine they'd pool all their money to make sure they'd win. And probably all our money as well. I can just hear Rosie. 'Oh honey, I had to make this massive donation to charity so our bank account is kind of empty. Sorry about that, it's just, you know how all those poor little greyhounds get dumped when they can't race any more. I had to save them.' Then she'd hide in her room and pour over the film bits."

"Have them printed on a Tshirt," Jasper laughed. "Anyway, Edward, where were you? Why are you late?"

"I went to see Bella."

"Oh. Fair enough. Good for you."

"Do you know the baby's name is Mallory Willow Swan?" I asked them.

"We know it's Mallory. Alice cries about it all the time. She begged Bella not to name her that."

"Why? What's wrong with Mallory?" I asked.

Jasper turned and opened Google.

_What do the names Mallory and Willow mean?_

_Answer: Mallory means unfortunate, unhappy, unlucky... Sad ending. Willow means sorrow or sorrowful. As in weeping willow._

"I have to go," I said, walking towards the door. This was just so wrong, on every level.

X~x~X

Carlisle was alone in the cottage, other than for Mallory, when I returned. I tapped on the window and he looked up from the face of the baby who was in his arms, and saw me.

"Edward," he said as he opened the door. Mallory looked at me intently then laughed and reached for my jaw, patting at my stubble. She seemed pleased to see me.

I took her from Dad's arms and he looked like he was not the least bit surprised I was here or that the baby was happy in my arms.

"I was here earlier. I want to hang around and talk to Bella when she gets back. I can look after the baby if you want to be somewhere else."

Dad smiled at the baby and let her grasp his finger..

"Slipping into our house at night like a ghost is one thing but Bella's entrusted her daughter into my care so I think I should stay. But you can stay and help, I'm sure Bella wouldn't mind."

"Don't you trust me?" I asked, mouthing the fingers the baby was putting between my teeth.

"Of course I do. I just think as Bella asked me to mind Mallory and I accepted, I should honour that. I know you would never hurt this little princess."

"Dad, tell me this. How come you and Mom just ignored the fact Bella apparently cheated on me, and stayed around to support her?"

"Who else does she have, Edward? Renee took one look at the baby, screamed and passed out. Charlie tells me she never wants to see Bella or Mallory again, and now it appears she has gone for good.

You promised to be there for Bella, in sickness and in health, for better or worse. This is the worse and you are not here."

"I am now. If she will have me back."

"So, what's changed? Have you found a Quileute warrior in Bella's Family Tree?"

"I've come to the conclusion it is not important, wherever she came from. I offered to raise her from the start. I put a condition on that though, and as I have always loved Bella unconditionally, so I thought, then I need to take that condition back and take my wife and daughter home. This separation is killing us both and this baby will soon notice she doesn't have a Dad, not in the daytime anyway. I can be that for her. I don't want a divorce and that's the only other option. A clean break. Breaks can have rough and jagged splinters and you know Bella and I are meant to be together. Maybe some day Bella and I will have a baby together but if we don't, well, we have Mallory."

"Um, I can't disclose anything to you about a patient but as you will no doubt check Bella's records yourself, you should know she is booked in for a tubal ligation. She never wants to have another child."

"Oh," I replied, shocked. Though why would she? Someone who names their first baby 'endless sorrow' or whatever, is hardly going to ever want to repeat that experience."When?"

"I'm refusing to do it until she is off...fuck."

"Dad, I know she's on tranquilizers. I saw her taking them and read the bottle."

"Then you know we can't do the operation until she is off them and in a better frame of mind. Any decision she makes now is likely to be flawed and based on emotion rather than real issues. I hope she will give herself some time and even out before she insists on having it done. I'm never happy doing that procedure until the baby is around a year old so it isn't the sleepless nights and such clouding the Mom's judgement."

"She might change her mind, you never know," I said hopefully. " If I can convince her to move back in with me, and if we get back on track and if she sees how much I love her daughter, she may consider giving me a child one day."

"Someone's stinky," Dad said, wrinkling up his nose.

"I'll change her," I volunteered. When we went back out to him, I handed Mallory over and went back to clean up. Then I sat down on the floor beside them both.

"Edward, I need to talk to you about something. It's unforgivable that we didn't tell you from the start."

Oh great. I could hardly wait for something new to destroy what was left of my world.

"I'm really glad you are starting to realize that being the Dad is more important than being the biological father."

"Okay," I murmured.

"When I met your Mother, you know she was already engaged to her ex- boyfriend. His name was Edward Masen."

"I do know that. And he is my Godfather although he has never bothered visiting."

"Edward, he is more than that. When Esme and I met, it was love at first sight. I mean, literally. It happened in an instant. It felt like I'd been struck by a lightning bolt and to my relief, she was affected just the same."

"Yay for romance," I replied, wondering why he was explaining this to me yet again. I'd heard it all before.

"Edward, Esme didn't know, but she was pregnant. To Edward Masen."

I looked up in shock.

"She didn't even suspect it until she starting feeling ill a few weeks later and we were taking things slow, with her just having broken up from the man she had intended marrying..I didn't want to be just the rebound guy."

I knew that feeling well but my brain was trying to shut down and ignore what my ...what Carlisle was telling me.

"I hadn't slept with Esme yet she was pregnant. You are Edward Masen's biological child."

"Dad, if you are going to tell me Edward Masen is an Indian of any kind, I'm never going to forgive you for not telling us when Mallory was delivered."

He shook his head.

"I'm sorry to say he isn't. He's as white as you and me. Of course I would have come clean if he'd been the reason this little girl has Quileute genes. I'm not a monster, Edward. Your Mother and I were so in love and Edward Masen left the country and went back to London after their engagement was dissolved, so there didn't seem to be any need to ever tell you."

"But he knows?"

"We couldn't decide what to do for the best. Just pretend you were mine seemed easiest all round but Esme had an attack of conscious and wrote him a letter when you were a year old.

He wrote back that he was married and expecting a baby with his new wife and as he had never known about Esme's pregnancy, he was happy with us raising you as our own.. He settled that trust fund on you, and signed over the land he had once intended building his own house on, and since then, Esme has sent him a photo of you each year in a Christmas card.

So, it is entirely possible to love another man's child as much as you would love your own. I can swear to that. You have always been my son, Edward. As time passed, we more or less just pushed the facts to the back of our minds and went on as we had been, as a real family."

"You are completely sure there is no chance he has any Quileute blood?" I checked, because although hearing he was my real father didn't seem important, if his forefathers could explain the mystery of Mallory's genes, I swear I'd love the man forever.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I called him and asked him to have his blood tested and submitted for DNA profiling. I mean, one never knows. If say, his grandparent had a secret fling, or even a long term lover, it's possible nobody ever found out but I got his results and he's British back as far as records were kept. I was pretty sure already that that was the case and by the time Mallory was two days old, there was no doubt. He has no Indian blood. Neither does Esme. She insisted on being profiled as well."

"I don't see the point telling anyone about this then. I'll never meet the man."

"Whatever you prefer," Carlisle replied.

That was disappointing. I took the baby from my father and rocked her in my arms.

"I don't think she is Jake's, after all. He would jump at the chance to boast to me that he slept with Bella if it had ever happened. Or even if they did just inseminate her with his sperm. He'd love to rub my nose in that fact, if he were fertile and I wasn't. I believe him. She's not his."

"Then I don't understand at all. When Bella was pregnant, Esme and I were with her at Port Angeles once and she ran into Quil Ateara and Leah Clearwater. They both were quite rude almost, to Bella because she never went to visit any of them any more and hadn't for years. They more or less said she clearly thought she was too good for them since coming back from NYU. Obviously she hadn't been meeting anyone on the Res. And Jacob was always with her. If she was having an affair, he'd have known and from what you've said, I'm sure he would have been just as happy to tell you about it if it had happened. Just out of spite. Where did this child come from, Edward? There's just no explanation."

"Jake said something...he said Mallory is better off being the child of some non existent man who drugged and raped her mother than being my child. Is it possible Bella was slipped something and raped? Maybe Rohypnol? It's odourless and colourless and dissolves in carbonated beverages. God, Dad, if I've destroyed our family because my wife was raped and has no memory of it, what kind of man does that make me?"

"Edward, you couldn't know. It does seem like possibly the only explanation. I mean, it's good Bella doesn't remember, but if we had known... Was she ever out anywhere alone around the time she conceived?"

I snapped my fingers.

"The night before we left for Florida. Jake's birthday. They were going out to dinner and I was doing an extra shift so I could take the entire week off. She went early in the day to shop for a new bikini, then he was going to join her after he closed his shop. She and Jake were meeting up for a drink in the bar in Post Angeles first before going to the restaurant and he didn't turn up. Remember? His car broke down and she said she'd already had a few drinks alone waiting for him so then she had to stay overnight because she was over the limit. I went and got her after my shift ended at two in the morning.

Dad, she was naked in bed in a hotel room, out cold when I got there. Do you think someone ... Oh God, Carlisle. If this is what happened, then she never lied at all. She genuinely has no memory of that night. She said that at the time and I told her she shouldn't have been drinking alone in a bar full of strangers. I was working a shift and all the time someone was hurting my wife. What have I done?"

"More importantly, what are you going to do now?" he asked.

"I have to convince her to give me another chance. I want her and the baby to come home where they belong."

**Ok now I have to actually find time to write again. Reviews encourage me, if they are nice reviews. You will love my Edward by the end, promise. (BTW to everyone who begged me not to let him cheat while they were apart, I never considered doing that. We all know 'Edward' would never cheat.)**


	23. Chapter 23

**OK..DNA tests are NOT paternity tests. It's a different process. I had one in my 20's to see if I had any Mediterranean ancestors as I have a blood condition and because my DNA showed all British and Irish forefathers, the condition is simple to treat with iron supplements and if I had Mediterranean in me, I'd be long dead. I told the Doc before the test that I had a copy of our Family Tree and he said "Family Trees do not typically show if your granny was sleeping with her Spanish gardener when she was young." One assumes mine wasn't.**

**They do not test for paternity. Why didn't Edward do a paternity test? Because Bella asked him not to. He is trying to do the right thing (and had he done one...no story).**

**His assumption she was raped is his way of being able to believe her plus accept the baby, no more. He's clutching at straws because he's desperate. **

**Also, recap..Renee was sleeping with Billy AND Charlie at the same time, when she conceived. Around Prom. It's in the Prologue.**

**Also, can I just say, some of you are being kind of harsh on Edward...WE know the truth, he doesn't. Try this scenario...your husband/partner is Quileute. You are white. His secretary and him are best buddies and spend a lot of time together without you. She is white, and has a part Quileute**

**baby. Oh, she used to be his fiancee before you married him, too. And you know she is in love with him. ****Are you saying it would not cross your mind that he fathered her kid?**

The Lie

Chapter 23

EPOV

Morning broke and it took me a few seconds to wake up properly and orient myself. I was in our bed at the cottage and Mallory was asleep on my chest but she stirred as I placed my hand on her back so she wouldn't be disturbed or fall off me as I stretched.

She lifted her head and her deep brown eyes stared into mine.

"Good morning Princess. Could I buy you a drink?"

"You feed her," a voice muttered and I realized that Bella was curled up beside me. BELLA was curled up beside me! I hid my shock and delight and took a deep breath.

"Did you have a good time last night?" I asked and she opened her eyes and glared at me.

"Shh, Edward. My head hurts. Go feed your daughter and leave me here to die in peace."

"Okay, but we are having a serious discussion today. This issue has to be resolved and I'm not leaving until it is. Sleep, nurse your hangover but at noon lunch will be on the table and you and I will be talking."

Mallory drank her formula and I bathed and dressed her for the day and settled her into her stroller.

"Mommy needs some alone time and I dare say she would prefer not to have to listen to you wailing, so we will go for a walk then visit Grandma and Gramps, okay?"

She seemed agreeable and sucked on a fist, so I took a jug of water and a glass into our bedroom and left it for Bella to drink whenever she woke up long enough to do so.

She opened one eye and I sat down and rubbed my hand on her back. It felt electric. It had been too long since we had touched, and I wished I could stay here and just hold her, as I would have last night had I known she was beside me.

"I love you," I said, kissing her forehead as she opened her eyes wide in shock. "Drink lots of water, and sleep. Don't worry about our daughter; I have today off so I'll look after her."

I went to the nursery and gathered up some diapers and a change of clothes and closed the door behind us.

It was a beautiful morning and I appeared to have a spring in my step. That was new. I hadn't realized just how down and depressed I had been until now. Whatever was resolved today, we had to get past whatever happened to create this baby because, in the long term, did it really matter? Emmett had accepted Chance before knowing the baby was even his and it seemed Carlisle was an even better man than I had thought. I wasn't perturbed about my paternity. Edward Masen was a name, not a person. Not a father.

Carlisle would always be that.

So, my Dad had no natural children. No wonder he had supported me through my infertility issues and been so keen for me to see Mallory as a gift and not a dirty little secret. If it was true that Bella had been raped or even just allowed some man into that hotel room when she was drunk, I could get past it.

She had absolutely no memory of that night. It had freaked the hell out of her the next day, when we had been travelling to Florida but I was quite sure she genuinely didn't know anything that had happened. I didn't even want her to remember, if some man had forced her.

At the very least, he had taken advantage of her inebriation.

My mind buzzed with the desire to try and find out which of the Quileute men had been at that bar on the night in question, then asked myself why?

Was I planning to punch him out for something he'd probably forgotten about, if it was no more than a pair of drunks making a stupid choice? Wouldn't there be a high chance I might kill him?

If I did, then I wouldn't be around for Bella and Mallory.

Even if I found out who fathered her, why would that be of any use? What if the man wanted some share in her? It was better to shut up and move on and be a real father to this little girl.

"Good morning Edward. How is my little Mallory today?" Mom asked, as if it were a normal daily event for me to come visiting with my daughter in her stroller. "Coffee? Have you had breakfast?"

"I didn't think cooking would be a good idea with the state my wife is in," I replied. "So, the girls tied one on last night?"

"They were doing Book Club. That appears to involve Vodka Cranberries and Robert Downey Jr movies and no actual books."

"Really? Here's me thinking it was an intellectual gathering of discerning readers analyzing the better literary efforts of our great writers."

"Not even close. It was all Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang and Sherlock Holmes and Ironman. Live and learn, Edward. Live and learn. Now, bacon and eggs? Tomato? Toast?"

"All of the above, thank you."

I poured myself more coffee and pushed the stroller outside into the morning sun.

Mallory gave me a hopeful toothless grin and I lifted her from her seat and held her on my lap. In the sunlight, her hair was changing even more. I detected flashes of red amongst the black. Maybe she would pass for our own daughter if she kept changing.

Dad came out to join us and sat down at the outdoor table beside us.

"I'm betting he is only part Quileute, whoever he is. She's maybe one quarter at the best. Her skin is lightening up and she's lost that distinctive jet black hair already. And her eyes are brown rather than black," he observed, smiling at my daughter and letting her gnaw on his finger.

"Bella had quite black eyes when she was born so they may not even have come from him," I replied. "Charlie showed me a million and one baby photos of her once. She didn't ever have the slate eyes like most babies."

"Neither did you. Yours were green from the day you were born. They attracted a lot of attention and compliments. I'm really sorry we never told you the truth, Edward. It really never seemed important and you never had any health issues or anything. As time passed, it seemed pointless to tell you and even when you became a teenager and obviously deserved to know, I'd seen kids who found out at that age go right off the rails and act out over it. I never saw any harm in leaving things as everyone assumed the facts were."

"I don't actually care," I assured him. "I never met the man and he's nothing to me. Just as Mallory's sperm donor will never be anything to her. I would like to know about Edward Masen, but I'm not about to hop on a plane and head across the pond to meet him."

"He actually comes to Seattle once a year so if you change your mind... he is open to meeting you, or not. Whatever you decide. He's not going to take you camping and buy you a puppy to make up for never being a Dad to you."

"I have always had the best Dad in the world," I answered as Mom lay plates of food on the table and took Mallory from me.

"Speaking of puppies, I have to go home and take Cherish for a walk and feed her. I quite forgot her last night. She won't be happy, having had to sleep outside."

"She's a dog," Dad replied, handing their dog, Arcadia, a piece of bacon. "She will have coped."

"I didn't know bacon was dog food," I teased. He was the one who treated his dog like a child, not us.

"You can use my car. I have the spare babyseat you bought for your car , installed," Mom said, putting her keys on the table.

"I'll get one installed later. I'm sorry for taking so long to sort myself out over this," I said. "I know you raised me better, it was just the shock and I have never had to handle betrayal before. What I perceived as betrayal. I guess I'm not as mature and adult as I thought I was."

"You handled it as best you could in the circumstances. Carlisle told me what you two hypothesized must have happened. As horrible as it is, I agree. That must have been what happened. Poor Bella. I'm kind of glad she has no recall, if he forced himself on her."

I felt my breath fasten up and my heart beat louder.

I hadn't allowed myself to imagine what Bella may have endured and I was glad she didn't remember.

I would never believe she had been having some tryst, some momentary indiscretion with a stranger, no matter how much she had drunk, for surely if she was the kind of girl who lost control and had random sexual encounters when under the influence, Jacob would have long ago been the beneficiary.

No, my wife had been molested.

"Edward, calm down," Dad said, standing beside my chair and rubbing my shoulders. "There's no point freaking out about it now."

It was easy for him. I felt myself going into a complete panic attack and Mom took the baby inside so she wouldn't have to see me like this.

Dad moved to stand in front of me and he took my hands and stared into my eyes.

"Breathe slowly and deeply and tell yourself it's okay to feel this way. It's a natural reaction. You are not some super hero, you are just a man like the rest of us and most husbands never have to cope with knowing anything this horrendous may have happened to the woman they love. Okay? Just breathe."

My vision started to clear and I felt my body slip out of fight or flight mode gradually.

"I'm so sorry I added to her pain. I should have accepted her word and stood by her. I love Bella so much and I behaved very badly toward her when she needed me the most. How can I ever get her to forgive me? She won't take me back, who would?"

"Don't beat yourself up. This blindsided you out of left field. None of us knew how to react. It's completely understandable that you were shocked and angry. I think you behaved remarkably well. And you looked after Bella when she was ill, and have always been there for Mallory. Many men would have left town and not shown their face again. I'm proud of you."

"I wish I was," I replied.

"Edward, you need to remember she's very hurt right now. It's not just you. Her mother has virtually disowned her. While I can understand your reaction, thinking your wife had cheated on you, I really don't understand Renee's reaction. She is not the woman I always imagined she was. I guess just because I liked her back when she and Charlie got married, I assumed she had stayed the same all these years.

She hurt him terribly when she left. Had she taken Bella with her, I don't know that he would have had the strength to go on."

Mom returned to the table and sat down with Mallory.

"I could never understand how she could just walk away and leave her own little daughter like that. It was unforgivable. She rarely takes any interest in Bella's life and now she has the hide to disapprove of what she perceived happened. If Bella had been the kind of girl to cheat, one could say that the apple never fell far from the tree. That Renee was never very reliable. I even thought she was dating someone else before Charlie got her pregnant. I wasn't so surprised she was pregnant, just that he was the one to have done that. I know, not that I can talk, with what happened to me. I'm no better."

Dad visibly bristled.

"Of course you were different to Renee. We fell in love and the fact that you were engaged was unfortunate but hardly a crime. You broke up immediately with Edward Masen and I think the fact we knew he had to be Edward's father shows we didn't rush blindly into a relationship immediately. You didn't know you were pregnant when you broke up. I've always been glad for myself that you didn't know, in case it meant you would have considered staying with him if you had known. People break up every day. Better before the wedding than after, surely."

"I wouldn't have stayed. Marrying Edward Masen would have meant I was lying to him and myself and everyone else. I didn't love him the way I loved you. I know Bella can identify with that. Sometimes you just fall in love with the idea of being in love and you think an okay relationship is good enough. Then you meet your One and suddenly you have to admit the lie and reach for the truth. People get hurt, sure, but Edward did not fight for me. I think he knew I was not his One, either. It would have been a tragedy had we known about the pregnancy and married for that reason alone. I've always wondered if Renee would have even considered marrying Charlie had they not slipped up."

"That's a fair question," Carlisle replied. "There was certainly little evidence that she even liked him before that. To be honest, I was surprised they slept together after Prom. I know he was always keen on her but Charlie wanted it all, not some one night stand with her. I guess from his point of view, their slip up was a lucky thing. But then, the marriage never lasted."

"And Renee was cheating on him from when Bella was an infant."

"What?" Carlisle replied, shocked.

"Honestly, men can be so blind. Did you honestly think that Michael Newton Senior was there to fix her appliances that often? No workmen have to come back for an hour every single day to fix a faulty stove. If he did, then it's a wonder the stove didn't catch fire and burn down the house. He was there every single day for months, Carlisle."

"He could have been repairing things," Dad said weakly.

"Really? How do you explain the scene they had when his wife went looking for him that day. You remember? Little Mike was ill and she went to get her husband from Renee's to take them to the hospital and Michael Snr came out into the street in his underwear. Most workmen do not strip down to fix ovens."

"Maybe. I always gave her the benefit of the doubt."

"I know you did. Even when she moved on to that foreign fellow. Aro? She liked going to his place to clean for him, remember? She wanted to earn a little bit of pocket money. I hate to imagine why he was paying her. I know his house never looked like it had the services of a cleaner. And she dumped him like a red hot coal when he refused to sell his fancy house."

"What was that about? I never understood why Renee was so bitter about Aro not wanting to sell. How did it benefit her if he did, anyway?"

"He came from Italy, Dear. He promised to sell the house and take her back home with him. Then when he got tired of her, he told her truth. That he never intended selling his house at all."

"So she ran off with Phil when he was passing though with the baseball team on their way to Seattle," Dad said. "She only met him once, yet she left her husband and family to be with him. I never quite understood that, either."

"Any ticket out of Forks would do. Remember, Charlie had become much closer to Billy Black by then and he was always at their house drinking and playing poker with Charlie."

"I think Renee just didn't like the man. She seemed so upset whenever he was there, " Carlisle replied. " I remember those awkward dinner parties. Renee glaring at Billy, Billy smirking at her. Charlie trying to make them play nice. He was the referee, trying to keep peace between them."

"I suspected Renee had tried it on with Billy and he'd turned her down, myself. She was always looking at him with her big cow eyes. Sometimes when it seems a woman hates a man it's because she can't have him."

Carlisle chuckled.

"I don't think you are right. She's always been very prejudiced against the Quileutes. She used to scream at poor Charlie when he went off to the Res."

"Maybe she just liked the one," Mom replied. "Anyway, it's all in the past. Now, Edward. I've changed Mallory's diaper and she wants to go see her new house, don't you Mallory? Here's the baby sling, it's easier to put her in this to carry her when you are dog walking. She loves being in it."

"Thanks Mom. She hasn't met Cherish yet. That's not good. I know the dog is going to adore her. Dad, would you check on Bella for me? It seems the girls got a little under the weather last night. She may curse you but remind her to drink lots of water please. See you both later."

X~x~X

Mallory was as intrigued with Cherish as the dog was with her. I sat on the floor with the baby safely in my arms and let our dog approach the infant. She looked surprised but wanted to interact with this small vocal bundle that reached for her black nose with a tiny starfish hand.

I marveled at her long slim fingers again. I swear they were my fingers. Bella's were short and almost childish.

"Would you like to see my piano? I think one day you may want to learn to play it."

Sitting on the piano seat holding my daughter felt right and amazing. She touched the keys gently, rather than bang at them like Emmett's boys had as babies.

I pressed a key and she grinned and tried to copy but she was too young and had insufficient strength as yet in her hand.

"You have a bedroom here. Two really. One for a nursery and one for when you are a little bigger. Would you like a tour?"

She seemed to enjoy watching the trees bend and sway out of the windows and I lay her in the crib just to finally see her there inside it. She gazed at the stuffed toy in surprise, her eyes as wide as saucers. I snapped off some photos because deep inside, I had to acknowledge I may have hurt her mother too much for Bella to agree to attempting to reconcile. This little baby might never live inside this room, this house. This family.

"What am I going to do, Mallory? How do I fix this?" I asked her as I lifted her back out. "How to I prove to your Mommy that we are still connected and we need one another now? We have to try, for your sake as much as for ours. That's the only argument I can make that she may listen to. Be on my side, Baby Girl and help Daddy convince Mommy you two have to come home."

I may not deserve another chance but I wanted it more than life.

I wasn't good without my Bella and now I could completely understand Jake and his inability to forget her and move on. Now the shoe was on the other foot, my foot, I felt nothing but pain for him.

I secured the baby in the pouch and she cuddled into my chest as I took Cherish's lead and we headed along the forest tracks toward the beach. I kind of hoped to run into Jacob but he didn't appear, so we did a couple of laps near the rock pools and then I took a sleeping baby back to Mom's house and placed her in their crib.

I'd promised Bella lunch and a talk, and I was rehearsing the part where I begged her for mercy when I saw she was not alone. No wonder I hadn't seen Jacob at La Push. He was right here.

"Think about it, Bells. I don't care who her father is..."

"I thought you believed me, now, that it is Edward. That I never cheated on him? You should know better than most that nothing like that would ever happen. God knows you tried to freaking seduce me for long enough."

"Yeah, and I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry for all the times in your pool when I tried to herd you into a corner. I'm sorry for turning up here unannounced the times you weren't expecting me. I'm sorry for trying to..."

"Forget it. None of it matters. You never succeeded and that's the issue at hand," she growled.

"What I was trying to say is, as Mallory is part Quileute, it makes perfect sense for you to come and live with me. We have our house on the Res and everyone there knows you and loves you, and my Dad would help out with babysitting. And we could.."

"What? We could set up house and pretend Mallory was yours? What about Edward? Some way, some day, he is going to _know_ she is his natural child. I don't know why nobody ever listens to me. I have never slept with _anyone else in the entire Universe._

Not ever. Not almost, not 'well he didn't get his dick right inside so it doesn't count', not in any way, shape or form. I've never dry humped anyone, I've never had any dick but the one my husband possesses near my ladies bits. I'm sure I miss a lot and don't notice everything that goes on around me at times but I'm **pretty damned sure I would notice someone else stick their dick inside me!"**

"Bells, chillax. It doesn't matter. Everyone in this town and on the Res thinks Mallory is mine, so it's quite convenient and we just won't deny it. We'll pretend she is and nobody will think badly of us. We were the original couple. He should have never come between us and taken you from me."

"Jake, tell me about this Vanessa that you think you are in love with, again. Has she just been cast aside and forgotten in all this?" Bella yelled, her face getting more and more crimson.

I was very glad I had left the baby in my parent's house now.

"I will never give up on Edward. Never. You should understand more than most exactly where I am coming from, for God's sake. Jasper said we had what it takes to get through 'the issue' so I have to believe one day he is going to do whatever the fuck he needs to do to get over this insane situation where I somehow got the wrong baby, and want me back."

Okay, that was my cue. I stepped inside and Bella immediately looked straight at me with that still there spark of hope in her eyes before she shielded it from my sight.

"Mallory is not the wrong baby. She's the right baby. The baby meant for us, however she got here. We prayed for a baby and our prayers were answered. I've been a fool and a complete idiot and if you will just forgive me and come home again, Bella, I swear I'll make this up to you if it takes me until I'm 109. I love you. You are my life and you always have been. Come home, my Bella."

She was in my arms, much to Jake's disappointment and annoyance but I barely noticed him leave. I was busy. I had my wife in my arms, kissing my lips, filling my heart and putting the broken pieces back together.

"Bedroom now. I hate abstinence. Who'd have thought?" she replied, pulling away and taking me with her.

"Don't we need to talk? I didn't mean... Bella, we need to do whatever it takes to get back together and maybe that means discussing what we both want and need, and how we see our future."

"I know what I want and need and the future can wait. I love you, you love me, somehow we got a Quileute baby that nobody can explain. I totally get why you reacted with distrust. I should never have encouraged Jake to spend so much time with me alone while you were working. Even I would suspect he was her father if I were you. I need your forgiveness too. You are not the only one who fucked up here. But I want to call the shots now and I'm asking you to take me to bed and administer a large dose of make up sex. Talking can wait."

Make up sex deserves it's own Hall Of Fame and I believe our reconciliation eclipsed even Emmett and Rose's.

I swear the marathon would have killed an ordinary couple, but we just couldn't get enough of one another and we fell into exhausted slumber now and then, but one of us would awaken and rouse or rather, arouse the other again and it was back on.

Hard, rough, animal sex.

Soft, slow romantic love making.

Funny, laugh out loud ridiculous re-enactments of past frolics.

"Outside, by the creek," Bella said, jumping clear of my embrace. She threw the door open and ran and I chased her and threw her to the ground.

"Someone might see us. How do you feel about that?" I whispered, biting her ear, her neck, her slender white throat.

"I hope they tape it and leave the camera at our door."

I straddled her body with my knees either side of her and pinned her hands on the ground, above her head. She gazed into my eyes and smirked.

"Are you trying to kill me? Is my ravaged body going to be found in this forest and my death attributed to some kind of animal attack because that would be accurate."

"I'll give you an animal attack," I growled, pushing inside her again for the fifth, sixth, who knew, time.

I hovered above her and slowly thrust in and out, avoiding grinding against her clit so she writhed in an attempt to force me closer to where she needed contact.

"Say you will come home with me and we'll never be parted again."

"Okay, I'll come home with you but I want it put on record, I was coerced."

"Is that another named for well and truly properly fucked?" I asked her, leaning down to bite her lips, then her nipples as she cried out and pleaded for me to make her come.

I shifted position and rammed inside her, grinding hard against her nerve centre and smiling as she stopped making sounds to gasp in more air. She rubbed back against me and I took her over the edge and then let go and filled her myself.

"Fuck me, we should stay together just for the sex, if nothing else," I joked.

I rolled off her and stroked her face.

"I need you back with me. I'm nothing without you."

"I guess the sex is okay and if we practice it might end up really good one day," she conceded. I put my hand on her sex and felt her still pulsing.

"You are really going to deny we are amazing together? Really? That sounds like a challenge."

"No, no,please, Edward. Come on, we haven't done this since the delivery. Have mercy. I'll come home with you if you let me go shower and get dressed and go collect our daughter."

I stood up quickly then bent to lift her in a bridal hold and walked over to the little swimming hole that was about four foot deep of very cold mountain stream water, and pretended to drop her in.

She screamed like a banshee and frantically grabbed at my shoulders to grip onto me tighter.

"Don't you dare. I'm warning you, Edward."

I leaned my head down to hers and kissed her. "Bella, I let you fall once already. That will never happen again, I swear."

"I believe you. Now take me into the shower and wash me clean. I may consider shower sex, if you are good."

"I can be good," I promised, laughing out loud. Things had turned around. We had a lot of talking to do, but we would do it together, under the same roof.

I was smirking at her beautiful naked body in my arms when I heard them.

Oh fuck

Footsteps.

Someone was running our way, no doubt thinking Bella was being attacked. And we were naked. I ran with her inside the French doors and deposited her in the shower stall, then pulled on my jeans and went to head off whoever was rushing down towards us.

Charlie Swan stopped and I looked at him in surprise. He still came to see Bella, I knew that. Even if her Mom had cut off all communication, Charlie had continued his close relationship with his only child.

"She's okay. We were just fooling around...er...joshing. I was chasing Bella and she squealed but she's fine. She's in the ..shower."

Charlie looked as if he had no idea what I was saying.

"Bella's inside and she's fine," I repeated.

Charlie dropped to his knees. He threw his hands over his eyes and started rocking back and forth and I had no idea how to react. He was howling as he rocked.

"Dad! What's happened? What's he doing?" Bella yelled, running outside, toward her father.

"She's dead. She killed herself. I don't understand. If she wanted to leave him she knew she always had a home here with me," Charlie wailed.

Bella stopped and the blood drained from her face.

"Mom's...dead? Why? How? Who did it? Who killed her, Dad? Why?'

"I don't know, I just don't know. I don't understand. She had no reason to do this. She said she loved Phil and was happy and everything was how she wanted it to be so I don't understand."

"Mom, Renee, took her own life? I don't believe that. She has always just done what she wanted, taken what suited her, never thought of anyone else. Why would she kill herself? Come on, Charlie. Do you think Phil...? Maybe she was having an affair. I could believe that but never this. Renee was too selfish to do this."

Suicide is actually the ultimate act of selfishness because it leaves everyone else behind to grieve and wonder what they could have done to prevent it. That had stopped me thinking thoughts like that when Bella and I separated. I could never do that to her, and to my parents.

"What did Phil say? Tell me exactly what he said. I bet he lost his cool with her or, or, caught her cheating on him."

Charlie stopped the keening and looked at his daughter.

"Phil said she was distraught over you having the baby."

"That makes no sense," Bella wailed back at him. "She's never here. How could that affect her life?"

"Phil said Renee insisted it was all her fault and payback. He says she killed herself because you had the baby with Jacob."

X~x~X~x~X

Nothing made any sense. If anyone got to kill themselves over the untrue belief that Jacob was Mallory's father, surely that would have been me. Renee was not scared of being shamed, not after leaving her husband and child behind when she left Forks. Her name was pretty much mud after that, though from my parents earlier discussion, it seemed she had pretty much already sullied her name already. Few people thought of her fondly ever again, apart from my Father.

Carlisle always thought the best of everyone.

Charlie staggered to his feet and Bella supported him and they walked inside to sit on the couch.

I offered them drinks, of any variety and decided coffee was probably safest but Bella decided hot sweet tea was the way to go so I busied myself and made a pot.

"You believe me, don't you, Dad? You know she's not Jake's?"

"Of course I do. If she was Jake would have gone to Court to get some kind of rights to her and taken delight in breaking up you and Edward. I don't understand how that baby came to look like she does, but I checked and neither Renee nor I have any Quileute ancestors. So it didn't come from your side of the family."

"It's a moot point now, Charlie. It doesn't matter. Bella and I wanted a baby and God sent us this one. Maybe she was the next little angel in line to begin her Earthly life. We don't know, but she's here and we both love her and Bella and I are going to reconcile and give Mallory a wonderful, loving home."

Charlie nodded and sipped on his coffee.

"You're a good man, Edward. I'm glad Bells has you to lean on. She's going to need you now."

I almost blushed with embarrassment that I hadn't exactly been her rock to date. But I would be from this day forward.

Charlie moved into the room we had painted blue so long ago that night, and he and Bella spent a lot of time together, looking through old photos, talking about the few happy years that Bella barely remembered.

"I'm so glad I have you, Bells. My daughter. I have nobody else in this world now, that I love, apart from you and Mallory. I couldn't make it without you."

Carlisle cleared my schedule and I cooked and cleaned and looked after Mallory while Bella tried to look after Charlie.

He seemed broken and a mere ghost of his former self. He was truly shattered and it made me realize how lucky we were. Neither of us had died, so we got our second chance. That would never ever happen for Charlie and Renee, not that I thought there had ever been any chance before. But while you live and breathe, anything is possible.

Bella curled up in my arms at night and I loved that she was here, beside me, again. How, where and why no longer mattered. We were a family.

Charlie was a part of that family, because Bella was a part of him. She became his rock and his reason for living and when Phil arrived, Mom and Dad insisted he stay in one of their guestrooms. It was kind of strange, seeing the bond build between the two men that had been married to Renee.

He'd brought her ashes back here, to be scattered near her first family. I kind of thought Renee would have hated that, if she knew. Back in Forks for eternity. Her worst nightmare, probably. Charlie sprinkled what was left of his beloved wife on his rose bed and said he was grateful to have her back home, at last.

Phil soon left, wanting to go back to Florida, so Bella was once again all Charlie had.

Their bond strengthened as the weeks went by. Bella panicked at first when Charlie moved back to his own house, and she checked on him several times each day but it soon became obvious. If he wasn't here, spending time with Bella and Mallory, he was at home, talking to his rosebushes.

Bella got used to going to bring him back to our house where we had returned finally, for dinner each night, and he spent some time each day playing with Mallory, who was quite fascinated with him, or maybe just his 70's 'porn star' moustache.

I took some photos of the three of them and hung them in frames up on his walls, to dilute the quantity of those of him and Renee, and baby Bella.

Charlie kept deciding on putting up 'just one more' photo of Renee and in time, their Prom portrait was added.

Renee didn't look that happy in it, to be honest, but Charlie insisted it had been the very best night of their lives, because on that night, my Bella had been conceived. And now that Renee was gone, Bella had become the most important person in his life.

**A/N Sorry this was short;**

**1) watched GMA interview Jen sent me.**

**2) Got to Uni and the Drama class, that I do not take, was about to watch livestream interview of David Cronenberg and Rob about Cosmopolis so I ditched my class and went to that instead.**

**3)Had long conversations on Rob Pattinson's Othermothers at facebook.**

**4) Ran out of time and thought short was better than nothing.**


	24. Chapter 24

The Lie

Chapter 24

Epilogue

EPOV

Bella was at Charlie's; he'd had a bad night and so I was doing baby care duty with Mallory and was washing her in the bubble filled bath. She looked up and raised a hand, trying to catch the sunbeams that streamed through the window, and I almost stopped breathing.

Her eyes were turning green.

Amongst the brown that had faded steadily since her birth was an almost equal amount of green.

Green eyes are not that common. My Mother had them, and I had them so what were the chances of Mallory having them? Mallory, the child who was not my actual biological child?

I sank down and sat on the floor and mechanically continued to scoop up bubbles and blow them at her as she shrieked and grabbed for them.

My mind went blank then rebooted itself.

I took hold of one of her hands and lay it flat on my own.

She had my fingers.

She had my weird toes.

She had copper highlights in her now brown hair.

She loved music and already showed promise as she placed her hands over mine as I played the piano, and she made little sounds in perfect pitch along with the tune.

And now she was changing and getting my eyes.

Her first birthday would arrive in two months and I had to know. I knew I was about to break a promise I had made to Bella, but the answer it gave me seemed much more important now that these similarities were arising.

I scooped her from the water and wrapped her in a towel, and pulled the plug.

"Bye bye water," I said automatically, my mind on autopilot as the baby waved at her friends the bubbles as they gurgled down the drain.

"Okay, Daddy is going to dress you then he is going to take a tiny little bit of blood from your arm and it won't hurt, I promise. Then Daddy is going to give Mallory a little piece of candy from Mommy's secret stash and we aren't going to tell her, okay?"

Bella did not believe in giving infants sugar but I needed a distraction to make up for what I was about to do.

My mind was in turmoil.

I'd never really bought the hole 'rape' scenario but it had seemed more acceptable in a strange way than thinking Bella had simply done something stupid while drunk and back then, there hadn't seemed to be any other alternative explanation.

Not that I had any idea of what it would mean if the paternity test proved this child was mine.

Mallory watched intently as I prepared her arm and withdrew a small amount of blood with a syringe. Then she bellowed as the sting registered so I brushed the small piece of chocolate against her lips and she quietened as she licked and tasted it.

She smiled at me through her tears and opened her mouth and I slipped the scrap of addictive delight onto her tongue.

She closed her mouth and looked at me intently again as it melted and she swallowed.

"More."

"Sorry, Baby, no more. Come on, we are going for a little drive in the car."

At the hospital I tagged and labeled the blood sample and put a 'Rush' order on it and took it downstairs myself.

"What are we testing for?" Siobhan asked and I placed the baby on the floor and tied off my own bicep.

"Paternity test," I replied, and she took the syringe I was about to use on my own arm and gleefully stabbed it into my vein herself, like some modern day vampire.

"I need the results as soon as possible, please."

"Beats me why you didn't do this when the little lass was born," she sighed.

"Beats the hell out of me as well. I should have done it on the quiet. I'd prefer nobody knew about this, by the way."

Siobhan finished labeling my sample and nodded at my daughter.

"The jade eyes. They made you start to wonder if everyone was wrong."

"Yes, her eyes. I don't know how to fit these puzzle pieces together and if this test proves she is mine, then it's even more confusing."

"So it seems the little one is the child of the Leprechaun after all."

I'd never got why she called me that, just because I had green eyes. It wasn't logical.

As far as I knew, Leprechauns had green clothing, not green eyes.

"I'll call you. Preliminary tests will give us a basic 'yay' or 'nay' then I'll do the whole shebang and give you the details."

The details would be superfluous , the initial test results would show if I was her father. Additional testing merely ascertained whether it was a 99.9% chance or a perfect match.

The both meant exactly the same.

"Thanks Siobhan. Please call my cell and fob Bella off if she answers it, okay?"

By the time we got home, I started to feel the stickiness of the blood inside my shirt sleeve.

Bella was in the garden with her Dad, so I handed our daughter over and managed to keep the sleeve with the telltale red stain away from her line of vision.

"I'm going to take a shower. Be right back."

I kissed the top of her head, and Mallory's and went inside.

Siobhan had stuck me but good and the hole had failed to seal shut but it had stopped bleeding now. I showered and jumped out when I heard my cell phone buzz but naturally, Bella was in our bedroom by chance and she answered before I could stop her.

She waved me back into the bathroom as I dripped water down on the floor, so I retreated and waited.

"Okay, I'll pass on the message."

"Who was it?" I asked, drying myself..

"Work. Siobhan. She said to tell you the Leprechaun hit the jackpot. He owns the jade. Edward, does she drink?"

I shrugged and tried to hide the confusion in my brain.

Mallory was somehow my child. Just as Bella had always claimed. My heart quickened but nothing made any sense.

I felt like dropping to my knees and handing her a sword so she could punish me for ever doubting her. But to admit I finally knew I'd have to admit I'd broken my word to her to never have that test done.

I walked towards her and pulled her into my arms and kissed her, hard.

"I love you, Bella Cullen. More than you'll ever know. I don't deserve you, not for one single minute."

"Or maybe you deserve me forever. Does this mean you will agree to us having another baby one day , then?" she smirked. "Another little leprechaun? We'll be prepared next time."

She pointed her finger and stabbed me where Siobhan already had.

" I had the paternity test done," I admitted. "As you obviously guessed. I can never put into words how sorry I am over what I put you through. I just couldn't see how she could be mine."

"Things fall apart when they are meant to fall apart. We both needed the wake-up call," she replied graciously. "Having Jake that close had been bad judgement on my part."

"Things fall back together too, when the time is right. I know you only took me back that fast because it was what you wanted and needed as well. You could have dragged it out and made me prove myself then put me on probation."

"Edward, you do know what the term 'forgiven and forgotten' means, right? We have moved on."

"Thank you. From the depths of my soul. Mind you, now I'm even more confused. I think I'm going to go to Seattle and meet Edward Masen next time he's there.

Someone's lying. I just can't see who. He's the only one whose test results I have never actually seen. Carlisle took him at his word when he told him his DNA ruled out any Quileute blood. I can't imagine why he would lie. Who would care if their parent was from that tribe?"

"You think he lied?"

"Bella, I have copies of your father's DNA test, your Mother's, my Mother's...he's the only one who could be lying."

"Mom had a DNA test?"

"Yes. I admit I suspected it was Renee who was hiding her ancestry the way she reacted when Dad and I asked for her cooperation but she agreed in the end. It was fine. It's not her."

"So logic dictates it has to be him," she reasoned.

"It's the only answer. We are now both Mallory's proven parents so it has to be a grandparent with those genes."

"I can't see any other explanation, can you?" she said.

"Other than my Mother lying about my paternity. Again," I sighed.

Bella looked stricken. "Edward, she would never have sat there and let us suffer and go through that...turmoil if there was any chance she held the key to this. Unlike my Mom, Esme puts everyone else first. Even if it meant admitting she had a somewhat colourful past and there was another man who could have fathered you, she would have spoken up."

If Edward Masen had proof that he was both my father and not a Quileute descendant we were back to square one.

Six weeks later I flew to Seattle and sat facing the man who had provided half of my own DNA.

Other than our colouring, it was like looking into a mirror and seeing what I would look like in twenty years time.

We were both dressed almost identically, which broke the ice.

"Same fine taste. Must be genetic," we said in unison.

"Edward. It's nice to meet you. I see you still have your Mother's eyes and hair. How is Esme?"

"She's fine. I guess I need to thank you for the Trust Fund and the land. I built a house on it and live there with my wife and daughter."

"I'd like to give your daughter a gift. May I do that?" he asked.

"So long as it's just a token gift," I replied. "You've given me enough to provide her with a nice inheritance and I don't want her spoilt. I would rather she had enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing."

"Maybe a bracelet or some other piece of jewelry. Something with her initials spelled out in diamonds."

I frowned.

"Maybe when she turns eighteen. She's not even a year old. Diamonds are a little too much on an infant."

"Yes, I guess so. I understand. I have sons only. Four boys. No girls. A granddaughter is a rare treat for me. Do you have photos of your family? Esme stopped sending me snaps of you when you turned 21."

I handed over the small photo album and he looked with interest at the mystery that is our daughter. His granddaughter.

"She's changed a lot since her birth. Really, it's almost hard to see the Indian heritage at all now, with those big green eyes."

"If only she'd been born with them, I'd never have jumped to conclusions and almost lost my wife," I replied.

"Well, I have my results here. I could have faxed them but I admit, I wanted to meet you. I won't interfere with your life, Edward, unless you wish to have more contact. I know Carlisle is your Father for all intents and purposes. It seemed more appropriate for you to come here rather than me go to Forks."

My hands shook as I took the papers he offered and I scanned them quickly. He had even included a sworn affidavit that these were tests done on his actual blood and witnessed by a JP and two doctors. He was truly British stock through and through. There was no answer here.

"There was no reason for you to take my word that I didn't get a friend to do me a favour and have his blood analysed if I wanted to hide something."

"Thank you, that was gracious of you to do this."

"Edward, have you considered the obvious?"

"The obvious?" I questioned.

"Is it possible your wife is adopted? Then her parents DNA tests would be irrelevant."

"My Father was there when she was born."

"But was he there when she was conceived?" he asked with a smile.

"Fuck me," I exclaimed. I'd missed the most obvious explanation of all. "Bella's not Charlie's daughter."

"Is that likely?"

"I'm afraid so but if it's true, I swear he has no idea. And he's pretty shaky since his ex wife died. This would kill him. Maybe we need to stop this now. It doesn't matter now I know for sure that Mallory is mine."

I pinched my nose then slammed my face on the tabletop.

"Hey, easy, Edward."

"No, you don't understand. I accused my wife of cheating with her ex-boyfriend yet it never occurred to me that the one person who was known to lack morals could be the answer. Renee."

"Why not? Didn't you know her history when the child was born?"

"No, I guess I didn't but things have been revealed in bits and pieces since then yet still I never thought it must be Renee that's lying. Bella looks more or less like her father. Her supposed father. "

Suddenly I knew, and the answer explained every single thing.

Why Renee split Jacob and Bella up. Why she paid for his college. Why she showered guilt money on him. Why any baby made by Jake and Bella was so disastrous she killed herself.

Why Jasper saw Bella take such a child to the clifftop.

"Fuck me. No wonder she topped herself. She thought my daughter was the child of Bella and her half brother. Billy Black, that infuriatingly superior douchebag is my wife's father."

_Sometimes when a woman hates a man it's because she can't have him._

"Well, mystery solved," Edward Masen said with a smile.

"Maybe, but this will destroy Charlie, and Bella. God, she almost married her brother. And her instincts were right all along. She told me herself she saw Jake as her brother-figure. She has no idea how right she was."

"And now you have to go home and tell her."

I shook my head.

"There's no way I can do that. They spent years dating, and kissing. They were engaged."

"Edward, do you have a choice in the matter? You've explored every other option. You can't believe Bella will accept that there is no answer."

Suddenly I had an epiphany.

"You never intend being part of my life?" I asked.

He looked crestfallen.

"Not if that is what you choose. Any form of contact would be your decision."

"Then I just thought of the gift you can give my daughter, and my wife."

"Okay. Tell me."

"I want to go home and tell everybody you lied. That you are half Quileute will do. Maybe it embarrassed you to admit it for some reason. I can fake up the paperwork."

I held out the papers he had given me and he took them back.

"Are you sure?"

"It's a lie, but one spoken for all the right reasons. It'll make up for what I put my wife through. You and I have to have no further contact. Ever. I don't want Bella to ever think of looking for you in the future. She is the type to think it would be nice to reunite us for my 50th birthday or something."

"Then Edward, the clear solution is to tell her I'm dead. I'm a half-Quileute and I'm dead."

I stared at him and tried to imprint every detail of him into my memory. I would never see my natural father ever again.

"Go home, and tell your Bella I lied and in a few weeks time, I'll send you a card from my wife, supposedly, informing you I died in Africa or somewhere equally remote and my ashes were scattered there where I died. Then it's over. No funeral to fake attending."

I nodded.

"Thank you. For everything."

We had lunch at his favourite restaurant here in Seattle and we were both surprised to discover how much we had in common.

We ordered the exact same meal and side dishes and laughed about it.

We both agreed Jack Daniels was the only worthwhile tipple.

He told me that he played the piano at concert pianist level and composed his own music. We walked into a music store and asked to try out the new Mason and Hamlin Grand Piano in the showroom. Our jointly preferred brand.

We compared our favourite pieces and approved of one another's skill both in composing and playing. I was happy I could play as well as he could, and he was delighted to know he had produced one child who had inherited his gift. His other boys had no musical abilities.

He showed me photos of three tall, lean boys who were my half-brothers. In the right light, twilight maybe, where the hues of our hair and eyes weren't clearly showing, you could see our similarities. Same noses, same sharp jaw lines.

I admit I felt a pang at knowing I could never get to meet them, and know if they were like me in other ways.

But giving up the chance to do that was worth it if instead, I could give Bella and Charlie the continued illusion that they were father and daughter.

We man hugged and agreed it was for the best. After all, we barely knew one another, and my wife's happiness was at stake. After shaking hands we went our separate ways, both grinning as we caught one another looking back. It would have been nice to get to know him in his own world.

Then I went home and I told the lie.

Nobody disbelieved me. Why should they?

Charlie was glad it was finally explained, and I knew from the relief in his eyes the idea had occurred to him that maybe his wife had lied from the start.

He walked up to me and took my hands.

"Thank you, Edward. I'm sorry it took all this time and caused such anguish for you and Bella. Now you know the truth."

"I do," I agreed.

Bella was relieved the answer had been there all along, and the liar had been a man I had met only once and therefore had no bond with, because had he and I bonded and stayed in one another's lives, that lie would have always been there, between us.

Edward Masen 'died' a few weeks later, after Mallory's birthday.

He had the last laugh.

In his "Will" he left my daughter a gold bracelet with her name spelled out in diamonds, which I promptly locked away for safe keeping until she turned eighteen, and a large Trust Fund to be divided amongst any and all of my children. I couldn't deny him his 'last wish', so I accepted both in the spirit they had been offered and invested the money in a safe fund. I just hoped by the time Mallory reached twenty one, that we would have raised her right so she spent it wisely, and didn't let it spoil her life.

X~x~X~x~X

BPOV

I was as surprised as anybody when we conceived the first month we tried. Maybe my womb was so used to his sperm by now that it welcomed it inside. I desperately longed for a son, even if he wasn't going to come out looking like Edward, thanks to Edward Anthony Masen and his genes.

"So, Bella Cullen is going to give birth again and start the gossips gossiping once again," Emmett laughed. "Whose the Baby Daddy this time? We never see Jacob since he married the chick with the rack."

"Oh God, Emmett, she has a name, not just breasts," Rose yelled, slapping at him.

"Maybe her breasts even have names," he suggested. "Pinky and Perky."

"Bella could hire Seth Clearwater to be her pool boy, then everyone would think this is his kid," Alice stated.

"He's a **child**," I growled. "He turned eighteen last week. I'm twenty seven."

" Did you say he turned legal last week? That is convenient. It just makes you a cougar. It's totally in fashion these days," she replied.

"Well I think it's awesome. Now my lazy spermed husband has finally knocked me up again, our babies will be born in the same month," Rosalie announced.

"My sperm are not lazy. They were resting," Emmett bellowed.

"Possibly just completely hung over," Rose supplied.

"Okay, we are going for the trifecta," Alice announced nervously. "Our baby is due just before Bella's."

I looked at Jasper and he grinned.

"Wow. I'd given up on you two," Edward said, handing the hairbrush to Rose so she could fix his attempt at braiding Mallory's hair.

"It wasn't planned," Alice admitted. "But Jazz says he can see we will have an amazing baby and she will complete our lives, so I guess it's worth the gamble."

"She? You are having a girl? I had better not end up with a fourth son," Rose threatened.

"I predict a girl," Jazz replied. "And you will be pleased to know she will look like you and not your husband. All she gets from him are the curls, but they will be blonde."

"Oh Thank God," Rosalie said in relief. "My little Emma at last."

"So, what's Bella having?" Alice asked her husband.

Jasper walked towards me and held out a hand, looking at me for permission.

I nodded and he placed his hand over my belly.

"Oh, it's a boy. And he is such a gifted musician he will make Edward look tone deaf by comparison. He won't be a doctor, though. The Doctors Cullen Dynasty ends with Edward."

"Where do the musical genes come from? Carlisle thinks Country and Western is music so not from him," Emmett said.

"Emmett, try thinking with your brain. Remember who Edward's genes come from? He's not your dad's natural child any more than you are."

"Oh I forgot. So, are Quileute Indians musical then?"

"I have no idea," Edward stated. "I met the man only once. I know very little about what he was like."

"A liar," Emmett growled. "A man who let you distrust your own beautiful wife rather than come clean."

"Well, Emmett, as you know, we don't get to pick our parents," my husband replied.

"Give it a rest, it's all in the past and he did try and make up for it. Edward could have ten kids and afford to put them all through college thanks to Mr Masen," Rose reminded him. "And Mallory is going to get such a pretty gift from him when she turns eighteen."

"Is it a pony?" our two year old asked.

"I'm sure Daddy will buy you a pony," Alice said helpfully. I couldn't wait until she had her child so we could do this back to her.

X~x~X

EPOV

Jazz and I went into the kitchen and made tea and coffee all round.

"Things have worked out for the best. I'm glad you and Bella proved me right and got your Happily Ever After," Jasper said.

"I'm a very lucky man. She could have kicked me to the curb but she thought for some reason that I deserved another chance. I feel like I got out of this too easy sometimes. The things I said, and thought about the woman I love. I should have trusted her no matter what the evidence said. Rose always had faith even when I lost mine. I hope karma hasn't got anything bad in my future to even the score. I wonder if I've paid my dues."

"Seriously, Edward? Giving up the chance to get to know your real father, and your brothers, and letting his name be sullied so Charlie would not lose his wife yet again? Not to mention his daughter? You have paid in full, my friend. You and he would have made an awesome team, writing music together."

I shrugged.

"No music I write could make up for the addition trauma the truth would cause Bella and her Dad. I can live with writing mediocre melodies. There's a place in the world for them, too."

"Don't get discouraged. One day the Edward Cullen and Offspring music team will write all the awesome stuff you would ever want to. You know Mallory is musical; she'll only improve and become more so. And baby Edward...he's very gifted."

"Baby Edward? Really? Bella will want to name our son after my Father, despite what she thinks is the truth?"

"She will want to name him after you, the man who gave her the beautiful world he created just for her. Never doubt yourself, Edward. You did a very unselfish thing, and on some level she knows that."

I looked at him in alarm. If Bella had any idea of what I did, or why, it was all pointless.

"She will never know. She just senses how much you love her. Enough to live a lie that cancels out another lie. You did do the right thing."

"Nobody will ever know?"

"No, Edward. Your secret is safe. You saved her."

"That's all I ever wanted to do," I admitted.

THE END

**Cheers for reading. I hope you liked the ending. It was hard changing mid story because of Kristengate. Originally you would not ever have known for sure if Bella had cheated with Jake until what would have been the Epi, Renee's 2nd part of her story and even then, I wasn't going to make it definitely clear if Bella had cheated...just up to you to decide but in the circumstances I thought I might get lynched if I left it that way. Thanks for reading, my hope is that this gets 777 reviews. I don't know why, I just like that number, so please review if you liked the story. Cheers.**


	25. Chapter 25

The Lie

Epilogue;The Truth

EPOV

It was the accident that changed everything.

It just went to show how life truly can turn on a dime.

We'd all been at the hospital, visiting Bella and our third baby, Charlise Marie, when it happened.

Rose had our other two children with her at their house, and Emmett was hanging out in Bella's room with me while we admired my new daughter.

Unlike her siblings, we finally had a baby who looked like we had always expected a child of ours to look. Her skin was pale and her hair coppery already. Carlisle had actually High Fived me when she opened her jade green eyes soon after delivery by Bella's third c section. That meant our baby making days we done, but that was okay. Three kids were three more than I once expected to ever have.

Bella was pretty much still out of it, and I was bathing Charlise while Emmett related the intricate plot of some movie had had watched last night so I was half listening, while smiling at my new baby daughter.

She had Bella's body type and thus was the compact version, unlike Edward Jr who had arrived all legs and arms; tall and slim like me.

Mel and Edward had been in to meet their sister last night. One thing I'd learned was my wife was actually better the day of the operation and went downhill the first night, then spent a few days pretty much in a lot of pain, before turning the corner and improving rapidly, so we had decided to take the kids in soon after the baby was born.

Charlie had been waiting outside the OR so he'd already met his namesake and was still at Bella's bedside when Jasper arrived with our kids.

Mel was impressed though concerned she'd have to share her bedroom, and Edward was more interested in knowing if we could swap the baby for a boy.

"So, Charlise Marie," Charlie had said for the tenth time. He was thrilled that his daughter had named our daughter after him, and the grin on his face made it worthwhile. Bella and I had subtly changed Mallory's name, by calling her just Mel, then changing it officially by deed poll to Melissa Lori. It worked on many levels.

When any of the townsfolk asked if her name hadn't originally been Mallory, I would reply it had just been a nickname. Mel Lori.

It wasn't that unusual to do things like that. We had plenty of Betty Sue's and Jim Bob's in our country.

I just couldn't live with her original names, knowing why Bella chose them.

Emmett had ducked out to fetch coffee for us both while I dressed the baby and positioned her so Bella could breastfeed, groggy as she was, when all Hell broke loose.

Emmett raced back into the room, discarding the takeaway cups on a table and dancing from one agitated foot to the other.

"What's happened?" I asked.

He beckoned me outside so I let the nurse assist Bella and followed him out.

"Shit, Edward, there's been an accident."

The blood drained from my face.

"The..kids?" I choked, feeling myself going numb.

"No, no, God, no. The kids are fine. It's Charlie and Billy Black. Head on collision with a tree. They don't know what happened for sure but the ambulance was not using it's siren or flashing it's lights."

That meant only one thing. They'd been brought in to have them pronounced dead on arrival.

We hurried to the ER and my father intercepted me as we entered.

"Sorry, Edward. If had to make a guess, I'd say Charlie died at the wheel of a heart attack or maybe a stroke. Billy died from the injuries of the crash."

Fuck me.

I had to tell Bella.

I was suddenly glad she was still out of it because it may sink in slowly rather than hit her like a punch in the gut.

Dad came back with me and I sat holding my wife's hand as my Dad explained simply that Charlie would not have felt a thing. He was gone before the impact.

She took it well, considering.

I curled up behind her on the bed and held her in my arms while she sleepily reminisced about her father.

Dad topped her intravenous drugs up and she drifted back to sleep and I took the baby down to the Nursery for a break. Alice was on duty so she of course, rushed to mind her niece.

"How did she feed?" she checked.

"I'm not sure. She's asleep so maybe that indicates it went well," I guessed.

"Edward, does Bella know yet?"

"Yes. I have to get back to her. Thanks, Sis. I know you'll take good care of my daughter."

"She will be my top priority," Alice promised.

Bella slept on and off but when she was awake, she handled the news quite well. I wasn't too surprised; she'd known her father had a lot of health issues these past two years and all he really wanted was to hang on until Charlise was born, then go join his Renee.

We'd promised to scatter his ashes on the garden where hers had been put.

"I'm glad he didn't suffer. He would have hated being incapacitated and a burden, needing a lot of help," Bella said in the early hours of the next morning.

I soothed her brow and held her close.

"We know he's back with Renee now, so that's a good thing," I offered.

"Just so long as Billy Black keeps his grubby mitts off her this time," she sighed.

"What do you mean?" I asked cautiously.

"Edward, whoever told you that you were a good liar was a good liar because you couldn't lie to save your own life. I knew your biological father had not lied, by the look on your face when you told us he had. I know why you did it. It didn't take a genius to figure out you didn't want to cause me any further hurt, and you knew Charlie would have rather died than know I wasn't his child.

I always wondered why Renee was so keen to break up Jake and me, and to push us together.

I know how her mind works.

She knew if she banned Jacob and me from being together, I'd probably elope with him just to rebel against her. Instead, she took the softly, softly approach and just made sure our chances of surviving four years apart would be remote. It worked. I dare say she would have spoken up had we managed to be the one couple who coped with long distance against the odds."

I personally didn't think Renee would have ever told the truth. She had so little to lose herself, that I did wonder if maybe she had loved Charlie enough to want to spare him the pain of ever knowing the truth.

A cynic would say she did it to protect her own reputation but what was that worth after the way she had behaved before she left Forks?

"How do you feel about knowing Billy was your biological father?" I asked.

"I've never really thought about it. Charlie will always be my father, and nothing will change that now. But you know what this means? Now he's gone and can't be damaged by the facts, there's no reason that your father can't have a place in your life. Assuming he's better now and all recovered from his death and all."

"I know he's fine. He emails me regularly. But I would like to meet my half brothers. They sound like the kind of guys I would like to spend time with."

"You should do that. I'm sorry I couldn't think of a way for everyone to get what they wanted earlier."

"Neither could I, Bella. There was no easy answer. Charlie had never done anything wrong, there was no way he deserved to be punished for devoting his life to you. He only ever wanted what he perceived to be the best for you."

"I know. I just thank God he let me go to NYU and finally accepted that you and I were the right couple. I shudder a little when I think about what could have happened between Jacob and I had I let Nature take it's course. If I hadn't walked away _that _ night. Our first night..."

"Don't even go there," I replied. "Everything that went down was for the best, after all. We never needed to feel any guilt because really, that night we spent together brought a halt to a very wrong situation and began something so right."

"I could never quite put into words what was wrong with Jacob and me being together, you know.

Until you and I...bonded. Then I knew that our relationship was so very different to the one I had with Jake that really, there were no choices to be made. I think in a way I must have held something inside my heart for you ever since that first kiss."

"Ah, the romance! Rolling around in a pile of dead leaves, kissing my girl so Tanya could never be my first kiss. I was sure the ladies man."

"So, how do we phrase things with the kids? You know the way the Universe works, one of our kids will one day meet up with one of Jake and Vanessa's kids and fall in love."

"I think we need to have a frank discussion with Jacob and start referring to his sons as our kids cousins, because that is what they are."

The funeral of Charles Emmerson Swan took place a week later, delayed so Bella could recover from the birth. Jacob attended, with his wife and three boys, all born a year apart, and we invited him and Vanessa for dinner that night. A funeral was not the place for revelations.

I cooked and Vanessa helped get the kids fed and settled in front of the television so we adults could talk.

Bella insisted she would be the one to break the news to him. Jake knew there was something up, and barely touched his food during dinner. That turned out to be a good thing, seeing the words Bella spoke sent him rushing to the bathroom to throw up.

Vanessa looked shocked but in a way, relieved.

"I always feared he still carried a torch for you, Bella. He's always talking about you and I know he named the boys names you and he once discussed for your own children."

Bella nodded, blushing.

This now explained why she had ranted at Jake over the chosen names of Thomas and Lukas. I had never known why she thought them inappropriate before. They seemed such ordinary, everyday names.

His third son was named Abell, and it took no stretch of the imagination to know who he'd been named for.

Jake returned from the bathroom pale and shaken and wanted to leave.

"I wonder if he'll ever get over this?" Bella mused as we watched them drive away, Vanessa at the wheel.. "It's probably too much to hope that we'll ever just be friends, like we should be. This has really shattered his world. But it had to be said."

"It's all for the best. Whatever he chooses; however he copes, he had to know," I agreed.

As it turned out, we didn't see Jacob and his family for years, but my family stepped in to fill any void. I had two nephews and three nieces so family gatherings got pretty crazy, with the Cullen, and the Masen clans all in attendance.

Alice decided she'd quite like my nephew Rory to one day marry her daughter Elizabeth, but I warned her off doing any matchmaking and pointed out, if it was meant to be, it would happen without her help.

I must admit, I didn't miss Jake. It would possibly always be awkward between him and Bella now. Nobody would ever want to look back at their first sweetheart then have to amend that to half-sibling. There was no way to change what had happened, and he had to learn to live with it and appreciate the family he had, now he knew the one he had craved for even more would have been a disaster of epic proportions.

I couldn't have lived in a world without Bella and the thought of her jumping off that cliff with her child horrified me even today.

I guess it was part of the lingering guilt that my reaction to our first child could have sent her that way as well, had she not been such a strong person.

I thank God for her every day.

Sometimes the very best thing in the world is something you didn't deserve in the first place but you can just get incredibly lucky.

I had a loyal and faithful wife, and it doesn't get better than that.

**A/N I bought my first tabloid magazine today. "Famous" because the cover has "Why Rob Took Kristen Back" on the cover.**

**I do realize that magazine is famous for being wrong but I figured it may well be the only one to ever have that headline. **

**Cheers for reading.**

**The next story is a self indulgent little angst fest to convince myself it could have been worse. All the same, I still couldn't make Bella the cheater, I had to let Tanya be the girl who broke Edward's heart. It's called Whatever Happened To Old Fashioned Love?**

**What indeed.**

**I'll upload Chapter one this week.**

**I hope some of you will read it sometime.**

**Cheers.**


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